


I Think I Lost My Halo

by xoxog (JoshDunBuns)



Category: Fall Out Boy, Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Biting, Boarding School, Catholic School, Drunk Blow Jobs, High School, High School Drama, Lingerie, Masturbation in Shower, Multi, Smut, Teasing, also cat ears, forced feminisation, josh is a good little christian boy riddled with guilt, lola is there, lots of christian guilt, sissy boy, so is shia labeouf, tyler likes leading good little christian boys astray, tyler wears the kimono
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-09 22:37:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 96,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4366859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoshDunBuns/pseuds/xoxog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler is a gay Christian questioning his faith and becoming increasingly uncomfortable with being stuck in his last semester at a Catholic boy's boarding school.<br/>Josh is a devout Christian suffering increasing guilt at his attraction to men.<br/>When the boys end up lab partners at the start of last semester, Tyler finds a new good little Christian boy to lead astray, and Josh finds new reasons to feel guilty. But if it's so wrong, then how can being with Tyler feel so right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN IT IS TIME FOR SIN. 
> 
> Here u go Ziggy. Basically all credit to Ziggy for encouraging me to even go along with this; sending me Shia LaBeouf pictures to keep me motivated, suggesting cute ideas, and giving me in-depth, thoughtful feedback such as "Oh my gOD SEND ME TO GAY BABY HELL". God bless u, Ziggy. <3

Tyler threw his bag down on the bed and sat down next to it with a sigh. His mom, lips pulled sideways in a sympathetic expression, stood in the doorway, shoulder against the doorframe.

 

This was a single dorm, Tyler’s first in the Catholic boy’s boarding school that had been his ‘home away from home’ for nearly five years now.

Up until now, he’d shared dorms with other boys, rotating rooms every semester. When he’d started in eighth grade, it’d been four-bed dorms. The last semester he’d gotten lucky, scoring a two-bed dorm with Patrick, who was a nice kid and hadn’t made too much noise.

 

This semester, he’d hit the jackpot. Single-bed dorm, all to himself.

There was a small steel-frame bed, a couple of shelves, a desk and chair set up under the only window, which looked out onto a sad-looking courtyard, a grey concrete scene with a couple of twiggy saplings struggling for life.

A small built in closet for his stuff, and bare white walls. He’d have to cover those up later.

 

“Think you’ll unpack now? Or wait ‘til later?” his mom asked. Tyler shook his head.

 

“Later,” he said. “I don’t want to think about it just yet.”  
  
“Okay.”

His mom didn’t wear a watch. “What’s the time, sweetheart?”  
  
Tyler glanced at his phone. “Three,” he said. “Just about. Didn’t you wanna get going by quarter past?”  
  
“Yeah,” his mom said, looking apologetic. “It’s a long ride back, that’s all. Don’t want to be driving after dark for too long.”  
  
“That’s fair. Where’s Dad?”

 

“I think he was talking to your house master? The new guy.”  
  


“What, Mr.. Mr Urine?” Tyler grinned cheekily as his mom shot him a frown.

  
“Tyler! His name was Mr Euringer. Gosh, I hope you don’t ever call him that.”

 

“Not to his face, I won’t.”  
  
“Tyler. You’re hopeless.” Her eyes were wide with exasperation, and Tyler couldn’t help but laugh. He slipped past her out of the dorm room, and they started walking together, heading for the front office.  
“Sorry, Mom,” Tyler said. “Just kidding.”  
  
“I know.” She gave him a small smile.

 

She pulled him into a half hug as they walked. “Gosh, I’m going to miss you,” she sighed. “I can never get used to you not being around the house – and we’ve been doing this how long now?”  
  
“Five years, Mom.”  
  
“Five years! And I still can’t deal with it. I’m so glad this is your last semester ever.”  
  
“Yeah,” Tyler snorted. “And then I’m off to college. Even longer between holidays, Mom.”  
His mom groaned, pulling a mock sad face.  
  


“Don’t tell me that! That’s the last thing I wanna hear before I’m supposed to leave you here for a whole semester.”

 

They rounded the corner to the front of the boarding house, approaching the front desk. Tyler’s dad was in front of it, holding handfuls of forms while talking to a skinny guy with straggly black hair who didn’t look like he had any more idea of the purpose of the forms than Tyler’s dad did. A nametag on his too-big button-down white shirt read “Mr. Euringer”.

 

“Look, sir, Mr. Montano knows more about this stuff than I do, honestly,” the dude was saying in an uncertain voice. “He’s normally in charge of all the admin, logistics and whatever. They didn’t hire me for my filing skills.” He giggled nervously.

 

Tyler’s dad sighed. He was keeping his cool, but Tyler saw he was struggling to be patient. “Okay, so where can I find Mr. Montano? Someone’s gotta help me out with these things, it’s like trying to read Morse Code. I don’t get any of these questions.”  
  
“Tell me about it! I’m not jealous, I tell ya. He should be in the office, you know where that is?”  
  
“Yeah, I do. Thanks, buddy.”

 

Tyler’s dad walked past them with a bemused grin, flapping the forms. “I’ll be in the office,” he said, heading past them down the corridor again.

 

Mr Euringer looked up at them as they approached, forcing a grin on his perplexed face. He looked a bit overwhelmed.  
The day before semester started was never a good time to start a new job as a house master at a Catholic boarding school, and Tyler got the impression that Mr Euringer was just now figuring that one out. He half wanted to reassure him that the madness would settle down, once all the kids had signed back in and dorms had been organised and parents had been seen off.

 

“Hey, guys!” he said. “How can I help you two?”  
  
Tyler’s mom smiled reassuringly. “We’re okay,” she said. “Just waiting for my husband. He was the one just now with the forms; he’s always like that on first day. When he gets back, he and I will be off home, so nothing for you to worry about!”  
  
Mr Euringer’s face melted into relief and he slumped back into his chair. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say a word, a figure rushed past Tyler and slammed their hands down on the desk in front of the house master. Mr Euringer’s face slumped back into misery as a mom Tyler didn’t recognise demanded to know about the orthapedic qualities of school-regulation mattresses.

 

Tyler’s mom giggled. “Well, we’d better leave him to it,” she said quietly, and she and Tyler walked outside.

 

They hung out in the courtyard, waiting for Tyler’s dad. The two-storey brick boarding house was built in a sort of U-shape, so half of the rooms had windows facing into the courtyard. Not that it was much of a view. Years ago they’d given up on gardening, and now the only thing growing in the grey concrete was weeds and a couple of sick-looking trees.  
Tyler sat down on one of the old wooden benches – he sat carefully, having learned within his first year about the bench’s tendency to splinter. His mom opted to stand, and he didn’t blame her; it took years of experience to learn the best way to sit on the benches without gaining an ass full of splinters. He’d had much more practice.

 

“What’s your timetable look like?” she asked.

 

Tyler shrugged. “Chemistry first up tomorrow. I guess we’ll get our assigned lab partners then. Then Art, Algebra, Music... got a double period of music. That’s about all I remember.”  
  
“Many free periods?”  
  
“Not really. Even if I had many, I think they’re gonna be pressuring our asses to study.”

 

Tyler’s mom frowned. “Pressuring your what?”  
  
Tyler grinned. “Sorry, mom. But yeah, they might get me a tutor this time. Not looking forward to that.”  
  
“You need it, Tyler.” She sighed. “Look.. you know grades aren’t that important to us, we’re not expecting all straight A’s or anything.. but if you want to get into college, you’ve got to try a bit harder. That’s all. That’s what you want, right? To go to college?”  
  
Tyler nodded.

Truth be told, the idea of college was terrifying to him – a year or so ago, he’d figured it was the best idea. But now.. he didn’t even know what he would major in. But he was in too deep now. There didn’t seem to be anything else. He had no other ideas. So.. college it would be. At least until he figured it all out.

That was what college was for, right? Figuring things out?  
  


“If I can’t keep my grades up, I could try for a scholarship,” Tyler reminded his mom. “Lots of places offer basketball scholarships.”

She nodded. “Yeah, if you keep your game up, you could easily get in on scholarship. You can’t just rely on that, though.”  
  
“Yeah.. yeah, I know.”

 

At last, Tyler’s dad emerged. He’d been relieved of his forms, and he looked glad to be rid of them.

 

“Okay!” he said cheerily. “Sorry about the delay, folks. But that Mr Montano was super helpful. Would have taken far longer without him.”

The three left the courtyard, and headed across the road to the carpark.

 

“He’s new too, isn’t he?” Tyler’s mom asked. “He also looked pretty young.”  
  
“Pretty sure both those boys in there are fresh out of teaching college. They don’t look much older than you, Tyler.” He grinned at Tyler. “Don’t give ‘em too much trouble, they’re still in charge.”

 

“I’ll be on my best behaviour,” Tyler said sweetly, and his dad chuckled.

 

They reached their car, and as they approached it Tyler felt the familiar pang of sadness sink into his chest.  
He’d been doing this for years. Every semester for nearly five years. And he still missed his parents before they even left.

 

Heck, next year he’d be gone even longer. Depending on where he got in, he might not be able to travel back home for holidays. IF he got in anywhere.

 

His mom hugged him first. She pulled him in tight, and Tyler could smell her familiar perfume – he’d never known what it was called, what it was even meant to be, but it should have been called “Mom” because that’s what it smelled like. She did that little sigh in her chest, then pulled away quickly.

 

His dad hugged him next. Tyler did know the name of the aftershave he used, because he’d started wearing it in freshman year when the homesickness got too much. Until one of the nuns confiscated it. He hadn’t worn it since, because he liked it better on his dad anyway. On his dad, it meant home.

 

Then his dad was pulling away too, and it was time to go, they were saying. Tyler always shut this part out. He smiled and nodded, felt his lips moving, heard himself say things. Goodbye, stay safe on the road. Yes Mom, I’ll study.

No Dad, I won’t harass the nuns, you say this every semester and the joke got old in Freshman year. Say hi to Zack, Jay and Maddie for me.

No, I won’t hang out with that Bert kid.

Yes, I’ll call.

Love you.

Be safe.  
Goodbye.

 

The car pulled away, and Tyler kept waving, kept the smile on his face, until it pulled out of the school gates and disappeared. When he couldn’t see it anymore, his arm dropped. His face hurt.

The sky looked heavy, full of rain.

He walked back to the boarding house.

Last semester already felt like it was going to be the longest.

 

 

Tyler was woken up by knocking. It always took him by surprise the first few days of semester; after a holiday of not being woken up by loud rapping on his door followed by Mr Montano’s gruff “Breakfast in ten, Joseph”, the wake-up call was jarring.

 

He crawled out of the badly made bed – he should have gotten Mom to help him with the sheets before she and Dad left – and pulled on his school uniform. White shirt with the school crest on the pocket. Grey long pants. Black polished shoes. He pulled on the regulation grey jumper over the top and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

 

He glanced at his phone. 5:45. Breakfast was at six am. It’d end at seven, then the students were expected to study and prepare for school for the next hour. Eight am was first period.

Tyler groaned. He didn’t want to think about Chemistry just yet.

 

He opened his door, and was faced by a chubby, shorter kid with a sleek black bowl cut. His uniform was too big for him, and he wore the regulation blazer even though there was no need for it. The boy’s piercing hazel eyes were fixed on the iphone in front of his face.

 

Tyler yawned. “Morning, Gerard. Weren’t you supposed to hand that in last night?”  
Gerard looked up, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah? And what’s that in your hand, a fuckin’ Tamagotchi?”

  
Tyler smirked and elbowed the boy gently. “Whatever. Just remember I’m the one who suggested decoy phones to you.”  
  
The boys were supposed to hand in their phones to the staff every night before bed. What the house staff didn’t know, though, was that most of the boys kept two phones; one was a dummy phone with no sim card, which they obediently handed in to the office.  
The second was a real phone. And both boys discreetly pocketed theirs as they approached the front desk, where Mr Montano was taking down the roll.

 

“How was your holidays?” Tyler asked. Gerard shrugged, looking unimpressed. “Lots of video games. Lots of comics. Someone got goddamned murdered in the park near our street. The usual.”  
  
Gerard, the resident Jersey kid, was tougher than his nerdy outward appearance suggested. The kid listened to Iron Maiden and had a mouth that would embarrass a sailor. Tyler didn’t know if Gerard could actually hold his own in a fight – his pudgy appearance didn’t suggest it – but Gerard had a quiet air of determination that meant Tyler wouldn’t dare test him on it.

 

He was the kind of kid Tyler would have normally picked on. Tyler, as a basketball jock who listened to R&B and rap, didn’t initially expect the quiet geeky kid who blared heavy metal and hung out with the goth kids to become his best friend.

 

But then one day in sophomore year, they’d been partnered on an English project, and after a bit of headbutting, decided to write a song for the project.

 

That afternoon, Tyler had found himself awed by Gerard Way and his ability to make words come alive. Gerard basically wrote the whole song, doing most of the project for the both of them. Tyler just made sure he didn’t include any curse words or blasphemic content; some of the earlier drafts would have had the nuns aghast.

But even the earlier, darker versions had been beautiful; something in it made Tyler want to try writing himself. He wanted to capture some of that way Gerard had with words, make his own living poetry. Tyler spent that whole night writing. He threw most of his attempts in the trash. He was determined to keep going, though. One day he’d be able to tell stories with the same beauty Gerard could, though he suspected his stories would be a bit different.

 

A couple of days after they turned in the project, two dudes had been harassing Gerard at lunch. Tyler launched himself at them both. Gerard had come away with a black eye, Tyler with a busted lip and skinned knuckles.

Both had been given detentions for the next month, and within a week the two had become fast friends. They’d barely left each other’s side since.

 

During roll call, another boy sidled up to them – a skinny younger kid with glasses and brown hair. He wordlessly nudged Gerard, who smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair. “Morning, Mikey,” Gerard said.

Mikey nodded at Tyler, who nodded back. He didn’t know Gerard’s younger brother that well. Just knew he hung out with that Pete Wentz kid a lot.

 

A few other boys gathered around; Pete, who grabbed at Mikey’s arm. Pete brought with him his gang, Andy, Joe, and Patrick, who grinned at Tyler.

A couple of Gerard’s friends approached; Ray, and Frank, who headbutted Gerard with a big smile on his face. Gerard broke into a big grin in response. Something was definitely going on with those two.

As the area around the front desk and doorway filled up, Mr Montano continued calling names.  
When he reached the end of the roll and had confirmed the presence of all the boys who’d made it out of bed, he yawned and unlocked the front door.

 

“Alright, dudes,” he said. In contrast to Mr Euringer, Mr Montano was a stocky bearded man with heavy eyelids that made him look perpetually unimpressed. He was just as unkempt though, with messy black hair and poorly tied tie.

“C’mon, off to the dining hall. I’m tired and hungry, and I’d at least like to only be one of those things by the time classes start.”

 

Mr Montano and Mr Euringer herded the boys into the chilly morning air and to the dining hall; a big expansive space filled with tables and chairs. One section held a cafeteria-style buffet manned by sleepy-looking kitchen staff.  
A long table at the top of the hall was already filled, by the parish staff of the school. Priests and nuns, mostly. And at their head, the headmaster, The Reverend Father Morrison.

 

Father Morrison was a pale man with a close-shaved head and hard, sharp eyes. Even when he smiled, his eyes remained cold.

He’d been headmaster for the last two years, and Tyler’s unease around the man had only ever grown. He made Tyler nervous.

He never said anything, never raised his voice, always smiled politely. But something about him made the hair on the back of Tyler’s neck stand on end.

Like those eyes were cutting through his brain, seeing everything.

 

Everything.

 

His group nabbed a table close to a space heater, and stood behind their chairs. Nobody was allowed to sit until after morning prayers.

 

Father Morrison stood up, smiling over the crowd of kids.

 

“Well, if it isn’t a pleasure to see all your smiling faces!” he said, and his voice – deep and rich, rolling with a heavy Glaswegian accent – echoed throughout the hall.

“It’s a joy to see you all rejuvenated and fresh after your holidays, ready for a new semester of learning and growth. Sadly the holiday is over, and now is the time to put our heads down, work hard. Especially for those senior boys who have their final exams ahead of them; I’ll be praying for you all, for the focus and wisdom you need to stay on track.  
“Speaking of prayers, it is time to begin our first morning prayers of the semester! If we could have some silence, boys?”

 

All the heads in the hall dipped low, and Father Morrison began to pray.

 

Tyler heard Gerard fidgeting next to him. The kid had been an atheist the whole time Tyler had known him, and never had patience for the prayers.

Tyler.. was less certain.

A few years ago, he would have proudly called himself a devout Christian, but lately, the questions he’d been asking didn’t seem to have answers in the Bible. He’d flipped through the pages countless times, but all he’d gotten was a growing sense of dread. The words once so familiar had become alien to him.  
He’d talked to Father Morrison about it. Some of the nuns. But they never had the answers. They just smiled and told him to keep praying; God knew. God would give him clarity. God would show him the answers.

But he’d been looking. He’d been praying.

 

And he’d found nothing.

 

All he had now was a sense of discomfort and emptiness while Father Morrison prayed. His words should have filled him up, given him comfort. But instead they felt false and hollow. Was this what Gerard normally felt?

 

Tyler sighed and shut his eyes. Once upon a time, he’d actually enjoyed morning prayers. Not anymore, it seemed.

 

 

Tyler didn’t have Chemistry with Gerard, so he was on his own when he arrived at class. To his dismay, the class had filled up quickly; the only seat left was at the front, next to some kid he didn’t really know.

 

Tyler was pretty sure he was called Josh, and he’d never heard the boy speak.  
He had dark hair flat-ironed straight over his forehead, and hunched down in his seat like he was half-asleep. He probably was, Tyler wouldn’t blame him; it was too early.

 

He sat down, and Josh glanced up. He looked back down just as quickly.

 

The teacher swept into the room; a nun with stray curls of bright pink hair peeking out from under their wimple. Tyler had them last year, and they were a bit strange; their name was Sister Lola, and they insisted on being addressed with they/them pronouns, and being called just Lola instead of ‘Sister’.  
Tyler didn’t quite get it, but he knew Gerard adored them. Besides, Lola was one of the cooler teachers. So he pressed on with the pronouns, and while it’d taken him a while to get used to it, he’d pretty much gotten it now.

 

Lola called the roll. When Josh’s name was called, his arm shot up, signalling his presence wordlessly.

 

Lola called Tyler’s name several names after Josh, and smiled when Tyler called “Here”. Clearly they remembered him from the year before, despite not teaching Tyler last semester. That was handy. He was going to need all the teacher’s pet points he could get if he was gonna scrape through Chem.

 

“Alright, so first things first, I’ll get lab partners out of the way,” Lola said. They had a soft voice, and didn’t talk a lot if they could help it. That didn’t seem to cause any problems with Lola’s teaching, though. When Tyler had them last year, their class was pretty quiet, so Lola never had to raise their voice anyway.

 

Lola pulled out another list. “So your lab partner is going to be your partner in all your projects until end of semester,” they said. “So it’s pretty important you can co-operate and work together. And you have to be doing equal amounts of work; I’m going to be assessing each of you individually.”  
They looked up with eyebrows raised. “So no slacking off while your partner slaves over your projects. Also, if you have any issues with your partner and think you’d work better with someone else, please come to me at the end of class – the END, mind you. Be polite about it. Don’t whinge about getting partnered with someone you don’t like in front of your partner, that’s just rude.”

 

Lola began reading off pairs, and Tyler almost didn’t register when they called his name.

 

“Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph,” Lola called.

 

Tyler blinked, and glanced at the boy next to him.

 

Josh had a bewildered look on his face. “Well, at least we don’t have to move seats,” he said nervously.

 

Lab partners, huh. Tyler regarded the boy with a bit more interest now.  
He didn’t look stupid, which was a good start; he didn’t scream nerd either, though, so Tyler had no idea if this kid would turn out to be a Chem whiz or not.

He had a gold chain tucked into the collar of his shirt, the top of a cross peeking out. His lips looked chewed. He laced and unlaced his fingers, making fists, pressing thumbs into palms. A fidgeter.

Since the seat next to him had been empty when Tyler was the last person to get to class, Tyler could presume he didn’t have many friends. Certainly none in Chem class.

 

He looked the model of a good quiet god-fearing Christian boy, with maybe the exception of the badly-straightened hair.

 

Interesting.

 

Tyler gave him a smile. “Yeah, definitely saves having to shuffle around like idiots,” he said, and Josh laughed, smiling widely.

 

And oh god, his teeth.

 

Wow.

 

He paid a bit more attention now, noticing the curve of muscles under Josh’s school jumper. Dark, brown eyes.

 

Nice.

 

Josh awkwardly held his hand out. “Um, not that Lola didn’t already basically announce it before, but I’m Josh,” he said.

Tyler smiled and took his hand. Josh had a nice grip. Good, good. He was liking his new lab partner already.

“I’m Tyler, I don’t think we’ve really talked before, but it’s nice to talk to you now,” he said, and Josh positively beamed.

 

Tyler was still grinning when he released Josh’s hand and leaned back into his seat to pay attention to Lola’s class. Well, half-pay attention. His mind was mostly fixed on the quiet, fidgeting boy next to him.

 

Screw the grades. Chemistry was going to be great.

 

 


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler finds out his geeky lab partner looks really hot playing drums. Also meets his new tutor. Bob Bryar is an asshole and nobody is surprised.
> 
> Mild warning for anxiety/claustrophobia. Also warning for drug mention further on.

The next two periods passed uneventfully; Tyler met up with Gerard again in Art, though he didn’t want to tell him about his new lab partner just yet. That could wait.

 

Lunch was also average. Tyler hung out with Gerard again in the dining hall, their table joined by Patrick and Andy. Again, Tyler neglected to mention who he’d been partnered with in Chem.

 

After lunch was the double period of Music Tyler had been waiting for.

 

He had Music with Gerard and Frank, and initially planned to spend the lesson hanging out with them, messing around with the guitars.  
Tyler struggled with the guitars; his hands wouldn’t fit properly around the fretboard, and he felt awkward holding the big heavy body. He always eyed off Frank with a bit of envy, watching the short kid’s hands run effortlessly down the guitar, strumming off chords like it was the easiest thing in the world.  
Even Gerard was better than Tyler, though he wasn’t quite as natural with it as Frank.

 

“I don’t get it,” Tyler complained. “How do your hands fit like that? I just can’t get it.”  
  
“You just gotta practice,” Frank said. “Your hands always feel kind of weird twisting around to get the chords. But you have to keep at it, eventually it’ll feel better as your hands get stronger, you know? Then you’ll be able to hit all the chords you want.”  
  
Frank rattled off a flawless scale of chords to demonstrate. Gerard clapped. Tyler made a face.

 

“Those are scales, Frank, that’s not impressive,” Tyler said.

 

“Well at least I can play basic scales!” Frank retorted. Tyler stuck his tongue out, and Frank laughed.

 

“It’s okay, Ty,” Gerard piped up. “You know what, I have an idea that might help you with your hands issue. You know, with the fretboard feeling too big, and all that.”  
  
“Yeah?” Tyler turned to Gerard. Gerard always had the best ideas.

 

Gerard’s eyes glittered. “You could try fucking around with a ukelele,” he said.

 

Frank collapsed into laughter, falling backwards and laughing on his back, legs splayed out under his guitar. Gerard giggled along with him, a high-pitched comical sound. Tyler frowned at both of them.

 

“You both suck,” he concluded, as the two laughed around him. “Both of you. Both your stupid guitar-playing asses can suck my -”

 

Tyler broke off as the crash of drums and cymbals suddenly rocked through their music room. The three of them winced as someone in the next room kicked up a frenetic drum solo.

 

“Who the hell is that?” Frank demanded. “Do they know there’s, like, other music rooms attached to theirs? This school is too cheap for soundproofing, I hope they know that.”  
  


“I’ll go,” Tyler offered. Other students making a racket in other parts of the Music block wasn’t uncommon, and the three often took turns telling over-enthusiastic wannabe rockers to settle down.

 

Tyler knocked on the door of the music room next to theirs. Nobody answered, and the drums continued, so Tyler opened the door and walked in, opening his mouth to release a well-rehearsed rant about the consideration of other students’ learning.

 

He stopped dead in his tracks, speech dying on his lips, when he saw who was drumming.

 

It was the quiet, geeky kid. Josh.

But he wasn’t hunched over and fidgeting now.

 

He was pounding out a crazy drum solo, not stopping long enough between hits to draw breath, let alone pay attention to knocks on doors. His entire body was in movement, not just his arms and legs; he put his entire body into the performance, even shaking his head in time.

 

It was mesmerising.

 

It also helped that the boy had taken half his uniform off. He just had his pants and shoes on, leaving his upper body bare, gold cross bouncing against his collarbones.   
Tyler couldn’t fault the view.

 

Josh suddenly finished the solo, hunching over for a moment to catch his breath. Tyler suddenly remembered why he was there in the first place, and coughed.

 

Josh’s head whipped up, eyes wide and startled.

 

“Uh -” Tyler stood awkwardly. “Just – um. Cool solo. You didn’t say you played drums, before.”  
  
Josh’s face was already flushed and red, so Tyler couldn’t tell, but it seemed like his skin had just gotten redder. “Um. Thanks.”  
  
“No problem. Just.. uh. A couple dudes and I were practicing in the next room over. We have class now. Is it.. is it possible for you to... not be so loud?”  
  
“Oh! Uh,” Josh rubbed the back of his neck. Tyler tried not to stare at how the muscles in his arm and chest flexed with the movement. “Well, I have class too, actually. I’ve got a Music double period, same as you?”  
Tyler nodded. Josh shrugged.  
“Well, like.. I can’t be really quiet, not really. I’m really sorry, but like.. it’s the drums.”   
He looked up at Tyler apologetically. “I’ll try to keep it down a bit. No more Keith Moon solos.”  
  


Tyler laughed. “Well, that’s fair,” he said. Josh laughed as well, showing off that beautiful smile with those teeth, and Tyler nearly melted into the floor right there. Nearly.

 

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around,” Tyler said, and Josh nodded. “Yeah, see ya,” Josh said, and looked back down at his drums. Tyler backed out and closed the door, hearing the drums start up again behind him. Softer, this time, a steady beat as opposed to the frantic drumming before.

 

He returned to Frank and Gerard, who looked up when he entered.

 

“What took you so long?” Frank whined as Tyler sat back down. “And he’s still not even stopped. Did you actually tell him to stop?”  
  
“I told him to try not to be so loud,” Tyler said. “I wasn’t gonna tell him to stop. He’s got this class too, he’s got as much right to play here as we do. And he’s actually playing, too, not dicking around like we are.”

 

“Who was it, did you know him?” Gerard asked. Tyler nodded.

  
“Some kid called Josh Dun,” Tyler said. “I actually got him for my lab partner in Chem this morning.”  
  
Gerard laughed. “Josh Dun, huh?” he said. “Well, that’s okay then. Josh’s my roommate this semester.”  
  
“Really?” Tyler leaned forward.   
  
“Oh yeah,” Gerard said, setting his guitar down. “Sweet kid. Prayed for half a fucking hour last night. Prayed again this morning before Steve came in to wake us up.”

 

“Really?” Frank was leaning forward too, now. Frank was raised Catholic, and had grown up to reject it completely. He was as much of an atheist as Gerard.

 

“Yep,” Gerard said. “Poor kid’s got a gold-plated cross the size of the one used to crucify Jesus shoved up his fuckin’ ass. Lucky he moved in before I did, or I woulda had all my Iron Maiden posters and shit up before I realised what a god-fearing little shit he was. Can you fucking imagine!” Gerard started giggling. “Poor kid walks into our room and finds out his roommate is borderline fucking Satanist. Guess I’m gonna have to keep the Misfits shit packed.”

 

“Did you get anything else off him other than the fact that he’s got a hard-on for Jesus?” Frank asked. Gerard snorted.

 

“Of course,” he continued, rolling his eyes. “He’s a fucking delight. I’m serious, he’s a really nice kid. It’s weird that they put me in with him, but so long as he keeps his Bible to himself, I’m not complaining. He spent ages showing me pictures of his cats at home. They’re all really cute.”

 

“Oh my GOD,” Frank hissed. “You know what I mean.”  
  
Gerard smirked. “Gayer than you,” he said. “Why do you think the poor shit’s so pious? Kid’s got a hell of a guilt complex. He thinks he’s a dirty sinner because he wants to suck dick. So he does everything he fuckin’ can to try to make up for wanting to suck dick.”

 

“Nice,” Frank said. Gerard shook his head.

 

“It’s not nice,” he said. “It’s kinda sad, actually. Like, does he know Jesus said literally nothing in the Bible about sucking dick? He says a lot more shit about divorce. Nobody’s picketing divorce lawyers, though.”

 

Tyler blinked. “Two seconds ago you were talking about being borderline Satanist.”  
  
Gerard snorted. “My grandma’s Catholic,” he said. “Of course I’ve read the fuckin’ Bible.”

 

He folded his arms across his chest. “I’m not atheist because I think Jesus was a shithead. I’m an atheist because I think his fanclub are shitheads. For the most part. Sorry, Tyler.”  
  


Tyler, the token Christian of the group, just shrugged. Gerard wasn’t wrong. Some of the things other people said, some of the things he heard in Father Morrison’s sermons... it made him uncomfortable. Made him wonder if he really wanted to identify himself as a Christian.

If it meant being associated with homophobes and racists, then he wasn’t so sure.

 

His mother always scoffed at Christian hate groups. “They’re not real Christians,” was the phrase she always used, when they heard about Westborough Baptist Church funeral picketings, or when some of the other moms in her book club complained about same-sex marriage legislation.

 

But that was too easy. Tyler was uncomfortable with the idea of just dismissing an entire group like that as “not true Christians”. The Pope had said some shitty stuff. You couldn’t exactly claim he wasn’t a true Christian, though.

 

Gerard picked up his guitar again, sighing. “Anyway. Other than being a nervous-ass god-fearing Christian, he’s a nice kid and that’s all there is to it. So long as he doesn’t touch my stuff, I’m cool with him. And I guess he’s not a half-bad drummer.”  
  
Tyler grinned. “What dorm are you in again, Gerard?”  
  
Gerard’s eyes went wide. “Oh no,” he yelped. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare. Don’t you lay one fuckin’ hand on my new kitten, you hear me?”

 

Frank burst into giggles. “New kitten? Gerard, are you hearing yourself?”

 

“C’mon, I’ll be the paragon of good virtues,” Tyler whined. “Besides, I’m Christian. I have morals, unlike you godless heathens.”  
  
Gerard snorted. “Morals? Buddy, you make me look like a fuckin’ saint. No, I’m not letting your dirty fingers anywhere near my roommate. He’s too precious.”  
  
Tyler pouted. “You just want him all to yourself,” he complained. “C’mon. You have Frank already. Besides, I’m not trying to corrupt the dude.”  
  
“That is exactly what you’re trying to do!” Gerard said shrilly. “Tyler, we’ve been over this. Your fucking faith dilemma isn’t an excuse to fuck with every Christian kid you see. Josh needs to chill out and loosen up, I’m the first to agree on that one. But not to make room for your fuckin’ dick.”

 

Tyler crossed his arms. “I’m not trying to get in his pants. Corrupt him. Whatever.”  
  
Gerard raised an eyebrow. Frank snorted.

 

Tyler threw his hands in the air. “Guys! He’s my lab partner! I need to know which is his dorm anyway, if we’re gonna be working on Chem projects together all semester. I’m not trying to ride his dick, I’m trying to get my grades up. That’s all. Now you need to quit riding _my_ dick, and stop accusing me of being some seductress out to corrupt good little Christian boys.”

 

Gerard snorted. “How did you two end up lab partners?”  
  
“Lola. We’re in their class for Chem. They picked the pairs for this semester, you’d have to ask them why they put us together.”

 

Gerard nodded. “I just might. I feel like that wasn’t one of Lola’s smartest decisions.” He sighed. “Anyway, I’m in the room two doors down from you. Courtyard side, like yours. Nice and easy access for study purposes.” Gerard dragged out the “study purposes” deliberately, drilling holes into Tyler’s forehead with his eyes.

Frank just smirked.

 

Gerard sighed. “Anyway, it’s not really up to me beyond this point. All I can do is warn you to not fuck with my innocent new roommate, and hope your morals actually fuckin’ kick in.”

 

“You’re so charitable.”  
  
“I’m serious!” Gerard shot Tyler a glare. “Look, I don’t care where you stick your dick. Lord knows I’ve probably stuck mine in weirder places. But, like..” Gerard chewed his lip. “You can’t go around hurting people. If Josh was some laid-back agnostic or questioning Christian, I wouldn’t stop you, but just from looking at the kid, he looks like he’s really struggling with the whole gay-sinning-Christian thing. And you fucking with him is just gonna make him feel even worse.

“You’re not helping him, you’re not fucking liberating him or whatever. You’d just make him feel even more guilty. And, like, I’m not cool with that. So, could you please listen to me for once and lay off?”

 

Tyler was taken aback. Even Frank didn’t seem to have anything to say. Gerard typically never interfered when Tyler messed around, but clearly he’d had already grown attached to this kid.

 

“Okay.” Tyler held his hands up in defeat. “I’ll keep my hands off.”  
  
Gerard sighed. “Thank you,” he said. “Christ, after all that I need a fuckin’ cigarette. Now can we please get back to Sweet Home Alabama or whatever the hell it is we’re supposed to be practising for the school concert?”

 

Frank responded by plucking out a sweet rendition of the song, adding as many extra flourishes and finger slides as he could get away with. Gerard grinned happily, apparently mesmerised by Frank’s moving fingers.

Tyler frowned. “Show off,” he muttered, plucking awkwardly at his own guitar. Suddenly, he was determined to figure it out. No way was he taking up Gerard’s snarky suggestion of playing a uke.

 

 

At the end of the school day, Gerard and Frank headed for the Science block to smoke on the roof. Since Gerard was close to Lola, he could worm his way into anywhere Lola had authority, which meant the Science department. Normally Tyler hung out with them, and they were usually joined later by Mikey and his friends. Tyler didn’t smoke, but he liked hanging out with them.

It also made him feel a little bit rebellious, hanging out on the rooftop surrounded by clouds of tobacco smoke. Lola could get fired if Father Morrison knew they were letting students up on the slate sloping tiles, where one wrong step could easily send someone plummeting three storeys down onto concrete.

 

Tyler wasn’t afraid of the fall. He liked the thrill. Sometimes he tried to climb up the huge antennae on the roof, or the vent chimneys. Usually he didn’t get far before Gerard or Patrick dragged him back down.

 

The Science block wasn’t the tallest building on campus, though. That honour went to the towering spire right at the top of the school chapel.

 

It was a beautiful, Gothic building with high stained-glass windows and a traditional rose window that tinted the light inside a myriad of soft colours. And its crown was its church steeple, a great belfry tower with a tall spire rising up past all the other buildings.

 

Tyler was going to climb it before he graduated. He’d figured out the secret stairwell that led into the steeple, saw the small windows where he could climb out to the brick exterior. All he needed was to figure out how to unlock the stairwell, and he could do it. He could just imagine the view.

 

But today, he shook his head when Gerard asked if he was coming with them to the Science block. Today was not going to be a day for dreaming about heights.

 

“I’m supposed to be meeting with my tutor today,” he explained when Gerard looked confused. “Apparently Father Morrison thinks my grades are dire enough that I need to spend an hour of my Monday afternoons getting tutored. Didn’t say who’d be tutoring me, though – probably another student.”  
  


He left to find the classroom where he was supposed to be meeting his tutor. Apparently they were meant to study in the Algebra classroom, since it was free Monday afternoons. Despite having Algebra earlier that day, Tyler still managed to get lost. He arrived at the door of the classroom, out of breath and slightly frantic, ten minutes late.

 

He pushed the door open.

 

He glanced around the empty classroom before his eyes locked on wide, startled brown eyes. Tyler had to fight to keep his jaw from dropping open. Seriously? Again?  
  
Josh was sitting on one of the empty desks, phone in hand. He looked guilty, like he’d been caught doing something wrong. His face changed when he recognised Tyler, morphing into relief.

 

“Thank goodness,” he said. “I thought you were a teacher. I know it’s after school, but some of them will still confiscate your phones if you’ve got them out, won’t they?”  
  
Tyler nodded and entered the classroom. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Well, I’m not here to confiscate phones. Are you..? Are you the tutor?”  
  
Josh nodded, cheeks flushing a bit. “Father LaBeouf’s idea,” he said, referring to the Algebra teacher. “He said your grades were slipping, but mine were good. He thinks I can do better, though. He said if we work together, we can bring both our grades up.”  
  
“Okay, that makes sense.” Tyler took the seat next to Josh and grabbed out his books. “So, are we just doing Algebra? Or are we working on other stuff?”  
  
“He talked to some of the other teachers and said I could probably help you with Bio and Religious Studies as well,” Josh said. “Chem too, but we’re lab partners so obviously I can help you then. And... I know I’m supposed to be the tutor, but apparently you’re really good at English. My grades there are slipping.”   
He looked at Tyler with pleading brown eyes, and Tyler couldn’t say no. He nodded, silently agreeing to help Josh with English. Josh beamed.

 

“Awesome!”

 

Tyler had Gerard’s voice in the back of his head for the whole hour they spent in the classroom after school. Every time Josh sighed or rubbed the back of his neck or flexed his hands, he could hear Gerard’s shrill lecturing.

Even that couldn’t seem to turn him off, though. Tyler’s skin felt electric. Josh’s arm brushed against his while explaining a tricky equation, and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. It took him a while to figure out the equation.

 

_Sorry Gerard,_ Tyler thought quietly while watching Josh tug at his straightened hair while trying to explain group theory. The boy chewed on his lips frequently, and Tyler couldn’t stop thinking about what it’d be like to bite them.

_Sorry, Josh._ He was trying so hard to get Tyler to understand, but Tyler had the feeling his grades wouldn’t be increasing much after all. He just couldn’t focus while Josh kept doing that thing with his tongue, biting it between his teeth when he laughed.

 

Later they moved onto Religious Studies. Since they were on the topic, Tyler made a silent apology to God as well. _Sorry, Lord. I’m going to be making every effort to find out what Josh Dun’s mouth tastes like, and you know it._

 

When their tutoring hour was up, Josh walked with him past the lockers. “So Gerard was telling me you’re his roommate?” Tyler asked, and Josh’s eyes widened.

“You know Gerard?”  
  
“Yeah, the dude’s my best friend. We hang out all the time.”  
  
“Oh!” Josh blinked. “Cool! Well, I guess I’ll see you around out of classes then. Gerard seems cool.”

 

“He’s a good kid.”  
  
Tyler had thought the corridors would have been deserted, but as the two boys walked, someone approached from the opposite end. It took him a moment to realise it was another student.

 

Bob. Tyler hadn’t ever really spoken to him, but he knew Gerard and his friends had a huge falling out with the guy a few years back, before he and Gerard became friends. Despite never having spoken to Tyler, he’d always shot him with unpleasant stares whenever they’d seen each other.

 

He expected another glare as they passed one another, but Bob took him by surprise. To Tyler’s shock, Bob rammed his shoulder into Tyler’s.

 

“Hey!” Tyler yelped.

 

Bob stopped, fixing him with an ugly scowl. “The fuck was that?” he growled. “There’s a whole goddamned corridor, you couldn’t step out of the way?”  
  
“You walked into me, man!” Tyler said. “Don’t you start.”

 

“Too late.” Bob looked furious. Shit, all that had happened was that they’d bumped into each other. Heck, it seemed like Bob had walked into Tyler on purpose, too. Why was Bob in such a mood?

 

“Guys, chill out,” Josh said, holding his hands up and open. “It’s not a big deal, okay? Just an accident.”  
  
Bob snorted. “Punk rams into me for no reason and you call it an accident?” He rounded on Josh. “I know you. You’re the goddamn teacher’s pet. Can’t drum for shit, but you still got picked for school band, didn’t you? Even that Hurley kid’s better, why the hell did they pick you?”  
  
Bob suddenly slammed Josh into a locker. Josh looked completely stunned, eyes wide and jaw hanging open. He didn’t make any move to defend himself.

 

“I’ll teach you to fucking brownnose your way into everything,” Bob growled.

 

Tyler quickly shook himself out of his own stunned state of shock. “Bob, stop!” he said. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you can’t touch him. You think beating up Josh will get you into band?”

 

Bob smirked. “You think I’m an idiot?” he asked. “I never said I was gonna beat anyone up.”

 

He pulled open a locker door, and before Tyler could even move, Bob was shoving Josh inside.

Josh yelped as his shoulders scraped against the metal edges, too big to fit the small space.

 

“Jesus, man, what are you doing?!” Tyler squeaked. “I’m gonna find a teacher, I’ll -”  
  
“You’re not going anywhere,” Bob said, and he caught Tyler by the tie and dragged him forward, nearly throttling him. He shoved Tyler into the locker as well, and slammed the metal door shut.   
Barely able to fit, the door banged painfully against Tyler’s spine and the back of his head. He groaned. That was going to bruise.

 

It was dark inside the locker, but Tyler knew he was crushed up against Josh’s chest. Oof. This was awkward. He could feel Josh’s breath hot and sultry against his neck – he hadn’t noticed that Josh was a few inches shorter, but he was painfully aware of it now, with Josh’s hair tickling against his cheek. Josh’s body heat radiated through the thin school uniform, and his chest really was as firm as it looked, and -

Josh’s heartbeat was pounding. Like, really hard. He was shaking.

And his hot breath was panicked gasping.

 

“Hey man, are you okay?” Tyler asked, trying to shift in the small space. He managed to get his arms up from his sides, pressing them around Josh so his arms were around Josh’s waist, palms pressed against the back of the locker. He wasn’t sure if this was much better. If he got a boner right now -

 

He felt Josh shake his head. “Band practice,” he gasped out. “I was supposed to – after tutoring. I’m gonna miss it, oh god -”  
  
So that’s why Bob had shoved him in here. To prevent him from making the first band practice of the semester. Hoping Josh would get kicked out as a result, no doubt. It seemed that Bob was a bit sore about not getting that drumming spot himself. Tyler shifted, trying to lean his ass back – his crotch was shoved against Josh’s leg. There was no room backwards though, his ass was already pressed against the locker door. He prayed he wouldn’t get a boner. Was this God’s punishment for Tyler for being unable to focus during tutoring? Apparently He had a sense of humour.

 

“And – can’t – breathe,” Josh whimpered. “I’m gonna – oh my god, I’m gonna suffocate.”  
  


He was shaking violently now, and his chest pressed against Tyler’s as he took deeper breaths, starting to hyperventilate. Shit. Tyler had to do something.

 

“Dude, it’s okay. You’re not gonna suffocate,” Tyler said. He found Josh’s arms, crushed into the space on either side of his ribcage, folded up so his fists were jammed against his shoulders.

Tyler gently eased Josh’s arms out from between his ribs and the metal, pulling them forward and over Tyler’s shoulders. Josh sucked in a deep breath, ribcage expanding with the extra breathing space, and his shaking eased a little.

 

“We’re still stuck,” Josh said frantically. “We can’t get out, who knows how long we’ll be stuck here, oh god -”

 

“Shh, it’s okay.” Tyler shifted as far back as possible to try and give Josh more space, but he couldn’t do a lot. His elbows were back at Josh’s waist, hands pressed to the back of the locker behind him. Josh was gripping the fabric of Tyler’s uniform tightly, fists digging into Tyler’s shoulders.

  
_God, please, I’m sorry about what I was thinking before, I don’t actually want a boner right now._

 

“Are your eyes open?” Tyler asked.

 

“Yeah,” Josh whimpered. “I can’t see anything, it’s too dark.”  
  
“Close them.”  
  
“What?”   
  
“Close your eyes. Just... pretend it’s night. Or something. Some other reason for it to be dark. Pretend we’re not in a locker right now.”  
  
Josh laughed shakily. “That’s kinda hard, everything around me is metal.”  
  
“I’m not metal. Focus on that.”  
  
Josh sucked in a shuddering breath. “Okay.”

 

“We’re...” Tyler thought hard, racking his brain for an idea. Something, anything.

 

“We’re in a forest.”  
  
“What?”   
  
“Shut up. It’s a forest, and it’s night. That’s why it’s dark.”

 

“Tyler, this isn’t making any sense.”  
  
“Shut up and listen to the birds.”  
  
“There’s no birds, besides if it’s night then they wouldn’t be singing -”  
  
“Of course there are birds. And some birds sing at night, don’t they? They’re singing, see? Can’t you hear them?”  
  
Josh sighed, an exasperated groan. “Yes, I can hear the birds. Very pretty.”

 

“Good. Can you smell the pine trees?”  
  
“No, I smell books and metal and – do you use floral-scented shampoo?”  
  
“Shut up, it’s my sister’s, I forgot to buy my regular shampoo before we packed, so I had to steal hers. Smell the frickin pine trees, Josh.”  
  


“Okay, okay. I can smell the pine trees. Very nice. Pine trees and singing birds, how lovely.”

 

Josh’s sarcasm was heavy, and Tyler was well aware that he was hardly transporting the boy to some magical fantasy dreamland. But, Josh had stopped hyperventilating. His hands only trembled slightly now. His breathing was steady.

 

Tyler breathed a sigh of relief. Josh would be okay.   
Now, if he could figure out how to avoid popping a boner until someone let them out, that would be great.

 

“Keep talking,” Josh gasped. “I keep thinking about band practice.”  
  
Tyler chewed his lip. “Bob is full of it, okay?” he said. “They’re not gonna kick you out of band just because you missed one practice by accident. Besides, when we get out, we’ll find someone and explain what happened. They can’t kick you out if you missed it because some idiot trapped you in a – forest.”  
  
“Tyler, are you kidding me.”  
  
“Shut up and listen to me. We’re in a frickin forest whether you like it or not. And... you’re good, okay?”

 

Josh fidgeted, playing with the fabric of Tyler’s shirt. Tyler swallowed hard.

 

“You’re really good. You’re better than Bob, that’s for sure. He’s a liar, you didn’t get into band because you’re a good student, you got into band because you’re a good drummer.”  
  
“You don’t need to try to make me feel better.”  
  
“I’m not. I saw you today. And we could still hear you all through class.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t be, it didn’t bother us. It was just that one drum solo – but it was a GOOD drum solo, okay? Like, wow. You’re really good, it blew us away. Honestly, Frank was just pissed because he was trying to show off on guitar, but we weren’t actually bothered by your drumming. And once you quietened down a little, we really enjoyed listening. You could easily do that professionally if you wanted, you know? Start a band. Make music.”  
  
Josh laughed. “Get tattoos, piercings, red mohawk...”  
  
“Don’t even joke about that man, you’d look awesome with a mohawk.”  
  
Josh was quiet for a moment. “You think so?”  
  
“Oh, totally. You’d look badass. You should get one. I think Gerard has clippers somewhere.”  
  
Josh made a warning noise in his throat. “No way, uniform regulations don’t allow ostentatious hair.”  
  
“The dress code booklet specifically has rules about dyed hair and bald-shaved hair. Nothing in there about mohawks. If you, like... kept the top part long, but shaved the sides really close – not bald, just really short – you could totally get away with it. We’d have to hold off on the red hair dye until after graduation, though. Lucky for you, Gerard’s done red before.”  
  
“Seriously?”  
  
“Oh, yeah. He’s got dark hair too, so he knows how to get dark hair bright red. We could easily get you a red mohawk, no problem.”  
  
Even in the gloom, Tyler swore he saw Josh’s eyes sparkle bright. “That would be so cool.”

 

Suddenly, Tyler heard footsteps echoing in the corridor. He twisted his head around. “Hey!” he called. “Hello? Anybody there? We’re stuck!”  
  
The footsteps stopped outside their locker, and he heard a voice exclaim, “Well, shit. What the hell?”  
  
“We got trapped in here.”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Tyler Joseph, Josh Dun – someone locked us in as a prank. Can you let us out?”  
  
There was a grunt, some more swearing, a few bangs, and the locker door popped open. Tyler didn’t realise he was leaning back on it until he fell backwards, colliding straight into someone with stringy black hair, wild blue eyes, and a stream of profanities pouring from his mouth.

 

“I am so sorry,” Tyler gasped, as Josh climbed hastily out of the locker. Tyler glanced back to realise that the lock on the door had been busted apart. He looked back at the figure.

 

It was Bert; he’d grown his hair over holidays, apparently. He grinned widely at Tyler. “No worries, dude,” he said. “For a second I was afraid my dealer cut my pot with something really funky. Glad to see you’re not hallucinations and I don’t need a new dealer. Now, what the hell were you two doing in there?”  
  
Bert McCracken had started in eighth grade, same as Tyler, and had quickly gained a reputation for himself as a problem kid. Initially, he’d hung out a lot with Gerard and the other metalheads, but sometime in Sophomore year, they’d had a falling out.

Unlike with Bob, though, that didn’t stop Bert from remaining friends with a lot of Gerard’s gang, and he’d always been friendly to Tyler, even after he’d started hanging out with Gerard.

Obviously Bert didn’t hold grudges the same way Bob did.

Tyler had never asked Gerard what happened with Bert, and Gerard had never told him. Neither had Bert. But mercifully, the two of them stayed civil enough to each other.

 

“Bob Bryar locked us in,” Josh gasped. He looked beyond relieved to be out of the locker. “Bert, did you happen to be anywhere near the Music block? Is band practice still going?”  
  
Bert’s grin disappeared. “I was smoking next to it,” he said. “I saw Bob hanging around, actually. He looked nervous as all hell. Walked in, then walked in ten minutes later looking furious. I hung around until after band practice finished, though, they’re all gone now. What the hell was Bob’s deal?”

 

“He’s sore over not getting drums,” Tyler said. Bert made a disgusted face.

 

“He’s a bitter shithead, honestly,” Bert said. “Never fucking liked the guy. I’m not surprised if he’s got a stick up his ass about not being good enough for school band.”  
He pointed a finger at Josh. “So you’re the new drummer for band, then?”  
  
Josh nodded. Bert grinned. “Awesome,” he said. “Well, if it helps, if Bob stormed off in a huff, it means they didn’t kick you out and replace you with him. Which probably means they’re not gonna kick you out for skipping. Besides, if you need validation for your explanation about getting shoved in a locker when you tell them why you didn’t show, then I’m happy to back you up.” He smirked.

“Not that they’d take me seriously, but still.”

 

Josh smiled. “Thanks, Bert,” he said. “I appreciate it. I’ll see how it goes, I guess.”  
  
“That’s fair.” Bert began to walk away. “Anyway, I got some shit to do that I definitely can’t tell you about, so I’ll see you two around. See ya, dudes.”  
  
After Bert left, Tyler turned to Josh. “Do you want to head to the Music block, see if there’s any staff you can tell about the locker thing?”  
  
Josh paused for a moment, then shook his head. “Nah, Bert said they were all gone. I’ll just have to find someone tomorrow. What time is it?”  
  
Tyler glanced at his phone. School had finished at 4, and tutoring finished at 5. It was 5:50, nearly time for dinner. Had they really been stuck in the locker for nearly an hour? It seemed like it had only been fifteen minutes at the most.

The bell at the boarding house would be ringing around now, and Mr Montano or Mr Euringer would be taking the roll as students shuffled off to dinner.

 

“Ten to six,” Tyler said. “We’d better get back to the boarding house, or we’ll get into trouble for being late for dinner.”  
  
Josh got a nervous look in his eyes. Tyler guessed he wasn’t often late or in trouble.

 

As they hurried back to the boarding house, Tyler asked, “Hey, do you wanna sit with me and Gerard tonight? There’ll be room on our table.”  
  
Josh grinned at Tyler. “That would be awesome,” he said. “Thank you.”  
  
“No problem. Just.. well, I guess if you’re rooming with Gerard, we’ll be hanging out anyway. Might as well sit with us too, if you want.”  
  
“Yeah.” Josh was still smiling, eyes sparkling again. Goddamn. Tyler tried not to think about how good he felt pressed up against his chest. _You asshole, he basically had a panic attack and all you can think about is how hot he was. Shut up._

 

He wondered about Gerard’s earlier summation that Josh was gay. The boy could have been just really devout; those kids existed. Usually minister’s sons with no social skills.

 

Josh had been super awkward during the tutoring; his cheeks had been pink the whole time, he’d fidgeted and tugged at his hair and neck whenever he wasn’t writing or gesturing, and he’d even stammered a bit. That could have been social anxiety, though. Josh seemed like he’d be an anxious kid.

There was no reason for Tyler to believe Josh might also have the hots for him. Nothing solid. And that uncertainty was driving him crazy.

 

If Josh was obviously gay, if he had a poorly hidden schoolboy crush on Tyler, then it would have been easy. Tyler knew how to play that game. Wrapping innocent schoolboys around his finger was a special talent of his.

 

But he hadn’t quite figured out Josh yet.

 

Josh smiled at him again as they approached the boarding house, and Tyler smiled back.

He’d figure him out. He always did.

Gerard was gonna be _so_ pissed.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh gets that haircut, and Tyler is really turned on. Mild smut at the end I guess? Masturbation counts right?

Josh and Tyler barely made it back to the boarding house before the two housemasters locked the door. Mr Montano fixed them with a glare as they approached.

  
“Well, if we ain’t got a couple of stragglers bringing up the rear,” he said as Mr Euringer finished locking the door. “Where the hell have you two been, boys? Neither of you signed in after school.”  
  
“Tutoring,” Josh said. “Father LaBeouf organised me to tutor Tyler, get our grades up. You can ask him about if you want confirmation.”  
  
“I might,” Mr Montano said. “That was a long-ass study session. Aren’t tutoring sessions meant to go for an hour? You still should have been back by five.”  
  
Josh chewed his lip, looking uncomfortable. Tyler cleared his throat.

 

“We got forced into a school locker by Bob Bryar,” he said. “Dude thought it would be funny to lock us there for a while.”  
  
Mr Euringer looked horrified. “Why would he trap you in a locker?” he squeaked. “And who let you out?”  
  
“I got into band,” Josh said. “And he didn’t.” He shrugged his shoulders. “That’s the impression he gave us, anyway. We promise we didn’t provoke him, he just... kind of lost it. Anyway, we were stuck for like an hour before Bert McCracken let us out. You can ask him.”  
  
The two housemasters looked at each other nervously. “Nah, we’ll take your word for it,” Mr Euringer said. Clearly they didn’t teach you how to deal with kids like Bert in teaching college. “Did he, uh... break anything?”  
  
Josh and Tyler glanced at each other. Bert had broken the lock on the door. But how else was he going to get them out?  
  
“Well, to get us out, he kinda had to break the lock,” Tyler said. “I mean, Bob didn’t happen to just magically lock us into Bert’s locker. And I don’t think we could have gotten out any other way, so... can he not get into trouble for that?”  
  
Mr Montano sighed. “Destruction of school property warrants detentions at the minimum,” he said sternly. “But... I guess we’ll take the circumstances into account. If there really wasn’t any other way to get you guys out, I don’t see why he should be punished. Anyway, get walking. I’m hungry.”

 

They made their way to the dining hall, and went straight the table Gerard had saved; he waved them over, indicating the two seats left.

 

“So why are you both late?” Gerard asked as soon as evening prayers were finished.  
  
“Nice to see you too, Gerard,” Tyler said, drawing a laugh from Frank. Gerard shot him a dark look.

 

“You weren’t at practice this afternoon, Josh,” Gerard asked. “I thought you were in band?”  
  
“I am,” Josh said. “But, uh.. the reason we’re late to dinner, is the reason I didn’t make it to band.”  
  
“We had a run-in with Bob Bryar,” Tyler said, and the whole table sat back in understanding.

 

The table was mostly kids from band; Gerard, Frank, Ray, Mikey. Pete and Andy were there too, their usual cohorts Patrick and Joe apparently at another table.

 

“Wait, what were you two doing together?” Frank asked. “Tyler, I thought you had tutoring?”  
  
“Well, believe it or not, Josh is my tutor,” Tyler explained. He couldn’t help the feeling of smugness he got when Gerard’s eyebrows virtually shot off his forehead.

 

“We’d just finished tutoring, and I was about to head to band,” Josh said. “But Bob passed us near the lockers, and there was nobody else around, and... he just kind of lost it. It was really strange. He shoved us both in a locker, and we were stuck there until Bert found us and let us out.”

 

Frank frowned; he was no stranger to lockers, though unlike Josh and Tyler, he actually fit okay in them. That didn’t stop the kid’s claustrophobia.   
Gerard usually evaded the interest of bullies, but he too winced. The rest of the table had similar expressions of sympathy. Andy Hurley – the other drummer Bob had mentioned – shook his head in disgust. Apparently, unlike Bob, he’d not had so much of a problem with Josh being picked for band over him.

 

Gerard assured Josh that he wasn’t gonna kicked out of band just for missing one session. “Last semester, Frank missed five practice sessions,” he said, eliciting an eye-roll from Ray – who never missed practice – and a cheeky grin from Frank.   
“I don’t know how he got away with it, but he’s still in band, so you’ve got nothing to worry about, Josh,” Gerard said. Josh grinned gratefully, looking relieved.  
  
Dinner passed uneventfully after that, though there was a definite change in dynamic with Josh on the table. Apparently Josh knew Pete and Andy, having hung out with them before, but he was new to the rest of the group. As such, conversation mostly involved Pete and Andy asking Josh about his holidays, while Gerard’s gang asked curious questions.

Josh remained quiet and awkward, apparently uncomfortable with being the object of attention. He beamed the whole time though, and Frank frequently had him laughing.

 

Tyler tried not to talk too much. He knew Gerard would get suspicious if he seemed too interested in Josh. Besides, everyone else were taking care of the questions he wanted answers to.

 

“So you got a girlfriend?” Pete asked.

 

Josh’s smile disappeared, a pink flush blooming in his cheeks. “Uh,” he said. “Not at the moment, I guess? I broke up with my ex, like, a year ago.”  
  
“Who? Is she from girls’ campus?” Pete pressed. Mikey gave a him a hard look, signalling for him to stop pushing – Josh looked uncomfortable. But if Pete noticed, he ignored Mikey’s glare, staring at Josh as he wanted for an answer.

 

Josh shrugged. “Girl I knew back home,” he said. “I liked her, but... it didn’t work out.” He said nothing more after that.

 

He could have been lying. He could have been telling the truth. Tyler was going crazy in his seat. He’d learned one thing, though; whether he was telling the truth about the girl or not, Josh was very private about his love life.

Hmm.

 

“So, uh. You guys got girlfriends?” Josh asked, attempting to deflect attention.

 

Frank and Gerard laughed; Pete and Mikey smirked. Josh stared, confused.

 

“Not girlfriends, exactly,” Mikey said. Pete hooked his arm through Mikey’s, and winked. Josh’s eyes went wide.

 

He took a deep breath. “Okay,” he mumbled. He didn’t say much more after that. His eyes darted to Pete and Mikey periodically, face a mixture of fear and morbid curiosity.

 

He could have been a classic Christian homophobe. But the way his eyes widened with curiosity when Pete winked cheekily at Mikey made Tyler think that wasn’t the case.

 

Gerard may well have been right. Classic case of closeted guilty Christian who secretly wanted a lot of dick and felt terrible about it. Damn, Gerard was good.

 

After dinner, Tyler tailed Gerard and Josh back to their room. He asked Gerard about his hair clippers, gently elbowing Josh who went pink again.

“We had to talk about something while we were stuck in the locker, right?” Tyler said when Gerard raised his eyebrows. “Josh mentioned something about a mohawk, and I remember you cut your own hair.”  
  
Gerard looked at Josh, who nodded.   
“Mohawk, huh?” he said. “Well, if that’s what you want, I guess I can provide. We’ll have to keep it within school regulations, though.”  
  
Tyler snorted. “Lola has _bright pink hair,_ ” he said. “Screw dress code.”  
  
“Lola’s also a nun who keeps their hair covered most of the time anyway. They’re also a staff member and can basically do whatever the heck they want so long as their students keep getting good marks,” Gerard pointed out. “We’re students. We don’t get leniency. Not from Father Morrison, anyway.”

 

Gerard pulled out his clippers and sat Josh down on the floor next to his bed. “If you’re gonna go with a ‘hawk, can I suggest one thing?” Gerard said as he switched the clippers on, the blades buzzing to life. “Straightened ‘hawks don’t always look so great. Maybe lay off the flat iron.”  
  
Josh made a face. “My hair’s naturally curly, though,” he said. “It’s like cotton candy. It’ll look stupid.”

 

“You’ll look worse when you try to straighten your hair and you wind up looking like Oswald Cobblepot from that Gotham t.v series,” Gerard said sternly. “Trust me, the curly hair will look cute. Chicks’ll dig it, I promise.”  
  
Josh flushed again. Gerard, out of Josh’s line of sight, raised his eyebrows at Tyler and smirked. Tyler, who was in Josh’s view, tried to keep a straight face.

 

Gerard didn’t take long to clip the sides, and after messing with the length in the middle, he turned off the clipper with a flourish and brushed off the clippings clinging to Josh’s uniform.

 

It looked a bit odd with Josh’s hair still straight, but he wasn’t exactly Oswald Cobblepot, mercifully. He looked pretty good. Tyler hadn’t seen Josh’s hair curly, so he couldn’t tell if it would look good still after a shower, but he trusted Gerard’s judgement.

 

Josh glanced up at him, chewing his lip. “What do you think?” he asked.

 

Tyler nodded in approval. “I dig it,” he said. “You could gel it up a bit if you wanted, too. Get some height going. That would look cool.”  
  
Josh grinned, and a red flush spread across his face again. Even his nose went adorably pink.

 

“I – uh, I guess I better go shower,” Josh said, standing up awkwardly. “S-see how it looks curly, I guess.”

Josh giggled – giggled! – and grabbed his towel and wash bag, hastily leaving the room to head to the showers.  
He glanced at Tyler one more time before he left. His face was still red.

 

When the door shut, Gerard stared straight at Tyler, eyes drilling him fiercely.

“What the hell was that?” Gerard squeaked. “ ‘You could gel it up if you want to’. ‘That would look cool’. ‘Screw dress code, Josh, you’ll look HOT’.”

  
“I did not say that last part,” Tyler objected, and Gerard snorted. “You might as well have,” he said. “You’re a goddamn menace, Tyler. Poor kid.”  
  
“I wasn’t even flirting! I was legitimately trying to be nice. Honest. No ulterior motives.”  
  
Gerard raised his eyebrow. “Ok. So you wanna tell me what happened in the locker?”

 

Tyler felt himself flush this time. Gerard stared at him with a horrified expression. Oh no; Gerard was already jumping to conclusions.

 

“Nothing happened!” Tyler insisted. “It was all – it was uncomfortable, okay? We didn’t exactly choose to get stuck in the locker. It’s not exactly the most romantic setting.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know. You can make any setting romantic if you try hard enough. Frank and I had our first time in a broom closet,” Gerard said smoothly. Tyler nearly choked.

 

“Anyway,” Tyler continued. “It was too cramped to do anything even if we wanted to. We couldn’t move. And apparently Josh is claustrophobic, because he freaked out while we were in there.”  
  
Gerard’s smug grin disappeared. “What?”  
  
“He like.. he started hyperventilating,” Tyler explained. “He really freaked out. I spent most of the time trying to calm him down, okay? The rest of the time was reassuring him that you guys weren’t gonna kick him out of band for not turning up. Then Bert arrived and got us out.”

 

Gerard nodded quietly.

 

“We did _nothing_ ,” Tyler insisted. “Nothing happened. It was uncomfortable. I kept my hands to myself.”

 

“I’m not accusing you,” Gerard said, holding his palms up. “Not about the lockers anymore, anyway. You still have designs on that kid, though.”  
  
Tyler didn’t have a response to that. Gerard folded his arms across his chest.

 

“He’s cute,” Tyler bleated helplessly. Gerard gave him a look that showed he was not buying it.

 

“I’m serious! He’s like twenty-one kittens in a trench coat,” Tyler insisted, and Gerard laughed.

 

“Okay, I believe you,” Gerard said. “But... the attraction’s not just your weird thing about Christian boys, is it? This isn’t about you trying to corrupt nice kids?”

 

Tyler chewed his lip. He wasn’t sure, to be honest. Where did the attraction come from?  
Was it just the gold cross, the way Josh hunched into himself, the nervous fidgeting? Was he just waiting for Josh to resist his advances out of spiritual guilt? Was he just trying to lead the kid astray, be satisfied in forcing another kid to confront his faith and see the cracks?

 

Or was it something else? Tyler thought about Josh biting his tongue when he laughed, the way his eyes went big and startled like a doe caught in the headlights when he was surprised or curious, and his stomach twisted.

 

“I don’t know,” Tyler finally said. “I really don’t. I mean... okay, the good-Christian-boy-just-waiting-to-be-lead-astray thing is kinda hot. But... it’s not just that. I promise, Gerard.”

 

Gerard didn’t look convinced, and Tyler didn’t blame him.

 

At that moment, the door opened, and Josh appeared. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, and he was dripping wet.

 

Tyler blinked.

 

“Jesus, Josh, did you even use that towel?” Gerard asked. Josh looked at him in confusion.

 

“Yeah? I’m all dry,” he insisted. Gerard snorted. Water was dripping off his nose. Josh had a bizarre definition of dry.

 

His hair was also wet, but already it was springing back up into damp curls around his head. Gerard had been right; with his hair curling up and out around his head, his new mohawk looked really good.

 _He_ looked really good.

 

Josh looked back at Tyler, and suddenly Tyler couldn’t handle it; soaking wet boy, water droplets on his bare chest and shoulders catching the light and – were those _freckles?_ – brown doe eyes wide, cheeks and lips flushed pink, wiping water off his nose with his arm –

 

Tyler jumped up to his feet and ducked out the door past Josh. “Goodnight, guys!” he yelped behind him, not stopping until he was back in his room.

 

He threw himself on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Closed his eyes, pressed the heels of his palms to his eye sockets, and groaned.

 

He’d left Gerard’s room in the nick of time; with any luck, neither Gerard nor Josh had noticed the boner that, having been suppressed all afternoon, had finally made its grand appearance.

 

He _really_ hoped Josh hadn’t noticed.

 

Tyler took his hands away from his eyes and sighed, sliding one hand down to massage his cock through the fabric of his pants. So Josh _did_ like him.

 

Where the boy actually fell on the sexuality scale was still beyond Tyler; he could be into guys, could be into girls, could be into both, could be into both and anyone who fell in between. Or fell outside the realm of the traditional gender binary, even.   
  


Who cared.

 

Josh liked _him_.

 

Tyler knew how to recognise a crush. All that awkwardness, shy smiles, startled expressions – it could have been social anxiety, sure.

But the blush that had reddened the boy’s cheeks when Tyler complimented his hair? The stiff way he’d stood up afterwards, frantically grabbing his towel and making excuses to leave for the shower?

He’d clutched his wash bag oddly close to the front of his pants, Tyler noted. _Hah_. Had he’d really managed to give Josh a boner just by complimenting his hair? Poor kid was so sexually pent up he couldn’t even handle a nice comment without springing a hard-on.

Tyler guessed that made it his duty as a charitable Christian to help his new friend and relieve him of his sexual frustration. _See, Gerard, I told you I had morals._

 

He wondered if Josh had rubbed it out in the shower. No, he was too squeaky clean; he’d have blasted the cold water. Maybe even moaned in frustration while waiting for the icy flow to do its work.

 

That last thought made Tyler’s eyes snap open, his body seized with a deep, hot ache that his lazy stroking couldn’t curb. _Oh, god._

 

He needed a shower too, now. He rolled off the bed and grabbed his own wash bag and towel, gingerly arranging them in front of him – god, and he’d just had a good chuckle at Josh doing exactly the same thing, too – and made for the showers.

 

He ducked his head into the bathrooms. Nobody was there. Good; he could shower in peace.

 

Unlike Josh, his shower was going to be steaming hot.

 

He ducked into a cubicle, locking the door behind him, and stripped off quickly. He’d barely kicked off his boxers before he reached for the faucet, twisting the water on, gasping and jumping away from the initial cold burst before the water began to heat up.

When the water was sufficiently hot to bring sheets of steam rising up around his body, Tyler stepped under the flow.

 

The steam reminded him ever so slightly of hot, panting breath against his neck. Tyler leant his forehead against the still-cold wall tiles, taking hold of his dick, pumping up and down. He’d been waiting all afternoon for this, he realised – from the moment he’d found Josh frenetically pounding drums in the Music block.

 

The boy’s mouth had hung slightly open while he played, eyes half-lidded; Tyler focused on that expression now. He wondered if he’d wear the same expression with Tyler’s hands around his cock. For a moment, Tyler pretended it was Josh’s cock he was pumping and not his own, and he moaned, recalling Josh’s frantic gasps in the locker.

 

He came with a shudder, clenching his teeth to keep Josh’s name from stuttering out. Who knew who was brushing their teeth at the sinks, right? He’d learned a while back that you had to stay relatively discreet in the boarding house. You didn’t want the wrong kind of rumours to go around.

 

He stayed under the hot blast for a while longer, both hands pressed against the tiles. Watching the water wash him clean.

 

But he was still dirty, would stay dirty no matter how much soap he used. His dirty was a different kind. One that made his throat close up during prayers now, made him fidget uncomfortably in Religious Studies, made him grit his teeth when Father Morrison spoke about his so-called guaranteed place in Heaven.

 

He’d never be clean, so what was the point?  
  
He rinsed off, shut off the water. Towelled himself off. Went back to his room and hit the lights, crawled under the sheets.

 

He wasn’t exactly sure why, but there was something about Josh Dun – something with his pure cleanliness – that made Tyler want to contaminate him. Make him as filthy as he was.

 

Then they could both be dirty. And it would be okay.

 

Tyler’s eyes fluttered shut.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh accidentally spills acid on Tyler in Chem class, meaning Tyler has to strip off and Josh has to pretend like he's not freaking out over Tyler's bare chest. Lots of flirting on top of the Science block. Things get pretty steamy at the end during English homework.
> 
> Warning for rape mention; there's a rape scene in the book they're studying for English and they briefly discuss it.

A loud ‘bang’ followed by several shrieks woke Josh out of his daze. He blinked.

 

It was the last class of the day, and his second class of Chemistry with Tyler as his lab partner. He’d slept terribly that night, and as a result had spent most of the day slipping in and out of focus.

  
It wasn’t fun. He was normally a good student. Usually he’d be the one scoffing about other kids dozing or goofing off in class.

And here he was dozing off in Chemistry. Great.

 

He looked to the front of the classroom, where the explosion had come from. Sure enough, Lola was holding a smoking beaker at arm’s length, grinning madly behind their safety goggles.

 

“And that, kids, is why we don’t mix potassium with water,” Lola called gleefully as the air cleared. “Anyway, I didn’t actually get permission to try that one in class, so don’t tell anyone I showed you that.”  


“They’re nuts,” a voice said from next to Josh. He glanced next him, where Tyler was grinning and shaking his head.

 

Josh laughed nervously. “Yep,” he agreed.

 

He was struggling to really say much around the other boy. He figured it was best if he tried to keep his mouth shut; he wasn’t sure what kind of stupid stuff might come out.

 

Not that he was trying to impress Tyler.

 

Not at all.

 

God, no. The idea of accidentally flirting with him scared him more than the idea of making a fool with himself.  
What if Tyler thought he was serious?  
  
What if Tyler flirted back?  
  
Josh gulped, and tried to hold his hand steady. Getting distracted and nervous while holding a beaker of hydrochloric acid was not a good idea.

 

“Okay, so,” Tyler muttered, holding up the paper Lola had given them at the start of class. “We got the tinfoil?”  
  
“Uh-huh,” Josh said, holding up a scrunched-up ball of aluminium foil.  
  
“Okay,” Tyler said. “Apparently we throw the foil in, wait, and something cool’s meant to happen.”  
  
“It should bubble up and dissolve,” Josh explained. “It’ll produce a lot of hydrogen gas. We’ll have to be careful, it’ll bubble up a lot.”

 

“Okay,” Tyler said, putting the paper down. “Well, I guess I’ll let you take care of that.”  
  
“Sure,” Josh said. Then he dropped the alfoil; he didn’t know how, but it just slipped out of his hands and bounced onto the floor.

 

“Shoot,” Josh mumbled. Tyler laughed, bending down to pick it up.

 

“Wait, it’s fine-!” Josh began, holding his hand out and leaning forward – Tyler really didn’t need to pick it up for him, he had it, why did he drop it, why was he so stupid -

 

The beaker slipped. Josh’s hand tipped.

 

The entire beakerful of hydrochloric acid poured straight onto Tyler’s back.

 

Josh was frozen, words and screeches dying in his closing throat as Tyler stiffened, flinching from the splashes. He jerked upward, dropping the ball of foil, panic in his eyes.

 

Josh hadn’t noticed the class going silent with shock until Lola called, “Guys, what happened?”

Seeing the concern in Lola’s eyes shook Josh out of his stunned horror.

 

“Shower!” he gasped, slamming the beaker on the bench and grabbing Tyler’s elbow. He dragged the other boy over to the emergency shower in the corner, fumbling with the faucet until water blasted out from the showerhead.

 

“We gotta get this off,” he gabbled, grabbing at Tyler’s shirt. The two boys wrestled the shirt off, and Tyler clawed at his back, rubbing at the red mark already spreading over his shoulderblades.

 

Tyler began fiddling with the button of his jeans.

  
“Don’t -!” Josh gasped; Tyler glanced at him in confusion.

 

“It’s just on your shirt,” Josh said. “Not – not anywhere else. No need to take your pants off, okay?”  
  
Tyler raised an eyebrow – lab rules dictated that, in case of accidents with harmful substances, students had to strip off completely and use the shower, in case all their clothes were contaminated.

 

But the fact was, Josh was petrified enough seeing Tyler with his shirt off. His cheeks were burning already.

 

Tyler was beautiful.

 

Lean and long-bodied, with little fat to cover his small muscles. He wasn’t weedy, though. There was a faint outline of abs under his light-olive skin, and his biceps flexed as he massaged at the burn on his shoulders. His hips jutted out prominently, marking diagonal lines that disappeared into his pants.

The water soaked his pants, weighting them down and pulling them past the elastic of his underwear. The waistband cut into Tyler’s hips slightly, creating the illusion of the smallest of love handles.

 

Josh gulped, and forced himself to look up, look back at Tyler’s face.

It was wrong. So wrong. Even just ignoring the fact that Tyler was another boy, there was also the issue that Tyler had never asked, never given permission to let Josh look at him. He couldn’t just stare unbidden.

Not to mention the fact that the reason Tyler was shirtless in the first place was Josh’s fault. He was suffering burns from hydrochloric acid. Josh should be helping him, not staring at him.

 

“Y-you okay?” Josh asked, glancing at the burn. It wasn’t too bad, really; the acid had washed off before it could do any real damage.  
It was a large patch spanning both shoulderblades, resembling sunburn. Tyler shrugged. “It doesn’t sting anymore,” he said.

 

“That’s – that’s good,” Josh said. “Okay, hopefully it’s all washed off now.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m all clean,” Tyler said.  
  
He smirked, then winked at Josh.

 

Josh was completely speechless. His mouth was hanging open, searching for words, for anything – but he was stunned silent.

 

Fortunately, Lola swooped in to the rescue. They were holding a towel, a tube of some sort of cream, and a spare uniform . Their violet eyes were wide, pink eyebrows shooting nearly off their forehead. They must have rushed off as soon as the spill happened, as their safety goggles were still over their eyes.

 

“You guys okay?” Lola asked. “Sorry I didn’t help with the shower – I figured you had that covered, Josh. I knew you’d need a uniform, though. I ducked by the infirmary as well, this might help..” They held up the tube, the label indicating that it was some sort of burn cream.

 

“Thanks, Lola,” Tyler said, accepting the towel. Josh tried not to look again while Tyler massaged his hair dry.

 

“I’m so, so sorry,” Josh bleated. “It was my fault – I was holding the beaker; I slipped – it was an accident -”  
  
“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Lola smiled and placed their hand on his shoulder. “Accidents happen, that’s why there’s an emergency shower. Believe me, it’s not the first time it happened. The staffroom’s always complaining I keep sending kids to infirmary. Huh. They’re not wrong, it seems to happen a lot more in my classes than the other teachers’...” Lola frowned thoughtfully.

 

“But it was my fault,” Josh said. “I wasn’t paying attention – shouldn’t have been so stupid-”  
  
“It’s okay!” Lola pushed up their safety goggles, rubbing Josh’s shoulder in steady circles. “You’re not in trouble, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.” They met Josh’s eyes, holding his gaze. Josh couldn’t keep it; he glanced back down at the floor.

 

“Tyler got burned -”

 

“Yeah, and you dealt with it immediately,” Lola said. “Which is good! You did good, Josh. You got him straight into the shower, got him rinsed off before the acid could even really do anything. I’ve seen much worse burns, and it’s always because people didn’t act quickly enough. But you acted immediately, okay? You got him sorted straight out. Which is really good, you did exactly the right thing.”

 

Lola glanced at Tyler. “He probably should have taken those pants off, though. Protocol is to remove all clothes, technically.”  
  
Josh groaned and pressed his palms against his eyes. He couldn’t do anything right.

 

Lola sighed. “Okay, I’m gonna send you two to the infirmary, alright?” they said. “Just make sure you’re both okay. I don’t think that burn looks too bad, but I’m not a nurse, so I don’t know for sure. And you need a break, Josh.”  
  
Josh couldn’t raise his eyes from the floor. He was getting sent out of class. He’d screwed up.

 

“Thanks, Lola,” Tyler said, and Josh felt his palm gently pushing on his shoulder, out of the classroom. Josh didn’t look up as they began walking to the infirmary. The infirmary was in another building, so it would be a five minute walk or so.

 

“You okay?” Tyler asked.

 

Josh ripped his eyes from the floor, staring at him. And – he hadn’t even put the new shirt on, was he seriously still shirtless?!

 

“Why are you asking me that?” Josh asked, exasperated. “You’re the one who got burned! You – oh my gosh, Tyler, I’m so sorry. I messed up.”

 

“Dude, it’s fine,” Tyler said. He wrapped an arm around Josh’s shoulders, making him tense up – Tyler was still shirtless. That was bare skin he could feel through the fabric of his shirt and jumper; this was almost worse than having Tyler crushed against him in the locker. At least in the locker, they’d both been fully clothed.

 

“It’s not,” Josh insisted. “If I’d been paying attention; not been dropping things like an idiot -”  
  
“If you didn’t drop something, I probably would have,” Tyler said. “C’mon, like Lola said, accidents happen. Okay? And I’m not dying or anything, I’m fine. You took care of everything. Okay?”  
  
Tyler was smiling at him, huge dark brown eyes crinkled, and full pink lips crooked upwards. _Did he have dimples?_ Oh god, he had dimples. Josh glanced back down. _Deep breaths. Deep breaths._ He was _not_ going to let his mind go further with the dimples.

 

“Don’t stress about it, okay?” Tyler said. His arm hadn’t moved from Josh’s shoulders, and he was still leaning in uncomfortably close.

 

“Look, I don’t think we need the nurse,” Tyler said as they walked out of the music block. “Let’s just hang out or something. You look like you need to relax.”  
  
Josh stared at him. “But Lola said we were supposed to go to infirmary.”  
  
“Lola didn’t send us out because of my burn,” Tyler scoffed. “Look, it’s fine. It doesn’t even hurt. And even if it hurt again, that’s why Lola got the cream.”

Tyler stopped walking, holding onto Josh so he had to stop too.

“They sent us out because we need a break,” he said. “I mean, I’m hardly gonna focus now; I’m not gonna lie, that kinda freaked me out. And you need a break, because you’re freaking out and blaming the whole thing on yourself. You need to calm down.”

 

Josh chewed his lip. Great. So he’d kicked up so much of a fuss, they’d sent him out to cool off. Just great.

 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, staring at the ground.

 

Tyler massaged his shoulder. “Don’t be,” he said. “It’s not your fault. Okay?”  
  
Josh looked up, and Tyler smiled again. Those frickin’ dimples.

 

“Hey,” Tyler said, pointing at the fire escape stairs on the side of the building. “You wanna hang out on the roof?”  
  
Josh nearly choked. “What?” he gasped. “We’re not allowed up there – it’s dangerous!”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Only if you fall,” he said. “C’mon. Lola doesn’t care. We can hang out until after class, not long until it finishes anyway. Gerard and the others usually meet me up there, so we can wait for them.”

 

Josh didn’t say anything. Tyler didn’t wait for him to, letting go of him and skipping to the stairs. He bounded up two at a time, making the whole metal structure rattle.

 

“Stop, they’ll hear you!” Josh heard himself squeak, and Tyler laughed. “If anyone hears, they’ll probably think it’s just Lola’s explosions,” he said. “C’mon, you want class to end and someone to catch us?”

 

Josh gulped. Getting caught was the last thing he wanted. He followed Tyler gingerly up the steps, gasping every time Tyler sent the stairwell shaking again.

 

“It’s stronger than it looks, I promise,” Tyler said. “Hurry up!”  
  
Josh glanced down through the metal grating, swallowing hard when he saw the distance between his feet and the ground. His throat grew even tighter when he saw he was only halfway up.

 

Eventually he made it to the top of the stairs. The stairs ended at a fire escape on the top level of the building, and there seemed to be no way up onto the roof itself. Tyler, far ahead of him, had jumped up on the handrail, balancing precariously. The sight of him made sweat break out over Josh’s palms.

 

Tyler reached up and took hold of the gutter with both hands, hauling himself up over it onto the roof. Josh gawked. Did Tyler expect him to do that too?  
  
He gripped the handrail, knees shaking slightly. He tried not to look over the edge.

 

Tyler was crouched on the edge of the roof on his knees, looking expectantly at Josh. He couldn’t back out now, or he’d look stupid.

 

Josh gulped, pressing both hands against the wall. He crawled them up carefully until his fingers brushed the metal edge of the gutter, and he gripped tightly onto it. He hoped it was strong enough to hold him up.

 

The gutter squeaked as Josh gingerly took his weight off the handrail, but it held. Josh pulled himself up, grappling at the slate tiles of the roof.

Tyler laughed, gripping Josh’s arms above the elbows, pulling him up. When Josh’s shoulders were clear of the gutter, Tyler grabbed his jumper above his back, bunching the fabric up in his hands and pulling the rest of him over. The whole process forced Josh’s face against Tyler’s bare chest, but Josh couldn’t exactly push away for fear of slipping back over the gutter.

 

Josh’s cheeks were burning by the time his lower torso and legs were safely on the roof. He pulled away from Tyler. “I – I could have done it,” he said.

 

Tyler shrugged. “It’s your first time up here, right?” he asked. “Better safe than sorry.”  
  
They sat with their backs against the vent chimneys, the hot exhaust heating the metal and warming Josh’s back through his shirt. He glanced at Tyler, still shirtless, still infuriatingly beautiful.

 

“Aren’t you cold?” he asked. Tyler smirked.

“Not anymore,” he responded. “It’s kind of hot up here. Maybe it’s you. Dial it down a little, Josh.”

 

Apparently Josh’s cheeks had cooled, because they blazed right back up again as Tyler giggled at his own joke.

 

“Nah, I’m alright. I’ve got a lot of body heat, see?” Tyler wrapped his arm around Josh’s shoulder again, pulling him close. He gently bumped his forehead against Josh’s, his smirk pulling up those dimples again.

 

Josh didn’t know what to do.

 

Could he move away? Was that okay? Or would he just annoy Tyler by doing that? Somehow, as uncomfortable as he was right now, he didn’t want Tyler to be annoyed with him. He wasn’t sure why.

 

After all, right now he was pretty annoyed with Tyler. He was annoyed with the whole situation, and his frustration made his cheeks burn even redder.

 

Was Tyler doing this deliberately? Was – was Tyler flirting? Teasing him?

 

Oh, no. No no no.  
  
He pulled away suddenly. “Dude, stop,” he said. Tyler’s smile disappeared.

 

“I – I like girls, okay?” Josh began. His voice came out stilted and high-pitched. “Look, I don’t care what you’re into, or what any of the other guys are into. I’m not here to judge. Judge not lest ye be judged and all, right? It doesn’t bother me. At all. But..”  
  
Tyler folded his hands in his lap. Josh looked away, staring out over the view of the school from the roof.

 

“I’m not – into this. Not me. Okay? I don’t want to – whatever you’re doing, I don’t want it. Okay?”  
  
Tyler nodded silently, chewing his lip.

 

“Like.. you’re a cool guy,” Josh said. Trying desperately to get Tyler to not be mad, or disappointed, or whatever he was quietly being. “And I appreciate you helping me out yesterday. And suggesting the mohawk to Gerard. And agreeing to tutor me in English. But... no more than that. Is that.. is that okay? I don’t – I’m not...”

 

“You’re into girls. No man, I get it.” Tyler’s voice was soft.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have assumed.”

 

Josh opened his mouth to say something else, but he couldn’t think of anything. He sighed.

 

Crap.

 

He wondered if class would end soon. Then Gerard and Frank could get here, they could talk and goof around or whatever, they could distract him from this awkwardness, the heavy, electric air that was building up between him and Tyler.

 

Tyler was pulling on the new shirt. It was too small; he swore quietly while he tried to force the buttons in place. The fabric stretched across his chest, looking ridiculous.

 

Josh sighed, pulling off his jumper. “Here,” he said. “Forget the shirt. You’ll bust it if you keep trying to get it on.”  
  
Tyler smiled, giving up on the shirt and taking hold of the jumper. Their fingers brushed together for the slightest second, making Josh’s lungs stop. But Tyler broke contact, taking the jumper and pulling it on over his head.

 

“Thanks,” he said, and Josh shrugged.

 

The bell rang. Gerard and Frank arrived first, entering through a door on the other side of the chimney that Tyler had apparently neglected to mention. Mikey and Pete soon followed, and after some time Patrick and Andy joined them. People joined the group in trickles, and the rooftop grew louder and the smoke grew thick.

 

\---

 (((( Warning for rape mention in this next bit; there's a rape scene in the book they're studying for English and they briefly discuss it. )))))

Sometime after dinner, Josh was lying on his bed, trying to get through his English homework. Gerard had left an hour earlier, claiming that he had to go over some Music stuff with Frank. Josh had the sneaking suspicion that chord progressions weren’t actually what Gerard had in mind, but he didn’t mind having the room to himself.

 

The door opened, and Josh looked up; Tyler’s head was poking in.

 

“Gerard’s not here,” Josh said, sitting up on the bed and dropping Tess Of The D’Urbervilles.

 

“I know,” Tyler said. “I know exactly where he is. Frank’s room is next to mine, apparently.” He made a face, and Josh couldn’t suppress a laugh.

 

“I came over to give your jumper back,” Tyler explained, holding up the grey woollen thing. “Thanks for lending it to me, earlier.”  
  
“No problem, I’m the reason you lost your shirt in the first place,” Josh said. Tyler smirked and raised his eyebrows, and Josh felt his cheeks burning again. Oh, god. Not like that. That wasn’t what he meant.

 

Tyler didn’t press, though, but looked at Josh’s book. “Tess, huh?” he said. “You’re still reading that? We were supposed to have finished it, like, a week ago.”  
  
Josh made a face. “It’s impossible. It’s really hard to read. And boring.”  
  
Tyler’s eyes widened. “You think Tess is boring?”  
  
“Well, yeah,” Josh scoffed. “Damsel in distress meets handsome rogue, stuff happens, soap opera drama carries on, blah blah blah, everyone dies. And it’s complicated. I can’t deal with this language, why did people write like this?”  
  
“People still write like this,” Tyler said, sitting down on the bed beside Josh. “It’s called literature, Josh.”  
  
Josh shrugged. “It’s stupid,” he said. “I preferred Harry Potter.”  
  
“Harry Potter was aimed at nine-year-olds, Josh.”  
  
Josh stuck his tongue out, and Tyler laughed, picking up the book and inspecting the cover.

“It’s not just some damsel-in-distress stuff,” he said. “And he’s not just some handsome rogue. The dude rapes her, you know.”  
  
Josh sat up. “What?”  
  
“You didn’t get that part? When they’re walking through the woods at night?” Tyler’s eyes were wide.

 

“No, there was a lot of mist, and-”  
  
“Where the heck did you think the baby came from?”  
  
Josh was shocked now. “No! I knew they had sex, I figured from the baby, but... rape? Seriously?”

 

“Yeah,” Tyler said. “I mean... I guess it might not have been as big of a deal back in the time when the dude wrote it. Women weren’t really expected to give consent, I guess. I don’t know. But the author spends a bit of time showing that it was wrong, it was rape, the dude wasn’t just seducing her, he was taking advantage. Like, okay, he never outright says it, but... that’s what it was.”  
  
Josh stared at the book still in Tyler’s hands. “Um. Okay. I think I’m gonna have to read it again.”  


Tyler laughed. “Want me to read it with you? Read you a bedtime story?”  
  
Josh wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, rape and murder, great bedtime material,” he said. “No, thanks. I’m good.”

 

Tyler was about to put the book down, but Josh had an idea. “Wait,” he said. “Actually. Can you go over the rape scene with me? Obviously I didn’t get it, and there’s a lot of questions in the homework about Alec and the forest scene which I can’t really answer if I didn’t even pick up on the rape.”  
  
Tyler smiled, and opened the book. “Sure,” he said. “I mean – don’t feel bad about it, lots of people don’t pick up on it, because it’s not really explicitly stated, I guess. Just hinted at. But, see...”

 

Tyler flipped over to the scene in the book, and began pointing out the author’s symbolism, motifs. Little things and what they meant, how in context of the time period they had specific meanings that would have jumped out to readers of the time, would have made the otherwise ambiguous scene starkly clear.

 

Tyler leaned close to Josh while he talked, gesturing a lot with his hands, but he kept his distance. That was merciful. Josh’s legs were tingling a bit just from having Tyler sitting so close. He was glad Tyler was letting him keep his space now, though.

 

Josh leaned in a bit closer to read a line that Tyler was pointing out, and then suddenly their foreheads were slamming together, colliding with a force that sent a bloom of pain jolting through Josh’s head, stars bursting in his vision. He yelped, jumping back.

 

“I’m sorry!” Tyler said, rubbing his own forehead. “Wow, that was stupid. I’m sorry, are you okay?”  
Tyler cupped Josh’s face, inspecting his forehead where they’d knocked heads, and Josh’s stomach exploded into butterflies. His hands felt numb.

 

Tyler blinked. “Josh, what’s up? I didn’t hit you that hard, did I?”  
  
He leaned in a bit closer, trying to see his forehead, and then somehow – Josh was pressing forward, close, too close, and he caught Tyler’s lips for just a second before Tyler gasped and pulled back.

 

“Are you okay?” Tyler asked in a strained voice. Eyes wide, mouth slightly open. He was still so close.

 

Josh wanted to close that distance so badly. He could feel his heart in his throat, painful against his vocal cords.

 

One heartbeat.

 

Two heartbeats.

 

Three.

 

Tyler leaned in, slowly. Testing. Almost asking permission, daring him to close rest of the distance.

 

Josh’s heart thudded in his throat again, and he gasped, pulling back. “No,” he gulped. “No, I – I can’t, this is bad, this is – we shouldn’t do this.”  
  
Tyler tilted his head. “Why not?” he asked. “You said – you said, you couldn’t. You didn’t say you didn’t want to. Do you want to, Josh?”  
  
And it was a simple enough question, but Josh couldn’t answer it, not while Tyler was gazing at him like that, brown eyes wide, mouth still slightly open, head cocked to the side like it was the most innocent question in the whole world, but it _wasn’t._

 

“What are you feeling?” Tyler asked. “Are you scared?”  
  
And Josh was scared, he was terrified. This was wrong. This was so wrong. Tyler was beautiful, he could have been sculpted by angels, but he wasn’t one. He was a temptation.

Was this a test? Was God testing him?

 

Josh leaned forward, closing the distance. Tyler moaned into his mouth.

 

So be it. He was going to fail. He would regret this later, he knew.

The guilt would settle, a lead weight in his stomach, but right now his stomach was full of helium and butterflies and Tyler’s hand was pushing under his shirt, massaging his stomach, exploring higher while his other hand twisted into the curls on top of his head, the mohawk that had been all because of Tyler, and his tugging hands hurt but it felt good and –

 

The door clicked open. Josh jumped back as Gerard walked into the room, heart thudding again but this time there was no anticipation to cushion the fear, just terror, just shame. They’d been caught.

 

Gerard raised an eyebrow. His normally sleek hair was a mess, barely recognisable as its usual bowl cut. His lips were red and swollen, and his clothes were unkempt. Josh was pretty sure Music homework didn’t leave you looking like you’d wrestled a saliva monster with your face.

 

“I was gone for a fucking _hour,_ ” Gerard complained. “I leave for one single hour, Tyler, and I come back to you molesting my fucking roommate. You need a goddamn leash.”

 

Josh glanced at Tyler; he was looking back at Gerard, cheeks flushed, lips red and slick with Josh’s saliva. His face didn’t show any of the shame writhing in Josh’s stomach.

 

_You need a goddamn leash._

 

Was this the first time Gerard had said this to Tyler?

 

Josh coughed. “I – I need to go,” he said, his voice coming out odd and strained. “Um. It’s late. Shower.”  
  
He fumbled around for his washbag and towel, stumbling out the door. He could feel the lead weight of guilt settling in already, but there was something else. Something nearly worse.

 

_You need a goddamn leash._

 

How many roommates had Gerard had at the school? And how many of them had he walked in on, locking lips with Tyler Joseph? Did Tyler just stick to his best friend’s roommates, or were there others?  


_Why not? Do you want to, Josh?_  
  
How many other boys had he asked that question?

Was Josh just the latest in a long string of affairs? Another name? God, he’d been so stupid. Josh stumbled into the nearest cubicle and threw his stuff down, blasting the cold water. He’d been so close to popping a boner, it was embarrassing. He’d been hoping to relieve it in the shower, but he didn’t want to now, not anymore.

He couldn’t empty his brain, shove away the doubt and fear creeping in the back of his eyes. Gerard’s disgusted expression, his complete lack of surprise, as if he’d walked in on that scene a hundred times before; it made Josh’s mouth dry up and his throat close. He rubbed furiously at his stinging eyes.

 

Tyler wasn’t the first male he’d been attracted to; he’d known for years. When they’d all started hitting their teens, when the boys started passing around filthy videos, magazines hidden in backpacks and paper bags, he’d been horrified to realise it wasn’t just the women in the videos giving him unfamiliar feelings, urges. It’d been the men, too. When they’d appear in the shot, when the cameraman showed a rare glimpse of the male’s enthralled face, Josh felt exactly the same as when the women moaned exaggeratedly and posed for the camera.

 

Josh hadn’t been lying when he’d said he liked girls. And he hadn’t lied about his ex. He just hadn’t mentioned the fact that he liked guys, too.

 

But that didn’t make it less _wrong_. It was wrong; Father Morrison had stated it, several times, explicity; man was not to lie with man. It was in the Bible.

And even if he pretended it wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t on the same level as murder, or stealing – that didn’t change the fact that he’d probably lose everyone he cared about if they knew he was attracted to men. His whole family was Christian; how would they react? He was disgusted by himself half the time; why would they be any less disgusted?

It was too much. Too risky. There was too much to lose.  
He’d done so well hiding it, only dating girls, hiding every crush or attraction that wasn’t directed at females. He’d been so good. He’d had impure thoughts, jerked off maybe one too many times over too many men. But he’d never acted on it. Never engaged with another male. Never crossed that line.

 

And then Tyler Joseph had been assigned as his lab partner.

 

Tyler was a temptation with a capital T. A big stupid test.

 

And he’d failed horribly.

 


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ITS SIN O'CLOCK, FRIENDS. 
> 
> Gerard and Josh discuss religion before bed. Josh is inspired to find Tyler. ACTUAL STUFF HAPPENS AND YOU'RE ALL SO VERY WELCOME.

Josh stayed in the shower as long as he could, even twisting on the hot water after a while so at least he wasn’t stuck in freezing water. But eventually the hot water began to run cold, and he had to admit defeat and go back to his room. Surely Tyler would have left by now.

 

The lights in the corridors were turned off, and Josh was hopeful that Gerard had gone to bed.

But a shaft of light still peeked out from under the door, and Josh pushed it open to find Gerard was still awake, sitting in bed, drawing into a sketchpad.

 

Gerard looked up. He looked less unkempt now, hair smoothed back down again. He had a wry smirk on his face, which had Josh confused for a moment.

 

“You took your sweet time,” he said. “How worked up did Tyler get you? Did you jerk off, like, five times in a row or something?”

 

Oh.  
  
“None,” Josh snapped, putting his shower stuff away. Gerard’s grin disappeared.

 

“Josh? What’s up?”  
  
Josh ignored him, crawling into bed and rolling over to face the wall.   
He couldn’t really blame Gerard, but a small part of him was still furious at him for walking in, interrupting, saying those things. Perhaps then Josh wouldn’t feel so terrible now. He could have gone on in blissful ignorance.

  
But for how long? How far would he have gone before finding out? In a way, it was probably a blessing that Gerard had stepped in when he did, before Josh could have gone further and potentially done something really stupid.

 

He rolled back over, and saw that Gerard was looking over at him with a worried expression on his face, a small frown slash digging between his eyebrows.

 

“Before,” Josh said. “When you came in, you said... the, the leash thing...” He couldn’t figure out how to phrase the question. He tried again.  
“How often do you walk in on Tyler with your roommates?” he asked. “Does... what does this mean to Tyler? Just another hook-up, or what?”  
  
Gerard’s eyes went wide. “Oh,” he said. “Oh, man. Oh god, Josh I didn’t mean it like that.”  
  
“Then what did you mean?” Josh demanded. “Because all I’m getting is that this isn’t the first time you’ve walked in on Tyler hooking up with some other dude, and I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what _I_ mean, like – like how am I supposed to tutor the guy if he just sees me as a frickin’ game, and like – I’m trying not to get involved with this kind of stuff, I’m a frickin Christian, Gerard -”

 

“Hey, whoah, slow down, you’re losing me.” Gerard put down his sketchbook, swinging his legs over the side of his bed to sit up and face Josh. “Okay. So you’re worried that Tyler’s been with a lot of guys before, which worries you because you think that means... what are you worried about, Josh?”

 

“I – it’s stupid.” Josh massaged his eye sockets, frustrated. “Like.. I shouldn’t be doing this. Shouldn’t be having feelings... but... I can’t help it. Like... does he have any idea about what a big deal this is to me?”  
  
Gerard looked confused. “What’s a big deal to you, Josh? I’m not a mind reader. You’ve still lost me. What’s so important? You’re afraid Tyler having a history with other dudes means you’re not special, or something? You’re afraid he’s playing a game with you?”

 

“It’s a big deal because I shouldn’t be hooking up with guys, Gerard,” Josh said frantically. “I – it’s wrong.”  
  
Gerard raised an eyebrow. “You’re gonna say that to my face? I know you know I’m not just buddy old pals with Frank. If I wanted to hear about homosexuality being wrong, I’d take up Father Morrison on his offer of tea.”  
  
“No!” Josh couldn’t say anything right. The more anxious he got, the more twisted his tongue was. He stopped, took a few breaths. Tried to start again.

 

“I don’t – it’s not for me to judge,” he said. “I don’t care about you and Frank, or your brother and Pete...”  
  
“But you think it’s wrong.”

 

Josh groaned. “I don’t know. It’s what everyone says. It’s what I’ve been told to believe, for so long. By people I trust and care about. But believing that means I have to believe some fundamental part of me is broken, or wrong, or evil. Something I have to fix. But I’ve tried, Gerard, and I can’t fix it, so... what does that mean?”  
  
Gerard sighed. “Maybe it means it’s not wrong. You’re not broken. And neither is anyone else.”  
  
“But the Bible...”  
  
“You’re talking Leviticus, right? That man-shall-not-lie-with-man thing?”  
  
Josh nodded. Gerard sighed and rolled his eyes.

 

“You know, like, two paragraphs later or something, it says you shouldn’t wear cloths of different weave?” he snapped. Josh blinked.

 

“So, like, basically anyone wearing polyester cotton blends are screwed,” Gerard continued. “I can’t remember exactly, but I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of stupid shit Leviticus tells you not to do. Like, really bizarre rules. And it’s not just Leviticus, it’s all through the Bible. But we ignore all those rules, we wear goddamn cotton blends, we eat meat on days we’re not supposed to. You don’t see anybody picketing Nike or other clothing manufacturers, though, do you?”  
  


Josh shook his head.

 

“There’s a reason for that,” Gerard said. “Like, I’m not gonna go through and quote verses now or some shit. Go read it through later if you wanna check. But I’m pretty sure the whole point of Jesus dying on the fuckin’ cross was so people didn’t have to follow those stupid rules anymore. So we don’t have to go to hell for wearing elastane-spandex.”

 

Gerard sighed, rubbing his temples. “There’s a whole lotta stupid shit in the Bible we just ignore, or explain away as metaphorical, because it’s not like the donkey literally started talking to its owner or whatever. But we fixate on that one verse as proof that homosexuality is a sin? Shit, dude, it doesn’t even come up in the commandments. Jesus talks a shit-ton more about not lusting after your bro’s wife, or being a dick to homeless people or sex workers. Yet we’re still dicks to homeless folks and sex workers, and people still cheat on their partners.”

 

Gerard looked at Josh. “Is this making sense?”  
  
Josh nodded. He was definitely going to look through his Bible, just in case. But... Gerard wasn’t wrong. As far as Josh could remember, Gerard was right that Jesus hadn’t actually talked about homosexuality.

Hang on.

 

“But – but He condemns all form of sexual immorality,” Josh gabbled. “He said so. In Mark.”

 

Gerard snorted. “So, like, sex before marriage? Josh, how far did you get with your ex?”

 

Josh flushed. They’d never gotten as far as sex, but they’d gotten a _lot_ further than Josh had gone with Tyler earlier. And even then, Josh had gone further with previous girlfriends. Gerard raised an eyebrow. “That’s what I thought,” he said.

 

“See, if you’re not guilty about doing stuff you technically shouldn’t with your girlfriend,” Gerard said, “then why feel guilty about dicking around with Tyler?”

 

Josh sighed. Gerard had a really good point. And he was going to do a lot of thinking and reading later. But that wasn’t the only problem.

 

“But like,” Josh said, “Say you’re right. Say everyone’s just been reading the Bible wrong. Say society’s just looking for a minority to condemn, and we’re using religion to excuse it. Say I’m not doing anything wrong, nothing more wrong than messing around with a girl would be. That doesn’t change the fact that society still sees homosexuality as wrong. That doesn’t change the fact that everyone back home, my friends, church, my family – they’d all freak out if I came home with a dude.”

 

Gerard gave him a sympathetic look. “Yeah, that sucks,” he conceded. “I don’t blame you for being scared. But... that just because others have it all wrong, doesn’t mean you have to hate yourself. You don’t have to feel guilty for messing around with Tyler, or even liking the dude. You understand?”

 

Josh nodded.

 

Gerard sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Okay. So we’ve dealt with the faith thing. Now what else is stopping you from boning Tyler?”  
  
Josh flushed again.

 

“Like I said, it’s a big deal to me,” he said. “I’ve been attracted to guys before, sure. But this is the first time I’ve actually... acted. You know? I was terrified. But I liked him enough to take the risk. But... when you said the thing about the leash... he barely reacted. You looked at him like... like he does that kind of stuff all the time. Hooking up isn’t a big deal for him like it is for me. I’m – I’m not special, this is just a game, just a – I don’t know, a hobby...”

 

“Slow down,” Gerard said. “You’re babbling. It’s okay, alright? It’s okay.”  
  
Josh stopped, took a deep breath. “I don’t know if he even likes me,” he said. “Or if this is just a game. And if it’s just a game, then I don’t want to play. This means everything to me, I can’t do it if it means nothing to him.”  
  
Gerard nodded. “Okay,” he said. “That’s fair. And... you’re not wrong, Tyler’s got a lotta fuckin’ notches on his belt. And not all of them meant much to him.”  
  
Josh’s stomach twisted.

 

“But that doesn’t mean _you_ don’t mean anything to him,” Gerard said. “I’ve been friends with him a while now, I know what he’s like. And trust me, if you didn’t mean anything to him, if this was just a game – I’d have kicked his ass tonight.”  
  
Josh sat up. “What?”  
  
Gerard grinned. “Trust me, I wouldn’t have been happily joking about leashes if he was just playing you,” he said. “I’d have dragged the fucker off you and beat his ass there and then. I love the dude, but I’d kick his ass if he was being a little shit. You’re a nice kid, Josh. I know we haven’t been friends long, but I still wouldn’t let him walk all over you.”

 

“How do you know?” Josh asked. “How do you know he’s not just playing?”  
  
Gerard smirked. “You haven’t been paying attention,” he said. “Dumbass gets this look on his face like a stunned mullet every time you smile. He looks even stupider when you laugh. It’s adorable.”

 

Josh blinked.   
  
“So... he really likes me?”  
  
Gerard groaned. “Yes. The dude’s smitten. He’s probably going to try continue being all flirty and teasing and shit, act like he’s just playing, but he’s actually really into you. I don’t really know how serious it is yet, but trust me – you’re not just a game. Maybe he started off planning to just play you, I don’t know. But it’s definitely not that way anymore. You don’t have to worry about that.”

 

Gerard sighed, standing up. He picked up his sketchpad and put it on his desk, then hit the main light. In the gloom, Josh watched as he popped on a pair of comically huge headphones plugged into an iPod, and got back into bed.

 

“I’m going to go sleep now,” Gerard said. “And you’re going to stop stressing about Tyler Joseph and his dastardly plans to steal your innocence. Feel free to jerk off now that you know he’s not an asshole. I’ll face the wall and keep the volume up.” He winked, giggling at the horrified expression Josh knew he was wearing.

 

Despite Gerard’s explicit permission, Josh just rolled over and shut his eyes. No way was he jerking off in front of his roommate. And he was too tired to go have another shower. The water was probably still cold anyway.

 

Maybe if he’d had his own room. He felt better now, felt like his heart rate was actually returning to normal. And the idea that Tyler actually liked him – really liked him – made the butterflies twitch their wings in his stomach again.

 

Didn’t Tyler have his own room? Lucky bastard. He could jerk off whenever he liked, probably. Probably was jerking off now.

 

Josh’s eyes snapped open.

 

Tyler had his own room.

 

Which room was his again?

 

He rolled out of bed. Gerard was facing the wall, mercifully oblivious by grace of his ridiculous headphones; Josh could hear The Smiths blasting from across the room.

 

He opened the door and peeked out, heart pounding. Sometimes one of the housemasters patrolled the corridors, looking for students out of bed to give detentions to. He had no idea what Mr Montano and Mr Euringer were like, but he didn’t want to find out.

 

He’d nearly made it to Tyler’s door when a voice coughed in the hallway. Josh’s heart stopped.

 

A taller figure was walking down the corridor; it was too dark to see who it was. Josh’s mouth dried up. Could it be Mr Euringer? Oh god. He was going to get into trouble. He was going to get detention.

 

The figure stopped at Tyler’s door, then made an odd sound of confusion. “Josh?”  
  
It was Tyler. Josh released a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. He recognised him now, up close. He was holding his wash bag and had a towel wrapped around his waist. Nothing else.

 

“What are you doing out here, man?” Tyler asked. Josh swallowed.  
  
“Uh – um, bathroom,” he said. “Needed to pee. I – I’m going back to bed now.”  
  
Tyler smirked. “Which bathroom? I was just there.”  
  
Josh wrestled his mind for an explanation. Oh god, he looked so stupid. Stupid, stupid.

 

“Do you actually need to pee?”

 

Josh shook his head shamefacedly. His cheeks burned with embarrassment.

 

Tyler smiled, teeth bright in the darkness. “Good,” he said, and grabbed Josh’s arm, pulling him into his room.

 

The door slammed shut behind them. Josh’s heart was in his throat again, but he could feel it pulsing all over his body; his temples, his wrists, his stomach, everywhere. Tyler pushed him against the wall, and roughly kissed him.

 

His hands were exploring again, pushing up under Josh’s shirt. Cold fingers lightly brushed his nipples, and Josh gasped. Tyler giggled into his mouth.

 

Tyler moved his lips down, pressing kisses down Josh’s jawline, down his throat. He nipped at Josh’s collarbones, making him jump. It hurt, but the slight twinge was nothing compared to the jolt of searing heat that shot through Josh’s body with the pain.

 

Tyler slid his hands between the wall and Josh’s butt, squeezing each cheek. “God, you’ve got such a cute little ass,” Tyler murmured against Josh’s throat. “Been thinking about it since Tess.”  
  
Josh remembered – he’d been reading Tess Of The D’Urbervilles while lying on his stomach. Had his butt been so obvious?

 

“What, you gonna ravage me like Alec?” Josh mumbled. Tyler snorted.

 

“No,” he said. “I’m not... you asked me not to do stuff with you, before.”

 

Josh giggled. “And look what we’re doing now.”  
  
Tyler looked up at him, hands releasing his buttocks. “Wait. Do you want me to stop?”  
  
His eyes were huge and dark, he looked so nervous. This was the guy who’d dragged Josh into his room?  
  
“Y-you kissed me first,” Tyler mumbled. He started rambling, the way Josh did when he was anxious. “I wouldn’t have done anything – I promise. You said you were into girls. I wouldn’t have – not if you didn’t want me to. But... I can stop...”  
  
Josh sighed, reaching around behind his back. He took Tyler’s hands and placed them back on his ass.

 

“I said I was into girls,” Josh said. “But I neglected to mention I’m also into guys.”  
  
Tyler’s eyes widened. Then narrowed. “You little shit,” he said, smirking.

 

Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s neck. “I’m still kind of struggling with it all,” he said cautiously. “I’m still scared. But... I don’t want you to stop.”

 

Tyler grinned. “Would it help if I dressed as a girl? I can keep using my sister’s shampoo. I think one of her kimonos accidentally got into my suitcase, this dumb floral thing, I could put that on.”  
  
Josh made a face, and Tyler laughed, squeezing his ass again and leaning forward to kiss him.

 

The erection Josh had been trying to suppress since English homework began to make its appearance. Oh no. Oh, no no. What was Tyler going to think? What was he going to do?

 

Tyler pulled away, raising his eyebrows. “Ready to go already?”  
  
Josh flushed. “No – not yet,” he whispered. “I don’t – too fast.”  
  
Tyler nodded, pressing forward to kiss him again. His hands moved up Josh’s back, stroking the curve just above his ass.

 

He was so close. It was the locker all over again; Tyler was jammed against his chest, arms around him. But this time they had plenty of room, and Tyler was still pushing his body against Josh’s.

 

Tyler pulled away to pull at Josh’s shirt, lifting it up. “C’mon, you got to stare at my chest all day,” he said. “Let me look at yours. Fair’s fair.”  
  
Josh snorted. “You got a good look during Music class,” he said, but helped Tyler pull his shirt off.

 

While pulling his shirt off, Tyler’s towel suddenly slipped. Josh tried to catch it as it unravelled, dropping off Tyler’s hips, but he only caught a handful of Tyler’s ass instead. He felt his cheeks burn. Oops.

 

Tyler giggled. “Nice catch, Josh,” he said. He didn’t try to pick his towel up, instead pressing forward against Josh again.

 

Oh, man. This was too much. The sensation of Tyler’s bare skin against his own, body heat burning his skin without the flimsy protection of his shirt, was almost painful. He gasped, and Tyler moaned into his mouth.

 

Josh’s cock was growing painful now, but Tyler didn’t seem to be having the same problem. Oh god. Was Tyler not attracted to him?

 

“How are you not hard?” Josh gasped.

 

Tyler shrugged. “I jerked off a couple times in the shower,” he said. “It’s going to take me a while to get hard again. I’m gonna go ahead and guess that’s not how you spent your shower after you rushed off?” Tyler’s eyes glittered.

 

Josh gulped. “I – I wasn’t in the mood.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Well, shit. I’m doing something terribly wrong.”

He reached up, touching his nipples again, gently tweaking them. Josh couldn’t suppress a whimper. God, it felt _good_.

 

“Do you like the pain?” Tyler looked triumphant. He leaned forward and bit Josh hard, teeth snapped around the muscle that connected his neck to his collarbone, drawing a yelp and possibly blood.

When Tyler kissed Josh again, muffling his whimpers, there was a salty, metallic taste.

 

His hands crawled down Josh’s chest, fleeting past his stomach, brushing his hipbones. Tyler tugged at Josh’s waistband. He pulled away to look at Josh, silently asking permission.

Josh nodded. Tyler smiled, kissed him again. Pushed the waistband down, freeing his erection. Fingers fluttered against Josh’s cock, and he whimpered again.

Tyler pulled away, raising his hand to spit on it. A long rope of saliva hung out of his mouth for a fleeting moment, holding Josh mesmerised, before it snapped and fell into Tyler’s hand. Tyler wrapped his hand around Josh’s cock, thumb sliding over his tip.

 

Josh gasped, trying to swallow his whimpers. Tyler kissed his neck, catching the chain of his necklace between his teeth, tugging it tight for a moment before letting the cross fall back against his skin.   
“Don’t hold back, I wanna hear you,” he whispered. The words were enough, pulling a moan from Josh’s throat. Oh god, the walls were so thin. Surely someone would hear him.

 

Tyler chuckled. “It’s just Frank behind this wall, and he’s not gonna complain, not after all the noise he made with Gerard earlier,” he said. Josh giggled, but it quickly choked off into another moan while Tyler pumped his cock.   
He’d used way more saliva than Josh would have, but his slippery hand still felt good sliding up and down his shaft. Josh wanted more friction, but this way he supposed he couldn’t come too quickly.

He was still coming fast, though. His breath began to become noisy and erratic, gasping between Tyler’s kisses. “Ty,” he whimpered, unable to even say his name properly.

 

“Already?” Tyler asked. “You wanted me that badly?”  
  
Josh responded with another moan.   
  
“Tell me you want me,” Tyler hissed into his ear. He kissed the spot on his neck just under his earlobe, behind his jaw.

 

“I – I want you,” Josh whimpered.

 

“How much?”   
  
Josh groaned. He couldn’t think straight enough to form a sentence. “L-lots,” he gasped. It wasn’t very sexy, but his mind wasn’t exactly in the right frame for coming up with hot one-liners.

 

“You want me to make you dirty? Want me to corrupt you?” Tyler gave a low laugh, breath sending chills down Josh’s spine. He pressed his free hand against the back of Josh’s neck, thumb stroking up into his hair, fingernails pressed ever so slightly into his skin. He pressed his forehead against Josh, staring into his eyes, so Josh’s world was two dark brown pools.

 

“Y-yes,” Josh managed, then a couple of strokes of Tyler’s hand later he gasped, buckling back into the wall as he came. Tyler slid down with him, crouching on his knees as Josh slid to the floor on his butt, breathing hard. He was trembling all over.

 

Tyler crouched into his lap and kissed him, free hand releasing his neck and sliding up to tangle in his hair. Josh was still seeing spots of light bursting at the edges of his vision.

 

“Look at you, you’re so beautiful,” Tyler breathed, gently bumping his forehead against Josh’s. “Beautiful Josh. Smile for me?”

Josh stopped panting long enough to attempt a smile, and Tyler’s cheeks went pink. He kissed Josh’s nose.

“Just gonna grab some tissues,” he said, pulling back to stand up and cross the room, grabbing a box of tissues. Neither of them were particularly game to leave the room just yet, in case the housemasters were on the prowl, so Tyler cleaned them up as best as he could with the tissues.

 

“You wanna stay here tonight?” Tyler asked when they were more or less clean. Josh stared at him. “What about in the morning?” he asked. “When Mr Montano wakes us up? We can’t let him catch us.”  
  
“I’ll set an alarm,” Tyler reassured him. “I’ll kick you out before he goes around to wake us up, don’t worry. I’m not gonna kick you out right now, though.” He pressed his forehead into Josh’s neck, breathing in deeply.

 

They stood up, crossing the room to Tyler’s bed, and slid under the sheets. Josh snorted at Tyler’s attempt at making the bed. “Your mom taught you how to put a bottom sheet on, right?” he asked, and Tyler stuck his tongue out at him.

 

Tyler snuggled down against Josh’s chest, his hair tickling Josh’s chin. Josh pulled him tight, wrapping his arms around him. Tyler should have been too tall to fit so nicely against Josh, but he didn’t feel wrong, or awkward. For the first time around Tyler, Josh actually didn’t feel stupid or awkward. This felt right. Good.

 

A voice in the back of his head whispered, _this should feel wrong. It’s wrong, all of it. You should feel sick, anxious, the vipers should be sinking their fangs into your intestines and your throat should be closing up._

 

But his stomach felt fine. There was the odd butterfly-wing flutter when Tyler shifted or sighed, but for once he didn’t feel sick or full of snakes. He’d even stopped trembling.

 

Josh breathed in deeply, catching Tyler’s floral-scented shampoo in his lungs, and smiled. He’d probably feel horrible tomorrow morning, but tonight, he felt like he was the closest to Heaven he’d ever get.

 


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this entire chapter is nothing but sweet joyous sin. And also a bit of fluff. Tyler realises he's getting in over his head.
> 
> Alcohol warning for the second half; Tyler steals Communion wine and Josh is a lightweight.

A loud rapping pulled Josh out of his sleep. He groaned, rubbing his eyes. He was overheating, feeling oddly sticky, like he hadn’t showered before going to bed. Why did he feel so hot?  
His answer came when he opened his eyes, to Tyler’s eyes wide and huge. Oh. Right.

Tyler had a look of sheer horror plastered on his face. Gerard’s stunned-mullet comment came to Josh’s mind for a moment, then disappeared when the knocks came again.

 

_Shit._

 

The alarm.

 

Somehow, they’d both slept right through it.

 

Both boys watched in stunned horror as the door opened. Oh god. They were going to get caught.

 

Mr. Montano’s head appeared around the door, and his eyes fixed on the two boys, both huddled in the bed.

 

Mr Montano blinked. His eyes didn’t even widen; the eternal expression of apathy he wore didn’t twitch. He didn’t look the least bit shocked or surprised.

“Well, I’m glad to see your tutoring is really paying off,” Mr Montano said, voice as deadpan as ever. “Now if you two boys would get some clothes on and hurry your asses downstairs so we can hit the dining hall and I can get some coffee in me, that would be great.”

 

With that, Mr Montano shut the door and was gone. The two boys lay in bed for a few moments, stunned. Mr Montano should have freaked out, gotten angry, at least reprimanded Josh for not staying in his own room after lights-out. Neither of them expected him to not react at all.

 

“What, exactly, do they teach you in teacher’s college?” Josh asked. Tyler giggled.

 

He rolled out of bed, locating a pair of boxers and pulling them on. Tyler opened the closet, grabbing two sets of uniforms.

 

“Here,” he said, tossing a shirt and pants to Josh. “I don’t know if they’ll fit you, but you can’t really sneak out now, there’ll be boys walking to the front desk for roll call. At least that’ll get you back to your room so you can change properly.”  
  
Josh pulled on the uniform gratefully. It was too small, but it would do. “Thanks, Ty,” he said. “At this rate, you’re not gonna have any uniforms left by mid-semester break.”  
  
Tyler smirked. “I’ll have to start going to class naked, then,” he said, laughing when Josh’s cheeks flushed.

 

“You need to stop that,” Josh complained. “You’re making my face all red.”  
  
“That’s why I keep doing it,” Tyler said, walking up and kissing Josh’s hot cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll hold off over breakfast. Don’t want everyone to know just yet.”  
  
Josh snorted. “Gerard’s gonna know,” he said. “And Frank’s gonna know. That’s two people already and they haven’t even seen us yet.”

 

Tyler laughed. “Aww, Gerard won’t know,” he said. “I know him, he sleeps with his shut-the-fuck-ups on.”  
  
Josh blinked. “His _what?_ ”

 

“Those headphones,” Tyler said, miming the huge things by cupping his hands over his ears. “They’re called his shut-the-fuck-ups. Because you can’t talk to him when he’s got them on. They’ve got some kind of mega noise-cancelling feature, and he turns them up loud. Once he’s got them on, he’s dead to the world. He wouldn’t notice an atom bomb with those things, he sure as hell wouldn’t have noticed you sneaking out.”  
  
“He’ll notice that I’m gone.”  
  
“Yeah, and you can pretend that you got up early and studied, or something.” Tyler beamed. “He’s not gonna know, it’s fine!”  
  


Gerard knew. As soon as Josh walked into his room, Gerard looked up from his phone, both eyebrows all but shooting off his forehead. He had his mouth twisted to the side in a sort of disappointed-mom expression.

 

“You fucked Tyler last night,” Gerard demanded before Josh could even say ‘good morning’.

 

Josh blinked, shutting the door behind him. “Um. We didn’t – we didn’t have sex.”  
  
“You’re not denying that you visited his room last night like a fuckin’ blushing handmaiden sneaking off to visit some sleazy lord,” Gerard said, voice getting high pitched. “You did something with him last night, and it wasn’t fuckin’ English homework!”

 

Josh flushed all over again. He had to stop doing that. “We... messed around a little,” he admitted. The collar of Tyler’s shirt was suddenly way too tight; he wriggled out of it, grabbing one of his own shirts. He pulled it on, then his jumper on top. His stomach jumped when he realised it still smelled like Tyler.

 

_God help me now, I do not need a boner before breakfast. Please please please don’t punish me with a boner before breakfast._

 

“Come on,” he said to Gerard. “We’ll be late for roll call. And Mr Montano wants his coffee, apparently.”  
  
Gerard’s eyes went wide. “Fuckin’ _Steve_ caught you?” he yelped, and threw his head back, laughing. Josh frowned at him and pushed the door open.

 

Tyler was waiting outside, face carefully composed into the picture of innocence.

 

“He knows,” Josh said, and Tyler’s face fell into confusion.

 

“I knew the second I woke up,” Gerard said. “And not just because Josh was very obviously gone. Frank sent me a text. You two need to keep it down, apparently.”

 

Tyler had the grace to look embarrassed. Gerard, on the other hand, looked like J. J. Jameson if the fictional journalist had been presented with Spiderman’s ChatRoulette nudes.

 

Frank joined them as they made their way to the front desk, and he frowned at Tyler. “I actually went to the bathroom, you know, to get some kind of peace and quiet,” he muttered. “And you know what? I could hear you two from there.”  
  
“Payback,” Tyler said, grinning. “You and Gerard were much louder much earlier, at least we had the common decency to not scream each other’s names every thirty seconds.”  
  
Josh stared at the floor. Had Frank really been able to hear them from the bathroom? Or was he joking? What if he wasn’t? Did that mean everyone in the corridor between Tyler’s room and the bathroom had heard them?

How could Tyler be so cavalier about this? Josh’s heartrate had kicked up as soon as Frank had opened his mouth. And yet Tyler had the boldness to joke about payback?

 

He tried not to think about what Gerard had said about not knowing how much Tyler actually liked Josh. _“Maybe he started off planning to just play you, I don’t know.”_

 

He had no time to worry about how seriously Tyler took him, though. They’d be walking to breakfast soon, which meant enduring Father Morrison’s prayers while sitting on the same table as the boy he’d done some really sinful stuff with just that night. His stomach twisted.

 

Someone caught his hand; Josh looked up, and Tyler was next to him, smiling and squeezing his hand.  
“Don’t worry, Josh,” he said. “You’re okay. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

 

Josh couldn’t properly believe him, and Tyler had to pull his hand away as they rounded the corner to join the crowd of boys near the front desk. But his stomach had settled a little. He felt like he could face prayers.

 

The rest of the week passed uneventfully; the rest of their table slowly caught on to what was happening with Tyler and Josh, but as far as Josh knew, nobody outside their small circle had any idea.

 

That didn’t stop him from being paranoid. Some kid in Geography called Brendon winked at him while asking about Australia, or “down under”, and sweat broke out on the back of Josh’s neck. Lola was entirely too happy with sending Josh and Tyler off to do projects by themselves, only to check up on them every five minutes to “make sure you’re focused and on task”.

The worst was when Father Morrison’s hard eyes, during Thursday’s mid-week service, rested painfully long on Josh and Tyler while they sat together through the priest’s lesson on temptation.

 

It didn’t help that Josh, against all better judgement, was sneaking into Tyler’s room each night.

 

On Josh’s insistence, they never got much further than they had the first time Josh stayed over. It wasn’t just Josh’s guilt that made him beg Tyler not to go further; it was fear of the unknown.

Josh wasn’t a virgin, but this was the first boy he’d been with, and messing around with Tyler was vastly different to messing with any of the girlfriends he’d had. He was afraid of how much more different things would get. He was already floundering in the deep end, and he couldn’t afford to lose any more buoyance.

 

Tyler didn’t allow things to get repetitive, though. He seemed determined to make each night different, fluster Josh in a new way each time.

 

Wednesday, Josh snuck in to find Tyler lying outstretched on his bed, in a paint-me-like-one-of-your-french-girls pose, wearing nothing but some flimsy black kimono with a rose print pattern on it.

 

Josh hadn’t known what to do or say. Eventually he’d stammered out, “Y-you still need to fix your bedsheets.”  
Tyler had groaned, rolled his eyes, stood up, grabbed the collar of Josh’s shirt and dragged him onto the bed. “We’ll need to fix it after tonight anyway, shut up about my damn bedsheets,” he’d grumbled, before pulling him down into a rough kiss.

 

Thursday night, Tyler had surprised Josh with a blindfold. Josh fidgeted uncomfortably at first, afraid that if he moved he might knock something over, or worse – hit Tyler.

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to enjoy himself as much without being able to see Tyler’s eyes, his face. But Tyler quickly proved him wrong.

In the end, something about the uncertainty was incredibly thrilling – Josh wasn’t sure where Tyler would kiss or touch him next, what Tyler was really touching him with – at one point, Tyler brushed Josh’s chest very delicately, with something that felt very much like a feather. He didn’t even know what he was tasting; he heard Tyler swallow something, then when he next kissed him, Josh could taste alcohol. Where had Tyler gotten hold of alcohol? It tasted like some kind of cheap wine, like the stuff passed around for Communion. Was Tyler stealing Communion wine?  
The thought had both horrified him and excited him.

 

Friday rolled around, and Tyler apparently hadn’t run out of ideas.

“We don’t have to get up early tomorrow,” he said, holding up two bottles of wine. Josh gaped at him.   
“Where did you get that?” Josh hissed. Tyler grinned.  
“Gerard has this weird relationship with Lola,” he began. “Like... I don’t how it started, what their connection is. But they’re super close friends. And since I’m best friends with Gerard, that means Lola likes me too, I guess.”

  
“Lola’s a nun. Why would they give you alcohol?”

  
Tyler shrugged. “They think I can handle it? Lola’s not irresponsible. They’d never give Gerard alcohol.”

  
Josh blinked. “What?”

  
A confused expression crossed Tyler’s face, quickly followed by horror. “N-nothing,” he said. “It’s nothing. Never mind.”

Josh desperately wanted to ask, but the look on Tyler’s face scared him a little. Tyler had a guilty expression, like he’d just revealed something he wasn’t supposed to.

Whatever it was, it was serious.

 

Josh decided not to ask.

 

“So, what,” he said. “Lola just... gave you Communion wine? Just like that?”

 

Tyler nodded, his face melting into relief. “Well, yeah,” he said. “Like I said, they know I won’t abuse it. Well, too much anyway.” He grinned cheekily. “Besides, this way it’s not even technically stealing. So that’s one less mortal sin, I guess. Lola’s just looking out for our poor immortal souls.”  
  
Josh flushed. “Look at you,” he said. “First the sexual immorality, now you’ve got me imbibing. What’s next? We rob a bank? Are you working your way down all ten commandments?”

 

Tyler giggled, twisting the top off one bottle. Josh was astonished; apparently Sacramental wine came with twist-tops. Religion in the modern age.

 

He passed the bottle to Josh. “Shut up and drink up,” he said. “The way I want tonight to go, we’re gonna in no shape for bank-robbing anyway.”

 

Josh hadn’t really drunk much alcohol before, and it showed. A third of the way into his bottle, he was swaying, and Tyler giggled at his loss of balance.

 

They were sitting cross-legged on the floor, and Josh found himself swaying to the side, overbalancing, and falling into Tyler’s lap. He stared up, Tyler’s knees jolting him as the other boy collapsed into giggles at Josh’s comical fall.

 

Tyler leaned down and kissed Josh upside-down. “You wanna try sit up?”  
  
“I can sit up,” Josh insisted. With a lot of effort, he was upright again. And almost immediately, gravity spontaneously changed its mind. Josh flopped back into Tyler’s lap. “I’m gonna lie back down,” he mumbled belatedly. “Too hard.”  
  


Tyler giggled again, cheeks flushed pink – from laughing, from alcohol, from arousal, Josh couldn’t tell. Tyler took another swig, and pressed another kiss to Josh’s lips.

 

Josh saw that Tyler’s bottle was nearly three-quarters empty. “How’d you get that down so fast,” he whimpered. “I’m falling over after, like, nothing. You seem fine.”  
  
Tyler put his bottle down and pushed his hands through Josh’s hair, massaging his scalp. Josh leaned back into his hands, relishing the sensation as Tyler kneaded, tugged at his hair, twisted his fingers into the curls.

 

“I’m just more used to it than you are,” Tyler said. “No more for you, that’s for sure. I wanted you pleasantly buzzed, not too drunk to stand up.”

 

“I am pleasantly buzzed,” Josh whined, and Tyler giggled.

 

“Why do I need to be pleasantly buzzed?” Josh asked.   
  
“It’s just a different way to experience things,” Tyler explained, still playing with Josh’s hair. “You can’t really be... like, fine-tuned... I guess. You’re more clumsy. But you’re also bolder, I guess, you can be a bit wilder. Things hurt more, tickle more. Things feel better, because all your senses are kind of amped up a little.”  
  
Tyler wasn’t wrong about that. Josh couldn’t remember if he’d ever felt so good having someone play with his hair.

 

“The other thing is...” Tyler chewed his lip. “You’re.. you’re so nervous all the time. And I know why, I get it. I understand. But for once, I just want to see you relax.”  
  
Josh shifted. “I’m – I’m sorry.”  
  
“No, no!” Tyler leaned down, peppering kisses across Josh’s forehead. He stopped to stare into Josh’s eyes. They looked different, even in the darkness. Dark pits. Josh was struggling to avoid getting lost in them, but it was extra hard with the alcohol in his system.

 

“It’s not – I don’t mind, Josh. Don’t apologise.”

 

Tyler cupped Josh’s jaw in his hands.

 

“It’s just – I don’t feel right, getting off when you’re so on edge all the time,” he said. “I mean, I love it. You’re so cute. When you’re nervous, and you bite your lip...” Tyler giggled.  
“But it’s not always good, is it? I see it. You start fidgeting. You don’t look in anyone’s eyes. You’re too scared to let go – I saw with the blindfold, you wouldn’t move. Were you scared you’d hit something?”  
  
“I was scared I’d hit you,” Josh mumbled. “Knock into you, move wrong. I don’t know.”  
  
“Well, I don’t want you to worry about that,” Tyler said. “I don’t want you to worry about doing anything wrong, or looking stupid, or whatever. Because you don’t. You never do.”  
  
Josh groaned. “But I don’t know what I’m doing! This is – so much of this is new to me, and I don’t wanna mess up -”  
  
“You can’t mess up. Not with me.” Tyler smoothed his hands down Josh’s neck, resting them on his chest. “It’s not a performance, Josh. You don’t need to do everything perfectly. You’re allowed to, I don’t know, hit me in the face by accident. It’s not like in porn, it’s not graceful or perfect. We’re not even really used to each other yet, of course we’re gonna make mistakes. But it’s okay. I’m not gonna kick you out because you kneed me in the groin by accident, or came in my eye or something.”

 

Josh snorted, but Tyler’s face was grim. “I’m serious,” he said. “It’s a real danger. Cum in the eye is a legitimate risk.”  
  
Josh burst into giggles. “I’ll try not to come in your eye.”  
  
“Shh, I’m not finished.” Tyler kissed him, swallowing the last of Josh’s giggles.

“I thought – I guess I hoped the alcohol might help you loosen up a bit. Not worry so much. So you can actually have fun, not worry about what you’re doing.”

 

Josh sighed. “Well, I’m not worrying,” he admitted. “I feel okay, actually. Normally I’m so nervous. Right now, this is okay.”  
  
“Good. That’s what I wanted.”

 

Tyler’s face was so much more earnest than he was used to seeing it; usually he had a cocky smile on his face, or half-lidded eyes, lips open with lust.

Now his eyes were wide, he was chewing his lip.

 

Josh tried to lift his head; too heavy. He gave up, lying back down in Tyler’s lap. Instead, he reached up, rested his hands on the back of Tyler’s head, twisting his fingers into his short hair.

Pulled him down. Tyler’s eyes went yet wider for a moment, then disappeared as Josh was enveloped by the darkness of Tyler’s neck and shoulders.   
Upside down kisses were strange.

 

Tyler groaned into Josh’s mouth, fingers kneading into his chest. He dug his nails into Josh’s pectorals, pulling a gasp from Josh.

 

Josh pushed his head back hard into Tyler’s lap, feeling his cheeks grow hot as Tyler groaned, bucking slightly. “Sit up,” he panted, lifting Josh’s shoulders.

  
Josh sat up and Tyler pulled him around to face him. Josh was seized by the idea to crawl into Tyler’s lap, straddle him and wrap his legs around him. Tyler’s eyes went wide.

Josh giggled and nipped at Tyler’s earlobe.   
“Holy christ,” Tyler whispered. “If I’d known just a little wine would make you so cheeky -” Tyler broke off with a whimper, because Josh had ground his hips hard into Tyler, forcing their erections together.

 

“Oh my god,” Tyler breathed. Josh took that as an indication to grind into him again. Tyler whimpered and took hold of his hips, fingers digging tightly as he pulled Josh in hard with each thrust.

Tyler’s fingers jabbing tightly into the soft flesh of Josh’s sides sent electric shivers up his spine. Tyler had apparently been right; Josh really was a sucker for pain. He found himself wishing Tyler would dig his fingers in harder, press his nails until they broke the skin.

 

“Josh,” Tyler whispered, gently pushing off. “Christ, Josh, I’m the one meant to be making you all embarrassed and flustered, not the other way around. Onto the bed, baby.”  
  
Josh’s stomach jolted; Tyler hadn’t called him any pet names before. His heart rate sped up a little. What did that mean?

 

Tyler stood up, helping Josh as he swayed. He directed him to the bed, pushing him down on his back so he was sprawled onto the rumpled sheets. Tyler pulled Josh’s shirt off, quickly pulling his own off as well.

 

Tyler climbed on top of him, grinding hard into Josh and devouring all of the gasps and whimpers the friction pulled from him. Josh was shaking again, but this time it wasn’t from anxiety.

 

Tyler bit Josh’s lip, hard. Josh tasted the blood, and moaned, pressing his hands up Tyler’s sides and digging his fingernails in. He worried for a split second that maybe it was a mistake, maybe hurting Tyler wouldn’t thrill him like it thrilled Josh, but Tyler gasped and threw his head back, and Josh stopped worrying.

 

“Josh,” Tyler whispered. “Baby, I wanna try something new. I know you didn’t want to go any further, but I just want to go up a single step, I promise.”  
  
Josh blinked. “How big of a step?” he asked.

 

Tyler’s cheeks were flushed, mouth slightly open. In the dark it seemed his pupils had exploded, swallowing his eyes into dark pits.

 

“I want to suck you off,” Tyler whispered, and the words sent shivers up Josh’s spine.

 

His head was still spinning a little with the alcohol, and he felt good. No fear, no anxiety, just excitement. He nodded.

 

Tyler smiled, and kissed him again, tracing down his jaw and neck. He kissed Josh’s nipples, sucking hard on the sensitive tissue, and Josh whimpered.

 

He journeyed down Josh’s chest and stomach, and Josh’s eyes grew wider as Tyler tugged at his boxers, pulling them down.

 

Christ. This was happening.

 

After pulling his boxers down, Tyler attacked from a different direction, ducking his head and sucking a purple bruise into the inside of Josh’s thigh. Josh moaned softly at the odd sensation, Tyler’s teeth biting into the skin.

 

Tyler created a few more marks, a line leading up his thigh. He spat into his hand, wrapping his fingers around the base of Josh’s cock. He was still over-generous with the saliva, but not as bad as the first time. Besides, Josh was beginning to enjoy the clumsy slickness that extra saliva provided.

 

Tyler pumped his hand up and down Josh’s cock a few times, staring straight up at Josh as he did so. Then slowly – almost painfully, he leaned his head down. He licked a long stripe up Josh’s cock, not breaking eye contact – Josh did that when the sensation of Tyler’s tongue against the sensitive skin made him throw his head back into the pillow with a whimper.

 

Tyler licked him like that a couple of times, painfully slow, lazy strokes of his tongue. Then he gently sucked the head of Josh’s cock into his mouth, tongue massaging at his slit. Josh gasped, pressing his arm over his mouth to muffle his moans. God, Tyler felt so good.

 

“Don’t do that, baby,” Tyler said, his hot breath tingling Josh’s cock. “I wanna hear you.”  
  


He sucked down again, pulling more length into his mouth. Josh felt Tyler’s teeth graze gently against his shaft, and shuddered, whimpering. Tyler was driving him crazy.

 

Tyler pulled off with a pop. “You can grab my hair if you want to,” he said softly. “I want to feel you pulling my hair. It feels good. Just... don’t facefuck me or anything, I’m not in the mood for deepthroating just yet.”  
  


Josh obliged, reaching down to tangle his hands into Tyler’s hair, massaging his scalp like he’d been doing before. It was so, so hard to refrain from gripping him tight and forcing his head up and down. Josh concentrated on keeping his arms lax, letting Tyler move uninhibited.

 

Tight, hot heat began to coil in the pit of Josh’s stomach. He groaned, pressing his head back into the pillows, letting the heat carry him as the waves built up.

 

“Tyler – wait,” Josh panted. “Stop.”  
  
Tyler looked up, confused. Josh pulled him up, their chests and stomachs bumping as Josh pulled him into a kiss.

 

“I want to jack you off,” Josh said when they separated for a breath. Tyler nodded. The first time Josh had jerked him off was Wednesday night, and he’d never touched anyone’s cock but his own before. He’d been hesitant and nervous, frequently asking if Tyler felt good, if he was doing it right for him. In the end, Tyler had to kiss him to shut him up.

 

Tonight, Josh was much bolder, immediately reaching down Tyler’s boxers and stroking at his cock. Tyler giggled at his eagerness, flushing.  
“Hold on, one thing at a time,” he whispered, pulling away Josh’s hand. He crawled back down to Josh’s cock, latching back onto it. Josh bucked up with a moan, his breaths becoming noisy.

 

It didn’t take long; Josh keened as he came, fingers pulling hard at Tyler’s hair, whole body pulling taut. Tyler didn’t move while they rode out the orgasm, swallowing everything. Josh collapsed back onto the pillows, eyes wide, mouth open.

Tyler crawled back up, smiling at Josh’s expression. He looked like he’d seen galaxies for the first time. The odd expression of wonderment that he got after coming was incredibly cute.

 

Josh rolled his head to gaze at him, and grabbed the back of his neck, dragging him in for a kiss. Tyler stiffened – his mouth still tasted like Josh’s cum. But if the taste bothered Josh, he didn’t show it, instead sighing and cupping his face as they kissed.

Josh pulled away, still panting. His eyes were bright. “Your turn,” he said in a low voice.

 

“Hold on,” Tyler said. He pulled Josh’s hand from his face, propping himself on his elbows to spit into his palm, covering Josh’s hand with saliva. Last time, Josh had just licked his hand, and that hadn’t been nearly enough. Besides, he liked the way Josh’s eyes widened when he drooled the long rope of saliva into his hand.   
He lay back down again, and Josh leaned his forehead against Tyler’s as he slid his hand over Tyler’s cock.   
  


Josh was still breathing hard, and Tyler’s own breathing sped up to join him as Josh pumped.   
He was so cute, the way he gave handjobs; the way he did anything that he wasn’t a hundred percent confident with, really. His eyebrows knitted with concentration, and his mouth hung slightly open. Tyler caught his gaze, staring into his eyes.

 

It didn’t take long for a coil of heat to begin winding tight, low in Tyler’s stomach. He gasped as it pulled tighter, reaching up to grip Josh’s neck.

 

“Josh, I’m close,” Tyler whispered. “I’m getting really close, baby.”  
  
Josh responded by kissing him softly on the lips, a gentle peck that wound the coil up tighter all by itself.

 

“Smile for me, baby,” Tyler panted. “Please.”

 

Josh smiled, properly now, his teeth shining in the dark. Tyler whimpered, the coil wound as tight as it would go. And then it suddenly released, and Tyler shuddered as he came into Josh’s hand.

 

They lay still for a few moments, Tyler breathing hard, staring into Josh’s eyes. He knew the intense eye contact was probably uncomfortable for Josh, probably made him feel vulnerable.  
But right now, Tyler wanted vulnerable. He wanted the raw connection. And, boneless in Josh’s arms, staring into his eyes, Tyler wasn’t sure that he’d ever felt closer to another human being before.

 

Shit.

 

Josh broke the connection; he kissed him lightly and reached around for the tissue box. Tyler lay perfectly still while Josh cleaned them both up.   
Josh rolled over to snuggle against Tyler as little spoon, a position he’d started favouring, but Tyler whimpered. “Come back,” Tyler said, and Josh rolled back over to face Tyler, confusion written on his face.

 

“I just want to look at you,” Tyler mumbled. “Let me look at you? Please?”  
  
Josh nodded. “Just let me fix the blankets and stuff,” he said, sitting up to rearrange the sheets so they had something to snuggle under. He lay back down next to Tyler, pushing his legs through Tyler’s to tangle with them.

Tyler reached around Josh’s neck to play with his hair, staring at his face. Beautiful Josh.

 

Josh’s eyes began fluttering, lashes brushing his cheeks. “Ty,” he mumbled. “Can I sleep? I’m so tired.”  
  
Tyler kissed him gently. “Sure,” he said. “Goodnight.”  
  
Josh whispered a sleepy goodnight before his eyelids fluttered shut, his breathing slowing. Tyler didn’t know how long he watched him for, just memorising every detail of his face, every contour.

 

 _Shit,_ he realised, as his own eyelids began to grow heavy. He struggled to hold them open, fearful that he’d lose the image he was building in his mind, the memory of Josh.

 

_It’s been less than a week. And I think I’m really falling for this dude._

 

_I’m so screwed._


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The school holds a dance with their all-girls' counterpart across town, Josh and Tyler both make new friends, and Tyler makes a lot of plans involving kitty ears. Meanwhile Mr Euringer is apparently a great advocate of safe sex.

Saturday morning began with the two still tangled in the sheets and each other, blissfully undisturbed by either of the housemasters. They didn’t wake the boys until 8:30 am on weekends, which gave them an extra two and a half hours to just enjoy slowly waking up in each other’s arms.

 

Tyler woke up to hands stroking his hair, and stayed still, eyes closed. He didn’t want Josh to stop, not ever.

 

He wondered about the next night. He’d picked up a pink cat-ear headband from the dollar store, after realising the extent of Josh’s love for the animals. Josh had his pet cats from home on his phone’s lock screen in a haphazard digital collage complete with pixelated hearts. His head pricked up as soon as anyone mentioned stray cats wandering around campus. Lately, Tyler had started collecting cat videos, just to enjoy the way Josh’s eyes lit up and went wide when he showed them to him.

 

Josh was going to love the cat ears.   
Tyler just wished he’d been able to complete the costume a bit better. If the school internet didn’t have restrictions that prevented access to sex shop websites, and if staff didn’t check incoming mail to the school, he might have bought a collar and bell online. Maybe some other things. Would a leash be appropriate? He guessed some people took their cats on walks. In those strange harnesses. Ooh. A harness might be fun.  
His mind wandered, contemplating all the things he wished he could get to amp up the costume, really fluster Josh. Maybe in the holidays. He wondered how far Josh’s home was from the school. Probably not too much further from his own home in Ohio, hopefully. Hell, even if Josh lived on the other side of the country, Tyler was pretty sure he’d happily make the road trip.

Especially if it meant unrestricted freedom to do whatever he wanted with Josh.

 

Tyler was broken out of his reverie by knocking, and he opened his eyes as Josh stopped petting him. They looked up to see Mr Euringer open the door, this time. Apparently he was in charge on weekends. That was going to make things interesting.

 

Mr Euringer’s eyes widened at the sight of the two boys in bed, but his reaction was no more shocked than Mr Montano’s had been. He just twisted his mouth and frowned.

 

“Boys,” he said. “I’m only gonna ask this once. Protection?”

 

Tyler’s cheeks flushed. “We – we’re not-” he started, before Mr Euringer huffed and rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m not even gonna ask,” he said. He dug around in his jacket for a moment, before grabbing a handful of condoms and tossing them into the room, the little packets raining down like confetti. Both boys gaped.

 

“Sex is magic, STI’s less so,” Mr Euringer said. “I gotta whole supply in the office if you need replenished stocks, boys. Don’t be embarrassed, asking for condoms is way less embarrassing than asking for a doctor because you got some funky disease happening up in your junk.”

 

The boys said nothing, still openmouthed. Mr Euringer fluttered his fingers in an odd wave as he closed the door. “Safety is sexy, boys, remember!” he called, before the door clicked shut behind the housemaster.

 

Josh blinked. “Now I really want to know what goes on at teaching college,” he said.

 

At breakfast, Father Morrison remained standing after prayers to make an announcement.

 

“Good morning, boys,” he called. “Now, I’m sure you’re all excited for the school social tonight, but first I’d like to make some rules clear. They will be repeated to you tonight, before you leave, just to refresh your memories. Regardless, I’d like you all to be mindful of these rules as you prepare for the dance over the course of today.”

 

Tyler’s heart sank. He’d completely forgotten about the social – a school dance held by the boys’ school, and its female counterpart across town. Each semester, a Saturday night would be picked and the two schools would take turns hosting a school dance; complete with poor DJ-ing, rationed soft drink, and prowling staff members with rulers to prevent students from getting too friendly.

 

He guessed he wouldn’t be messing around with the cat ears after all.

 

The official reason was to foster friendships and connections between the two schools. The straight dudes saw it as an opportunity to hook up with girls. The boys not attracted to girls saw it as an opportunity to sneak off.   
Tyler usually snuck off with Frank and Gerard while they smoked, or found some boy to prey on if Frank and Gerard were otherwise engaged. He wondered what Josh usually did during these dances.

 

He looked over at Josh, and he looked positively terrified. “I forgot all about it,” he hissed.

 

Gerard just shrugged. “If you’re stressing out, Frank and I will probably go smoke with a couple of the girls,” he said. “You can just hang out with us, if you want. No use dancing if you’re not gonna have fun.”  
  
Josh smiled gratefully at Gerard. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “What do you think, Tyler?”  
  
Tyler blinked. Josh wanted to spend the night of the social with him. His heart rate picked up.  
  
“That sounds cool,” he said. “I might wanna dance though. Not for long, I’ll come straight back if the DJ plays that goddamn Nutbush song again.”

 

Josh nodded. “That works,” he said. “Okay. Cool.”  
  
After breakfast, Josh wanted to go to the Music block to practice drums, so Tyler tailed along carrying a backpack, planning to try figure out the guitar again. It would be tricky trying to play without Frank’s guidance, but Tyler didn’t really want to hear Frank tease him about how bad he was anyway.   
He’d brought his laptop in his bag, he could watch some tutorial videos. He’d be fine.

 

As it turned out, Tyler spent less time struggling with the guitar, and more time just watching Josh play. He’d taken his shirt off again, and was pounding out a frenetic solo, similar to the one he’d been playing when Tyler first saw him play.   
Tyler sat crosslegged on the floor, guitar over his lap, elbows on his knees, propping up his chin with his hands. Josh was amazing.

 

And he wasn’t just a good drummer. His animated movements were, well, really hot. And he really did make some of the same faces while playing that he did during their nighttime sessions; mouth open and panting, eyes wide sometimes, half-lidded and rolled back other times.

Josh rolled his head back, eyes closed and neck exposed, and Tyler knew he had no hope of improving at guitar today.

 

“Josh,” he said, getting up and pulling at the buttons on his shirt, trying to get the shirt open as quickly as possible. “Josh, stop.”  
  
Josh blinked, holding his sticks together while Tyler approached. He got all the buttons undone, but didn’t take the shirt off, letting the fabric flap against his chest.   
Josh made to stand up, but Tyler shook his head, stepping around the drums and pushing Josh back down onto his seat.

  
He straddled Josh, sitting in his lap, arms wrapping around his neck. Pressing his bare chest to Josh’s heaving, sweat slicked skin.

 

Josh’s eyes were huge, filled with an animalistic energy Tyler hadn’t seen in them before. Something about playing the drums seemed to fill him up with it, hype him up instead of exhausting him like Tyler would have expected. Josh moaned and kissed down Tyler’s neck, hardening cock pressing into Tyler’s crotch. Tyler felt Josh’s fingers clawing into his hips.

 

“Payback for last night,” Tyler said, grinding down hard onto Josh. Josh whimpered, head falling back again. Tyler leaned in and bit his exposed neck, gnawing hard onto the muscle. He wanted to try making a bite-mark shaped bruise there, leave the imprint of his teeth. It was a good thing the school uniforms had high collars.

 

“This – someone might walk in, see us -” Josh whispered breathlessly, cutting off with a groan when Tyler ground down again. Tyler ignored him, twisting his fingers into Josh’s hair.

 

“We can’t _come_ in here, there aren’t even any tissues,” Josh hissed. “And I’m – Tyler _stop_ – I’m not walking out of here with – stained pants -”

 

“We won’t have to,” Tyler said. “What do you think’s in my bag? I didn’t just take my laptop. There’s tissues and spare pants in there as well.”  
  
Josh’s eyes went wide. “You planned this!”  
  
“Hey, we’re gonna be stuck at the social half of tonight. And tomorrow night is Sunday service. I’m not going two whole nights without touching you.” Tyler kissed Josh’s nose. “Now shut up, I’m trying to pretend you’re pounding me like those drums.”  
  
Josh’s eyes went huge, cheeks flushing. He pulled Tyler close, kissing him needily. Tyler sighed into his open mouth.

 

“Think – think you could get off just like this?” Tyler asked, rotating his hips. Josh moaned and nodded.

“I’m – already close,” he whimpered. His eyelids were fluttering, a sheen of sweat still on his forehead.

 

Tyler didn’t let up, crushing his erection hard against Josh’s, relishing the friction and Josh’s hands tightening on his hips. Josh bucked his hips in time with Tyler’s grinding, creating a slow rhythm punctuated by gasps and whimpers.

 

Tyler licked a long stripe up Josh’s neck, finishing just under his earlobe. He sucked Josh’s earlobe between his lips, nibbling gently on the soft tissue.

 

Josh moaned, shuddering under Tyler, wrapping his arms tight around Tyler’s body and scraping his fingernails down his back.   
That brought Tyler over the edge too, and he keened into Josh’s neck, biting him hard as he trembled through his own orgasm. The two boys panted breathlessly, riding their highs, slowly coming down. Tyler realised his legs were shaking.

 

“You’re a menace,” Josh complained as Tyler shakily stood up. “I actually wanted to get some real practice done today.”  
  
“You still can,” Tyler said, shooting him a grin. Josh smiled back.

 

“I think I’m going to be a bit too distracted,” Josh said. “Besides, how can I practice if I’m constantly afraid you’re gonna pounce on me again?”  
  
“True,” Tyler said, walking across to his bag. He pulled out two sets of clean boxers, pants and a packet of tissues, and crossed back to Josh. The two quickly changed and cleaned off, shoving the dirty clothes into the bottom of Tyler’s bag.

 

“Did you actually want to get some guitar practice done today, or were you just tagging along to ogle me?” Josh asked.

 

Tyler shrugged. “I was hoping to,” he said. “But I just can’t seem to get it. It’s like the guitar’s too big or something, it doesn’t feel right when I hold it. Frank says I just have to get used to it, but... like...”

 

Tyler picked up the instrument, demonstrating. It looked comical on him where it looked natural on Frank, and Frank was significantly shorter than Tyler.

 

“I never had this problem with piano,” he complained.

 

Josh shrugged. “You could try something smaller?” he suggested. “A ukelele or something.”

 

Tyler gave him a dirty look. “Not you too! No. I’m _not_ resorting to a ukelele, god dammit. Don’t you even start.”  
  
“I wasn’t going to!” Josh held up his palms in a defensive gesture. “Just, you know, an idea. Something else you can try. Ukelele’s pretty cute.”  
  
Tyler blinked. “You think so?”  
  
“Yeah,” Josh said. “You heard that ukelele cover of Somewhere Over The Rainbow?”  
  
“By that Hawai’ian guy?” Tyler asked. Josh nodded.

 

“His name’s IZ,” Josh explained. “It’s the nicest song,” he said, flushing slightly. “You could play like that. Sing like that too, probably.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Nah, my voice isn’t like his. Not really.”  
  
“Still.” Josh shrugged. “Just saying, ukelele isn’t lame or something. You could do some really nice stuff with it. And maybe you wouldn’t have the same problem as with the guitar.”

 

“Hmm,” Tyler said, fiddling with the guitar. He wasn’t going to admit it, but the way Josh had blushed while admitting he liked ukelele, had completely crushed any stubbornness he’d hung onto concerning the issue.

 

He pondered on it. Would the music store in town have ukeleles?

 

Later in the afternoon, they returned to the boarding house to get ready for the social. Standard dress code for dances was button-up shirt, long pants, and nice shoes.   
Tyler had long-sleeved shirts, but he’d picked up a really nice long black sleeveless button up over holidays, and he figured he could get away with it if he wore a jacket. That and a pair of the tightest black pants he knew he could get away with, and a couple of squirts of aftershave, and he was done.

It didn’t take Tyler long to get ready. There weren’t exactly any girls he was waiting to impress. And he knew it wouldn’t take a lot to fluster the one boy he _did_ want to impress. He smirked and tucked the cat-ears headband into his jacket pocket. Dress code said nothing about cat ears.

 

He left his room for Gerard and Josh’s, knocking on the door.

 

“You two princesses got yourself prettied up, yet?” he asked, walking in.

 

Gerard smirked at him from where he was fixing his hair in front of the mirror in his closet. His bowl cut honestly didn’t look any different, but Tyler noticed his eyes were darker, thin black lines rimming his waterlines. Was Gerard wearing eyeliner?  
He had a flannel button-down over a Ramones t-shirt, and was surreptitiously buttoning the shirt up, hiding the t-shirt. He’d undo it once he and Frank slipped off to smoke, Tyler knew.

 

Tyler looked around for Josh. He wasn’t in the room. “Where’d Josh go?” he asked.  
  
“Bathroom,” Gerard said. “He’ll be back in a second. He’s pretty much ready too, though.”

 

As if on cue, the door opened. Tyler turned to see Josh slip into the room, his cheeks flushing when he saw Tyler was there.

 

Josh was wearing a short-sleeved white button-up with grey pinstripes, black pants nearly tighter than Tyler’s, and – good lord, he had a bright red bow tie. Josh fiddled with it nervously.

 

“Think this’ll be okay?” Josh asked. “Maybe I should leave the bow tie.”  
  
Tyler blinked. “Nah, man, you look great,” he said. “It’s cute. Keep it.”  
  
Josh beamed, and Tyler nearly melted into the floor. So much for _him_ trying to fluster _Josh_. Somehow Josh had unintentionally caused the situation to flip, just by wearing one stupid bow tie.

 

Their school was hosting the dance this semester, and it was being held in the gym. When the boys made their way to the gym, they arrived to find it had been set up with strobe lights, speakers in the corner, and a table of soft drinks and plastic cups. This time, there was a plastic bowl full of what looked like punch. Fancy.

 

“Give it five minutes before somebody spikes the punch,” Frank said. Ray shook his head.

 

The boys shuffled around awkwardly, until the buses carrying the girls arrived. In that moment, Tyler found himself experiencing a strange moment of watching some grand social ritual taking place.

The girls were herded into the gym, all flighty, nervous made-up faces and floating skirts. Perfume filled the air, a stark contrast to the smell of sweat and overzealously-sprayed aftershave that the boys had brought.

 

The DJ, a sweaty middle-aged man with some internet meme printed on his shirt, started playing a clean version of “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot.

 

The nuns began to prowl with their rulers. Lola waved at Gerard while swatting an over-eager pair of middle schoolers apart. Gerard waved back, and turned to their group.

“I know how to get onto the roof on this joint,” he said. “Who’s coming? I can’t say my anaconda’s particularly eager about this semester’s effort.”

 

Tyler grinned. “Aww, I don’t know. Sir Mix-A-Lot had some real wisdom about buns.” He reached around and quickly tweaked Josh’s ass, smirking when Josh jumped, cheeks pink.

 

“I might hit the floor for a bit,” he said. “I’ll see you guys later?”  
  
Josh nodded, Frank waved, and Tyler turned to disappear into the crush of bodies that had formed around the speaker.

 

Josh gulped. “I think I’m gonna go get some Coke or something,” he said. “I’ll see you guys up there?”

 

“Just come up through the fire escape, it’s not hard to get onto this roof,” Gerard explained. “See you soon, kid.”  
  
Josh made his way to the drinks table, joining the line that had already formed. He supposed the punch wasn’t going to last long.

 

He found himself admiring the hair of the girl in front of him. He didn’t know much about the girls’ school’s dress code, but he was pretty sure half-blue, half-pink hair wasn’t permitted, any more than a bright red mohawk might have been permitted at the boys’ school. Yet, that seemed to be what this girl had. A long, wavy, split-tone waterfall down her back.

 

The girl looked around, and Josh looked away, pretending he hadn’t been admiring her hair. Too late.   
She grinned up at him. “Hello!” she said. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around before.”  
  
He’d been caught. Josh smiled back nervously, his bow tie suddenly tight. He shouldn’t have worn the stupid thing.

 

“Same here,” he said. “I think I’d remember someone with hair like yours. How did you get away with it?”   
  
The girl giggled. “I didn’t,” she said. “Detentions for the next two weeks. I think they’re going to try make me dye it out. Screw that, I’m keeping it til it fades.”

 

She held out her hand. “Debby,” she said.

 

Josh took it, shaking it gently. “Josh,” he said.

 

He hung out with Debby for a bit by the drinks table, until he finished his Coke. He swapped numbers with the girl, fully intending to get coffee with her or something outside of school. Debby seemed super nice, giggly and charming, and Josh found he wasn’t too nervous around her. She made him laugh several times, pointing out cute girls in the crowd, complaining about how even in an all-girls school, there weren’t nearly enough other lesbians.

He liked her already. Maybe he’d bring Tyler and introduce him.

 

When he finished, he said goodbye to Debby and found his way up to the gym roof, where the others were. He was afraid he might get caught, but ultimately only Father LaBeouf was the only supervisor around the fire escape, and he didn’t seem to see Josh at all.

 

Josh climbed up on to the roof, to see Tyler had beaten him to it; he was sitting next to Gerard, who was deep in conversation with Frank and two girls, both pretty, dark haired creatures. One of them had bright red lipstick.

Tyler’s jacket gone, showing off his bare arms. And – were those _kitty ears_ on his head? Josh could feel his cheeks burning.

 

Tyler looked up, grinning. “Josh!” he called, sitting up as Josh walked over, sitting next to him.   
“These are Gerard and Frank’s friends, Lindsey and Jamia. Where were you?”

  
“Grabbing a Coke,” Josh said. “I think I made a friend. Debby.”  
  
“Awesome! I made a friend too,” Tyler said. “Some girl called Jenna. Super good dancer. Gave me her number, so I think we’re gonna have coffee tomorrow or something. You should come too, bring your friend!” He giggled. “Double-dates. Kind of.”  
  


“Double dates in which you and I are the ones actually dating,” Josh said, and Tyler nodded, laughing.

 

“What are _these?_ ” Josh asked, tweaking the ears. Tyler giggled. “You like them?” he asked, and he meowed, bringing his fist to his face and nuzzling the back of it. Josh’s cheeks were on fire.

 

Josh swallowed hard. “Um,” he said. “They’re – really cute.”  
  
Tyler leaned forward and licked Josh’s cheek. Josh crossed his legs and began to really regret wearing tight pants.

 

Pete grimaced at the two of them. “Go get a room, you two,” he grumbled, blowing cigarette smoke at them.

 

“Like you can talk,” Tyler said, motioning at Mikey sitting in his lap. Mikey stuck his tongue out.

 

“Now now, no fighting up here,” Gerard said. “Tyler, don’t be mean to my brother. Pete, don’t be a dick to my roommate and his boyfriend. Play nice, guys.”  
  
Josh flushed. “Boyfriend?” he asked. “Is that – are we officially a thing, then?”  
  
Tyler snorted. “Josh, I’m pretty sure we were thing when you tried to suck my face while I was trying to explain our English reading to you,” he said. “But... sure. We can be official. If you want to be.”  
The cocky expression left his face for a moment, and his eyes flickered down shyly. His cheeks were pink.

 

Josh kissed the top of his head, next to one of the cat ears. “I want to be official,” he said.

Tyler smiled, and kissed him properly. The group all _oooohhed_ , as if the majority weren’t sitting in close pairs themselves, and Josh ignored them. Tyler was making tiny mewing sounds into his mouth, and it was incredibly hard to think about anything else.

 

Later that night, after the social had finished and the boys had returned to their dorms, Josh snuck into Tyler’s room anyway, not even bothering to change out of his social clothes. And he found to his great delight, that Tyler was waiting inside, naked but for the stupid ears and that floral kimono from Wednesday night.

 

“Of course you wore the stupid bow tie.” Tyler tugged it, pulling Josh onto the bed so Josh was straddling his hips. He quickly undid the buttons on Josh’s shirt, carefully slipping the collar under the tie so Josh was left shirtless, still wearing the tie.

 

“I thought you didn’t like the tie,” Josh said.   
  
“I don’t,” Tyler said. “I like you wearing it, though. You look adorable.”  
  
“You’re one to talk, kitten,” Josh said, and flushed at the nickname he’d just attempted. Tyler giggled.

“I like that one,” he said. “You can be my baby boy, and I’ll be your kitten.”  
  
Josh’s cheeks were on fire, and not just his cheeks but his whole body felt hot and feverish. Tyler popped the button on his jeans, pushing them down and squeezing Josh’s ass.

 

“My anaconda don’t want none unless they’re Dun buns, hun,” Tyler said, and Josh grimaced, laughing at the terrible pun. Tyler leaned up and kissed his neck, sucking gently at the teeth-mark bruises he’d left earlier. They ached dully, and Josh sighed.

 

“Want me to make another one?” Tyler asked, and Josh nodded, whining and shuddering as Tyler latched onto the other side of his neck. Tyler shook his head gently like a predator trying to tear free a bite of flesh, sending hot shocks of electricity and pain down Josh's spine. Josh was pretty sure he’d drawn blood.

 

Once he'd done sufficient damage, Tyler kissed down Josh’s neck, sucking the hollow between Josh’s collarbones. He pushed Josh’s jeans down further, freeing his cock, and stroked it slowly.

 

Josh moaned, arms tightening around Tyler’s back.

 

“You were so hot today, on the drums,” Tyler breathed, pulling free his own erection. He let saliva drip onto his palm, and wrapped it around both cocks, pressing them together and pumping them up and down. Josh whimpered, pressing his forehead against Tyler’s neck.

 

“What do they say about drummers again? Something about being able to hit hard and keep a good rhythm?” Tyler asked. Josh didn’t know. He was panting into Tyler’s neck, pressing kisses onto his throat. He couldn’t focus on much else other than Tyler’s hand sliding up and down both their cocks.

 

“I know you don’t want to go further, not yet,” Tyler said. “But if you do... if you want to go all the way. I mean, we’re gonna have to get rid of all these goddamn condoms somehow.”  
  
Despite himself, Josh laughed. It choked off into a moan when Tyler pressed his free hand into his hair, twisting his hair and pulling it, jabbing his nails into the back of his neck. Josh pulled his arms tighter, pulling Tyler closer, scraping lines into his back with his own nails.

 

“If you want to go all the way,” Tyler panted, “I want you to pound me like those drums. Fuck me hard. Make me sing like a bird, baby boy.”  
  
He mewled into Josh’s mouth one last time, and Josh whimpered, shuddering as he came all over them both. Tyler didn’t last much longer, and they both collapsed onto the bed, breathless and shaking.

 

Tyler still somehow had the cat ears on. Josh stroked his cheek, and Tyler nuzzled into it, kissing his palm, then his fingers.

 

They cleaned up and curled up, this time Tyler letting be little spoon. Josh pulled Tyler’s arms tight around him, and wriggled down, smirking at Tyler’s gasp when his ass backed into Tyler’s crotch.

 

“And you call me a menace, Joshua Dun,” Tyler snorted, pressing kisses down the back of his neck. Josh smiled and snuggled down. They could both be menaces to each other. He didn’t mind.

 

He listened as Tyler’s breathing slowed, arms becoming lax as he fell asleep. Josh didn’t fall asleep for a while, though. He didn’t want to. He wanted to be aware of Tyler’s arms around him, the tangle of their legs, Tyler’s soft breathing and his heartbeat. Tyler’s hand brushed Josh’s stomach, and for a moment Josh felt like the touch of his hand was keeping the anxiety snakes asleep too. Keeping him calm. Keeping him okay.

 

Before he fell asleep, Josh wondered if it what they were doing could truly be wrong, when he felt truly calm for the first time in his life.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josh and Tyler meet each other's new friends; Tyler annoys the heck out of Josh during church; and the confessional booth sees a LOT more than just confessions of sins. Who said you couldn't use physical demonstrations during confession?

The next day saw Tyler and Josh going into town, to meet up with their respective new friends.

Josh had hoped they’d meet up altogether, but Debby texted saying she was coming from a Drama class and it’d be closer to meet him at a nearby convenience store, while Jenna would just be finishing her shift at a cafe she worked at part-time, so Tyler had to meet her there.

 

In the end, Josh and Tyler agreed to meet up at a Taco Bell placed conveniently somewhere in the middle of both the convenience store and the cafe.

 

So Josh found himself outside the convenience store, hoping he looked okay in jeans and an old church t-shirt, tapping nervously at his phone, looking out for a mane of blue and pink.

 

To his relief, Debby wasn’t late. She bounced around the corner with a wide grin, dressed in leggings and a long shirt, carrying a tote bag with a print of a cat face on it. She grinned at seeing him, grabbing Josh’s arm.

 

“So where are we meeting your friend?” she asked.

 

“We’re gonna meet at Taco Bell, is that okay with you?” he asked. She nodded.

 

“He’s also bringing his friend,” Josh continued. “You might know her, actually, she goes to your school – Jenna Black?”  
  
“Jenna Black?” Debby grimaced, looking like she’d eaten a lemon. “Seriously? She’s awful!”  
  
“What?” Josh couldn’t hold his surprise.

 

“Do we seriously have to meet them? Can’t we just cancel? I really don’t wanna have to hang out with Jenna Black,” Debby said. She slowed, dragging her feet.

 

“Well, Tyler seems to like her,” Josh said. “Surely she can’t be all that bad.”  
  
Debby giggled. “That makes sense,” she snorted. “Guys _like_ Jenna. Of course he’d think she’s not all that bad.”

 

Josh twisted his mouth. “Well, trust me,” he said. “If Tyler likes her, it’s not for the same reason you’re implying most guys do.”

 

“Oh yeah? And what makes you think that?” Debby retorted.

 

Josh grinned. “Tyler’s my boyfriend,” he said. “He’s not into girls.”  
  
Debby’s eyes widened. “Oh!” She clapped a hand over her mouth. “ _Ohhh!_ ”

 

She had a look of delighted surprise on her face that made Josh feel uncomfortable. Well, at least it showed he wasn’t super obviously into guys. That made him feel a bit safer about school.

 

“So we’re not meeting up with your friend at all,” Debby said. “We’re meeting up with your _boyfriend_. Okay. I gotcha.”

 

“Think you can put up with Jenna for a bit?” Josh asked. Debby beamed and nodded.

“Well, if your _boyfriend_ thinks she’s not too bad, I might give her a chance,” she relented. “Her friends are awful, though. I know that for a fact.”  
  
“Maybe she just needs new friends.” Josh bumped her shoulder. “Isn’t that convenient, since today’s all about making friends!”  
  
Debby snorted and bumped him back. “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” she said, but she was smiling.

 

She hung back as they entered the Taco Bell, though, and Josh caught a glimpse of her face before they sat down. Her big eyes were wide with dread.

 

Tyler arrived a couple of minutes later, tailed by a tall blonde girl wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. She smiled and waved as they approached.

 

“Hey, Josh!” Tyler called, sliding into the chair next to Josh. He looked across to Debby, reaching out his hand. “You must be Debby,” he said. “I’m Tyler, it’s nice to meet you.”  
  
“Nice to meet you too, Tyler,” Debby said, shaking his hand.

 

“And you must be Josh,” Jenna said. “It’s lovely to meet you; Tyler’s already told me all about you!”

 

She also reached over to shake Josh’s hand, beaming widely. Josh didn’t know what Debby was talking about; so far, Jenna seemed perfectly nice.

 

“Hi, Debby,” Jenna said, sitting next to the other girl. Her eyes went oddly wide upon seeing her, and Josh didn’t miss her wiping her palms on her jeans. She pressed her hands together under the table as she sat down. The tendons working in her arms indicated that she was fidgeting.

 

Josh knew that look all too well.

 

Debby mumbled out a “Hi,” in response.

 

“Oh! You guys already know each other?” Tyler said. “That’s cool! I guess you know each other at school.”  
  
“Sort of,” Jenna mumbled. Debby snorted.

 

Tyler glanced at Josh. Josh shrugged. He didn’t know what to do.

 

“You guys ordered yet?” Tyler asked. “Because, I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m hungry. Really hungry. Josh, come order with me.”  
  
Without giving Josh a chance to protest, Tyler grabbed his hand and dragged him to the counter.

 

“What was that?” Tyler hissed. “Was that the most awkward thing ever, or was that just me?”

 

“It’s not just you,” Josh said nervously. “Apparently Debby doesn’t like Jenna. She didn’t really say why.”  
  
Tyler groaned. “Perfect. So much for our cute double-date. It’s not really gonna work if our dates hate each other’s guts.”

 

The two boys ordered, hastily making their way back to the table once they collected their food. The atmosphere hadn’t really changed. Debby was still slumping in her seat, and Jenna was sitting bolt upright, still fidgeting.

 

Why was Jenna so nervous?  
  
“So, uh,” Josh said. “Jenna! Tyler said you work part time at a cafe?”  
  
Jenna perked up. “Yeah!” she said. “My mom knows the owner, so I got a job there. It’s good to have the extra allowance, I guess. And it keeps me busy!”

 

“Do you work, Debby?” Tyler asked. Debby shifted uncomfortably. “Nah, I don’t have time,” she said. “I got band on Saturdays, then Drama on Sundays. Hard to fit in much else.”

 

“Oh! You got into band?” Jenna suddenly piped up. “That’s awesome! I heard they were doing auditions, I’m glad you went for it! You’ll be great!”  
  
Debby stared at Jenna, bewildered. “Um,” she said. “Thanks. How did you know I was auditioning?”  
  
Jenna flushed. “Um – I – saw your name on the tryout sheets,” she mumbled. “Just – remembered that, I guess. For some reason. You know how it is, the most random things stick in your head sometimes...” She let out a nervous giggle.

 

Oh. Josh was starting to figure it out now. _Ohhh._

 

“So, uh,” Jenna said. “Who else got in? To band?”  
  
Debby blinked. “Well, Lindsey got on bass,” she said. “Kitty on drums. You know them?”  
  
“I haven’t really talked to them,” Jenna admitted. “But I know who you mean. I’m sure they’re really good!”  
  
“Halsey got guitar, Hayley auditioned for vocals, but they ended up putting her on piano,” Debby continued. “I don’t know why they did that, she’s got such a fantastic voice.”  
  
“But so do you!” Jenna said, quickly flushing again. Debby looked totally bewildered.

 

Josh and Tyler glanced at each other. It looked like they were sitting in a double date after all.

 

The girls eventually got up to order, and when they came back to the table, they were both beaming and chatting. Jenna had pink spots in her cheeks the whole time, and for the rest of their date, neither Josh nor Tyler could fit a word in edgeways.

 

After finishing their food, the boys farewelled the girls and left them, still smiling and talking.

“I think that went well,” Josh said as they walked back up the street.  
  
“Yeah, that went even better than I expected _before_ arriving at Taco Bell and realising Debby had that weird thing against Jenna,” Tyler agreed. “I’m still confused about that, though.”  
  
Josh shrugged. “All Debby said was that if my boyfriend thought she was cool, she might not be too bad, but that her friends were definitely awful. I have no idea what she meant by that.”  
  
Tyler sighed. “Well, whatever it was, it looks like it’s fine now,” he said. “Better than fine. You saw Jenna, right?”  
  
Josh beamed. “She’s got the hots for Debby. I saw that a mile off.”  
  


By the time they got back to school, it was almost time for Sunday service. The two boys had to rush to change out of their casual clothes into school uniforms, and barely made it into the church.

 

Gerard waved them over, from where he was sitting right up the back with his usual group. The boys hastily sat down. The back of Josh’s neck prickled with anxiety; had Father Morrison noticed how late they were?  
He was never late for church. Ever. And here he was, right at the back because he’d barely made it in time before sermon started. He and _his boyfriend._

 

The pipe organ whined reluctantly to life, the school stood; Josh sang nervously through the first hymn, and ducked his eyes as Father Morrison strode towards the pulpit.

 

He’d hoped to somewhat pay a little attention to his sermon; he felt guilty enough about being late. But Tyler apparently had decided to take advantage of their relative invisibility provided by being right at the back, and seemed determined to distract Josh as much as possible.

 

First, it was the feet. Tyler tapped his foot against Josh’s. Josh ignored him. Tyler tapped him again, to no response.

Instead of getting the hint and leaving him alone, Tyler instead dragged his foot slowly up Josh’s leg. Josh gulped. Was Tyler seriously trying to play footsie with him in church?  
  
When footsie failed, Tyler attacked from a new angle. His hands had been in his lap, but he moved the hand closest to Josh between their legs. It seemed innocent enough at first, Tyler just resting his hand on the wood of the seat between them.

Then he twisted his hand, so his palm was against Josh’s thigh. And; as slowly as possible, perhaps to avoid notice, perhaps to drive Josh crazier; he slid his hand up and down his thigh.

With each stroke, he moved a little closer to the top of Josh’s thigh. He moved his hand down; now it was on Josh’s knee.

Ohhh no. At this rate, Tyler was going to have his hand in Josh’s lap. His cheeks began to burn.

 

But Tyler didn’t move; he left his hand sitting innocently on Josh’s knee. Josh was beginning to freak out. What was Tyler doing?  
  


Tyler moved his pinky ever so slowly, fingers dragging across Josh’s knee so that his hand was sliding between his legs.

 

Josh had had enough. He slammed his knees together, feeling the tiniest bit smug at the squeak that escaped Tyler, and the speed at which Tyler’s hand disappeared from his leg.

 

He glanced at Tyler. Tyler frowned, pouting ever so slightly at him. Josh smiled innocently.

 

Tyler’s eyes went hard. Uh-oh. That didn’t spell anything good.

 

For ten minutes, nothing happened. Josh couldn’t focus on the sermon at all, frantically wondering what Tyler was going to do, when he was going to do it. Perhaps slamming his knees on Tyler’s hand had been a bad idea. Perhaps he was in trouble, now.

 

Then, Tyler’s hand was flat on the pew between them again. Only instead of sliding forward to his leg, his hand was brushing backwards. Josh flinched as Tyler slid his hand between the back of the pew, and his back. Tyler rested his palm flat against the small of Josh’s back.

 

For a while, nothing happened again. Josh’s heart pounded in his throat.

 

Then, Tyler pinched him. Hard.

 

Josh jumped, barely swallowing a yelp of surprise.

 

Tyler smirked.

 

He did that several more times, each pinch progressively further down until Tyler was leaving sore marks on the top of Josh’s ass. It took all of Josh’s self-control to not whine or cry out.

 

Then, he noticed the boys around him standing up. The pipe organ was wheezing again. Josh jumped up, horrified to realise that the sermon had ended, and they were singing the last hymn. On the plus side, he no longer had to sit through Tyler’s torment. 

 

Only, when Josh made to leave with the other boys, Tyler grabbed his arm.

 

“Wait,” he said. “I have an idea.” His eyes were way too bright for Josh’s liking.

 

He waited until their pew was clear, then quickly pulled Josh down underneath, crushing them both so they were hidden from view. Josh was too afraid to ask what was going on.

 

They stayed hidden until everyone had left, even the nun on cleaning duty whose broom had strayed horrifyingly close to the boys, but miraculously never touched them.

 

The church was silent.

 

Tyler crawled out, pulling Josh with him.

 

“What are you doing?” Josh hissed, before Tyler shut him up with a hard kiss, his teeth grazing against Josh’s.

 

“Come on,” Tyler said, pulling Josh to the confessional booth at the back of the church. Josh’s eyes widened.

 

Tyler shoved him roughly into the compartment, and Josh stumbled back, landing hard on the ledge seat. Tyler pulled the curtain closed behind him, straddling Josh and wrapping his arms around his neck.

 

“You ready to confess your sins?” Tyler growled into Josh’s ear. He tugged Josh’s earlobe with his teeth, pulling an involuntary moan from the other boy. Josh’s mind reeled. Did Tyler really want him to confess?  
  
“F-Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” Josh gasped.

 

Tyler giggled. “Keep going,” he said. “I want to hear all the dirty things you’ve been doing.”

 

Josh swallowed hard, and continued. It was really hard to talk, with Tyler grinding achingly slowly into his growing erection.

 

“It’s been – one week since my l-last confession,” Josh stammered. “I accuse myself of the – the following sins.”

 

Tyler slipped his hand up Josh’s shirt and raked his fingernails across his back, and he had to pause to moan.

 

“I – um, the sin of evil desires,” Josh gasped. “And – not abstaining from all forms of evil.”

 

“Be more specific,” Tyler said.

 

“F-following the desires of the flesh – sexual immorality – Tyler, oh _god_ -”

 

“How often? How many instances of sin?”

Tyler kissed down Josh’s throat, sucking marks into his skin. “I’m not going to let you come until you’ve told me exactly how sinful you’ve been. Every time you’ve been sinful. Tell me.”

 

Josh whimpered. He had no idea how Tyler was going to stop him from coming when he was already dangerously close just from having Tyler grinding and moaning against him.

 

“S-since last confession,” he said. “The first time was – I – had sinful thoughts on – on Monday. First during tutoring.”  
  
“What kind of thoughts?”  
  
“I – Jesus, Tyler – I had immoral thoughts about my classmate.”  
  
“Like?”  
  
“I wanted him to touch me. I wanted – oh god – I wanted him to kiss me and stroke me. God punished me – I missed band practice – but – I just had more immoral thoughts. In the locker. He was so close. I was – he had his arms around me. I wanted to kiss him. Wanted him to crush me into the metal, make me moan.”  
  
Tyler giggled. “You wanted me all the way back then? Wow. We’re gonna have to talk about this later. But right now, keep going.”  
  
Josh sucked in a shuddering breath. “I engaged in – sexual immorality, Monday night,” he said. “I – touched myself in the shower. Oh god, it felt so good.” He moaned into Tyler’s shoulder.

 

Tyler stiffened, and for a moment, Josh thought he’d actually flustered the other boy. But Tyler was stopping stock still, pressing frantic hands over Josh’s mouth. In the dark, his eyes were wide and alarmed.

 

Josh listened, and to his horror, he could hear footsteps.

 

Oh god.

 

Someone else was in the church.

 

There was footsteps, echoing as if from a distance – the other person had to be on the other side of the church, near the pulpit. There was a sound of shuffling papers. A clearing throat.

 

A voice rang out;

“DO IT!”

 

Tyler and Josh stared at each other in confusion.

 

Was that Father LaBeouf?

 

“Just DO IT!” the voice roared again. “Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday you said tomorrow. So just do it! Make your dreams come true. Just do it.”

 

Josh racked his brain. He knew already that Father LaBeouf was the speaker for next week’s sermon. Was this the speech he was delivering? It was either that, or Father LaBeouf had secret aspirations of becoming a motivational speaker.

 

Tyler smirked. He tapped a finger against his lips, signalling silence. Then, slowly, he began to rotate his hips again.

 

Josh hit the back of his head against the confessional booth, biting his lips to hold his moans. Tyler was nuts. And horribly good. 

Tyler pressed quiet kisses down Josh’s throat again, moving his hands under his shirt to tug gently at his nipples. It took all of Josh’s self control to keep from crying out. He channeled that cry into his arms and hands, slipping them up Tyler’s shirt and raking his nails hard down his back. Tyler shuddered, uttering the smallest gasp, and Josh smirked.

 

Not for long. Tyler slid off Josh’s lap, settling on his knees between Josh’s legs. He looked like he was about to pray.

 

Instead, he unzipped Josh’s pants, freeing Josh’s erection, and sucked Josh’s cock into his mouth, giving him almost no warning. Josh choked back a whimper.

 

Tyler bobbed up and down on Josh’s cock for a few moments, the only sounds in the booth being Josh’s frantic, erratic breathing, and the almost inaudible hums Tyler made, creating small vibrations in his throat that made it ever harder for Josh to stay quiet. Josh wasn’t sure if he was going to come or faint.

 

He didn’t faint. He came, shuddering hard and holding his breath, choking back moans and whimpers, fingers fisted in Tyler’s hair; he hadn’t realised he’d even grabbed Tyler’s hair. 

 

Tyler swallowed it all; Josh felt guilty for feeling relief that they wouldn’t have to try to clean up the confessional booth. Tyler crawled to his feet, standing between Josh’s shaking legs and pulling his head to his chest. Josh pushed his shirt up and kissed absentmindedly down Tyler’s stomach, mind still reeling from the high. 

 

He pressed one hand to the bulge in Tyler’s pants, kissing down to Tyler’s waistband. He heard Tyler’s breath hitch into a loud gasp.   
  
Josh hadn’t given a blowjob before, but he’d have to start sometime, right? And he couldn’t think of someone he’d rather please than Tyler. He wanted to feel Tyler’s hands tighten in his hair, make the boy gasp and tremble like he’d been doing only moments before. 

 

He didn’t get the chance. Apparently Tyler’s gasp had been louder than they thought, because in a second of sheer horror, someone walked into the Priest’s side of the confessional box.

 

Both boys froze.

 

Father LaBeouf cleared his throat.

 

“Far be it from me to interrupt you, boys,” he said gruffly. “But I was rather hoping to practice my sermon in peace. Since it’s only the first draft, I’d rather not have an audience. I’m sure neither of you were paying much attention, but still.”  
  
Josh stared up at Tyler, who stared down at him with a look of dread on his face.

 

Father LaBeouf sighed, the sound whistling through the grate. “I’m going to walk into the vestry and rearrange the altar linens there or something. I’ll stay there for five minutes. You’ll have five minutes to finish up whatever you’re doing and get back to the boarding house. Okay?”  


The two boys nodded, before remembering that Father LaBeouf couldn’t actually see them through the grate. “Y-yes,” Tyler squeaked, hoping the high-pitchedness of his fear-addled voice disguised it enough to prevent Father LaBeouf from recognising it. 

 

Father LaBeouf sighed, and left the confessional booth. Tyler and Josh listened to his footsteps as they echoed back up the church. A loud sound of a door closing shut signalled that he was in the vestry.

 

“Come on” Tyler said, grabbing Josh’s hand and pulling him out of the confessional. The two boys ran out of the church, frantically sprinting back to the boarding house, praying fervently that nobody would see them. Tyler was really struggling to run with his boner.

 

“That was too close,” Josh gasped as they approached the boarding house. “We are _not_ doing that again.”  
  
Tyler nodded, too out of breath to answer. They ran into the boarding house, straight into Mr Euringer.

 

“Where have you two been?” Mr Euringer demanded. “You didn’t sign back in after church, you were supposed to be inside for lights out ten minutes ago-”  
  
“F-Father LaBeouf!” Josh suddenly gasped out. “He – we were talking to him. We needed – advice.”

 

Mr Euringer blinked. “Okay,” he said, squinting suspiciously. “Right. I’m gonna talk to Father LaBeouf. Later. Right now, you two – off to bed. I don’t care whose. Just – go to bed and stay there.”

 

Mr Euringer shot them one last glare before walking back into the office. Tyler took Josh’s hand – he was ready to explode the moment Josh had kissed at his waistband, let alone now. He knew Josh had to be tired, but he couldn’t stop now.

 

They made it back to Tyler’s room, and as soon as Josh closed the door, Tyler pulled him into his arms, kissing him needily. Their teeth clashed, and Tyler could taste blood from his lip cracking, but he didn’t care.   
Josh moaned into his mouth, and Tyler shivered. 

 

“I still want to do it,” Josh said, pulling away. His eyes were wide and bright, as though their mad escape hadn’t chased away the last moments of giddiness from his orgasm in the confessional booth. Tyler swallowed hard, and nodded.

 

“You – you sure you’ll be okay?” he asked. “It’s not like with your hand -”

 

“I don’t know if I’ll be any good,” Josh said. “I don’t really know what I’m doing. It’ll probably suck.”  
  
Tyler giggled. “That’s the idea, baby,” he said. Josh smirked. 

 

Tyler didn’t think he could stand this time; he sat on the edge of the bed, with Josh on his knees between his legs.

 

“I won’t mind if you have to stop,” Tyler said. “If you need to, please just take a break.”  
  
Josh kissed him. “It’ll be fine,” he said, kissing his way down Tyler’s chest again. He paused for a moment to look up. “You can grab my hair if you want,” he said. 

Tyler closed his eyes and tilted his head back as Josh trailed down his stomach.

 

Josh unzipped his pants, and Tyler stood for a moment to let Tyler pull them down with his boxers. He sat down, and Josh – in an imitation of what Tyler had done on Friday night – kissed up the inside of his thigh.

 

Josh hesitated, before planting a couple of kisses on Tyler’s shaft. Tyler nearly laughed, but instead released a moan; Josh’s lips were maddeningly soft on the sensitive skin. 

 

This seemed to encourage Josh, who drooled generously into his palm and wrapped his hand around Tyler’s cock, pumping slowly. 

 

Then, oh so tentatively, Josh leaned in and licked the head of Tyler’s cock. He licked again, then sucked it into his mouth, tongue exploring cautiously.

 

Tyler whimpered and reached down, twisting his fingers into Josh’s hair, tugging slightly. Josh moaned around him at the contact, pulling another gasp from Tyler.

 

Josh tried bobbing up and down, moving awkwardly at first, but quickly settling into a slow rhythm in time with his pumping hand, his free hand reaching up to rest on Tyler’s hip. His teeth bumped against the tissue a few more times that Tyler was comfortable with, but overall he wasn’t too bad. And the little hums and moans he made in the back of his throat was sending spikes of heat up Tyler’s spine, almost painful. 

 

Josh bobbed a little faster, trying to take up more length. Tyler was torn between hoping he didn’t try more than he could handle, and wanting Josh to go further. So far, though, he seemed okay. 

 

Josh sighed around Tyler’s cock, and Tyler moaned, the heat in his stomach tightening at the sound. Josh was vocal as ever, and his sounds felt even better vibrating around his cock. 

 

It didn’t take long before Tyler was breathing erratically, hands fisting in Josh’s hair. “Josh, I’m close,” he gasped. “Don’t try to swallow on your first time, baby. It’s okay.”

 

Josh pulled off, threads of saliva snapping as he pulled away to look up at Tyler. His wide eyes looking up at him almost innocently nearly sent Tyler over the edge.

 

What did send Tyler over the edge was when Josh smirked, and opened his mouth, tongue hovering near his cock. Waiting. 

 

Tyler whimpered, and obliged, coming in spurts that landed mostly on Josh’s face. Some landed on his tongue, and Josh made a face and laughed, closing his mouth and licking his lips.

 

The sight nearly made Tyler hard all over again. Instead, he settled for pulling Josh up into a shaky kiss, both of them breathless.

 

“I hope you didn’t get anything in my hair,” Josh murmured, and Tyler snorted, reaching for the tissue box.

 

“If I did, it’s your own fault,” he scolded. Trying to hide the fact that his legs were shaking. “You didn’t have to do that.”  
  
Josh smirked. “I wanted to. I wanted you to look like how I felt in the confessional booth.”  
  
Tyler wiped off Josh’s face, and pulled him up onto the bed so they were lying down, face to face. 

 

“You also put yourself at serious risk of cum in the eye,” Tyler chided, and Josh threw back his head to laugh. Tyler wrapped his arms around him, and they settled into bed together.

 

Before he fell asleep, Tyler couldn’t help but marvel at just a week ago, his mom was helping him move in. One week ago, he attempted to make this bed himself, and then slept in it alone.

 

This week, he was falling asleep to the heartbeat of a boy he hadn’t expected to fall quite so hard for, so quickly. It scared him a little; but not enough to jolt him out of the rhythm of Josh’s heart, his slow breathing. 

 

He closed his eyes, sighing.

 

Tomorrow he was going to change his sheets. And he was going to get Josh to help him make the bed.

 


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we skip to mid-term break; and all the joyous terrible sin that comes with it. Tyler has a LOT of plans for Josh, ehehehehe. Things get SO kinky; we're talking lots of pink lace. also let me know if you see any typos. I wrote half of this with a migraine and it's really hard to edit with a migraine too. Ack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning for emetophobia, self-induced vomiting. No actual vomiting, just some talk about gag reflexes and how to suppress them. Might be triggering for anyone with emetophobia or recovering from EDs, tho. Stay safe, fam <3

Weeks flew by faster than Josh expected, and before long, midterm break was upon them. And how things had progressed over those weeks.

 

Josh had become an accepted part of the school band; at first, he’d considered himself something of an outsider, not knowing Gerard and his gang well. Just the drummer. Dispensable.  
But now? The other boys grinned and called his name out when they saw him, and invited him to “band meetings” outside of practice sessions that usually consisted of drinking, smoking, and joking around more than actual practice or songwriting.

They were even bandying around band name ideas. So far Mikey’s ideas had been winners, with “New London Fire” being the most popular choice, until Mikey found some other name from an Irvine Welsh novel. Something about drugs, chemicals.

The boys had been wildly supportive of that idea, until Ray pointed out that a drug-themed name was maybe not the best choice for a school band. So they were still brainstorming.

Josh wasn’t sure about Gerard’s lyrics, much of which was anti-religious and seemed to talk a lot about death, murder, and other violently dark content. But it was still beautifully written, with killer melodies, and Ray and Frank were genius at coming up with complementing guitar harmonies.

Josh just hoped his drums and the underpinning bass beats Mikey came up with could help bring out the subtle rhythms in the music, give them something to headbang to.

So far, it seemed they liked what he came up with; frenetic beats full of energy, that allowed Josh to beat his nerves out. From the way the rest of the band whirled around the stage like demons, Josh supposed he wasn’t doing too badly.

 

He’d started hanging out with Debby most weekends, catching up for coffee or Taco Bell in town. She’d turned out to be a great girl, making him laugh constantly. Sometimes Tyler, or Jenna, or both joined them. Josh didn’t forget the day Debby and Jenna greeted him outside the coffee shop where Jenna worked, holding hands.

 

Jenna had ditched her old friends. Apparently they’d had problems with her hanging out with Debby. Jenna didn’t seem to mind, though; her eyes were bright whenever Josh saw her, hand always clutched in Debby’s. It seemed she’d just joined Debby’s group at school, and had no problem making friends with Debby’s band friends.

 

Study had been okay. Josh supposed he hadn’t been focusing on school as well as he should have, but... there had been distractions. And his and Tyler’s study sessions were not always unproductive; his grades in English had steadily improved over the semester. And his other grades had stayed steady.

 

Tyler’s grades were improving, too; he’d finally gotten the hang of Algebra. There was a lot of excited yelling and jumping around when Tyler got his first B in a recent Algebra quiz. And maybe some celebratory fooling around.

 

Josh had never gotten further with Tyler than the night of the messing-around-in-the-confessional-booth; he was still reluctant. Still afraid to take that last step.

 

He was still confused about what he and Tyler were doing, where they fit in. So much of Josh was still terrified, guilty. He still woke up some nights gasping for breath, reaching for his Bible, flipping through verses and stories and trying to find something, anything that might help him make sense of things.

 

Gerard had been a big help, surprisingly. The first night it happened, Gerard had been woken up by Josh’s frantic leafing. Rather than whinge or go back to sleep, though, he’d sleepily crawled out of bed, sat next to Josh, and went through the verses with him.

 

“I read somewhere that this was all mistranslated,” Gerard mumbled one night, pointing to a story that Josh had thought condemned masturbation.

 

“It’s not about spilling seed needlessly or whatever,” Gerard explained. “It’s about – the story is about how this dude was supposed to impregnate his dead brother’s wife. That was God’s word. The idea was that he was supposed to help her by giving her a son, giving her someone who could one day help support her where her husband no longer could. But he was selfish. He knew any sons she had wouldn’t be considered his, so he pulled out and came on the sheets, basically. And that was wrong because, like, it’s not as if he couldn’t have just said no, I don’t want to give you kids. He could have just refused to fuck her. But no, he fucked her anyway, and just avoided getting her pregnant. And he kept doing that. All she wanted was sons. All he did was use her. That’s why God smote him down. Not because he was wasting cum, or something. It was because he was disrespecting his brother’s memory, and basically being a huge dickhead to his sister-in-law. The story is about not being a selfish prick, not jerking off. You could even interpret it as a feminist message, about not using or abusing women, I guess.”  
  


They went through several verses like that, reading them from a different angle, different interpretations. Gerard told him where translations sometimes did strange things, caused context to be lost or things to be mistranslated. “Hebrew’s a weird language, and English-speakers didn’t always do a great job of translating it,” Gerard said with a yawn.

 

It helped, it always did. In a way, it was helping Josh feel closer to God, more secure in his faith. By learning, by re-interpreting, he was understanding more. And the closer he got to understanding God, the better he could sleep.

 

But he was still afraid. Even if you could rationalise that God wasn’t homophobic, Jesus still condemned sexual immorality in all its forms. Josh was beginning to feel horribly guilty for every time he’d strayed. Not just with Tyler now; with every girl he’d dated, too.

 

One of the ways Josh had tried to suppress his attraction to men was to lose himself in women. He had been sexually aggressive, in a way. Which was odd, now that he was with Tyler, who took charge in a way that felt oddly natural to Josh.

But he’d never been shy with girls in the way he was shy with Tyler. His first girlfriend had been shy; she’d flinched whenever he touched her, whispering that she was uncomfortable, she wanted to wait.

He’d waited. He’d been patient. When they’d finally had sex, lost both their virginities, she’d cried. He’d waited outside the bathroom door, while she sobbed in the shower. He’d felt terrible, and hadn’t been sure what had gone wrong. She’d broken up with him a week later. He’d never known why, but the tearful way she’d told him their relationship couldn’t work out had prevented him from ever asking why.

His next girlfriend wasn’t a virgin. She’d had horrible words thrown behind her back, and rumours about her sexual promiscuity followed her heels like nipping hounds. Josh hadn’t minded. His parents had immediately disliked her. Josh loved her. She had delicate hands and crooked front teeth, and loved his cats. She’d been so much more than just sex; she’d been his best friend. She was the first girl he’d truly loved, and after losing himself in her for several months, she broke up with him and left town. He’d been devastated.

 

That’s how it always went. Losing himself in girls, hoping if he satisfied one appetite enough, the other would be curbed. It never worked. But he’d been so good, or so he’d thought.

 

Now he wasn’t sure. Now, it seemed, he had a lot more to ask forgiveness for than just being attracted to the same gender. He’d thought he’d been so good, but he’d been ass-deep in sin the whole time.

And it meant that not only had he been straying, he’d led so many girls astray. Encouraged them to sin just so he could curb his own desires.

Josh felt terrible.

 

Oddly, being with Tyler helped. Tyler was different to anyone Josh had been with, and he didn’t think it was just because he was male.

 

Tyler was probably the first person Josh had told – or shown, rather – that he was into guys. Something about Tyler made him feel safe. Like Tyler would listen to everything he said, hold it close, never tell another soul if Josh didn’t want him to.

Tyler had never judged him. Never made him feel guilty for anything. Even in the locker, that first time they’d even really talked; Josh had felt so stupid, having a minor panic attack. But Tyler hadn’t made fun of him, or told him to chill out. He’d tried to help. Tried to calm him down. The situation couldn’t have been comfortable for Tyler, but he’d made so much effort for Josh nonetheless.

And Tyler made Josh feel loved. So loved. He told him he was beautiful. Didn’t laugh at him for his nervousness, or inexperience; praised him. Tyler made Josh feel okay to be himself around him. Josh hadn’t felt that way around anyone.

Josh hadn’t thought he’d ever get over the girl who’d loved his cats. But Tyler was changing his mind.

 

Finding out that Tyler lived in Columbus had been a surprise, but not a bad one. It made it easier. Josh didn’t want to spend the whole midterm break away from him. And if he lived in the same city, well, that made things much easier.

 

Which is how Josh found himself, on the second day of midterm break, standing in front of Tyler’s house, holding a box that felt awkward in his arms. He gulped. He rang the doorbell.

 

A heavy-browed man answered the door. “Hello?” he asked gruffly.

 

Josh swallowed hard. “Um, hi,” he squeaked. “Is Tyler – I’m a friend, of Tyler’s. From school. Is he home?”  
  
The man’s eyes widened, and he nodded. “He’s in his room, I’ll show you through,” he said, stepping aside to let Josh in.

 

“I’m Ty’s dad, by the way,” the man said. “You said you were from school? I didn’t know Tyler had any friends who lived around here.”  
  
“We only recently became friends,” Josh explained. “I got assigned as his tutor this semester.”  
  
The man grinned now. “Great!” he said. “So you’re the reason our son’s actually doing okay in school now. Well, am I glad to meet you. You keep him on the right track, kid!”

  
Josh smiled and nodded, feeling horribly guilty all of a sudden. Tyler was hardly on the right track with him.

 

Tyler’s dad showed him through to Tyler’s room, knocking on the door.

 

“Ty-guy, your friend Josh is here,” Tyler’s dad called. Josh heard shuffling, and the door opened.

 

“Thanks, Dad,” Tyler said, hair spiked up as if he hadn’t bothered brushing it, cheeks and lips oddly flushed.

Tyler’s dad clapped Josh on the shoulder one last time. “I was on my way out, Tyler – your mom and I have some errands to run, so if you need anything, give Mom a call. I’ll leave you boys to it,” he said. “Study hard, you two!”  
With a last grin, he was gone. Josh turned at stared bewilderedly at Tyler, still hugging the box to his chest.

 

Tyler grinned and motioned for him to enter the room. Josh walked in, and Tyler closed the door.

 

He had a keyboard in one corner, desk with a couple of monitors set up in another corner. Band posters on the wall, a surprising number of Christian rock and rap groups.

 

“You made it!” Tyler exclaimed. “I wasn’t sure if you were gonna find my house okay.”  
  
“It was all good, your directions were perfect,” Josh said. He swallowed hard, still nervous. “Um,” he said. “I – I have something for you.”  
  
He held out the box. “A congratulations present,” he explained, as Tyler took it with curious eyes and hands. “For doing so well in Algebra. I figured... you could probably take your focus off Math for a little bit, if you wanted.”  
  
He watched Tyler tearing open the box, praying silently that Tyler wouldn’t be offended. Oh God, please, please don’t let Tyler take it the wrong way.

 

Tyler got the box open, and stared wide eyed at its contents. He pulled it out – a ukelele.

  
Josh had supposed he could have gotten a cheap ten-dollar uke from a dollar store, but he knew Tyler would never take it seriously if he’d done that. So he’d splashed out; he’d gotten a proper, good quality ukelele, a nice one for serious music.

It had been expensive, but he figured it was worth it. Tyler was worth it.

 

Tyler’s eyes were huge, mouth fallen slightly open. Josh fidgeted, nervous. Tyler could still take it as an insult.

 

“Dude – this is awesome,” Tyler said, dropping the box and holding up the uke, strumming it gently.  
  
“It – it’s not been tuned yet,” Josh gabbled, and Tyler laughed.

 

“That’s fine, I’ve been googling stuff about ukes,” Tyler said. He picked out a couple of tunes, slightly off-key from the uke’s strings needing tightening. “I’ll figure it out. Luna Guitars? Seriously? That’s, like. Legit. You got me a serious, legit, honest-to-god nice ukelele.”  
  


Tyler leaned forward, gently kissing Josh on the cheek. “You’re the best,” he said.

 

Josh giggled nervously. “I wasn’t sure if you’d like it,” he admitted. “I mean – you were so adamant about figuring out guitar. I don’t want to seem like I’m discouraging you from that. Just... I think you’d rock ukelele, too. And you seemed sort of interested, at one point... but I wasn’t sure...”

 

Tyler shut him up with another kiss, direct on the lips. “You’re too cute,” he said. “Of course I like it. I _love_ it.”

 

Tyler looked around his room; he located an empty guitar stand. Josh wasn’t going to ask why Tyler had an empty guitar stand in his room. Nevertheless, Tyler gently placed the new ukelele on it. The stand was too big; the very top of the headstock barely hit the neck rest, just balancing on it to avoid falling. But it would do.

 

“I was kind of looking around at ukes, actually,” Tyler said, walking back and wrapping his arms around Josh’s neck, now that they weren’t occupied with the uke. “I wasn’t really sure if I should get a cheap one, practice with that in case I decided I didn’t like uke. Or start off strong and get a nice one. You kind of solved that problem for me.”  
  
Josh smiled, pulling his arms around Tyler’s waist. “I figured you’d like uke better if you got a decent instrument to start with,” he said. “I mean, those cheap ten-dollar things hardly do justice to a nice uke with good sound. They’re more like a joke toy, something you give to kids. I figured you deserved a real uke. Plus it gives more chance of you liking it enough to play Over The Rainbow for me.”

 

Tyler laughed, leaning in to kiss Josh’s neck. Josh swallowed his breath. Oh wow.

 

“Is – are your parents okay with this?” Josh gasped. Tyler snorted.

  
“Not really,” he admitted. “But they haven’t ever interrupted or anything. I think they just kind of tolerate it. But whatever. They’re not here right now, they won’t be back for hours. My siblings are out too, we’ve got the house to ourselves.”  
  


Tyler kissed his neck again, this time longer. Harder. Pulling a new bruise from the tendon pulled taut in Josh’s neck by his nerves and desire.

 

“I have a present for you too,” Tyler said, and he was biting his lip, eyes downcast. He looked nervous.

 

“It’s – um, it’s not like your uke,” Tyler said, pulling away and walking over to his closet. He reached into it, shuffling and searching.

 

“I kind of – I had some ideas,” Tyler continued, rambling as he searched. “Uh.. sexy stuff, I guess. Not – not nice stuff. Like your uke. It’s... well. I don’t have to wear it if you don’t like it.”  
  
Tyler sounded like he was trying to warn Josh off. Rather, Josh was intrigued. Wear what? He remembered Tyler’s kitty-ear headband, the floral kimono.

 

Tyler looked back at him, eyebrows pulled up in an apologetic expression.

 

“Like I said, if you don’t like this, I won’t wear it,” he repeated. “This was just... some dumb idea I had. I don’t know.”

 

He pulled out several things. A vinyl mess of pastel pink straps – a harness? What looked like a kitty tail, with pale grey fur and a pink bow, but attached to a butt plug. A lacy bra; pink mesh panties to match. Sheer white thigh-high tights with little pink kitty toes printed on the feet. Frilled pink garter belt. A sheer pink chiffon sailor dress that looked like it would barely cover Josh’s ass. A studded leather pink choker with a heart-shaped ring in the middle.

Josh’s breath caught in his throat; surely Tyler wasn’t intending to wear all of this at once? It looked enough for two people, not just one.

 

“I – I was thinking you could wear some stuff, too,” Tyler said. “Just – if you like anything. You don’t have to wear anything if you don’t want to.”

 

Josh swallowed hard.

 

“Who – who’s the kitty?” was all he managed. “And who’s – I don’t know – the girl?”  
  


Tyler still looked terrified. “Um,” he said. “I was thinking – I could be kitty. You could be – the term is sissy boy, I guess, but whatever. It doesn’t have to – it doesn’t matter.”  
  
Josh picked up the chiffon dress, holding it against his body. It looked like it would fit.

 

“This – I haven’t done anything like this before,” he said. “But – it’s cute. It’s pretty.”

 

Tyler looked up at him, eyes huge. “You wanna try it out?”  
  
Josh nodded, glancing around. He wanted to leave the harness for Tyler; the boy would look positively delicious with the pink vinyl wrapping his body. But he liked the idea of the choker, the garter belt and thigh highs. He had no idea if the bra would work; surely his chest was too wide for bras. But he picked it up anyway.

 

Tyler looked astonished. “You – you’re okay with this,” he said.

 

Josh shrugged. “You’re always surprising me with stuff,” he said. “I’m learning to just go with it. This is, like... a step up from kitty ears. Right?”  
  


Tyler nodded, and his eyes were suddenly bright, excited. Hungry. “Okay,” he said. “Yeah. Just a step up from kitty ears.”  
  


Josh swallowed. “I don’t know if any of this will fit me, though. I mean..” he passed a hand over his chest, arms. He was so much bigger than Tyler. Drumming had given him a pretty defined upper torso, kept his arms in shape. He usually figured that as a good thing. But he didn’t know how he’d look in a little pink dress and bra. He was afraid he’d just look stupid.

 

Tyler smirked. “It’ll fit,” he assured him. “You’ll look perfect, Josh. Trust me.”

 

The two boys changed quickly; Josh was afraid to look at Tyler, in case he saw Tyler watching _him_ change.

He felt silly; he pulled the pink panties on first, trying to swallow the embarrassment he felt at seeing how they only covered about half of his ass; the hems cut over the flesh. Josh ignored how dumb he felt with the panties only covering part of his ass; most feminine panties didn’t cover much anyway, did they? He just wasn’t used to it after wearing boxers most of his life.

He hastily wrapped the choker around his neck, the vinyl tight against his windpipe. He hoped it wouldn’t restrict his breathing, or Tyler’s teeth.

Then he struggled with the garter belt; it seemed logical to get it on before the tights. It fit his waist snugly, but not too tight. Then the tights over his legs. Josh had no idea how tights worked, and struggling to pull them on made him wonder if they were worth it.

Then he got the hems up around his thighs, hugging the skin tight. They felt good. His leg hair felt odd, pulled the opposite way by the fabric, but not bad. He guessed that next time he wore the tights, he’d have to shave his legs.

 

Then the bra. He really struggled with that. How did girls do it? First he tried it how he’d seen girls do it; arms through the straps, then reaching behind his back to fix the clasp.

But it wouldn’t work. He couldn’t get it. He couldn’t see it, so he couldn’t get the clasp to line up; then he hooked everything wrong by accident. He hooked the top ring with the bottom hook, and it just wasn’t right. He undid it and struggled again.

 

How on earth did girls do this? Every girl he’d dated had done up their bras effortlessly. It had to take some crazy amount of practice to do it so neatly. He just couldn’t get it right.

 

He felt hands on his waist, then brushing up his sides; fingers pushed his hands aside, taking the bra clasps and pulling them together, hooking everything into place. The hands slid around his waist, meeting around his stomach. Gentle kisses pressed against his shoulder, his neck.

 

Josh smiled. “Thanks,” he murmured. “But I’m not done. I don’t have the dress on yet.”

 

“I know,” Tyler breathed into his neck, making Josh shiver. “Hurry up, I’m ready to go already. Watching you change is killing me, you’re teasing me so badly.”  
  


Josh took a deep breath, afraid to turn to look at Tyler. He busied himself with the dress instead, pulling the sheer fabric up and over his shoulders, tugging the skirt down.

He felt so exposed. Everything was so sheer, small; even with the multiple layers, he felt nearly naked.

And at the same time, it felt good; the edge of the dress brushing against his thighs, the lace on the bra straining against his nipples.

 

Josh turned around.

 

He nearly choked; Tyler looked amazing. The harness clung tightly to all parts of his body, cutting into his soft skin, hard against the muscles of his chest and stomach. He had kitty ears jammed onto his head again. And the tail was already tucked in tight between his round buttcheeks.

How had he got it in without Josh even noticing? Surely it would have taken some time to prepare, to get it in without pain. And yet Tyler had done it already, without a sound.

 

Tyler’s eyes were wide as he looked at Josh, mouth slightly open. “You look amazing,” he said, reaching out to smooth the collar of the dress. “Christ, Josh. You look gorgeous.”

 

“I could say the same,” Josh said, reaching out to the collar attached to Tyler’s harness. A tiny bell was tied to it with a little pink ribbon, and it jingled whenever Tyler moved. He flicked it, giggling at the pealing sound. It was so ridiculous, and Josh _loved_ it.

 

“You ready, baby?” Tyler breathed, stepping in close, tugging at his harness. Josh couldn’t help tracing the vinyl with his fingers, pressing where a strap crossed over Tyler’s nipple. Tyler shuddered at the touch, grabbing Josh’s waist.

 

Tyler might have been the one in the harness, but he had no trouble shoving Josh onto the bed and pouncing on top of him. He pushed his hands up the dress, dragging his fingernails over the texture of the mesh panties, tugging at the garter belt, snapping the elastic that attached to the tights.  
Josh was beginning to understand, now. The new textures allowed for so many more things to grab, to tug, new ways to feel.

 

Tyler pushed the dress up around Josh’s waist, pausing for a moment to gaze down at him, red lips wet and parted.

 

“I still can’t believe how beautiful you look,” Tyler breathed. “All dolled up for me like this. I love that you would do this for me. All for me. My pretty boy.”

 

He leaned down slowly, grazing his teeth against Josh’s neck, tugging at the choker, nipping at the skin.

 

“All mine,” he growled into Josh’s throat, biting hard.

 

Josh gasped. “Good kitties don’t bite,” he scolded.

 

Tyler smirked, cupping his hands around Josh’s ass, pinching his nails into the soft skin. “Who said I was a good kitty?” he purred, licking a stripe up Josh’s throat.

 

He pushed his hands up the dress again, massaging Josh’s nipples through the lace bra. _God_ , that felt good, the texture of the lace enhancing the touch of Tyler’s fingertips. Josh pushed his head back into the sheets, and moaned.

 

Then, Tyler was sitting up, leaning back. His fingers looped through the ring on Josh’s choker, pulling him up into a kiss. Tyler caught Josh’s tongue between his teeth, making Josh flinch and whimper.

 

Josh pulled back. “I want to suck you off,” he said. “And – I think – I’ve been figuring out my gag reflex, so... you could fuck my face if you wanted.”  
  
Tyler’s eyes widened. “You haven’t exactly been sucking dick for long,” he said, sounding worried.

 

Josh shrugged. “I’ve been getting better, haven’t I?” he said. He felt his cheeks flush. “And – I kind of... I like the idea of it. I want your fingers in my hair, I want you pulling me up, down. Thrusting into me.”

 

That last sentence pulled an actual groan from Tyler. “Fuck, Josh,” he growled. “Okay. Alright. But we do it my way, okay?”  
  
Josh nodded, and Tyler pulled him off the bed, positioning Josh so he was standing with his back against the wall, palms flat on the surface.  
Tyler stood in front of him, and placed his hands behind Josh’s neck, gently pushing him down so he was bending at the waist, face hovering above Tyler’s hard cock.

 

“You don’t move your hands from the wall,” Tyler ordered. “They move one inch, I’ll have to punish you.”

 

Josh swallowed hard. He couldn’t help being nervous; he’d prepared, practising suppressing his gag reflex in the shower. He knew how to distract himself to avoid gagging. But carefully sticking his fingers down his throat was a far cry from the flushed, erect cock in front of him.

 

“You sure you want to do this?” Tyler asked.

 

Josh nodded, and lowered his head. He went slowly at first, bobbing his head, taking up more length with each stroke. He really had been getting better; with no problems, he’d reached the base of Tyler’s cock, nose brushing against the soft hair and velvet skin.

 

He sighed, humming in the back of his throat, and Tyler moaned, tightening his fingers into Josh’s hair.

 

“I’m gonna start now, okay?” Tyler said, his voice strained. “Stay still. I won’t go too fast.”  
  
Josh stopped, lips still at the base of Tyler’s cock. Tyler cupped the back of Josh’s head in one hand, and twisted his fingers tightly into the curls at the top of Josh’s head with his other hand.

Slowly, Tyler rocked his hips back, pulling Josh off. When Josh’s lips were just around the head, Tyler jammed his cock back into Josh’s mouth.

 

Josh cried out in surprise. He tried to remember to keep his jaw relaxed. The feeling of Tyler’s cock at the back of his throat wasn’t desperately comfortable; reflexively, he swallowed around it.

 

Tyler shuddered and moaned, sending streaks of heat shooting down into Josh’s stomach. Tyler’s hands seemed to be trembling around his head. Josh remembered why he was doing this.

 

Tyler pulled back and thrust again, and this time Josh was more prepared, keeping his jaw and throat relaxed. He hummed as Tyler pulled back again, relishing the soft gasps Tyler made, the way Tyler’s stomach muscles fluttered against his forehead when Tyler thrust into him.

 

“Fuck, Josh,” Tyler choked out. “You’re so good. Such a good boy, doing this for me. You’re doing so well. And you look so good, your back muscles are all so tight. That’s why I wanted to do it like this, so I could watch your body –”  
  
Josh moaned as Tyler thrust into him again, causing Tyler to break off and gasp.

 

“You’re so good, baby,” Tyler moaned. “You look so good. I wish you could see yourself right now.”

 

Tyler whimpered, curling his body over Josh’s head. “Baby, I’m close. Really close. I’m gonna pull off now, I don’t want to shoot off in your throat -”

 

Josh let out a cry – he didn’t want Tyler to pull him off. He released the wall, slamming his hands on Tyler’s hips, gripping them tight, and pushed down onto Tyler’s cock. He ignored the pain of Tyler pulling his hair, trying to pull him in the opposite direction, and swallowed around Tyler.

 

This brought Tyler over the edge, and he keened, coming hard in Josh’s throat. Josh shut his eyes tight, concentrating on not gagging despite the unfamiliar sensation of cum hitting the back of his throat.

Tyler was shaking, whimpering, fists opening and closing in Josh’s hair, babbling incoherently. Josh had made him totally come apart.

He swallowed hard, gently pulling off. He looked up, and Tyler was gazing down at him with half-lidded eyes, mouth open, breathing hard.

 

“Can I stand up?” Josh asked innocently, licking his lips. Tyler moaned and pulled him up, kissing him hard.

 

“You’re so naughty,” Tyler panted. “Oh my god. When did you get so naughty?”

 

Josh didn’t answer, pecking Tyler lightly on the lips. Tyler leaned his forehead into Josh’s shoulder, still panting.

 

“You moved your hands off the wall,” he said sternly. “And you didn’t let me pull you off; you’ve never swallowed before, what if you choked or gagged?”

Josh shrugged. “I didn’t gag,” he said. “I knew I wouldn’t, that’s why I swallowed. I knew I could do it.”

“That was still naughty.” Tyler breathed. “That’s two things you did wrong. Double the punishment, baby.”  
  
Butterfly wings tremored in Josh’s stomach. What kind of punishment? Truth be told, it was a little hard to take Tyler seriously when he was still trembling and panting in Josh’s arms. But there was that hard look in his eyes again.  
Josh knew that look, and it always made his knees feel slightly weak. It meant Tyler had something in store for him. And he never truly knew what.

 

Tyler winced, reaching behind his back. “I can’t keep this in anymore,” he said, glancing at Josh apologetically, pulling out the tail. “I’m sorry. Too sensitive now.”  
  
Josh nodded; he was too excited to mind.

 

Tyler pulled him back to the bed, sitting down and dragging Josh across his knees. He pushed up his dress again, and gently traced his fingers over the sheer mesh of his panties.

 

“You’ve been so naughty,” Tyler purred, leaning down and pressing light kisses against Josh’s ass. Unexpectedly, he bit Josh, teeth digging deep into the flesh and drawing a whine from him.

“You disobeyed me twice already. I can’t let that slide.”

 

He roughly pulled down the panties; not all the way, just enough to expose Josh’s ass. He could still feel the mesh tangled uncomfortably around his aching cock.

 

Several seconds passed, where Tyler did nothing. Josh was afraid to look back, see why he hadn’t moved. The suspense was maddening; Josh realised he was holding his breath.

 

He heard a whoosh of air, then a sharp smack rang out as pain bloomed up Josh’s backside. He gasped, letting go of his breath.

 

“How many, do you think?” Tyler mused. “I think ten. This is the first time you’ve really disobeyed me, so I won’t go too hard. But if you disobey me again, I’ll give you twenty.”  
  
He smoothed his hand over the reddened flesh. “Count for me, baby?”  
  
“O-one,” Josh gasped.

 

The hand smacked against his skin again, the same sharp hot sear intensified by the lingering pain from the previous smack.

 

“Two,” Josh whimpered. "Oh god, Tyler, it _hurts_."

 

By five, Josh was already gasping, clutching at the bedsheets, blinking away hot tears. His ass felt raw and abused, throbbing with pain. The throb of the pain pulsed in time with the aching hot desire building in Josh’s stomach. His erection, still straining tight against the mesh panties, was throbbing as well, acting as the point where the arousal and pain mingled together into something terribly, deliciously maddening. Josh’s mind was spinning.

 

At last, Josh stuttered out a “T-ten,” barely choking it out against the sheets.

 

Tyler sighed and pressed soft kisses against the hot, tender flesh. Josh gasped; his ass was so raw, even Tyler’s soft lips ghosting across the skin was painful.

He wasn’t going to be able to sit without wincing for days.

 

“You did so good, baby,” Tyler breathed. He ran one hand across Josh’s back, tracing the contours of Josh’s muscles under the sheer fabric of the dress. The other hand traced down to the top of Josh’s thighs, gently lifting the elastic of the garter and snapping it against the skin. Josh gasped, drawing a giggle from Tyler.

 

“You’re so sensitive,” he marvelled. “How did you take your punishment when you’re so sensitive?”  
  
“It’s worth it,” Josh said. “For you. And I like it, the pain. It’s just overwhelming, sometimes. But not in a bad way.”  
  
Tyler pulled Josh up so he was kneeling between his knees, and pulled him in for a kiss.

 

“How did I get so lucky with you?” Tyler breathed. “You’re amazing. One minute you’re helping me study, then you’re buying me ukeleles, then you’re sucking my dick and letting me spank you. You’re perfect.”  
  
Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s neck. “Hardly,” he mumbled. “You’re the one helping me get my English grades up, sharing all your friends with me. You’re always making me feel good. Special.”  
  
“Because you are special,” Tyler said, kissing him hungrily, knocking their teeth together. “You’re something else, Joshua Dun.”

 

Amazingly, Tyler was getting hard again. He cupped Josh’s face in his hands, eyes wide, cheeks slightly flushed.

 

“Can I ask you something?” he asked. Josh nodded, and Tyler chewed his lip, taking a deep breath.

 

“Will you go all the way with me?” he asked. “I – we don’t have to if you don’t feel ready. But – if you do – I want to.”

 

Josh’s breath caught in his throat. “You mean – now?” he asked.

 

Tyler nodded. Josh took a deep breath. Wow.

 

“Pound me like your drums,” Tyler breathed, and Josh’s heart stuttered in his chest.

 

“I – um,” he said. “I’ve had sex, but only with girls. How – what do I need to do? How different is it?”  
  
Tyler blinked. “Are you saying yes?”  
  
Josh swallowed.

It was now or never.

 

“Yes,” he said. “But – are you okay with bottoming? I don’t want to hurt you. Isn’t it supposed to be super painful up the ass?”  
  
Tyler snorted. “Baby, I’m not new to bottoming,” he said. “I had a goddamn plug in my ass ten minutes ago. I’ll be fine. It’s only painful if you don’t prepare properly, and if you’re not aroused. Considering just looking at you has me hard again, I think we’ll be okay.”  
  
Josh nodded, heart in his throat.

 

“Besides, I’m not gonna make you bottom for your first time with me,” Tyler said. “Have you ever even stuck anything up your ass before?”  
  
Josh shook his head. Tyler groaned. “You’re missing out, baby,” he sighed. “But we can deal with that another time. Right now, I need you to pound me into the mattress.”  
  


Tyler kissed him again, and stood up, crossing to the bedside table and rummaging in the drawers. He returned with a bottle of lube and condoms, and a box of tissues. Josh swallowed hard. Wow. This was really happening.

 

“Have you ever – did you do anal with any of your girlfriends?” Tyler asked. Josh flushed and shook his head. He’d never been game – he’d heard girls complain how much anal hurt, and had never asked any of his exes if they’d been interested. He’d just assumed that it would just be too painful for them, they wouldn’t want to do it.

 

“Okay,” Tyler said. “Alright. Well, first of all, you can’t just plunge in and go for it. You’ve got to be prepped a bit first – well, I do. Bottoms do. You’ve gotta stretch a bit, you know, like warming up before exercise. Usually you use fingers, or toys.”

 

“So like – fingering?” Josh asked, and Tyler nodded.

 

“I should be okay,” Tyler said. “Like I said, I had a plug up my ass ten minutes ago. I’m stretched enough.”  
  
He shifted uncomfortably. “That was part of why I got the plug,” he said. “I was hoping we could do this. But I haven’t actually had sex in a long time, you know? It’s been a while. And if you’re new to bottoming, or you haven’t bottomed in a while, it can be painful. So I wanted to stretch up really well before doing this.”

 

Josh pulled himself up on the bed, sitting on the edge. “So – hold on,” he said. “How did you get the plug in earlier? You got it in before I was even changed, I didn’t even notice. If you’re supposed to prepare, wouldn’t that have hurt?”

 

Tyler smirked. “What did you think I was doing before you arrived?” he asked. “I was planning this the minute you texted me saying you were on your way to my house. I was all stretched up by the time you got here, baby.”

Josh flushed, remembering how disheveled Tyler had looked when he'd answered the bedroom door. Oh.  
  


Tyler held up the lube. “The other thing is, asses don’t really have natural lube like vaginas do. So lube is even more important with anal. So don’t be afraid of being generous with the lube, trust me.”

 

Josh nodded. That made sense.

 

“Also,” Tyler continued, a small smile quirking up his lips. “Unlike girls, guys have this fun thing called a prostate gland. Do you know much about that?”  
  
“Not really,” Josh admitted. “The most I know about it is that you can get cancer in it. So older dudes are meant to get prostate exams, and apparently they’re uncomfortable as heck.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Okay, well, there’s more to your prostate than just awkward exams,” Tyler said. “The thing is, prostates are to us what G-spots are to girls. You hit that sweet spot, it’ll feel incredible. Some guys can get off on prostate stimulation alone, you know? So that’s why anal feels good for guys, I guess. If you make sure you’re hitting the prostate, like you make sure you’re hitting a girl’s G-spot, then bottoming is actually quite fun.”  
  
“Is it... is it in a similar spot to girls?” Josh asked.

Tyler nodded. “Yeah, it’s in basically the same spot,” he said. “Like, a couple inches in.”  
  
Josh was suddenly struck by a thought. “Hold on,” he said. “I have an idea. What if you show me?”  
  
Tyler blinked, looking confused. “You’ve lost me.”  
  
“You could finger me,” Josh said, and felt his cheeks flush. “If I know where it is in my own body, if I know how it feels, I’ll understand better how to make it good for you,” he explained. “Even if it’s just getting the angle right.”  
  
Tyler took a deep breath. “That’s a good idea, actually,” he admitted. “Are you sure, though? You’ve never had anything up your ass.”

 

“Well, I’m dating you, aren’t I? I’ll have to start at some point,” Josh said with a small smile. “You can’t bottom forever, can you?”

 

An image of Josh, flushed and panting and keening while Tyler fucked him senseless popped into Tyler’s head. Wow.

 

“Okay,” Tyler said, trying to clear the fantasy from his mind. That was hard, with Josh sitting on the bed in front of him, still in the rumpled dress, biting his lip like a shy schoolgirl.

“Alright. I’ll show you what to do.”

 

Tyler pushed Josh down on his back so he was lying down, and crouched on his knees between Josh’s legs. Josh was struck by how nervous Tyler looked.

 

“Are you okay?” Josh asked tentatively. Tyler’s expression was making him nervous.

 

“I’m okay,” Tyler said, smiling and leaning down to kiss Josh’s nose.

“I’m just.. I’m surprised at how easily you’re going along with this. I’m afraid I’m rushing you.”

 

Josh snorted. “It took us half a whole semester to even get to this point,” he reminded Tyler. “It was me who wanted to wait, remember? Trust me, if I felt like you were rushing me, I’d tell you.”  
  
Some of the fear left Tyler’s face. “Okay,” he said. “Well, just let me know if anything I do makes you uncomfortable, or hurts you. I want you to enjoy this.”

 

Josh nodded, and watched intently as Tyler squeezed lube into his hand, coating his fingers in the substance. He noticed how much Tyler was using for just his fingers, and took a mental note to use more for when he was actually having sex with Tyler.

 

“You ready?” Tyler asked, and Josh nodded.

 

Tyler reached between Josh’s legs, and Josh flinched slightly from surprise as Tyler’s fingers touched his skin. Tyler glanced up.

 

“It’s just cold,” Josh reassured him. “I’m not used to it. Keep going.”

 

Tyler nodded, and gently traced circles around Josh’s hole. The unfamiliar sensation felt strange, but oddly nice.

Then Josh felt one of those cold fingers sliding inside, gently easing into his ass. He breathed in sharply; it wasn’t painful, but he felt tight around Tyler, and the cold lube felt even stranger inside his ass.

“You okay?” Tyler asked, and Josh nodded.

Tyler pushed in, seeming to be looking for something. Then his fingers brushed over a spot that made Josh gasp.

Tyler grinned. “There we go,” he said. “So, that’s your prostate. Mine is in about the same area.”

 

He pressed his finger up against the area, pushing on it, and Josh moaned, twisting his hands into the sheets. God, that felt _good_. A different sensation entirely to having his cock touched; a different kind of good.

 

“How’s that, baby?” Tyler asked, massaging the area. Josh only managed a groan, slamming his head against the bedsheets. Oh _god_. He was intensely aware of the mesh panties wrapped around his cock again.  
He wondered how it would feel if Tyler grabbed his dick now, pumped it while stroking that spot at the same time. The fantasy pulled another moan from him, and he felt his hips twitch involuntarily.

 

Tyler chuckled and pulled his finger out, wiping it off on a tissue. Josh whimpered, already missing the sensation.

 

“You can’t come just yet, I need you to fuck me still,” Tyler reminded him, crawling up to kiss Josh. Josh whimpered into his mouth, grabbing Tyler’s thighs.

 

“Anything else I need to know?” Josh gasped.

 

“Not really,” Tyler said. “I think – I think that’s everything. You ready, baby?”

 

Josh nodded, swallowing hard.

 

Tyler rolled over onto his back, pulling Josh on top of him. He bit his lip, half-closing his eyes lustily as Josh sat back on his knees. He found the condoms, managing to roll one on quickly despite his trembling hands. He was suddenly so nervous, like a virgin all over again.

In a way, this was his first time – not just with a guy, but with Tyler. _Tyler_. He was so afraid he’d mess up. Or worse, hurt Tyler.

 

Tyler ran his hands up Josh’s arms while he lubed up, gently squeezing his shoulders. He was so beautiful, lying back on the sheets, olive skin shimmering with a light sheen of sweat.

“C’mon, baby, it’ll be okay,” Tyler murmured, stroking his arms. “You’ll do fine.”  
  


Josh took a deep breath. He didn’t think he could be any more prepared, but anxiety was still drumming in his throat.

He couldn’t do anything about it now; he’d been floundering at the surface of the deep end for so long, and now he just had to dive in, let the water envelop him, and hope he could swim well enough to not drown.

 

So he dived. He gently slid in, pausing when Tyler gasped. Tyler was so tight and hot around him, another unfamiliar sensation. But Tyler reached up, clawed at his back, pulling him forward. “Keep going, baby,” Tyler whimpered. “Come on.”  
  


Josh pushed deeper, tingles erupting along his spine as Tyler moaned, soft and breathless. He bottomed out, finally releasing the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

 

“H-how are you going?” Josh asked. Tyler nodded and swallowed, the muscles in his throat shifting. “You’re doing so good, baby,” he purred. “This feels good.”

Relief loosened Josh’s chest. He felt like he could breathe properly again. He wasn’t hurting Tyler. Tyler whimpered. “C’mon, babe, I need you,” he whined, reaching up to drag his nails down Josh’s back. Josh shuddered, moaning.

“Josh, please,” Tyler pleaded.

 

Josh obeyed, pulling back and gently pushing in again. Tyler whined impatiently. “Josh, you’re not going to hurt me,” he grumbled. “I asked you to _pound_ me. Like you’re playing drums, not tapping a triangle.”

 

Josh giggled at the mental image, and thrust again, trying a bit harder. Tyler moaned, rolling his head back. “Better,” he said. “But harder. _Harder_.”

 

Josh tried, and just as he became afraid he’d gone too hard and hurt Tyler after all, Tyler suddenly cried out and wrapped his legs around Josh. “Yes!” he panted out. “That’s it, baby. That’s it.”

 

A few thrusts later, and Tyler was shaking his head. “You’re not quite there yet, baby,” he said. “Hold on. I have an idea.”  
  
Tyler rolled them over, so he was on top again, straddling Josh’s hips. And he ground down, drawing a gasp from Josh. God, surely it should have hurt. But Tyler was grinning like a cheshire cat, hands sliding under Josh’s dress and clawing down his chest, moaning softly.

 

“That’s it,” Tyler panted. “See? Like that.”  
  
“That’s gotta hurt,” Josh gasped out. He was terrified. And he felt amazing; Tyler had forced him so deep, he hadn’t thought he could get so deep.

 

“Yeah,” Tyler said, leaning down to kiss Josh roughly, reaching up and pulling his hair. “A _good_ hurt, baby. You’re making me feel so good.”

 

Tyler took Josh’s hands, placing them on his hips. He planted his own hands on Josh’s chest, pushing himself back up on his knees, nearly up off Josh’s cock.

And he pushed down again. They both moaned, and Josh clenched his hands tight, nails cutting into Tyler’s hips.

 

Again, and this time Josh’s hips thrust up involuntarily, drawing a keen from Tyler. Josh froze, heart in his throat, but Tyler’s eyelids were fluttering, mouth open. “Again, _please_ ,” Tyler whimpered.

 

Their rhythm sped up, Josh thrusting his hips up as Tyler ground down. Tyler threw his head back to moan, throwing the kitty ears off his head. He looked back down again, cheeks flushed, hands clawing at Josh’s arms, his chest, pulling at tearing at the dress. Even with the ears gone, he was still like an animal, clawing at him, moaning and snarling, leaning down to bite.

Josh heard his own gasps becoming noisier, starting to keen breathlessly. His thrusts became less controlled, rhythm erratic. “Tyler,” he choked out. “T-ty – I’m close, baby.”

 

Tyler moaned. “You called me baby,” he whimpered. “Oh, _Josh_.”

 

The emotion on his face pushed Josh over the edge, and he was coming hard, hips stuttering, mouth falling slack as he lost control. Tyler rode him through the high, reaching down to kiss him as he came down, trembling, breathing hard.

Tyler rolled off him, nestling at Josh’s side, pressing kisses all over his face. Josh turned to catch his lips, kissing him hard.

“That was amazing,” he murmured. “You’re not done yet, though, are you?”

 

Tyler shook his head, eyes bright, face flushed and feverish. Josh noticed how his whole body was taut. “I’m right on the edge,” he said breathlessly. “So, so close. Josh, please.”

 

Josh spat into his palm, rolled over and kissed him, and Tyler moaned into his mouth as Josh wrapped his hand around his cock. It took only a couple of strokes before Tyler was shuddering, coming into Josh’s hand, biting his neck to stifle his cries.

 

The two boys trembled against each other. Josh was pretty sure he was still seeing stars. His body still felt like it was on fire, hot electricity warming right through to his toes and fingers. He kissed Tyler, pulling him into a tight embrace.

 

Tyler sighed into his neck. “You were so good, baby,” he whispered.

 

Josh made a sad noise in his throat. “I didn’t pound you like you wanted,” he mumbled. “You had to take over. I’m sorry.”

 

Tyler shushed him, pressing kisses against his neck. “Don’t apologise,” he said. “It was your first time, you didn’t know what I wanted. I shouldn’t have expected you to know when we’d never had sex before, so _I’m_ sorry. Besides, you’ll know for next time, won’t you?”  
  
Josh nodded. “I can’t believe you like it so _hard,_ ” he said. “I was so afraid I was gonna hurt you.”  
  
“You won’t hurt me, I told you,” Tyler said. “Not in a way I won’t like, anyway. Anyway, you were so good. Okay? So, so good. You had me begging, I’ve never begged before. Not ever.”

 

Josh smirked.

 

“I’ll just have to make _you_ beg next time,” Tyler said. Josh’s cheeks grew warm.

 

“And – hold on.” Tyler pulled back to look Josh in the eyes. “Before – did you call me _baby?_ ”

 

Josh flushed completely, nodding. “I – it just felt right,” he admitted.

 

Tyler giggled and nuzzled his face. “You should call me that more often,” he purred. “You never call me pet names.”  
  
“I called you kitten once,” Josh said defensively. Tyler snorted. “Once,” he said. “Josh, we’ve been dating a whole half-semester. I call you baby all the time.”  
  
“That’s why I don’t do it,” Josh said. “It’s your thing. For me.”  
  
“So?” Tyler cuddled back in again. “Why not make it _our_ thing? For us?”

 

Josh smiled. “I guess,” he said.

 

They lay like that for a while, Josh feeling the time pass through Tyler’s heartbeats, rather than minutes. His breathing lulled Josh into a doze, eyes fluttering shut.

 

“My parents will be back soon,” Tyler finally sighed. “We’ll have to get cleaned up, put all this stuff away. Dad probably thinks we’re studying.”  
  
Josh whined. He didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to go home, not yet.

 

“Mom will probably want you to stay for dinner,” Tyler mused. “What if you stayed the night?”  
  
Josh blinked. “Your parents won’t mind?” he asked.

 

Tyler shook his head. “It’s holidays, they won’t care,” he said. “Besides, as far as they know, we’re study buddies. We’ll just tell them we’re watching movies, playing videogames or something. We’re allowed to do that.”

 

Josh swallowed. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll call my mom later. She’ll be okay with that.”

 

“Call her after we shower,” Tyler suggested. Josh felt him smile into his neck. “Do you wanna shower together?”  
  
Josh grinned. “Sure,” he said. Tyler giggled and pulled him up. “C’mon,” he said, dragging him off the bed. “Before my parents get home.”

 

As they quietly snuck into the bathroom, Tyler’s fingers laced through Josh’s, Josh couldn’t help thinking that maybe, surely, something this wonderful couldn’t be so wrong.

It wasn’t just selfish indulgence. It couldn’t be; not after the joy that filled Josh’s chest when Tyler moaned as he’d come into his mouth; not after the look of bliss on Tyler’s face when Josh had called him ‘baby’.

This wasn’t just about indulging himself. It was about pleasing someone else, giving someone else joy.

What could be more pure than that?


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josh gets way more into the whole dressing-up thing than Tyler ever expected. Also, things get serious, and we learn some things about Josh's roommate.

After the holidays, Tyler was less than happy to be back at school.  
The housemasters were cavalier enough about what Tyler and Josh got up to. But he still hated having to sneak around, he and Josh always trying to be quiet in case teachers or other students heard.

And after the week they’d spent, Tyler liked it even less.

 

They’d still had to hide their activities from their families; after all, the repercussions would have been arguably a lot worse if their families found out and reacted badly.  
But it was much easier to sneak around Tyler’s parents and siblings, than it was to sneak around a house of fifty schoolboys and a school board of nuns, priests and nervous teachers.  
Tyler’s siblings were mostly out during the day, hanging out with their own friends. Tyler’s parents worked, and had their own activities in the afternoon, like basketball coaching and book clubs. So for the most part of the day, Tyler and Josh had the house to themselves, and they’d both relished the freedom.

 

For example, showering. Josh and Tyler couldn’t shower together at school; there was far too much danger of someone seeing them sneak into a cubicle together. And there were too many unavoidable noises; they couldn’t stay quiet, and if they were heard, rumours could spread. It was too risky.

 

Which left Tyler holding back groans of frustration on Monday night, the day after getting back to school. He was in the shower, washing his hair, and had just a completely unbidden flashback of the last time he’d washed his hair.

Rather, Josh had washed his hair.

While Tyler was sucking him off.

 

It had been weird, at first; Tyler had to close his eyes to avoid getting shampoo in them, and for a moment he’d been very aware of the very real risk of shampoo getting onto Josh’s cock, which would have been very unpleasant for both of them.  
But they’d managed to avoid it, and Tyler had been able to relax into the rhythm, pulses of heat fluttering down his spine into his abdomen as Josh moaned, twisting his soapy fingers into Tyler’s hair, massaging his scalp clean.

 

Then they’d swapped, and that was what Tyler was remembering now. Josh humming around his dick, tongue massaging his slit, moaning and swallowing around him. Gripping Josh’s wet curls, pulling on his hair more than actually washing it.

Who knew Josh had only given his first blowjob earlier that semester? Within a few weeks, he was great at them. And he seemed all too happy to give them. Tyler wasn’t about to complain about that.

 

It had felt amazing.

 

And there was absolutely no way they could recreate that in here.

 

He gritted his teeth, forcing the memory aside. Later. Later he’d be in his room, in his bed, with Josh.  
He just had to finish his shower.

 

He hastily finished up, drying himself off and grabbing his stuff, returning to his room. And stopped stock still when he opened the door.

 

“Close the door,” Josh whispered nervously from his bed. “I don’t want half the house to see me!”

 

Tyler closed the door behind him, still stunned.

 

Wow.

 

Josh was lying outstretched on the bed, wearing the uniform from the girls’ school. It consisted of a short pleated tartan skirt, white button-up shirt, school tie, knee-high white socks, and black school shoes.

All of it was tantalisingly too small on Josh. The buttons strained over his chest, the skirt pinched tightly into his waist, hem barely brushing the top of his thighs.

 

Either Tyler had corrupted Josh in a bizarrely short amount of time, or Josh had been hiding a really kinky side from him all along. Tyler was seriously suspecting the latter.

 

“Where did you get that?” Tyler finally managed to ask.

 

Josh chewed his lip. “I got Debby to help me,” he admitted. “I thought – I wasn’t sure if you’d like it. Just an idea.”  
  
“I love it,” Tyler said, dropping his shower stuff on the floor. He just had a towel around his waist; he dropped that too. Naked, he jumped onto the bed, crawling between Josh’s legs and closing the gap between their bodies.

 

“You look so good,” Tyler moaned, pushing his thigh into Josh’s crotch, nuzzling his neck. He bit down hard, relishing the gasp it drew from Josh. No matter how often he did it, every time, Josh still flinched and whimpered as if Tyler had never bitten him before. He loved it.

 

He still had on his cross necklace, too. Tyler reached behind Josh’s neck, pulling the necklace down so the chain strained against the taut tendons in his throat.

 

“Look at you, the perfect picture of a good little Christian girl,” Tyler purred, trailing kisses down Josh’s jaw. He pushed his thigh hard against Josh’s erection, drawing whimpers. “Do you want to know what I was thinking of earlier? In the shower?”  
  
Josh shook his head, only responding in desperate gasps. He must have been missing the holidays as much as Tyler was.

 

“Your pretty little mouth around my cock, making me sin,” Tyler said. “God, you’ve been naughty. So naughty, haven’t you?”

 

“Punish me, baby, _please,_ ” Josh whimpered, and Tyler shuddered. To think, at the start of semester, this had just been a fantasy. Now the image of Josh, breathless and writhing under him, was a reality. And it was nearly all too much, sending Tyler’s head spinning with pleasure.

 

“Not here,” Tyler murmured, reaching down to squeeze Josh’s ass through the too-short skirt. He wanted to smack it, hear Josh’s cries again, but it was too risky. “Too much noise. Wait til next holidays, baby.”

 

Josh moaned in disappointment.

 

Tyler blinked. “I have another idea,” he said. “You remember that kitty tail plug?”  
  
Josh blinked. “You brought it?”  
  
Tyler felt his cheeks flush, crawling off the bed and rummaging through a bag under his bed.

 

“Okay, so I didn’t buy just one plug,” he admitted. “The shop had a two-for-one deal.”  
  
Josh giggled. “You bought matching plugs for both of us? Really?”  
  
Tyler retrieved the second plug – it was the same as the first one, but with white fur. “I wasn’t sure if you would want to try it out, but I figured if I bought a second one, then it’d be there if you wanted to,” he said. “And I don’t like the idea of sharing plugs, even if we wash them. Safer to have one for you, and one for me.”  
  
Josh nodded. “That makes sense. Okay.”  
  
Tyler held it up. “You wanna try it out?”

 

Josh nodded, cheeks flushing.

 

Tyler returned to the bed, leaving the plug aside to grab Josh’s hips and drag him into a rough kiss. God, he looked good. Positively delicious. He pushed up the skirt around Josh’s waist, and found lace pink panties, Josh’s cock hard and straining against the sheer fabric.

 

“You’ve been shopping,” Tyler murmured, and Josh looked down, embarrassed. “I had to get Debby to go with me,” he admitted. “I was too embarrassed to go by myself. She thought it was hilarious.” Tyler laughed at the mental picture of Josh standing awkwardly, while Debby gleefully picked out cute panties. No doubt Debby would take great pleasure in pretending to be buying underwear for herself, acting out the whole charade as dramatically as possible, only to hand the bag over to Josh with a mischievous grin outside the store.

“I hoped you’d like them,” Josh said softly. Tyler hooked his finger under the waistband, snapping the elastic against Josh’s cock. He flinched and gasped. Mouth hanging open, lustful and needy. Tyler leaned in to devour it.

 

“Tyler,” Josh moaned, and Tyler pushed Josh down onto his back.

“You ready, baby?” Tyler asked, and Josh nodded. He was biting his lip again.

 

Tyler pushed Josh’s legs apart, settling between them. He lubed up his fingers and pulled the crotch of the panties aside, gently tracing his middle finger around Josh’s hole. Josh squirmed at the cold lube, but showed no other signs of discomfort.

 

Tyler gently massaged the sensitive area, making sure Josh was good and ready before he pushed his finger in. And then, gently, pressing up, watching Josh’s eyes widen, mouth fall open. He massaged his prostate slowly, heart thumping as Josh’s breathing sped up into whimpering gasps.

  
“I’m gonna add another finger, okay?” Tyler said. Josh nodded. He hadn’t really tried stretching Josh up properly yet, not more than a couple of fingers. Tyler hoped he would be okay with the plug.

 

Tyler pressed in another finger, feeling a smile spread on his lips as Josh moaned and bucked his hips.

 

He pushed in a third, watching Josh’s reaction. He still wasn’t showing any signs of pain or discomfort, and had his head thrown back against the pillows, eyes shut and mouth open.

 

Tyler rocked his fingers back and forth for a few moments, making sure Josh was completely stretched up. When Josh reached down, grabbing at Tyler’s arms, Tyler smirked and picked up the plug.  
“Hold on, baby, almost there,” he said, drizzling lube over the top of the plug. “You let me know if you’re in any pain, okay?”

Josh nodded, propping himself on his elbows. He watched as Tyler eased the plug in gently.

Josh whined as he got half of it in, but didn’t move or tell Tyler to stop. He threw his head back again as Tyler pushed it all the way, eyes squeezed shut, gasping.

 

“You okay, baby?” Tyler asked. Josh nodded, opening his eyes.  
  
“It’s good,” he panted. “Feels weird. Full. But... not bad.”

 

“Want me to adjust it?” Tyler took hold of the base of the tail, twisting it and pulling it out slightly.

 

Josh moaned and arched his back, head pushing into the pillows. “Please,” he gasped. “P-push it in.”  
  
Tyler gently pushed it back in, and Josh whimpered, pressing his hands to his forehead. His neck and arms and thighs, not covered by the school uniform, sheened lightly with sweat. “Oh god, Tyler,” he half-sobbed. “Keep doing that, baby, keep going, _please._ ”

 

Tyler blinked. “You want me to fuck you on the plug?” he asked. Josh nodded, trembling.

“You sure? You’re not in pain?”

 

Josh shook his head. “Good hurt,” he gasped out. “It’s good.” He reached down, gripping Tyler’s arms tightly. “I need it. Need you, baby.”

 

Tyler moaned, the sight of Josh coming apart beneath him nearly enough to pull him apart as well. He took a deep breath, pulling the plug back, and thrusting it back in. Josh whimpered, shuddering under him as he slowly picked up pace.

 

Josh pulled Tyler down, kissing him hard. Tyler had to let go of the plug and press his hands against the sheets on either side of Josh’s neck, and Josh wrapped his legs around Tyler’s waist, pressing their erections together.

Josh raked his nails hard down Tyler’s back, pulling a moan from him. Tyler sat back to look down at Josh, trembling under him, eyes bright.

 

Tyler flipped them over, dragging Josh on top. “Josh, fuck me,” he said.

 

Josh blinked. “What? With the plug in? Can I do that?”  
  
Tyler giggled. “Of course you can, baby,” he said. “It feels really good. C’mon, you know how I like it now. Fuck me hard.” He reached up, nipping Josh’s throat.

 

Josh moaned, leaning down to press his forehead into Tyler’s shoulder. “Do I need to stretch you or anything?” he whispered.

 

“Nah, just lube up good,” Tyler said. “I’m alright.”

 

Josh sat up, shifting uncomfortably around the unfamiliar sensation of the plug. He picked up the lube bottle, squeezing generous amounts into his hand. He slipped on a condom, lubed up the surface, and leaned on his hands, palms placed on the bed either side of Tyler. Tyler wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck as he lined up and pushed in, gasping as Josh entered him.

 

Josh was still tentative, bottoming out slowly. Tyler whimpered, wrapping his legs around Josh’s waist. “C’mon, baby. You don’t need to be careful, it’s alright.”  
  
Josh began thrusting, his rhythm vastly more confident than their first time. It didn’t take long before he was hitting Tyler’s prostate, thrusting deep in a way that hurt terribly good. Tyler moaned; Josh was getting it. He panted into Tyler’s neck, and at last Tyler found himself clinging on, able to do little more than gasp and bite Josh’s shoulder as he pounded Tyler into the mattress.

 

“Tyler,” Josh moaned. “Baby, I’m close. I’m gonna come.”  
  
Tyler nodded. “Touch me?” he asked. “I wanna try coming with you.”  
  
Josh complied, shifting his weight to one arm so he could spit on his other hand and wrap it around Tyler’s cock. Tyler threw back his head and moaned.

 

Josh’s breath stuttered, his thrusts becoming jerky. He rode out the high frantically, mouth open, eyelids fluttering. He looked beautiful, skin glistening, school uniform disheveled, coming apart in Tyler’s arms, and the sight brought Tyler keening to an orgasm as well. He came hard, sending cum spurting all over Josh’s uniform.

 

Josh unbuttoned the shirt, pulling it off with the tie and throwing the dirty clothes over the side of the bed, before collapsing in a trembling heap next to Tyler.

“I need to get this thing out of me,” he said, laughing shakily, reaching behind him for the plug.

 

“Here, let me,” Tyler said, reaching over and carefully pulling it out. Josh whimpered as it slid out, and Tyler threw it on the dirty clothes. They could clean that up later.

 

He rolled over and Josh snuggled into his arms, still shaking as they came down from their high. Tyler pressed his face into Josh’s hair, breathing deep.

 

“You really should wear this kind of stuff more often,” Tyler sighed. “You look so hot in skirts and dresses. And god, those socks.”

 

Josh shifted to nuzzle into Tyler’s neck, eyelashes fluttering against his throat. “I kind of went hunting a couple of days before we came back for school,” he admitted. “In thrift shops and stuff. Found some cute stuff. It was hard finding clothes that fit, though. And the cashiers gave me the weirdest looks.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “You went clothes-shopping by yourself, but you couldn’t pick up a single pair of panties on your own? You had to get Debby to help you?”  
  
Josh grumbled. “Panties are different,” he said. “With the clothes – I could pretend they were for my sisters or something. Underwear is different.”  
  
“Straight guys buy underwear for their girlfriends all the time,” Tyler pointed out. “You see ‘em in Victoria’s Secret and stuff. Looking all awkward. You see more men buying underwear for their girlfriends, than you see buying clothes for their sisters.”

 

“Yeah, well. Whatever,” Josh mumbled. “Panties was just the last straw for me, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Tyler said, letting the argument go. He kissed Josh on the top of his head. “You looked really cute tonight.”

 

Josh smiled into Tyler’s neck. “Thank you,” he murmured. “So did you.”  
  
“I wasn’t even wearing anything.”  
  
“Exactly. You’re cute when you’re naked and clinging onto me.”

 

Tyler’s cheeks felt warm. “It’s a bit late for dirty talk, baby.”  
  
“Is it?” Josh looked up and kissed Tyler’s jaw. “Is it really?”

 

Tyler giggled, but nodded. “Yes,” he insisted. “I’m sore and tired. And we both have school tomorrow. We need sleep. We can go crazy when it’s not a school night, okay?”  
  
“Okay, _Mom_ ,” Josh sighed, and Tyler smirked.

“More like Daddy,” Tyler said in a low voice. Josh squirmed, and Tyler laughed.

 

“Okay, seriously, we need to go to sleep,” Tyler said. “Goodnight, baby.”

 

“Goodnight,” Josh said, nestling down into Tyler’s arms.

 

Tyler felt himself drifting off. But right before he was pulled into sleep, he heard something that made his eyes snap open and his heart pound, and before he knew it, he was wide awake, filled with something in between terror and joy.

 

“ _Love you,_ ” Josh whispered under his breath, no doubt thinking Tyler was already asleep.

Tyler’s whole body thrummed with the words. _Love you. Love. Love. Love._

 

Tyler shut his eyes, hugging Josh tight. He was too afraid to say it, but he fell asleep with the words waiting on his tongue.

 

_Love you too, Josh._

 

* * *

 

 

Tuesday afternoon saw Josh trying to finish unpacking.  
He’d unpacked most of his stuff the Sunday he got back to school, but with Gerard around, he felt weird pulling out armfuls of feminine clothes. So he’d left that stuff in his bags and shoved them under his bed, hoping he’d have the room to himself to put it all away properly.

 

Fortunately, Gerard had gone to see Frank after school, which left Josh free to dig out the dresses and skirts and fold them up, put them away in his cupboard, hide them in the very bottom drawer. Keep them hidden, but also organised and easy to access.

 

He was happily folding up a cute mini-dress with risque sheer lacy panels, when the door opened. Josh froze in terror, silently praying it was just Tyler.

 

It was Gerard.

 

He stared at Josh. Stared at the dress. Stared at Josh.

 

Gerard swallowed.

 

“Is – is that yours?” Gerard stammered, voice oddly high-pitched. Gerard had a chipmunk voice at the best of times, so what came out now was a shaky, helium whisper.

 

His reaction took Josh very much by surprise. Josh had expected him to laugh, crack some dumb joke, make him feel awkward or stupid. Not... whatever this was.

 

Gerard looked panicked.

 

Josh swallowed. There was no use hiding it. If Gerard didn’t like it, he was going to have to put up with it, or request a new roommate.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I – um – was gonna wear it for Tyler.”  
  
Gerard’s face changed. He grimaced, looking disgusted, and sat down heavily on the bed, pressing his face into his hands.

 

“Just some sexual fetish thing, huh?” he said, and his voice broke oddly at the end.

 

Josh was bewildered. This was _Gerard_. Why was Gerard acting so strange? So... revulsed?

Gerard was the most liberal person he knew. Gerard was a feminist social justice warrior who refused to do dissections in Science classes and complained about misogynistic passages in the Bible.

If he’d expected anyone to be okay about the dresses, it was Gerard.

 

“Yeah,” Josh snapped, shoving the dress into the drawer. “Look, if you don’t like it, you can ask Jimmy or Steve for a new roommate.”

 

Gerard groaned, massaging his eye sockets.

 

“That’s – it’s not like that, Josh,” he mumbled. “I just..”  
  
He looked up. He looked beyond tired. Tired in a way that wasn’t fixed by extra sleep.  
Josh stopped shoving things into drawers.

 

“It’s just... why do guys in dresses always have to be a sexual thing?” Gerard asked. Josh blinked. It sounded like he was deflecting, changing topic, but not really.

 

“It doesn’t have to be, I guess,” Josh said. “If you wanted to wear a dress, like just around, you totally could. I wouldn’t judge.”  
  
Gerard snorted. “But I couldn’t. I couldn’t, Josh. You can wear skimpy little skirts and shit for Tyler, but I can’t wear a dress to school if I want. I can’t present as anything other than masculine if I want to.”

 

Josh blinked.  
  
This wasn’t some kind of weird uncharacteristic disgust towards Josh.

This was something about Gerard himself.

 

“Do – do you want to wear dresses?” Josh asked. “Like, to school or whatever?”

 

Gerard groaned. “It’s not about just dresses.”  
  
“Then what is it about? Because you’re not making a lot of sense right now,” Josh said.

  
Gerard looked down again, refusing to meet Josh’s eyes.

 

“You know Lola?” he said. “How they... like... they don’t want to present or be read as male or female. Neither, something else.”

 

“Yeah,” Josh said.

 

“It’s – I’m like that,” Gerard explained. “I don’t.. I’ve never really felt male, not really. I was never comfortable with that. But... I’m not fully comfortable with femininity, either? Like, I identify a lot more with femininity than masculinity in a lot of ways, but to see myself as a girl, that’s not right either. Male or female, neither’s quite right.”  
  
“So you’re like Lola,” Josh said. “What’s the word again?”  
  
“Non-binary. They’re non-binary.”  
Gerard finally looked up, still looking hesitant, nervous. “I guess I’m non-binary too.”

 

Oh.

 

Josh nodded. “Okay,” he said. “Well... I guess I won’t say I’m not surprised. Just because you always seem so confident in yourself, I guess. But I guess it explains why you and Lola are so close.”  
  
Gerard smirked. “That’s part of it,” he said. “Also Lola’s just really great. I love them a lot.”  
  
“So.. do you want me to start using they-them for you? Like with Lola?” Josh asked.

 

Gerard shrugged. “Well, I guess if you wanted to,” they said. “He/his, they/them, either is fine. Just.. don’t call me a guy. Or think of me as a guy, I guess. Because, essentially, I’m not one.”  
  
“Okay.” Josh shifted. “Does... have you told anyone else? Frank?”  
  
Gerard shook their head. “No. Just Lola, and now you.”  
  
Josh blinked. “Okay. Wow. Is this a recent thing?”  
  
Gerard grimaced. “No,” they said. “This – it’s not something that just _happens_ , Josh. It just... always is. You always feel kind of not right, and for a long time you can’t figure out why, until someone says something or you read something that makes sense and you realise, oh. That’s what it is. That’s why I feel this way. I’m not crazy. I’m not broken. It’s okay.”  
  
“How come you’ve never told anyone about it?” Josh asked. “Not Tyler, not Frank?”

 

“They – I don’t know if they’d get it,” Gerard said. “I mean, just because they’re gay, doesn’t mean they always understand everything to do with sexuality and gender. Hell, _I_ don’t even understand everything about sexuality and gender. Even my own gender. How can I explain it to them when I can’t even explain it to myself?”  
  
“You explained it to me,” Josh said. “And even if they don’t get it – like, I won’t lie to you, I don’t understand it fully myself. I’m still wrapping my head around Lola. But that doesn’t mean I won’t make every effort to try to understand, or help you. I’m not gonna stop being your friend just because I don’t understand everything yet. And if you need me to do anything, use different pronouns, whatever, I’ll do it. If it helps you feel comfortable, safe, then I’ll do it. And I’m sure Tyler and Frank would do the same.”

 

Gerard groaned. “That’s not just it,” they said. “What happens if they don’t want to get it, Josh? Even if it’s a small chance they won’t, there’s still a chance they won’t try to be supportive like you’re doing. What if they react badly? What if Frank dumps me? I can’t go through that. I can’t risk that.”  
  
“You’re not risking anything,” Josh insisted. “Why would Frank dump you? He adores you. And Tyler’s been your best friend for years. I don’t know what you guys have been through together exactly, but it sounds like too much for him to stop talking to you just because, oh, hey, you’re not a dude.”

 

Gerard shook their head. “No. No, it just makes it all the worse, it’s just more for me to lose if they react badly. I can’t do it, Josh.”  
  
Josh sighed. “Okay, well,” he said. “We haven’t tackled the other thing yet. Do you want to wear a dress?”  
  
Gerard flushed. “Maybe? I don’t know,” they said. “I just... don’t want to feel so masculine, sometimes.”  
  
Josh rummaged through his bottom drawer and pulled out a dress. It was more demure than the others, a black skater dress with elbow-length sleeves and a scoop neck. Josh had picked it out because it had grey cat-shaped pockets on the sides. It wasn’t like the other skimpy or see-through dresses, this one he figured someone could wear comfortably in public. He held it up.

  
“If it fits me, it’ll definitely fit you,” he said. “Try it on.”

 

Gerard smirked. “Cat pockets,” they said. They took the dress.

 

Josh looked away while Gerard changed, glancing at his phone. A few texts from Tyler. He could wait.

 

“Okay, it’s on.”  
  
Josh looked up.

 

“I don’t know about my legs,” Gerard said nervously. “I have weird knees.”  
  
“Your knees are fine,” Josh said. “You look good, d – Gerard.” He had to stop himself from calling Gerard _‘dude’_. He was going to have to get out of the habit of masculine nicknames, he realised.

 

Gerard shifted, looking less uncomfortable. They twisted their hips, swishing the skirt a little.

 

They actually looked pretty good. They were a tall person, with wide shoulders and a generally masculine silhouette, but Gerard had nice legs and arms. If they grew their hair out, shaved their legs, they could pass pretty convincingly as female. Right now, with a bowl cut and awkward stance, Gerard still looked very masculine. But a few small things, a bit of makeup, posture change, that could fix those things pretty easily.

 

Josh stood up, nodding approvingly. “Maybe if you push your shoulders back a bit,” he suggested. “Stop hiding so much.”  
  
Gerard sighed. “I can’t stand up totally straight, I have a back condition,” they said, but they still managed to roll their shoulders back a little.

 

“Or, like... pop your hip a little,” Josh said. Gerard rolled their eyes, then snapped instantly into a feminine stance, as if they’d practiced posing a hundred times in the mirror.

 

Josh blinked. “Um, yeah,” he said. “That worked.”  
  


Gerard fiddled with the pockets. “I don’t know,” they said. “I still don’t think I could, like, walk out like this. People will think I’m weird.”

 

Josh was about to open his mouth to answer, when the door swung open.

 

This time it _was_ Tyler.

 

Gerard squeaked and grabbed the hem of the dress, pulling it down as if covering their knees might somehow hide the fact that they were, well, wearing a dress. Josh jumped back in surprise.

 

And Tyler stood in the doorway, stunned mullet expression fixed firmly on his face, as if completely unable to make sense of the scene in front of him.

 

He blinked. Shut the door behind him. Josh’s throat had closed. For a few moments, nobody said anything, and silence stretched out painfully loud. Josh’s heartbeat pounded in his ears. He couldn’t imagine how terrified Gerard probably felt.

 

Tyler stared at them both.

 

Fixed a glare on Josh.

 

“What’s going on?” he demanded.

 

Josh blinked. Why was Tyler asking him?

 

Tyler looked nervous now, fidgeting with his hands. “Look, I don’t want to judge,” he said. His eyes darted around the room, first staring at Josh, then glancing up at Gerard, finally locking on the floor.

 

“But – Gerard? Josh, seriously? You’re messing around with my best friend?”

 

Josh blinked.

 

Tyler thought he was cheating on him with _Gerard?_

 

He ran through the scenario in his head. Tyler opens door. Sees Josh standing in front of Gerard. Gerard in a dress. Okay. He could maybe see how Tyler had jumped to that conclusion.

 

“Tyler, that’s not it,” Josh started. Tyler held his hand up.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said, and his voice actually cracked. Oh, _Tyler._

 

“Well, you’re going to have to,” Gerard snapped. “Tyler, sit down.”  
  
Tyler immediately sat down on Josh’s bed, looking shocked. Gerard stood in front of him with their hands on their hips, an expression of fury on their face. And, maybe, the slightest tinge of fear.

 

“Josh isn’t fucking around with me,” Gerard said. “Look at the kid. He’s head over heels for you. One weird-looking scenario, and you jump to cheating as your conclusion? Tyler, I’m disappointed.”  
  
Tyler opened and closed his mouth, goldfish-like. He looked too stunned to respond.

 

“I’m not wearing a dress as some weird sexual thing for Josh,” Gerard said. “That’s your thing. Fucking christ, Tyler, not everyone is this school is as kinky as you two, believe it or not.”

 

Gerard moved their hands from their hips in front of their stomach, fidgeting. They looked even more nervous.

 

“I’m wearing a dress – because – I don’t -”  
  
Gerard took a deep breath.

 

“Tyler, you know how Lola’s not really a dude or a chick? They’re just... neither. Something else.”

 

Tyler nodded.

 

“I’m like that too,” Gerard said. “I kind of... Lola’s the only one who really knows. Josh kind of found out by accident today. And you, well, you’re the third person who knows, now. But.. this isn’t new. I’ve always been – the term is non-binary.”

 

Tyler took a deep breath, nodding. “Okay,” he said. “So you’re like Lola. Okay. The dress, though?”  
  
“Well..” Gerard glanced at Josh.

“Sometimes... I just don’t want to feel so masculine, you know? I never really related to masculinity that well, I guess. And today – was one of those days, where being a dude – pretending to be a dude – it got too much. Too hard. And I found out Josh had all these dresses, and Josh was kind enough to let me try one on. Just to see how it feels, you know?”  
  
Gerard swished the dress again, looking more comfortable in it. “And it’s helping, kind of. I don’t just... feel like a dude. Which is nice. Different.”

 

Tyler nodded. “Okay,” he said. “That’s – that’s actually a huge relief. Okay, um. So you’ve been... not a dude the whole time?”  
  
Gerard shook his head.

 

“Do – do you want different pronouns, like Lola?” Tyler asked. “What about – I know some people change their names...”

 

“I’m not changing my name,” Gerard said. “But they/them or he/his is fine. Whichever, it doesn’t bother me. If it’s easier for you to use he/him, that’s fine. But just don’t call me a dude, you know?”  
  
Tyler nodded. “I’m going to fuck up,” he warned Gerard. “I don’t know how good I’ll be at this.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Gerard said. “Just try to make the effort? Please? If I know you’re trying to make effort, that’s better than knowing you’re making no effort at all.”  
  
Tyler snorted. “Of course,” he said. “Like, if it helps, then I’ll do it.”  
  
Gerard blinked. “You’re not mad?” they asked. “Or... weirded out? This isn’t weird for you?”  
  
“Well, I’m not used to the dress,” Tyler said. “But c’mon. We’ve dealt with so much worse. Did you really think I was gonna ditch you over a dress and different pronouns?”

 

Gerard looked like they were going to cry.

 

“So Frank doesn’t know? Nobody else knows?” Tyler asked, and Gerard shook their head.

 

“No, just you two and Lola,” Gerard said. “I don’t know – I don’t know how Frank will take it. Or anyone else. God, imagine trying to tell all our friends.”  
  
“Why not?” Tyler said. “I mean, Frank’s head over heels for you. He’ll be fine. And I don’t see why anyone else would have a problem – your brother won’t, Ray won’t. Pete and his friends will be cool.”  
  
Gerard chewed their lip. “You really think they’ll be okay with it?”  
  
“If not, we’ll back you up,” Tyler said. “Right, Josh?”  
  
Josh nodded. “Yeah, you’ve got us,” he agreed.

 

Gerard’s lips pulled into a smile for the first time since they’d walked into the bedroom.

 

“Thanks guys,” they mumbled. “And – Josh. Can... can I hang onto the dress?”  
  
Josh nodded. “Sure, I’ve got heaps, so you can borrow any of mine if you like them,” he said, and Gerard beamed.

 

* * *

 

 

Later, at dinner, out of the dress and back in school uniform, Gerard cleared their throat.

 

“So, um, who had Chemistry today?” they asked.

 

Patrick nodded, grinning. “Lola showed us a bunch of carbon reactions, it was great,” he said. “Not as explosive as usual. I guess the school board is trying to get them to tone down the class experiments.”  
  
“Yeah, Lola’s pretty crazy,” Pete said with a loud laugh. “They’re always blowing shit up. It’s crazier than a Mythbusters episode.”  
  
Gerard looked uncomfortable at that comment, so Tyler cleared his throat. “We had Chem today, didn’t we, Josh?” he said. “Lola was great. We didn’t get the carbon reactions like in your class, Patrick, but we got a cool demo with metal and electromagnets. Lola really knows their stuff.”  
  
Josh nodded. “Yeah, it was super cool,” he said. “Not as explosive, but Lola knows more about Chemistry than just cool explosions, obviously.”

 

Gerard smiled gratefully at the two boys while the discussion continued, the group sharing stories about Lola’s antics in class. Overall, it seemed everyone had a pretty high opinion of the Chemistry teacher.

 

“I kind of struggled with the pronouns at first,” Josh admitted, clearing his throat. His voice was a little shaky; he was clearly nervous about bringing up Lola’s gender. Tyler saw what he was doing; by redirecting the topic to Lola’s gender, he could open up discussion so Gerard could gauge whether everyone respected them or not. If they were all respectful of Lola’s gender, they may well be respectful of Gerard’s as well, which would give Gerard an opportunity to safely come out.

 

“Me too,” Patrick admitted. “I hadn’t heard of anyone being non-binary before, it took me a while to get it. But I think I get it now. And the pronouns aren’t hard once you get used to them.”  
  
The rest of the table gave similar responses, all agreeing that Lola was just Lola, and their pronouns were their pronouns. “Doesn’t make a difference to me,” Frank said. “If it’s what feels right to them, then that’s that.”

 

Conversation petered out again, and Gerard looked around, taking a deep breath.

 

“So, uh, if any students came out as non-binary, like Lola – what would you guys do?”  
  
Subtlety was obviously not Gerard’s strong point; Tyler winced.  
The group all glanced around. Frank’s eyes were huge.

 

“It’d be cool,” Mikey piped up. “I guess I’d struggle with the pronouns more if it was someone I knew, though. Like if I’d always referred to them as a dude, it’d take a while to adjust. But I’d do it. Like, my speech habits aren’t more important than someone I care about feeling safe.”  
  
The whole table murmured agreement. Tyler was pretty sure Mikey wasn’t just speaking hypothetically. He was looking straight at his older sibling.

 

“Why?” Pete piped up. “You know anyone who’s coming out, Gerard?”  
  
Mikey elbowed Pete hard. Gerard gulped, eyes darting around nervously.

 

“Well, um,” they stammered. “Maybe. I guess. I – yeah. I’ve known for a while. I’m like Lola. Non-binary. Not a dude.”  
  
There was a moment of silence, then Frank cleared his throat and spoke. “What pronouns do you want?” he asked. “And your name – are you changing your name?”

 

Gerard blinked, looking bewildered. “Um,” they said. “I’m not changing my name. And – they/them is good, but he/his is good too if that’s easier. Just... don’t think of me as a dude, I guess.”  
  
“That’s cool,” Frank said. “Thanks for telling us, babe. Is there anything else?”

 

Gerard shook their head. “N-no,” they said. They were blinking hard, looking on the verge of tears. “Nothing else, just that. That’s all.”  
  
“Cool,” Frank said. He spoke casually, as if Gerard had just told them they were getting a haircut, not coming out about their gender. But he reached around Gerard’s shoulders and squeezed them reassuringly, giving them a look that said, _it’s okay._

 

“Jesus Christ you guys,” Andy said, eyes lighting up. “Dessert’s out. And it’s _ice cream sandwiches._ ”

The whole table turned to crane their necks and whoop at the rare treat – dessert at school was usually fruit with lumpy custard, or some sort of packet-mix pudding. Actual ice cream was like striking gold, and the dining hall erupted with excitement.

 

Gerard laughed and cheered too, eyes brighter than usual. Tyler wondered; how long had they been keeping quiet about being non-binary? Gerard couldn’t have known about there being other genders for long; that kind of information was hardly easily accessible in a Catholic school. But surely they’d felt out of place for a long time. Even before realising they were non-binary, they had to have felt different. Like they were hiding something, without really knowing what.

 

And now Gerard didn’t have to hide; at least, not with their friends, not with Frank.

They looked happier than they had in a very long time, and Tyler didn’t think it was the ice cream.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer; I'm not trans or NB, so if any trans/NB folks have any criticisms, if I'm at all coming across as insensitive/misleading/offensive, then please let me know. 
> 
> Thanks so much, guys, and thanks for reading! :D


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tyler attempts to drag Josh into mischief in yet another semi-public place, but his plans are foiled when they're interrupted by one of their fellow students, who's drunk the the point of being unable to stand. Darn. Looks like Tyler's gonna have to use his imagination on this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content/trigger warnings for drunkenness, alcohol abuse, and vomit - all related to the aforementioned drunken student. 
> 
> Sorry for the delay, friends! This chapter kicked my butt a little. I'm excited for the next lot of chapters though, so hopefully they won't take so long! Eeeeee. Thanks so much for staying with me through this, frens <3

The next day, Gerard called off band practice. “We can have an afternoon off,” they’d said, and their cheeks had been ever so slightly pink.

 

And that afternoon, Josh had returned to his room to find Gerard picking outfits, and found himself helping Gerard dress for a date with Frank.

 

“I just figured – we need to talk, I guess,” Gerard explained. “I need to know if he’s actually okay with everything. And he needs to know exactly what’s going on with me. We just need some time to sit, talk, chill out for a bit. That’s all.”

 

In the end Gerard was still too hesitant to try wearing a dress or skirt, but they left the room looking pretty great nonetheless. They’d dug up a horizontally striped black-and-white long sleeved shirt that Lindsey had left with them once.

Josh lent Gerard his tightest pair of skinny jeans; Gerard normally stuck with flares or wide, loose pants, but after strutting in the room for a moment, they grinned. “I might have to grab some pairs of my own,” they said. “Maybe after coffee.”

 

A pair of white converse, a black-and-white leopard print belt, leather jacket, and liberal eyeliner completed the look. Josh mussed up Gerard’s bowl cut a bit with some gel, taking some of the dorky-choir-boy element out of it, making it look a bit edgier. Gerard even popped on some lipgloss. They held up a cotton tote bag, chewing their lip. “Too much?” they asked.

 

Josh shook his head. “Nah, it’s good,” he said. “Something to keep your lipgloss and stuff in, I guess. Still pretty neutral.”

 

Gerard grinned. “Thanks, Josh,” they said. “I really appreciate everything. It.. it means a lot.”  
  
Josh shrugged. “I told you, I’m gonna help you any way I can,” he said. “That’s all there is to it. And besides, you help me out with my own issues. I’d be a terrible friend if I didn’t try to help you in return.”

 

Gerard nodded, then pulled Josh into a hug. “I mean it,” they said. “You’re a real winner, kid.”

 

They let go, still grinning. “I’d better go, or Frank will whinge about me being late,” they said. “But seriously, thank you. See you, Josh.”  
  


With that, Gerard left the room. They’d still looked mostly masculine, but Josh immediately noticed the difference that the small feminine touches made. Gerard looked more comfortable, settled. He’d even swayed his hips a little leaving the room. Josh grinned. He hoped their date with Frank went well.

 

He didn’t mind band practice being cancelled, not really. It left him time to spend with Tyler, and how could he turn his nose up at that?  
He left his room, heading to Tyler’s and knocking on the door.

 

“Hey, babe,” Josh said, opening the door. Tyler looked up from the bed where he was scribbling into a notebook.  
  
“Whatcha got there?” Josh asked, and Tyler flushed, closing the notebook and shoving it in a drawer.  
“Nothing,” he said. “So Gerard went off on his – their – date?”  
  
“Yeah, they’re gone with Frank,” Josh said, sitting on the bed. He bumped his forehead against Tyler’s shoulder. “They said they were cool with he/his pronouns, remember,” Josh reminded him. “Don’t worry so much about it. Gerard just doesn’t want us to consider them a dude, that’s the important thing.”  
  
“Yeah, I know,” Tyler said. He was chewing his lip. “But – I just want to get it right,” he said. “Like – for so long I just _assumed_. I called Gerard ‘dude’ all the time. I do it in general, call people dude, girl, whatever. How many people are like Gerard, though? What if I’ve called someone the wrong thing and not even realised?”

 

Josh shrugged. “I guess I might have done it too,” he admitted. “Like – I only recently learned about people being anything other than male or female. And that people aren’t always obviously presenting as their gender. So, like.. it’s a habit we’re gonna have to break, I guess. We’re gonna have to stop assuming.”

 

Tyler groaned. “But if it’s happened already..”  
  
“If it’s happened already, then there’s nothing you can do about it. Just make sure you don’t do it again. That’s kind of the only way to make up for it, I guess.”

 

Tyler nodded, quiet again. There was something about his broodiness that was making Josh nervous.

 

He rested his cheek on Tyler’s shoulder. “Well, I don’t have band practice,” he said. “You wanna do something? Go to the Music block, library? We could try get a pass to go into town, check out the music store – probably kind of late to ask for a pass, but Jimmy’s on duty, I don’t think he’d mind us asking late.”  
  
Tyler shrugged. A slow grin spread across his face. “Actually,” he said. “I had an idea.”  
  
Josh sat up. “Like, an _idea_ idea?”  
  
Tyler nodded, grinning mischievously. “You reckon we could sneak into the belfry tower?”  
  
Josh felt himself go pale. “Oh no,” he mumbled. “No, no, no. Bad idea. Very bad idea. Do you have any idea how much trouble – it was bad enough in the confessional! We’re not gonna get away with that twice. No way. No. Tyler, no.”  
  
He crossed his arms. “I’m sorry, Tyler,” he said as sternly as he could manage. “But we’re not doing this. It’s too risky. I’m putting my foot down.”

 

So Josh was entirely bewildered to find himself, about twenty minutes later, gasping into Tyler’s mouth while he pushed Josh backwards through the door in the vestry that led into the belfry tower.

“Hold on, there’s stairs,” Tyler whispered, pulling away, and he took Josh’s hand and led him up the stairs where the bell was housed.  
Josh’s heart was still thumping, but he could feel a slow grin spreading over his face as they ascended the stairs. This idea was totally crazy, and he couldn’t quite figure out how Tyler had convinced him into it.

 

But it was also totally hot. There was something about the fear, the danger, that made it all the more exciting, made every flutter of arousal when Tyler pulled at him more intense.

 

They reached the top of the stairs, and Tyler pushed open the door of the chamber where the bell hung. Josh shut the door, and Tyler shoved him against the wall, kissing him hard, insistently.

 

A loud groan echoed in the chamber.

 

Josh and Tyler froze.

 

Someone else was in the bell chamber.

 

Josh was afraid to look. His eyes snapped shut. He could feel his throat closing up, and he pushed back into the wall, drawing his hands away from Tyler, curling them up to his chest. Who was there? How much had they seen? How much trouble was he and Tyler in, would they be expelled, would his parents be told, oh god oh _god_ -

 

Tyler kept a hand on Josh’s shoulder, firm but not too tight. He was massaging circles into the muscle with his thumb. Josh hung onto the circles.

 

“Josh, it’s okay,” Tyler hissed. “It’s Ed. You remember Ed? The English kid.”  
  
Josh sucked in a deep breath, opening his eyes. “N-not a teacher?” he managed.

 

Tyler shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think he even saw us,” he said. “He – well. It’s good for us I guess. Not for him. Check it out.”  
  
Josh felt a bit dizzy, legs shaky from coming down so fast from what had been building into a full-scale panic attack. Still, he followed Tyler around the bell, where a figure came into sight, splayed onto the wooden floor.

 

Josh recognised him now; a kid from Music. He’d never talked to Ed much, though he’d seen the kid sing and play guitar.  
He was a stocky redhead kid with funny blue eyes; but he had a voice like velvet that had most of the girls in the girls’ school wrapped around his pinkie. Many of the nuns, too.

 

And here he was, sprawled on the floor, eyes unfocused, empty wine bottle clutched in his hand. It wasn’t his first; other empty bottles lay scattered around the bell.

 

“And there I thought I was the only one getting into the Communion wine,” Tyler giggled. “Man, that’s bad.”  
  
“He doesn’t look good,” Josh said, chewing his lip. Ed was completely wasted, flat on his back, eyelids fluttering.

“We shouldn’t just leave him here,” Josh said. “Not like this.”  
  
Tyler stopped laughing, looking down at Ed again. The grin disappeared from his face as he took in just how terrible Ed looked. He chewed his lip and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said. He knelt down next to Ed, tapping his shoulder.

 

“Hey – Ed, you okay, buddy? You think you can sit up?”  
  
Ed just groaned, flopping his head to the side Tyler was on. That seemed about all he was capable of.  
  
“Okay,” Tyler said, and slid his arms under Ed, gently rolling him on his side. That way, if Ed was sick, he’d at least vomit on the floor.

 

“How are we going to get him down the stairs?” Josh asked. “Into the boarding house?! How can we do that?”

 

“With difficulty,” Tyler said. He looked unpleasantly calm about this. Like this wasn’t the first time he’d had to carry someone out of a belfry. “It’s possible, though. You grab the bottles, I’ve got Ed.”  
  
“You sure?” Josh asked. Ed wasn’t terribly big, but Tyler wasn’t exactly musclebound. He didn’t look strong enough to carry another boy down stairs.

 

“Yeah, I’ve carried heavier,” Tyler said. “You can get the doors for me.”  
  
He lifted Ed up, hooking the other boy’s arm over his neck, pulling him haphazardly to his feet. Ed grumbled, mumbling something about everything spinning. Tyler ignored him. “Josh, you got those bottles?”  
  
“Yeah,” Josh said. He had four bottles, two in each hand. How long had Ed been sitting here, drinking by himself?

 

“No wonder he’s pissed,” Tyler said, looking at the bottles. “Okay. I’m gonna get him on my back. You get the door, Josh.”  
  
Josh didn’t see Tyler pull Ed onto his back, but after he’d pulled the door open, he turned to see Ed’s arms pulled around Tyler’s neck, head lolling over his shoulder, Tyler’s hands gripping under Ed’s knees in a sort of piggyback. Tyler was leaning forward so Ed couldn’t fall back; Ed wasn’t even capable of clasping his hands together around Tyler’s neck.

 

“Here we go,” Tyler grunted. Josh felt sweat break out on the back of his neck watching Tyler gingerly descend the stairs, terrified he’d take a wrong step or slip or overbalance. But Tyler made it to the bottom of the stairs, Ed still on his back.

 

The three boys snuck out of the church, jogging through the school as quickly and silently as was possible with Tyler carrying another boy around his own weight. Mercifully, they didn’t run into anyone on the way.

 

Halfway to the boarding house, Tyler gasped and staggered to a halt, breathing hard. “Sorry,” he wheezed. “I haven’t done this in a while.”  
  
“You want me to take over?” Josh was still jumpy with adrenaline, and wanted to get back to the dorms as soon as possible, before they could get caught. He figured he could carry Ed the rest of the way, even with his legs shaky from nerves.

 

“You sure?” Tyler asked. Josh nodded.

 

Tyler slid Ed off his back, tilting him into Josh’s arms. Josh pulled Ed’s arms around his neck and hoisted the boy up, leaning over and grabbing his legs in the same sort of makeshift piggyback Tyler had used.

 

“Okay, let’s go,” Josh said, and they were moving again.

 

They made it to the house, and mercifully the front desk was unmanned. They got up the stairs, and made it to Josh and Gerard’s room before Josh felt his legs about to give up. “Here!” he gasped, and Tyler pushed the door open.

  
Josh staggered inside and threw Ed down onto his bed, shifting him around so he was lying on his side.

Ed suddenly stiffened, making desperate motions to sit up. He lurched forward, mouth opening.

 

Josh flinched back, suddenly realising Ed was about to throw up. Tyler moved faster, grabbing a discarded plastic bag off the floor, whipping it up to Ed’s face. Then Ed was vomiting, puking into the bag, holding himself up on Tyler’s shoulders while Tyler held up the plastic bag.

 

“Go find a bucket or something,” Tyler said. Josh was feeling nauseous; other people being sick always made him queasy himself. Tyler’s face was blank; he looked totally calm.

 

Josh nodded, just glad to be able to leave the room. He knew there was a janitor’s closet with buckets and mops and stuff down the hall; it didn’t take long to find a good-sized bucket, and he brought it back to his room.

 

He opened the door. Ed was still being sick. Tyler looked up, face stricken, until he saw it was just Josh.

 

“I was so worried you were gonna be Steve or Jimmy,” he said, grinning. “I’m so glad it’s you. You got a bucket?”

Josh nodded. Tyler smiled at him, taking the bucket. He gave the plastic bag to Josh.

 

“Could you take that to the bins in the bathroom for me?” Tyler asked. “Just tie it off and throw it in. That’ll be fine.”  
  
Josh nodded, but he still had to hold the bag at arm’s length, and he held his breath until he’d discarded it. He did it quickly, washing his hands afterwards, then returned straight to his room.

 

Ed seemed to be sick forever. Josh had never seen someone so ill before. Then again, he’d never seen someone so drunk before either.

 

Tyler had, clearly. A couple of times he asked Josh to go fill up a water bottle, coaxing Ed into sipping the water when he wasn’t puking. He took his jumper off, draping it over Ed’s shoulder’s. Ed only had a school shirt on, and half an hour after they got to their room he started violently shivering. And the whole time, Tyler was talking softly, trying to get Ed talking, trying to keep him awake. He didn’t seem to want to let Ed just pass out.

 

It was nearly dinner when the door opened again, and it was Gerard, back from their date.

 

They opened the door with a grin, but quickly it morphed into expression of horror that Josh had never seen, not even when Tyler had walked in on them in the dress the day before. Gerard froze, stricken.

 

“What’s going on?” Gerard asked. Their face was deathly white.

 

Tyler looked up, chewing his lip. “Sorry,” he said. “We found him in the belfry – he’d drunk, like, four bottles of wine. Didn’t want to leave him alone. I was hoping we’d get him back to his room, or mine, but we only made it this far.”  
  
Gerard remained frozen for a moment, before they sighed, rolling their eyes. “I’m not even gonna ask what you two were doing in the belfry,” they said. “Four bottles, huh? No wonder he’s fucked. How long has he been like this?”  
  
“We found him about an hour and a half ago?” Josh said. “He’s been puking for about an hour.”  
  
“You been giving him water?” Gerard asked, and Tyler nodded. “We’ve got about a gallon in him so far,” Tyler said. “He’s probably puked most of it back up, but I’ll give him more when he’s able to hold it down.”

 

Gerard sighed, sitting down on the floor next to Josh. “What a mess,” they sighed. “Wow. Been a while since you’ve had to deal with that, hey, Tyler.”  
  
Tyler twisted his mouth. “I guess,” he said. He didn’t seem to want to continue the subject.

 

Josh cleared his throat. “So, uh,” he said. “How did you go with Frank?”  
  
Gerard smiled. “It was good,” they said. “He was good. He – he’s okay with it all. Just kept asking questions about stuff. Websites to look up. Resources to learn about. He’s – well, he doesn’t quite get it, but he looks like he wants to learn. Which is good.”  
They sighed. “He just keeps saying he wants to do the right thing by me,” they said. “And... I believe him. I didn’t – didn’t expect him to react so well. I thought he’d at least be shocked, or upset. I didn’t expect him to just... accept it. And then start asking questions, trying to learn. He’s taking it seriously, taking me seriously. I can’t believe it. I mean – well, I believe him, but – I just never expected it.”  
  
Gerard’s eyes were very shiny. They seemed to be trying to tamp down their smile, but the corners of their lips kept quirking back up.

 

Ed groaned, and Gerard _flinched_. Tyler reached forward with the bucket.

 

Gerard shifted, looking uncomfortable. “It’s weird being, like, on the other end of this,” they said. “Oh man. Was I that bad, Tyler?”  
  
Tyler grinned back at him. “Worse,” he said. “You don’t remember puking all over my bed, do you?”  
  
Gerard didn’t laugh, shuffling around on the floor again. Tyler twisted his mouth. “It’s okay,” he said. “All that – it’s over now. We dealt with it. It’s fine.”  
  
“Yeah,” Gerard said quietly. They were fidgeting, hands kneading together frantically.

 

“You okay?” Josh asked. Gerard nodded.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” they said. “Did – has Tyler told you anything? About my.. problems?”  
  
Josh shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he said, glancing at Tyler. “Was it – to do with alcohol? Tyler never mentioned anything like that.”  
  
Gerard nodded. “Yeah, well,” he said. “Just so you know. You look confused. A couple years back, before Lola started here – I wasn’t in a good place. And I did basically what Ed’s doing right now. Most days after school.”

 

Josh looked at Ed, looked at Gerard. It was extremely hard to put them in Ed’s place, imagine them as the one sprawled on the bed, barely able to lift themselves up to puke into a bucket. The mental image made his skin crawl a little.

 

“But you’re okay now,” Tyler said. “Lola arrived, started seeing you outside of school. You got clean. We got through it. Okay?”  
  
“Yeah,” Gerard said. “Still... I did some stupid shit, Tyler. You, Frank, Mikey, the dudes – I put you all through a lot.”  
  
“And now you’re not doing any stupid shit,” Tyler said. Ed had stopped vomiting again; Tyler picked up the water bottle and made him drink more water. “It’s over. You’re better now, and that’s all that matters.”

 

Gerard frowned. “You never let me actually apologise.”  
  
Tyler smiled sweetly, shifting Ed so he was lying onto his side, arranging the jumper over him as a makeshift blanket. Ed’s eyes drifted shut.  
“Yeah,” Tyler said, “because there’s nothing to apologise for. Now shut up and talk about making goo-goo eyes with Frank again, Gerard.”

 

Gerard groaned disgustedly. “Like you can talk!” they snapped. “You fuckin’ pair of lovebirds. It’s sickening.”

 

The dinner bell rang, making them all jump.  
  
“Is he gonna be okay by himself?” Josh asked. “Should we tell Jimmy?”  
  
Tyler shook his head. “Nah, he’ll be fine now,” he said. “He’s got most of it out. He’ll still feel like death when he wakes up, but he’s got the worst of it over now. He just needs to sleep.”

 

Tyler stood up, leaving the bucket and water bottle within Ed’s reach, and the three of them left the room for dinner. Nobody mentioned Ed to either of the house-masters.

 

After dinner, Ed was still passed out on Josh’s bed, and neither Tyler nor Gerard were willing to try waking him up. “He’ll need as much unbroken sleep as he can get,” Tyler said.

 

Josh supposed that meant he wasn’t sleeping in his own bed tonight. That was fine; he and Tyler had a lot of catching up to do after Ed had ruined their plans for mischief in the belfry.

 

But Tyler avoided doing anything, at first; he seemed adamant to try and get some homework done before lights-out. Josh was impatient; he’d been antsy and excited since the belfry, and he _needed_ to relieve that tension. And Tyler ignoring him in favour of English assignments was driving him nuts.

 

“Will you stop?!” Tyler eventually snapped, after Josh ignored his explanations of themes in their most recent English text, instead trying to play with Tyler’s hair.

Tyler grabbed Josh’s arms, pushing him down on the floor. Josh stared up at him, feeling a little thrill at the heavy glare Tyler was fixing him with.

 

“God, you’re being such a brat,” Tyler grumbled. Josh felt his cheeks flush.

 

“Yeah, well, stop ignoring me,” Josh retorted. “I’m just gonna keep bugging you until you pay attention to me.”  
  
“Oh yeah?” Tyler had a glint in his eyes that didn’t bode well. Josh swallowed.

 

“Well,” Tyler said, voice switching to a low whisper. “I guess I’m just gonna have to punish you, baby. You can’t keep distracting me when we’re supposed to be studying. You’re being naughty, and you know that.”  
  
Josh tried to lift his arms, but Tyler’s grip was iron. “S-sorry, baby. I’ll stop.”

 

“No you won’t,” Tyler said. “You said you wouldn’t stop. So I’m gonna have to do something about that, aren’t I?”

 

Tyler lifted Josh up, pulling him onto the bed. He straddled Josh, pinning his arms to his sides with his legs, and leaned over him to rummage in the bedside drawer.  
  
He pulled something out – handcuffs. When had Tyler gotten handcuffs?

Tyler dropped the handcuffs on the bed, then released Josh’s arms, pulling them up over his head and shackling them to the headboard.

 

Josh swallowed. “Tyler, what are you doing?”  
  
“Did I say you could speak?”  
Tyler ground hard down on Josh, forcing a moan from him. Oh god, he was so hard already. If Tyler didn’t do something soon, he’d explode.

 

And then Tyler grinned, giggling as he climbed off Josh and sat back down on the floor.

Josh groaned, pulling at the handcuffs. “Tyler, what are you doing? Come back!”  
  
“Every time you talk, I’m just gonna study longer,” Tyler said. “Hell, I might even take a shower.”  
  
Josh made a strangled noise in his throat. “You can’t just leave me here!”  
  
Tyler smirked at him. “Scratch that, I’m definitely taking a shower,” he said. Josh groaned.

 

The next half hour was agonising, waiting for Tyler to finish his homework. The handcuffs dug unpleasantly into Josh’s wrists, and his arms were getting sore. Not to mention his throbbing hard-on.  
He pressed his knees together desperately, shifting around to get some friction, but it wasn’t enough.

 

Worse, Tyler seemed to be taking every opportunity to tease him, from sucking obnoxiously loudly on his pen, to leaning back and stretching his arms and neck every few minutes, making dramatic sighs and moans as he did so. He tilted his head back, exposing his throat, looking at Josh through half-lidded eyes. His neck cracked, and Tyler released the softest moan.

 

Josh struggled hard against the handcuffs. He was going to break either them or the metal headboard, soon enough.

 

And then Tyler was putting away his English books, standing up and grabbing his towel. He looked down, grinning cheekily at Josh, leaning down to slowly stroke his neck. Josh shivered.

“See you later, baby,” Tyler said, and left the room.

 

Josh swore louder and filthier than he’d ever done in his life. He slumped down onto the bed, furious at Tyler, furious at himself, furious at everything. He glared at the wall. Stupid bricks. Who even used bricks for interior rooms anyway? Bricks looked stupid. Tyler was stupid. Everything was stupid.

His throat was still on fire from where Tyler had stroked him, fingers slowly caressing the sensitive skin under his jaw. The memory of it was driving him crazy.

 

He sighed. A few months ago, he’d never have thought of ditching study for sex like this. But then Tyler had happened. And, astonishingly, Tyler had suddenly decided study was more important than sex.

Apparently, it seemed, so was showering. Tyler was taking an infuriatingly long time with it.

 

Finally, the door opened again, and Tyler shuffled in with the towel wrapped around his waist. He smiled innocently at Josh, who was doing his best to fix Tyler with his ugliest, most furious scowl.

 

Tyler just giggled. “Aw,” he crooned. “Is my sweet kitten a little bit cranky?”  
  
Josh couldn’t stop the flush spreading across his cheeks. It was very hard to glower when Tyler called him that.

 

Tyler hit the lights, and dropped the towel. He crawled up onto Josh, pulling at the buttons on his shirt. Josh squirmed at Tyler’s touch.

  
“Why did you just leave me like that?” Josh demanded. Tyler smirked.

“You were being a brat,” he said. “Had to punish you, baby. If you keep whinging, I won’t suck you off.”  
  


Josh groaned. “You’re the worst,” he whined, as Tyler finished unbuttoning his shirt and traced his hands down Josh’s bare chest.

 

“You keep complaining, I’m just gonna leave you handcuffed all night and not even touch you,” Tyler said. “Settle down already. You’ve been a pain all night.”  
  
“Can you blame me?” Josh said. He opened his mouth to launch into a tirade about how everything had gone wrong since the belfry incident, only to choke out a moan as Tyler pressed his hand against his erection, palming him through the fabric. Josh’s hips bucked instinctively, and Tyler giggled and pushed his hips down with his other hand.  
  
“You’re impatient as hell tonight,” Tyler said, leaning down to suck and bite at Josh’s neck. Josh could only moan in response.

 

“You want me to teach you how to be patient?” Tyler growled into his throat. “I could do that. Teach you not to be such a greedy little thing.”  
  
Josh didn’t want to learn patience. He wanted Tyler to rip his pants off, touch him, devour him, he _needed_ him, needed him now. But right now he didn’t have the words.

 

“Tyler, please,” Josh whimpered, and Tyler smiled.  
“Using your manners,” he said. “That’s a good start, baby.”

 

He kissed down Josh’s chest, pinching and sucking his nipples. Josh moaned, straining at the handcuffs.  
  
“What is with you today?” Tyler asked, unbuttoning Josh’s pants. “You’re so restless.”

 

“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever,” Josh said. “Technically we got started after school, remember? Now it’s lights-out, it’s been _hours_. And you got me hard before you abandoned me for homework, you ass. How long was your shower? I feel like I’ve been hard for two hours.”

 

Tyler giggled, pulling down Josh’s boxers and grasping his cock, effectively ending Josh’s rant.

Josh gasped and bucked up into Tyler’s hand. “Ty, oh – please,” he whimpered.

 

“Shh, I got you,” Tyler said, straddling Josh’s hips. He reached for the lube and a condom, pulling whimpers from Josh as he slid the condom on his cock and lubed him up. Josh was already oversensitive, moaning every time Tyler brushed against him.

 

“You – you good?” Josh asked when Tyler was done. Tyler snorted. “Baby, why do you think I took so long in the shower?” he asked. “I’m ready to go. You relax, alright?”  
  
Josh snorted. “ ‘Relax’ is a funny way of – oh Christ!”

He choked off with a moan, eyes snapping wide and mouth falling open as Tyler lowered onto his cock, taking him completely. Tyler’s eyelashes fluttered as he bottomed out, angling his hips so Josh’s cock hit his prostate. He tilted his head back, moaning softly.

 

Josh’s wrists were already wrecked by the handcuffs, but he still tugged against them, whimpering. “Oh god, Ty,” he panted. “Ty, baby, please, _please_.”

 

Tyler shushed him gently, pressing his splayed hands onto Josh’s chest. He lifted himself up on his knees, and dropped back down, drawing another moan from Josh. Josh’s gasps only grew more vocal as Tyler built up a rhythm, head thrown back into the pillows to expose his neck. Tyler leaned down to pepper it with bites and kisses, tangling his hands in Josh’s hair.

 

Tyler bounced faster, watching Josh’s eyes roll back with the increased speed. He sat back up,

arching back and resting his hands on Josh’s thighs, thrusting harder on the new angle; Josh responded, bucking his hips up in time with Tyler’s rhythm.

Tyler could feel his legs beginning to shake; he’d gotten the angle so that Josh’s cock was hitting his prostate just right, and the pleasure was causing stars to pop in front of his eyes. He wasn’t going to last long.

 

Neither was Josh, evidently. He was writhing and moaning, struggling against the handcuffs, a stream of hushed babble pouring from his open, panting mouth.

 

“Tyler, I’m gonna,” Josh gasped. “Oh, oh – _oh_ -”

 

His head rolled back, eyes fluttering shut, hips thrusting up messily into Tyler. His mouth hung open and slack, sweaty curls spread out around his head on the pillow, every wonderful defined muscle in his body pulled taut.

 

Tyler rode him through his orgasm, until Josh’s hips stuttered and stilled, and he slumped into the bed, muscles slack.  
Tyler rolled off him, curling into his side. He held him through the afterglow for a few moments, Josh panting into his neck.

God, Josh was so beautiful like this. Loose-limbed and wide-eyed, exhausted and exhilarated. Post-orgasm Josh virtually glowed, and if Tyler didn’t focus his eyes, he could imagine a blurry halo.  
Josh was gorgeous.

 

“Please,” Josh panted. “Get me out of these stupid handcuffs, I swear to _god_.”

 

Tyler giggled, first attending to the condom, pulling it off Josh and tying it up, throwing it into the wastebin. He leaned over Josh to open the bedside drawer again, retrieving the key. He released Josh from the handcuffs, and took his wrists, gently massaging and kissing the red marks.

“You were _so_ good,” Tyler murmured. “So, so good. I’m sorry about the bruises, baby.”  
  
“It’s okay, my hands are fine,” Josh said. “Ty, you’re still shaking.”  
  
Tyler had forgotten. His whole body was still taut, pent-up desire hard in his cock still. Riding Josh had brought him right to the edge, but he hadn’t come yet.

 

“It’s fine,” Tyler insisted, but Josh shook his head, pushing Tyler back onto the bed, freed hands roaming his chest. He slid down to Tyler’s hard cock, kitten-licking the tip gently, drawing a moan from Tyler.

He dragged his tongue up the underside of Tyler’s cock, looking up at him before taking him completely in his mouth, bobbing gently. God, Tyler loved when he looked up at him like that. Only Josh’s wide brown eyes could look innocent while his lips were stretched around his cock.

 

It wasn’t long before Tyler was panting and tugging on Josh’s hair, choking out, “Baby – I’m really close.”

 

Josh didn’t stop, shutting his eyes as Tyler’s body arched and shook as he came, Josh swallowing around him. _When_ did Josh get so good at blowjobs?

 

He pulled Josh up, brushing his curls off his forehead as Josh settled into the pillows, nestling into him. They snuggled down, pulling up the blankets. Josh nuzzled into Tyler’s neck, arms pulling tight around his body, sighing contently.

 

“Was that worth the wait?” Tyler asked, pulling his arms around Josh. Josh rested his head into the crook of Tyler’s shoulder and arm, nodding.

“Yeah, I can almost forgive you for handcuffing me to a frickin’ bed and leaving me high and dry for two hours,” Josh said, smirking.

 

“Aw, baby,” Tyler said, kissing the tip of Josh’s nose. “I made up for it, didn’t I?”  
  
“Nearly.”  
  
“Nearly? What? But how can I make it up to you?” Tyler pressed kisses all over Josh’s face, smiling as Josh scrunched his nose up and shut his eyes, grinning.

 

“You’ll have to cuddle me,” Josh demanded. “Lots of kisses. Lots of hair-stroking. I won’t forgive you if you’re not still playing with my hair when I fall asleep.”  
  
“Tall order, but I think I can deliver,” Tyler said, pulling Josh in tight, gently twisting his fingers into Josh’s curls. Josh smiled and settled into Tyler’s chest, sighing.

 

“Goodnight, Ty,” he murmured. Tyler gently pecked at his forehead, then pressed soft kisses on his closed eyelids.

 

“Goodnight, Josh,” Tyler said.

 

He played with Josh’s hair and kissed his face for a long time, even after Josh had drifted off and begun snoring softly. Even when his own eyelids grew heavy.

Usually, sleep did not come so easily. When they’d first started sleeping together, Tyler had looked forward to at least being able to spend his insomnia-stricken nights with Josh in his arms, or vice versa.

And yet, he hadn’t actually been able to enjoy a sleepless night with Josh.

Something about having those solid arms pulled around him made his thoughts slow down, quietened the storm in his brain enough for sleep to take over. And Tyler was beginning to fall asleep faster and faster each night he spent with Josh.

 

He fell asleep, and he did so with his fingers still tangled in Josh’s hair.

 


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Father Morrison invites Josh to tea. OHHHHH NO. YEAH NO. THIS AINT GONNA END WELL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: vomiting/emetophobia, references to depression/suicidal thoughts, BIG warning for suicide contemplation

The next morning found Ed recovered, standing outside Tyler’s door with Gerard, still looking pretty terrible, but wearing a grateful grin when Tyler and Josh emerged for breakfast.

 

“I really appreciated you guys taking care of me, making sure I didn’t pass out by myself,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “And for not ratting me out to Jimmy and Steve. It was really good of you guys to do that, so thank you.”  
  


He joined them to breakfast after that, an odd new addition to their table, but his presence was wordlessly accepted nonetheless. Tyler grinned at Josh. “This table’s really grown since you started hanging out with us,” he said, and Josh couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his own face.

 

After breakfast, however, Josh was stopped by Father Morrison at the door.

He gave Josh a friendly smile, but his eyes were black.

“Josh, I don’t believe we’ve had much chance to talk in a while,” he said pleasantly. “Last time we chatted, was that last semester?”  
  
“I think so,” Josh said. “I’m sorry – it’s been hectic lately.”  
  
“I can imagine, with final exams coming up,” Father Morrison said. “I hear you’ve been doing extra study with Mr. Joseph?”  
  
“Yeah,” Josh said. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was going. “We’ve seen our grades improve a lot since we started the tutoring sessions. It’s really working out for us, I think.”  
  
“Excellent to hear,” Father Morrison said, the smile still on his face. “You know,” he said, “I’d love to continue our conversation, but you’ve got to get off to school, I believe. I’ve got a free afternoon after school, though. You wouldn’t happen to be free as well, would you? You could head to my office, we could have a chat. We’ll have much more time to talk then, we could have tea. Unless you’re busy? We could always have tea whenever you’re next free.”  
  
Josh chewed his lip. He desperately wanted to make some excuse, put off the meeting as long as possible. He did not feel ready to face Father Morrison’s cold gaze for a whole afternoon.

But that was just putting off the inevitable. Better to get it over with, so he couldn’t stress out about it.

 

“No, I’m not busy,” he said, heart fluttering. He was much better at refusing social interaction than agreeing to it. “Tea sounds – it sounds good.”  
  
Father Morrison beamed. “Excellent!” he said. “I remember you liked the Earl Grey last time?”  
  
“Yeah, I think so,” Josh said. Father Morrison nodded. “Well, I’ll have that – I’ll bring out a few other varieties, there’s some others I can think of that you might like if you liked the Earl Gray...”  
He stopped, and smiled apologetically. “Forgive me, I’m getting overexcited,” he said. “I need to let you get to your classes, don’t I? We can discuss tea choices this afternoon.”

 

“Sounds good,” Josh said. “I’ll see you then.”  
  
“See you then, Josh!” Father Morrison said, walking away with a quick wave. “Right after classes, don’t forget!”  
  


Josh smiled and waved back, before jogging out the door to meet the others. Tyler caught his arm.  
“What did he want?” he asked. “That was weird.”  
  
“He wants to see me after school,” Josh said, frowning slightly. “For tea. He wants to chat.”  
  
Gerard laughed. “Oh, wow,” they said. “Tea with dear old Father Morrison, my favourite. I always hated those.”  
  
“We used to do it a lot a while back,” Josh said nervously. “So – it shouldn’t be weird. I don’t think. I don’t know. I didn’t mind it, I guess. We just talked about assignments, grades and the Bible and stuff. But I’m not an atheist like you are, Gerard.”  
  
“Damn right,” Gerard said. “I can imagine it went more smoothly for you. I always seemed to end up having Morrison lecture me about sin and hell and how I was gonna be damned eternally if I didn’t clean up my act.”  
  
“What did you do?” Josh asked. Gerard beamed.

 

“I drank his fancy fuckin’ tea and ate his fancy fuckin’ cookies and made up shitty-ass stories about how he was totally getting through to me and making sense and, sure, maybe I would quit swearing and blasphemy and shit and pick up a damn Bible. I never did. I only ever went to those meetings for the cookies. He figured that out pretty quick though, stopped inviting me.”  
Gerard sighed dramatically. “I was heartbroken,” they said. “Those Jaffa cakes were the fuckin’ best. I never even figured out where he bought them from, they’re some fuckin’ British thing, you can’t just find those things in Walmart.”

 

“You went for the Jaffa cakes, huh?” Josh said. “I wasn’t into the orange. I liked the chocolate McVities ones.”  
  
“Hold on,” Tyler interrupted. “Wait. Josh, you said Morrison hadn’t talked to you in a while, right? Why is he suddenly so keen to catch up over tea now?”  
  
Josh shrugged, trying to ignore the snakes in his stomach. They were slithering, hissing, not quite causing havoc yet, but making their presence known. Threatening.

 

“I don’t know,” he said. “I guess I’ll find out.”  
  


And that was how he found himself outside Father Morrison’s office that afternoon after school, hands clenched into tight fists to stop them shaking, snakes writhing in his stomach. He felt guilty, and he wasn’t quite sure what he’d done wrong.

Could Father Morrison know about him and Tyler? No. There was no way. Unless Jimmy or Steve had told him... but did Jimmy and Steve even ever interact with Father Morrison? They were house staff, they weren’t involved in pastoral care.  
Steve just hadn’t cared. He raised his eyebrows if Josh was in Tyler’s bed when he went around to wake them up, but other than that he never passed comment. And Jimmy hadn’t seemed worried about them. He’d continued to give them lectures about safe sex and gift them with abundant handfuls of condoms, but he never tried to dissuade them.  
If they hadn’t seen reason to worry about the boys, they wouldn’t have told Father Morrison.

 

What about the others? Maybe not Gerard or Frank, but – could Pete have told him? Joe? No, they didn’t care about what he and Tyler got up to any more than Frank or Gerard did. Hell, Pete was probably getting up to much the same stuff with Mikey, and Joe with Andy. It didn’t make sense.

 

What about Bob? He still held a bitter grudge against Josh and Tyler after the locker incident. Could he have found out? But how?

 

Before Josh could worry himself into a full-blown anxiety attack, the door opened, and he was greeted by the beaming priest.

 

“Josh, good to see you!” Father Morrison said. “Come in. Kettle’s boiled, do you want to choose a tea? I’ve got a few out, see what you like.”  
  
Father Morrison led Josh into the office, pushing a wooden box across the desk to him. The box had small compartments filled with different teas, in a rainbow of brightly coloured sachets.

 

Josh inspected them quickly. He alighted on one with “lemon and ginger” on the label, picking the sachet out.  
  
Father Morrison took the sachet and the tea box from him, tearing the sachet to pull out the teabag, releasing a faint aroma of lemon. He dropped the teabag into one of two mugs set next to the kettle.

 

“Good choice,” he said. “I might go for that too.” He took another sachet from the box, tearing it open and dropping the teabag into the second mug. He poured water from the kettle into both mugs, then left the tea to steep, sitting behind the desk with a sigh.  
Josh followed his lead and sat in the chair opposite.

 

Father Morrison smiled at him. “No need to look so nervous, Josh,” he said. “It’s just tea. We used to do this a lot, didn’t we?”  
  
“Yeah,” Josh said. “I’m – sorry, things have been busy...”  
  
“No need to apologise!” Father Morrison chuckled. “I just meant that this should be familiar territory. You liked the McVities digestives, didn’t you?” He picked up a rectangular carton, tearing the end open and pulling out a plastic package. He pulled the plastic open, and offered a biscuit to Josh.

Josh nodded, taking one from the package. “Thanks,” he said. “Yeah, I always liked these ones.”  
  
“They’re good for dunking,” Father Morrison agreed.

 

“Yeah, when you get the chocolate to melt a little bit,” Josh said, relaxing a little. This was fine. They’d eat biscuits, drink tea, Father Morrison would ask about school and assignments, then they might talk about the Bible a bit. Josh didn’t really have any questions, but he figured he could humour Father Morrison and pretend to be confused about something.  
It would be fine.

 

“I seem to remember Mr. Joseph liked the McVities ones too,” Father Morrison said. He stood up to take the mugs, pulling the teabags out and dropping them in the wastebin. He set one mug in front of Josh, then sipped cautiously at his own mug.

“Oops, fair warning, tea’s hot,” he said, making a face and blowing on the hot liquid.

 

“Tyler visits you too?” Josh asked.

 

“Yes,” Father Morrison said. “Well – he used to. I haven’t seen him this year. Saw him very rarely last year. I don’t think he’s in a particularly good place, faith-wise,” he said. He picked up a biscuit, dipping it into the tea. “You two.. wouldn’t have discussed any of that during tutoring, would you?”

 

Josh swallowed. He didn’t feel particularly comfortable talking about someone else’s faith, least of all Tyler’s. Truth be told, he and Tyler hadn’t talked much about faith.  
He knew Tyler was Christian, or at least used to be. He knew Tyler had been struggling with faith lately. But he didn’t believe it was his place to try to push him back into it, or bring it up if Tyler didn’t want to talk about it. It didn’t seem fair.

 

“Not really,” Josh admitted. “I mean – it’s tutoring. We talk about math problems.”  
  
“Yes, but you spend a lot time together outside of class and study, don’t you?” Father Morrison said. “You’ve become quite close friends over this semester. Which is good to see, I remember you always struggled with making friends.”  
  
Josh shrugged. “Well – it never really comes up,” he said. “Tyler’s pretty private about that stuff. I want to respect that.”

 

Father Morrison nodded. “Fair enough,” he said. “What about you? How have you been lately, faith-wise? I noticed you struggling to pay attention in church.”  
  
Josh flushed. “Um,” he said. “Well. I don’t know. There have been.. distractions. It’s hard to find time to reflect, sometimes.”  
  
“I can imagine,” Father Morrison said. “But God comes first, you know that. Study, exams – they’re important, but God will take care of things. Whatever happens, good results or bad results – it’s all in His plan to provide for you. Even if you don’t do so well in exams, His intentions become clear over time. You shouldn’t worry so much about grades. You know that.”  
  
“I do,” Josh said. Guilt clawed at his chest.  
But – he hadn’t put faith completely on the back burner, had he? He and Gerard had pored over the Bible maybe more times than he’d looked at it in the semester previous. He’d felt that by studying it, reinterpreting it with Gerard, he’d actually grown to understand a bit better. Figure out God’s intentions, make them make sense. Feel more secure in his own faith.

 

But Father Morrison’s eyes were hard. It looked like that wasn’t enough. He was going to have to make more effort to pay attention in church.

 

“And – another thing,” Father Morrison said. “I know... about you and Tyler. I know you’re not just studying. Or even just friends. There’s more, isn’t there?”

He waved his hand, grimacing slightly. “You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Giving in to sin. I don’t... I’d rather not spell it out. But, anyway... you know what the Bible says about homosexuality, Josh.”  
  
Josh felt his face blanch. _Oh God._ Father Morrison knew.

 

“I – we –” Josh stuttered out, but Father Morrison shook his hand.  
  
“It’s alright,” he said. “I’m not angry, Josh. A little disappointed, maybe. But we all give in to sin sometimes, to various degrees. It happens. I can’t judge you for that. Besides, Tyler’s notorious for leading others astray, it’s not entirely your fault.”  
  
Josh nearly choked on his tea. _What?_  
  
Father Morrison had a sympathetic look on his face.

“Josh, the only reason I’m even bringing this up is because I know this isn’t the first time Tyler’s led another boy into sin,” he said. “There’s... well, there’s been an ongoing problem with this. I’ve tried talking to Tyler about it – I mean, it’s one thing to be sinning by yourself, but actively encouraging others to engage in sin – that was wrong. I tried to help him. But, as I said, he stopped visiting me.”  
  


Josh put the mug back on the table before he could drop it. His hands were shaking.

 

“If this was a one-off incident with another boy, I might have just emailed you some Bible studies,” Father Morrison said. “What you do is ultimately up to you, I don’t want to interfere with that. But it’s not another boy, it’s Tyler Joseph. And I’m rather worried about you, Josh.”  
  
“What – what’s he done?” Josh managed to ask. “I – he’s never hurt me, never – no. He wouldn’t..”  
  


Father Morrison sighed, rubbing the back of his shaved head. “I don’t know the details, exactly,” he said. “But... four boys have left the school in two years, Josh. All of them were involved with Tyler. They were good, diligent students, secure in their faith – just like you, Josh. But after becoming involved with Tyler, they began slipping in faith. Finding other priorities. Rather like you.”  
  
Josh's skin was crawling.

 

“The boys didn’t give much reason for leaving,” Father Morrison sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Nothing other than ‘difficulties with other students’. And, as I said, I don’t know exactly what happened. But they all left in various states of devastation, Josh. Heartbreak, I suppose. Those boys left broken.”

 

He leaned his elbows on the desk, fixing Josh with a serious stare. “I don’t want Tyler to hurt you in whatever way he hurt those other boys,” he said. “I don’t know what he’s done with you already. But if he hasn’t hurt you yet, then please, Josh. Keep it that way. Put things to a stop before he can seriously hurt you.”  
  
Josh swallowed. The snakes were writhing and biting.

 

“You’re a good student, Josh,” Father Morrison said. “I don’t want to see you leave, too. You’ve come so far already, you’ve got a wealth of potential in you. Don’t throw that away just because Tyler Joseph called you beautiful, asked you to smile for him, and told you everything would be okay.”  
  
Josh felt like he was going to throw up.

 

 _How did he even know about that?_ How did he know what Tyler said to him? How _could_ he know?

 

Father Morrison stared at him sympathetically. “You’re not the first boy he’s said nice things to,” he said. “I talked to a couple of those boys. Tyler has a game, he plays it well. I don’t want to see you remain his toy, Josh.”

 

The rest of teatime was a fog. Josh sipped the tea until the mug was empty. He abandoned the rest of the biscuit.

 

He hadn’t known how much time had passed until Father Morrison looked down at his watch and said, “Ah! You’ve only got an hour or so until dinner, I think. I’d best let you go, I’m sure you’ve got things to do. Thanks for stopping by, Josh. And.. you will talk to Tyler, won’t you?”

 

Josh had nodded. Father Morrison smiled, held the door open, wished him well. Josh thanked him for the tea. Father Morrison closed the door. Josh lurched to the nearest trashcan. He threw up tea and half a biscuit. There wasn’t a lot to bring up, but his body kept retching, rejecting. As if trying to expel the bullshit and fear and biting, thrashing snakes.

 

He went back to the boarding house. He opened the door of his and Gerard’s room, and his body went cold.

 

Tyler looked up from where he was sitting on his bed, scribbling in that damned notebook. He smiled. “You’re back!” he said. “How did the tea go?”  
  
“You look like hell, man,” Gerard said from where they were lying on their bed with a sketchbook. “What did Morrison do, give you Jaffa cakes instead of the McVities?”

 

Tyler giggled. Josh’s skin crawled.

 

“Tyler, we need to talk,” Josh said, and Tyler’s grin disappeared.

 

Gerard sat up. “Josh, are you okay?”

 

Josh shook his head. “I need to talk to Tyler,” he said. “Now.”  
  


Gerard stood up, clutching their sketchbook. “I’m gonna go see Frank,” they mumbled, eyes wide and worried. They squeezed Josh’s shoulder as they left the room.

 

The door closed shut. Josh swallowed hard. He felt like he was going to throw up again. His legs were shaking, but he didn’t want to sit down, not next to Tyler.

 

Tyler leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “Babe, what’s up?” he asked softly.

 

Josh shook his head. “Don’t,” he said. “Don’t call me that.”  
  
“Okay.” Tyler shifted. “What happened? What do you want to talk about?”  
  
Josh folded his arms across his chest, tight. “I, um,” he began. “Father Morrison and I talked. He – we talked about you. He’s worried about you, I think.”  
  
Tyler raised an eyebrow. “Ok,” he said. “I doubt that, but okay.”  
  
“He – he told me,” Josh said, “About your other boyfriends.”  
  
Tyler sucked in a deep breath. “Josh, you know I messed around a lot before meeting you,” he said. “That’s not news to you.”  
  
“This – it’s not the messing around,” Josh said. “It’s the four boys who left in the space of two years, Tyler. All of them – Father Morrison said they left because of you.”  
  
Tyler’s eyes went wide. “He told you about them.”

 

“Yeah,” Josh said. “You – you hurt, them, Tyler. Father Morrison said he didn’t know what happened, but – Christ, Tyler, he could quote stuff you said to me. Stuff I thought nobody else ever knew about. Stuff you told those boys as well.”  
  
Tyler looked stricken. “Like what? What stuff?”  
  
“It doesn’t matter,” Josh snapped. “It didn’t mean anything, anyway, I guess. I thought it did. But – that’s not the point. What did you do? Why did they leave?”  
  
Tyler was rubbing his hands together now, rubbing his neck, then his hands, then his neck again. “I don’t _know,_ ” he said. “I – I don’t know what Father Morrison said, but – I didn’t – I have no idea why they left.”  
  
“So you were oblivious?” Josh could hear his voice rising. “You hurt them, and you weren’t even aware of it? Jesus Christ, Tyler, how could you be so callous?”  
  
“I didn’t hurt them!” Tyler yelped. “At least – I don’t think I did – I don’t know. I don’t know, Josh. I cared about them. Like I care about you. Josh, I’m not gonna hurt you.”  
  
“Oh, come _on,_ ” Josh snapped. “This is all part of your game, isn’t it? Corrupt the nice Christian boys. Use them until they’re not nice and innocent anymore. Then – what happens next, Tyler? You tell me. We’re not up to this part yet. You’re gonna have to tell me what comes next.”  
  
“That’s not how it works!” Tyler yelled, standing up. “Are you so fucking blind, Josh? You trust me so little? One goddamn afternoon tea with that jumped up priest, he tells you one or two things he thinks he knows about me, and you’re already jumping to conclusions?”  
  
“I don’t know!” Josh said hysterically. “I don’t know anything, Tyler. I don’t know if anything you said to me meant anything, I don’t know if you even liked me or if you just liked the sex – I don’t know what I mean to you. All I know is that if we’re doing the same thing you did with those other boys, it’s gonna end the same way, and I don’t want that. I don’t want you to hurt me.”  
  
“So that’s it?” Tyler’s eyes were wide, dark. “You don’t trust me at all? Is this over?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Josh said, and Tyler snorted.

 

“This is bullshit,” he said. “I’m out. I’m done. I can’t do this if you can’t trust me, Josh.”

 

And he was gone. The door slammed behind him.

 

Josh pressed his hands to his mouth. Tyler was gone. He’d left. He hadn’t even tried to defend himself, tried to explain. He’d just left.

He really hadn’t cared. Father Morrison was right. Josh tried to breathe, but a loud sob tore from his throat instead. He shakily sat down.

 

The door open, and Gerard burst in, followed by Frank, Ray, and Mikey. The four of them tumbled in, Gerard sitting next to Josh and throwing their arm around him, Mikey sitting on his other side, Frank sitting on the floor, and Ray standing in front of him.

Josh tried to ask if they’d been outside the door the whole time, but instead just choked out another sob. Gerard pulled him into a hug.

 

“Sorry, man,” Frank said. “Tyler fucked up on this one.”  
  
“I can’t believe he did that,” Gerard said. “That was shit. That was all bullshit.”  
  
“Maybe – if I hadn’t brought it up -” Josh said, still struggling to hold back tears. Gerard shook their head.

 

“No, man, you did nothing wrong,” Ray insisted. “He shouldn’t have stormed off like that. He should have given you some answers.”

 

“Wait,” Gerard said. “Did anyone see where he went? Did he go back to his room?”  
  
There was a moment of silence. “I think I saw him pass his room,” Mikey said. “He didn’t go in there.”  
  
“Shit,” Gerard said. They pulled away, standing up. “Okay. I’m sorry, Josh, I’ve gotta go. You stay here, okay?”  
They fixed Josh with a heavy look. “You did nothing wrong, remember,” they said. “Tyler fucked up. Okay? I just need to make sure he doesn’t do something really fuckin’ stupid.”  
  
They dashed out the door, running off in a way that made Josh nervous. Gerard had looked worried.

 

Mikey took over, pulling Josh into a hug. But Josh’s mind was racing now.

 

What did Gerard mean by Tyler doing something stupid? What kind of stupid? Vandalising school property and yelling at staff stupid?  
Or another kind of stupid?  
  
“Sorry, guys,” Josh said, standing up. “I gotta go. But – thank you. I appreciate it.”  
  
“No way,” Ray said. “Gerard told you to stay here.”  
  
“Yeah, but I can’t,” Josh said. “Okay? I need to go.”

 

Ray sighed, and stepped aside to allow Josh to pass. “Okay,” he said. “But – take care, alright?”  
  
“I will,” Josh said. “Thanks, guys. I mean it.”

And with that, he was also gone.

 

 

Meanwhile, Gerard had found Tyler.

 

Climbing the steeple.

 

Gerard stood next to the belfry, looking up in horror. “Tyler, what are you doing?” they yelled.

 

“I’m gonna climb the spire,” Tyler said. “You know I’ve been wanting to do it for ages. Well. Today I’m gonna do it.”  
  
“Why now?” Gerard called. “Why today?”  
  
Tyler had reached a ledge close to where the steeple ended and the spire began. He paused there, sitting on the ledge, swinging his legs. He seemed to have no concern for how dangerously high he was, how badly it could end if he fell.

 

“Tyler, you’re gonna hurt yourself,” Gerard said. “What if you fall? You’ll fucking die, man. You’re way too high up.”  
  
“I don’t care,” Tyler said, and his voice was low enough that Gerard nearly missed it.

 

“I can’t stay here, Gerard,” Tyler continued. “You wanna call for Lola or someone? Any staff member will do, I think. Just someone. This should be enough for expulsion, right?”  
  
“Why are you trying to get expelled?” Gerard gasped. “Dude, you’ve got less than half a semester left. Final exams start soon. You can’t get your ass kicked out now.”  
  
“I can’t stay here,” Tyler said. “Not if Josh – shit, Gerard, he doesn’t trust me. At all. He probably hates me now. I can’t stay here and face that. You should have seen his face.”  
  
Tyler’s voice sounded oddly muffled. Gerard craned their neck; it seemed like Tyler had his face buried in his hands.

 

“He was so – I don’t even know. Horrified. Disgusted? He thinks I hurt people. He thinks I’ll hurt him. I can’t stay here knowing he thinks that of me. Shit, I keep thinking – maybe I did hurt them. Maybe they really did leave because of me. How do I even process that, Gerard? How do I cope knowing I’ve hurt people without even knowing, that I’ll continue hurting people I care about?”

 

Gerard chewed their lip. “Okay. So you don’t want to stay here and keep going to school with Josh and shit. Okay. But – fuck, man, there are other ways to get expelled without risking certain fucking death. Rock up to class drunk, quit wearing clothes, I don’t know. Why this? Why risk getting yourself killed?”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Did you even hear me?” he said. “How do I cope knowing I hurt people? Will keep hurting people?”

 

He swung his legs merrily. “At this point, who even cares? My major end goal is to get expelled, yeah. But you know I’ve been wanting to climb this thing for years, I might as well get that off the bucket list before I go. And if something happens, then, like.. well, that gets the job done too. I’ll still be leaving, I guess.”

 

Ice water cascaded into Gerard’s stomach. Their legs felt weak; they had to lean against the belfry wall.

 

“Tyler, don’t do this man,” Gerard said. “We’ve been down this road before. It’s not worth it. You know that. Don’t do this again.”  
  


“Call Lola then,” Tyler said. “Get one of the nuns or something. Lets get this over with so I can get expelled.”

 

Gerard sucked in a deep breath. They didn’t know what to do.

 

Josh tried the Science block roof first, hoping Tyler might be brooding up there with Gerard. No such luck. He cursed having climbed all the way up by himself for nothing, and was still muttering as he climbed down. He was nearly at the bottom of the fire escape when voices floated up from around the corner. He froze. _Shit_. He was going to get caught.

 

The voices were familiar, though. He listened out, hoping maybe Gerard and Tyler had come this way after all. But it wasn’t them. One voice was soft, slightly high-pitched. Was that Lola?  
  
And the other – how did he not immediately recognise Father LaBeouf’s voice after the Confessional incident?

 

He listened closely, and sure enough, he could make out their conversation.

 

“I noticed both boys grades increasing significantly after you suggested the tutoring sessions,” Lola said. “It’s wonderful to see. Tyler always struggled with the sciences.”  
  
“Yeah, I knew Josh was the right partner to help get his grades up,” LaBeouf said. “He’s a good kid, that one.”  
  
They were talking about him and Tyler. Josh sunk closer to the wall to listen.

 

“So’s Tyler,” Lola said. “I was talking to Miss Del Ray about the English results, and apparently Josh has improved exponentially there. It’s really nice to see them helping each other out.”  
  
There was a pause, then Lola spoke again. “I was worried about Tyler, there. I wasn’t sure if he’d be capable of putting much effort into his own grades, letting alone help someone else with theirs. He was really struggling, and not just with school.”  
  
“He’d been having mental health problems before, hadn’t he?”  
  
“Yeah, I talk to his friend a lot, Gerard. I think Gerard was quite worried about him for a bit. Said he wasn’t eating or sleeping. They were hoping I could talk to him, I think, because Gerard had similar issues a few years ago. But I’m not sure if I could have helped Tyler the way I could help Gerard. So I’m glad Josh seems to be the right person to help him out.”  
  
Josh blinked. Mental health problems? Tyler had never mentioned anything like that.

 

“How bad was he, do you know?”  
  
“Oh, Gerard was really worried. They said he’d been writing things. About suicidal thoughts, hallucinations. And he’d quit all his Bible study groups, stopped paying attention in church – Gerard’s not religious themselves, but I think they were worried about Tyler falling out of faith, what it meant for him. I can’t exactly diagnose from secondhand discussion, but it sounds like he was very depressed. If he’d been one of my cases, I might have considered putting him into psychiatric care. He shouldn’t have been dealing with that stuff by himself.”

 

Josh put his hand over his mouth. First of all, Lola was a psychiatrist? That was news. That explained why Gerard saw them so often, then. Lola probably had therapy sessions with a few students.

Second, Tyler had been _suicidal?_ He hadn’t noticed anything like that. Nothing at all.

 

“That’s amazing, considering how he is now. How he’s improved.”  
  
“Exactly! Last time I talked to Gerard, they seemed to think Tyler was in a much better place now. Much happier. Gerard said they weren’t worried anymore, which is all I need to know.”  
  
“And you think it’s all thanks to Josh.”  
  
“Well, he started improving when semester started, didn’t he? Right after tutoring began. Those boys have spent an incredible amount of time together, I think they care about each other a great deal. At least, from what Gerard tells me, Tyler does. Josh seems to mean everything to him.”  
  
Josh slumped to the metal grate floor of the stairwell. _Oh, god._ Father Morrison was wrong.

 

He had to find Tyler.

 

 

“I don’t want you to get expelled, man,” Gerard called up. “That’s fuckin’ stupid. Didn’t you want to go to college?”  
  
“I still don’t even know what I want to major in,” Tyler said. “I don’t know what to do. What happens after this, Gerard? I don’t have a plan. So what’s the point?”

 

“Gerard!”  
Gerard turned, heart thudding, but sighed in relief when they saw Josh running up to them. Josh had a horror-stricken look on his face, looking up at Tyler on the ledge.

 

“Didn’t I tell you to stay put?” Gerard snapped. Josh ignored him.

“What’s he doing up there?”  
  
“Being a fucking idiot, what’s new. He’s trying to get expelled.”  
  
Josh blinked. “Why?”  
  
Gerard shook their head. “It’s whatever, man. He’s being an idiot. He needs to get down.”  
  
“I overheard Lola and Father LaBeouf, I know he’s depressed,” Josh said. “What’s going on?”

 

Gerard chewed his lip. “He’s not good right now, Josh,” they said. “He’s.. I’m worried. I don’t know what he’s gonna do.”  
  
Gerard was worried. That was all Josh needed to know. “I’m going up there,” he said, marching to the belfry.

 

Gerard yelped, grabbing his arm. “You’re crazy!” they snapped. “You wanna get yourself killed too? Don’t fuckin’ climb up there!”  
  
“He needs to get down,” Josh said. “I’m gonna bring him down.”

 

Gerard groaned. “You’re both fuckin’ crazy,” they said, but they let go of Josh’s arm. “Shit. I should call someone.”  
  
“No, don’t you dare, you’ll get us both expelled. Chill, it’s fine. I’ll get him down, no harm done.”  
  
And with that, Josh was slipping through the door, running up the stairs, and climbing out the window, scaling the outside of the steeple.

 

He ignored the fear clawing in his throat, praying his hands wouldn’t get too sweaty to grip properly. As long as he didn’t look down... he tried to keep his eyes directed up. How Tyler had managed it so easily, how he was so calmly sitting on the ledge with his legs swinging, was a mystery to Josh.

 

But Josh could climb too, and he wasn’t going to let his fear of heights stop him from following Tyler.

 

He reached a ledge next to the one Tyler sat on. He climbed up on it, gripping the stone tight with both hands. _Don’t look down, don’t look down._

 

“Hey,” he said, and Tyler stared at him in surprise.

 

“You’ve gotta come down, Tyler,” Josh said. “It’s not safe up here.”

 

Tyler blinked. “What are you doing up here?” he asked. “You’re scared of heights.”

 

“Yeah, but you need to get down,” Josh said. “I don’t want something to happen, okay? I want you to be safe.”

 

“You said you don’t trust me,” Tyler said. “You said...”  
  
“I know, I know. But I fucked up, I... I can’t explain up here. I’ll explain when we get down, okay? But I know about the depression, Tyler. Gerard’s worried, so I’m worried too.”  
  
Tyler’s eyes went wide. “How did you know about that?” he said. “I never said anything..”  
  
“I know. I found out by accident – I’ll explain when we get down, like I said. But I know you care, I do, I believe you. I trust you, okay?”

Josh reached across the space between the two ledges, ignoring how the staggering distance between his arm and the ground made the hair on his arm stand on end. He touched Tyler’s hand, brushing his fingertips across his knuckles.

 

“Father Morrison got it wrong, or something,” Josh said. “I don’t know. But I know you’re not gonna hurt me, okay? I trust you.”  
  
Tyler swallowed, shutting his eyes for a moment. “Fuck,” he said. His hand started to shake under Josh’s. “Fuck. I was gonna – shit, Josh. Shit. We need to get down. What are we doing up here?”

 

“It’s okay,” Josh said. “It’s gonna be alright. We’ve just gotta get back down, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Tyler said, voice shaky. He took Josh’s hand, and the two of them made their way back down the steeple.

 

They were only a metre up off the ground or so when Josh’s foot slipped. His stomach flipped as he fell, and pain exploded in his left ankle when he landed. Shit. He’d sprained it, probably.

 

“Josh!” Tyler shrieked, scrambling down. Gerard swore. “That’s it, I’m calling Lola,” they said. “We have to get you to infirmary, Josh.”  
  


Tyler crouched next to Josh, inspecting his ankle. “Dude, it’s fine,” Josh insisted. “I sprained it at most. I just landed awkwardly.”  
  
“It’s not fine, you wouldn’t have sprained it if you didn’t climb up after me, _fuck_ ,” Tyler said. He sat down, head in his hands. “Shit, Josh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

Lola arrived within minutes, and Gerard told them some cobbled-together story about Josh slipping in the grass. They carried Josh to the infirmary, where the school nurse confirmed it was only a sprain, and gave him ice and wrapped up his ankle. She didn’t think he needed crutches, but Gerard and Tyler still half-carried Josh back to the boarding house anyway.

 

Josh missed dinner, as Jimmy was concerned about making him walk on his sore ankle. He promised to bring him a container from the kitchen after dinner. Josh was relieved; he didn’t think he could face Father Morrison’s cold stare that night.

 

After dinner, Tyler came back to his room, carrying a container of what looked like stew and mash. Josh took it gratefully.

 

“Where’s Gerard?” he asked, digging into the food.

 

“With Frank,” Tyler said sitting next to him. “You didn’t tell me about how you knew about my depression.”  
  
“I was looking for you and Gerard, and thought he might be on the Science block roof,” Josh explained. “But Lola and Father LaBeouf were there. They didn’t see me, and I figured out they were talking about you. About how you’d improved since semester started. It didn’t take long to figure out they were talking about you being depressed.”  
  


“Oh,” Tyler said quietly.

He still didn’t look happy. He was doing that brooding thing, which made Josh nervous. Josh nudged his shoulder. “You okay?”  
  
Tyler shook his head. “Father Morrison thinks I hurt those guys,” he said. “I can’t stop thinking about that. Or thinking about the fact that I hurt you. Shit, he was right.”  
  
Josh swallowed. “You didn’t hurt me, though. Don’t say that.”  
  
“I did!” Tyler said. He gestured at Josh’s ankle. “You wouldn’t have gotten hurt if I hadn’t been dicking around on the steeple, Josh. That was my fault. I did that. I hurt you. I didn’t even mean to, but I still hurt you, and I can’t..”  
  
He sighed, rubbing his fists into his eyes. “I can’t keep hurting you, or being afraid of hurting you. I can’t do it.”  
  
Josh blinked. “Are you breaking up with me?”  
  
Tyler looked up at him, eyes apologetic. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t – this isn’t what I want. But it’s not about what I want. I don’t want to hurt you again.”  
  
Josh blinked hard, trying to clear the tears warping his vision. “That’s bullshit. Tyler, you know it’s bullshit.”  
  
“It’s not.” Tyler stood up. He bent down briefly, gently kissing Josh’s forehead. “I’ll talk to Lola tomorrow about changing lab partners, tutors.”  
  
Josh couldn’t even speak. Tyler left the room quickly, eyes shiny and huge. The door shut behind him.

 

When Gerard got back, Josh was shaking and crying on the bed. He didn't calm down, not after Gerard sat next to him and pulled him into a hug, not after Gerard tried to tell him he'd done nothing wrong.

“I fucked it up, I fucked everything up,” Josh sobbed into Gerard’s shoulder.

  
“Don’t be a moron, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Gerard said. “Tyler – he’s being an idiot. He’s not thinking straight, probably. I don’t know what the fuck he thinks he’s doing. But you didn’t do anything wrong.”  
  
“I shouldn’t have told him what Father Morrison said. I should have left it.”  
  
“Shut up. You had every right to be worried about what Morrison said. You had every right to ask Tyler about it. I’m still confused as fuck about that one, but you didn’t do anything wrong.”  
  
Josh swallowed hard. “Did – you know any of them? The boys that left?”  
  
Gerard chewed their lip. “Not that well,” they said. “I mostly stayed out of Tyler’s relationships. I knew whenever he broke up with someone, though, because he was usually a total mess afterwards. I don’t know why any of those kids left, but I’ll be really surprised if Tyler was the reason.”

 

Josh sniffled. Nothing was making sense.

 

“And honestly,” Gerard continued, “I can say for a fact that you’re different to any of the boyfriends he had, just because you actually hang out with us, you’re part of our group now. Tyler usually tried to keep his relationships separate from his friends.”

 

  
“Yeah, well,” Josh mumbled. “Look how that’s turned out. Fucking great.”  
  
“It’ll be okay,” Gerard said. “Shit, it’s not like Tyler dumped you because he didn’t like you, or things weren’t working out. He’s all messed up right now. Probably confused as fuck. He’ll come around soon enough, I’m sure of it.”  
  
Eventually, some time after lights-out, Josh calmed down and fell asleep. Gerard didn’t go to bed, though; they knew Tyler would still be awake.

 

They snuck down the corridor into Tyler’s room. Sure enough, Tyler had the light on and was scribbling furiously into his notebook.

 

He looked up. “Gerard,” he said. Dark circles made his eyes pop out, wide and over-bright.

 

Gerard sat down. “You writing about killing yourself again?”  
  
Tyler blinked. “What? No, no,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Just.. can’t sleep.”  
  
“Gee, I wonder why.”  
  
Tyler sighed. “What happened?”  
  


“I was having a great old time making out with Frank,” Gerard said. “It was awesome. I went back to my room buzzed and happy as fuck. Then I walk in to find my roommate crying his eyes out because his moron of a boyfriend dumped him. And, just my fuckin’ luck, said moronic boyfriend happens to be my best friend.”  
  
Gerard sighed. “The fuck are you doing, Joseph?”

 

Tyler rubbed his eyes again. “I can’t keep hurting him,” he said. “You saw what happened. He.. he says he trusts me, but I’m not so sure. I don’t think he should trust me, anyway. I keep thinking about the others..”  
  


“Fuck Morrison,” Gerard said. “He was probably making shit up, trying to wind up Josh so he’d stop fucking you senseless. Don’t let him wind you up too.”  
  
“I can’t help it,” Tyler snapped. “I keep going over everything, even though I don’t want to – did I do things, say things without thinking? Where did I fuck up? How did I hurt them? They always... whenever they broke up with me, they couldn’t give me reasons. It was always ‘it’s just not working out’. I never really figured out what went wrong. And then they just left. Every time. What happened? What if I did hurt them, and just didn’t realise? And they were afraid to tell me? Shit, it makes more sense than just dumping me out of the blue...”  
  
“You can’t keep doing that,” Gerard said. “You can’t keep dredging up old history again. Leave that shit in the past, it’s not helping you. It’s just fucking up your relationship with Josh. Morrison shouldn’t have ever brought it up, he wasn’t helping Josh by gossiping about you.”

 

“But what if he wasn’t just gossiping?” Tyler insisted. “I don’t like the dude, but he is a _priest_. He’s got a duty of care to us kids. What if he’s actually worried? And just trying to help Josh?”

 

“Well, he’s not helping,” Gerard said. “He had no reason to be worried. You’re not gonna hurt Josh – well, not any worse. Unless you keep this shit up. You’re hurting him a lot right now for someone claiming to be so concerned about not hurting the kid.”

 

“What can I do?” Tyler said. “This – it’s the best thing right now. Okay? Just... I need some time, Gerard. I can’t be around Josh right now, not while I’m freaking out about what Morrison said to him. And he doesn’t need to be around me right now. I’m trying to do the right thing.”  
  
Gerard sighed, and stood up. “Fine, whatever,” they said. “But.. fucking hell, Tyler. You’re making a real mess right now.”  
  
Tyler said nothing, and Gerard left.

 

Tyler did not sleep that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I'M SORRY  
> Also hit me up on tumblr if you wanna scream at me about this haha. http://joshwilliambuns.tumblr.com/


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler has an unexpected heart-to-heart with Father LaBeouf, and realises he has a lot of apologising to do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for a panic attack, and discussion of severe anxiety. That's all folks!

The next morning, Tyler didn’t sit with the others at breakfast. The seat next to Josh was painfully empty. Josh looked around and saw that Tyler had gone to sit with Bert and his friends.

 

Gerard had been livid, glowering over their cornflakes. “He’s being a fucking idiot right now,” they fumed. “Don’t worry about it, Josh. He’ll sort his shit out soon enough.”

 

First class was Chemistry. Josh arrived first, heart in his mouth while he waited for Tyler to arrive.

But Tyler walked up to Lola, talking quietly with them for a moment. Lola’s eyes went wide, and they sighed, looking upset and confused.

They approached Josh. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two,” Lola said, “but Tyler wants to change lab partners. Hopefully temporarily. Patrick’s been struggling and his partner hasn’t been able to help him much, so I’ll pair him with you for a bit, okay?”  
  
Josh couldn’t speak; he just nodded. A few moments later, Patrick was sitting next to him, shooting him a wide grin. “Hey,” he said. “So. Lab partners, huh?”  
  
“Yeah,” Josh said, trying to smile, but his chest was constricting. Shit. _Shit._ He couldn’t breathe.

 

The snakes began biting, thrashing again. Josh’s hands felt numb. He took a deep breath.

 

Patrick’s smile disappeared. “You okay, man?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Josh said. He wasn’t okay. His ears were ringing.

 

“I just – gimme a minute,” he gasped out, and he was scrambling out of his chair, fleeing the classroom.

 

His face burned. He felt like an idiot. Everyone had just watched him bolt out of the classroom in a panic. He stumbled down the corridor, shaky legs not moving nearly fast enough.  
His ankle was protesting with a jolt of pain every time he took a step, still sore after the day before, but he ignored it and began to run. He had to get out. He had to get somewhere where nobody could see him, he couldn’t do this here, not here.

 

He found an empty classroom and veered inside, slamming the door shut. He pressed his back against it, and his legs gave way, letting him slide to the floor.

 

He tried to breathe. In, out. Tried to ignore the noise in his head, the snakes in his stomach, suffocating, biting. His hands were shaking violently, breath coming out in gasps. And through it all, the horrible realisation.

_It’s really over it’s over he doesn’t even want to speak to me he didn’t even look at me he doesn’t want anything to do with me it’s over._

_What happens now? What do I do? New lab partner, does that mean new tutor partner too? Bad enough having a new lab partner, having to get used to that – and I know Patrick, too, he’s a friend – what if my new tutor partner isn’t a friend, what if I don’t know him? I can’t do this. I can’t try getting to know a new stranger. Not now. No. Nonono._

_What about the others? Gerard? Tyler’s his best friend. I’m gonna have to stop talking to all of them. Tyler was their friend first. I can’t make them choose between us. Oh god. I’m gonna lose all of them. Everyone. Will I have to quit band too?_

 

Josh hit his head against the door, eyes squeezed shut to try and stop the tears.  
He wasn’t successful.

 

* * *

  

At lunch, Tyler had been heading to the dining hall when he ran headlong into Father LaBeouf.

 

He fixed him with a heavy glare that made Tyler’s mouth dry up.

“Tyler, I was just looking for you,” LaBeouf said. “I got your email about needing to change tutors. You got a minute? We can discuss that now, if you’re free.”  
  
“Uh, sure,” Tyler said, and LaBeouf led him to his office.

 

“Okay,” LaBeouf said as they sat down. He gestured to his computer screen. “I’m really confused about this. Why do you want to change tutor partners? And Lola said you changed lab partners this morning? What’s going on, Tyler?”

 

Tyler shrugged. He didn’t want to think about Chemistry. His heart had dropped into his feet in a broken mess when Josh had run out, and it had taken all his self-control to keep from running after him.

“Things just aren’t working out,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just.. I don’t know. Things aren’t okay.”  
  
LaBeouf sighed. “Do you know why we partnered you with Josh in the first place?”  
  
Tyler blinked. “No? I assumed it was a random thing. Are you saying you specifically chose to put us together?”  
  
LaBeouf placed his hands together, weaving the fingers. “You didn’t know Josh before this semester, did you?” he asked, and Tyler shook his head.  
  
“That’s not surprising,” LaBeouf said. “You wouldn’t have seen him around much. He’s been at the school for a few years, but he wasn’t in many of the regular classes.”  
  
He sighed. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you about this,” he said. “Student confidentiality and all that. Normally, I wouldn’t. But I think it’s important you know. Besides, I think you would have picked up on Josh’s anxiety problems by now.”  
  
Tyler nodded. Josh had had a panic attack right after their very first tutoring session; the anxiety was not news to him.

 

“Well, it used to be a lot worse,” LaBeouf continued. “We’ve been working with Josh on his anxiety for a long time now. He was in a lot of smaller specialty classes, because he didn’t cope well in large groups of people. We only moved him into the regular classes this semester, mostly because he was going to have to be sitting in large groups for the exams, and we wanted him to have some practice with larger groups of people, so he could focus on the exams and not worry about everyone else on top of exam stress.”

 

Tyler blinked. Well, this was news to him. He hadn’t known Josh’s anxiety had been that bad. Shit.

 

“A lot of the departments actually worked together to make sure Josh would be partnered with mostly the same people for his classes,” LaBeouf continued. “Hence why you’re tutor partners and lab partners, and why you get partnered in all your shared classes. So he wouldn’t have to deal with meeting and interacting with lots of new people. And we particularly felt you two boys would work well together. And you know what we’re finding, we’re finding that Josh has vastly improved since we put you two together. He’s been coping so much better with his anxiety, and Lola and I are very much convinced your friendship has been a key part of that.”  
  
Tyler shifted in his seat. Shit. So.. he wasn’t unintentionally hurting Josh? He was _helping_ him?

 

“But – I thought I wasn’t good for him,” Tyler stammered. LaBeouf snorted.

“Well, you’re not helping right now,” he said. “His panic attack this morning was kind of a setback. But up until this point, you’d been really good for him. He’s got more friends than he ever had here before, he’s joined more extra-curricular groups, he’s actually leaving the boarding house after school. I don’t think he’d ever talked to anyone outside of school before, and last I talked to him, he’d just gotten back from hanging out with you and a couple of girls from the girls’ school at _Taco Bell._ ”  
  
LaBeouf raised his eyebrows. “Tyler, I don’t think you understand. That’s social interaction in a public space with two people he’d only recently met. Six months ago, that would have been impossible for him.”

 

Tyler kneaded his hands together. “Shit,” he mumbled. “But – shit. I told him last night – I fucked up. I can’t – he’s not gonna forgive me, not now. I can’t make it up to him. I can’t apologise. Can I?”  
  
Father LaBeouf leaned across the desk, staring intensely at him. “Tyler,” he said.  
“Just _do it._ ”

 

* * *

 

 

Tyler walked through the music block, heart in his mouth. It didn’t take long to find the band’s practice room; Gerard was doing some kind of vocal warmups.

He pushed the door open, and sure enough, all of them were there – Gerard, Frank, Ray, Mikey, and Josh.

 

Tyler cleared his throat, and the group stared at him. Gerard’s warm-up trailed off into a squeak, and they fixed Tyler with a heavy glare.

 

Josh’s eyes were wide and startled, like a deer.

 

“Um, hi,” Tyler mumbled. “S-sorry to interrupt practice. But – can I talk to Josh for just a second?”

 

“Really?” Gerard snapped. “Fuckin’ really? And what, exactly, do you have to say that you think he needs to hear?”

 

Tyler blinked. Josh said nothing.

“Uh – um,” he said. “I just.. I wanted...”  
  
“No, man, we don’t wanna hear it,” Ray said. “And neither does Josh. You’ve said enough already.”  
  
“Sorry, dude,” Frank said. “But now’s not a good time.”

 

Tyler blinked.  
They’d all taken Josh’s side. Even Mikey was sitting on the floor with a disapproving look on his face.

He supposed he wasn’t surprised; Josh was their bandmate now. And Tyler had fucked up. Big-time.  
Gerard’s glare stung, and for a moment, hot anger flashed in Tyler’s stomach. Gerard _knew_ why he’d done this. Gerard knew he hadn’t wanted to hurt Josh.

But... it had happened. He’d hurt Josh. Again. And Gerard would remain angry until he stopped hurting him.

 

“Ok,” he said in a small voice. “I’ll... I’ll go.”

 

He left, shutting the door behind him.

 

“Fuckin’ moron,” Gerard snorted after he left. “Who does he think he is? Waltzing up as if anyone wants to hear whatever bullshit he’s got now. Not after this morning, no way.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever it was, you didn’t need to hear it,” Ray agreed. “Just don’t even think about him, alright Josh? He shouldn’t have even come here.”  
  
Josh swallowed.

“Um,” he mumbled.  
“Actually.”  
  
The rest of the band turned to look at him.

 

“I kinda did want to hear what he was going to say,” Josh said in a small voice.

 

* * *

  

Tyler avoided them for the rest of the day; at dinner, he sat with Bert again, and again for breakfast the next day.

 

Josh was still bewildered by this; he’d only met these guys this semester. They’d been Tyler’s friends first. Shouldn’t he be the one leaving, not Tyler? Shouldn’t he have gone back to sitting by himself, or having meals in his room again? Why was he still sitting with Tyler’s friends?

 

He didn’t understand. And he didn’t understand how Gerard and the band had taken his side so quickly. They’d told him, “Tyler was the one who fucked up. And besides, you’re in the band. You’re one of us now. We’ve got your back.”  
The statement had made his throat hurt with emotion, but he was still confused. He hadn’t even known them that long.

 

The rest of the day continued normally. Mercifully, he didn’t have Chemistry again. And after school, Josh went straight to the Music block by himself. He needed time alone, to hit his confusion out, clear his head. It’d been good to have band practice yesterday, but now he just wanted to not think about song composition and alternating beats and whether one drumline sounded better for a song than other.  
Right now he just wanted to mindlessly hit the drums as hard as he could, and not think about anything other than losing himself in the rhythm.

 

It worked. He didn’t know how long he’d been drumming for when he became aware of someone calling his name.

 

He looked up, and jumped.

 

It was Tyler. He stood in front of the drums with a nervous look on his face.

 

When had he even come in? How long had he been there? Josh hadn’t even noticed him enter the room.

 

“Um, s-sorry,” Tyler said. “I didn’t want to interrupt you, but...”

 

“I don’t want to talk,” Josh said. “Not right now. I’m sorry, Tyler, I – not now.”

 

“That’s okay,” Tyler said. “I’m not here to talk. I want to show you something. Can.. can I do that?”

 

Josh sighed. “Okay,” he said, clacking his sticks together and holding them in his lap.

 

Tyler cleared his throat, and Josh realised for the first time that he was holding the ukelele. His heart jumped into his throat.

 

Tyler strummed a few chords on it, and began to sing. He started off nervous and shaky at first, but slowly his voice grew stronger as he continued the song.

“Wise men say, only fools rush in... but I can’t help, falling in love, with you...”

 

Josh blinked. Was – was Tyler _serenading_ him?

 

If he was, it was working. Josh’s eyes were stinging, and his cheeks were hot. Tyler looked so earnestly sincere as he sang the words, fingers pulling a soft harmony from the uke. When had he found time to learn the song on it?

 

Tyler finished the song with a little bow, and Josh couldn’t help himself – he clapped. Tyler’s cheeks flushed red.

 

“I, um, I haven’t sung that for anyone else,” Tyler said nervously. “Promise. Particularly since I’d never even touched a uke before meeting you, so there’s literally no way I could have played it for anyone else. I don’t think anyone else could have convinced me to even touch a uke.”  
  
“It wasn’t Somewhere Over The Rainbow,” Josh pointed out, and Tyler shrugged sheepishly.

 

“I’m trying to learn it,” he said. “My vocal range doesn’t really fit. I don’t sound as good as that Iz guy. I’m working on it, though.”  
  
He hugged the uke to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said. “For singing the wrong song... and for being a dick.”

 

Josh knew what he meant. _I’m sorry, I should have listened to you. Tried to explain. And then I should have trusted you, trusted myself with you._

 

“That’s okay,” Josh said. “I don’t care. I – I’m just glad you actually learned the uke. You’re good, really good. I’m just happy you learned it.”

 

He hoped Tyler understood. _I’m just glad to have you back._

 

Tyler stepped forward. “Are.. are we okay?”  
  
Josh stood up, crossing the room to Tyler and pulling him into a hug. Tyler relaxed into his arms, sighing. Josh rested his head into the crook of Tyler’s shoulder, and finally, the snakes stopped writhing. The relief was dizzying. This was good, this was okay.

 

They still needed to talk, probably. Not everything was resolved yet. But Tyler cared about him, Tyler was with him and holding him and that was all that mattered, really. Josh breathed a deep sigh, breathing in Tyler’s smell, shutting his eyes and everything was Tyler and everything was okay.

 

The door slammed open, and Gerard and Frank tumbled in.

 

“I knew it!” Frank crowed. “It _was_ a uke. A fucking uke. Tyler Robert fucking Joseph, you finally went and learned to play a fucking ukelele.”

 

“Were you listening through the door?” Tyler mumbled. Gerard shrugged ruefully. “We honestly just came here to make out, but then we heard Tyler singing,” they explained. “Then Frank wouldn’t fucking quit saying he was sure Tyler wasn’t playing a guitar, that it had to be a uke. So...”  


“I can’t fucking believe it,” Frank giggled. “Finally. You finally admitted defeat and gave up on guitar.”  
  
“I’m not giving up,” Tyler said. “I’m just... putting it off. For a little while. In the meantime, I might as well learn something else, right?”

 

“Yeah, man, whatever you say,” Frank snorted. “Keep telling yourself that.”  
  
“Frank, shut up,” Josh said. “Lay off the guitar thing. Tyler sings and plays piano, too. Now he plays uke. So that’s, what, two instruments more than you?”

 

Frank’s jaw hung open. Gerard hid a smirk.

 

“I can sing,” Frank grumbled, and Gerard involuntarily released a high-pitched giggle, trying to play it off as a cough.

“Sweetheart, I love you, so don’t take this the wrong way, but there’s a reason I’m the lead singer,” Gerard said sheepishly. Frank turned to him, mouth open in shock, a betrayed look on his face.

“You’ll get there!” Gerard insisted. “You’re improving all the time, baby. But right now...” Gerard shrugged helplessly. “I’m sorry. Tyler’s a better singer than you.”

 

“My baby boy doesn’t need to learn guitar to be a good musician,” Josh said, wrapping his arms around Tyler’s neck. “He’s already a heckin’ good musician. So quit teasing him, Frank.”  
  
Frank was entirely speechless. Gerard rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, but they still had a hand over their face to cover their grin.

Tyler smirked. “Thanks babe,” he said, kissing Josh’s cheek.

Josh smiled.

Everything was gonna be alright.

 


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makeup sex is amazing, the boys attempt to conquer the belfry again (with disastrous results), and Father Morrison invites Josh to tea. Again. Ohhhh no. AND YOU THOUGHT THE LAST TIME ENDED BADLY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> Panic attack towards end of chapter, incident of physical abuse (punching, kicking, beating with cane), discussion of other instances of physical abuse (SPOILER ALERT: classic case of priest who turns out to be a horrible person who beats students. No sexual abuse tho).

Later that night, Josh was curled up with Tyler on his bed, having snuck in after lights out to cuddle. The room was dark, Tyler’s sheets were still a disaster despite Josh having tried to teach him how to make a bed weeks ago, and snuggling down with Tyler felt so right and perfect and, more than ever, Josh was glad for this.

 

“I’m so glad nobody said anything at dinner,” Tyler sighed, pulling his arms around Josh. “Oh man. I was so afraid everyone was still gonna be mad at me.”  
  
“Why would they?” Josh asked, leaning up to kiss him. “You’re their friend, Tyler.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “I don’t know about that, man” he said. “Gerard was pretty pissed at me.”  
  
“Yeah, and as soon as we made up, they forgave you. Like, literally burst into the room and forgave you right there.”  
  
“Yeah, but they’re still mad. I know them.” Tyler rested his forehead against Josh’s. “They’ve forgiven me, and we’re cool now. But I know they’re still mad I was a dick in the first place, and I don’t blame them.”  
  
Josh snorted. “That’s dumb. They’re your best friend.”  
  
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean they’re gonna let it slide when I fuck up,” Tyler said. “They’re a good kid. I think they’re really fond of you, too.”  
  
Josh shifted. “I haven’t even known them that long.”  
  
“We haven’t known each other long either, and look at us. Hell, technically you’ve known Gerard longer than you’ve known me. And I don’t know if this is news to you or something, but people do like you, Josh.”

 

Josh frowned. “But none of you guys have known me long. I’m still a newbie, pretty much. I’m not... _in_ your group.”

 

Tyler sighed. “Of course you’re in our group,” he said. “You fit right in. Forget about not having known us long, okay? I mean, I’ve known Bert for years, and sitting with him and his friends just felt off. They’re cool, but it was just weird, you know? We don’t click, not like how you click with us.”  
He stroked Josh’s hair slowly. “You’ve got to stop thinking you’re still some kind of outsider,” he said. “Okay? Stop thinking we might kick you out any second, because that’s not gonna happen.”

 

Josh sighed, nuzzling into Tyler’s neck. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll try. It’s just.. weird, y’know. Having friends.”  
  
“Yeah, I know,” Tyler said. “But it’s good, too. And we like being your friend.”

 

“Are you saying we’re just friends?” Josh asked, sticking his bottom lip out. Tyler laughed, kissing him gently. “Of course,” he joked. “We’re bros. The bro-iest bros. This is obviously the most platonic friendship ever. No, no homo here. Not even a little homo, no siree. Man, haven’t you heard of brojobs before?”  
  
Josh giggled, leaning in to peck Tyler on the lips. “Okay. No homo. No homo at all.”  
  
Tyler pulled him in for a deeper kiss, a hungry one that left Josh’s cheeks flushed, left him gasping a little for breath.

 

“Not even a little homo?” Tyler asked, eyes glittering. His hand drifted to Josh’s neck, stroking from his collarbones to his jaw.

 

Josh’s breath hitched. “Okay,” he said. “Maybe a little.”

 

Tyler leaned down, pressing kisses down Josh’s neck. He bit hard on his collarbone, drawing a moan from Josh, who tightened his arms around Tyler.

 

“This – this is okay, right?” Tyler whispered, looking up. “The biting.. I’m not hurting you?”  
  
“Oh my _god,_ Tyler,” Josh groaned. “No. Not in a way I don’t want. Okay? You’ve never hurt me, you’re not hurting me now. Why are you still so hung up on this?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Tyler murmured. “I keep thinking about it.”  
  
“You shouldn’t,” Josh said. He lifted Tyler’s head, kissing him. “You’re not hurting me. You didn’t hurt anyone. You’re good to me. Okay? I love you.”  
  
Tyler’s eyes went wide, and so did Josh’s when he realised what he said.

 

Tyler blinked. “Really?”  
  
Josh swallowed hard. “Um. Yeah. Really.”  
  
“Oh.” Tyler had a look on his face like he’d just seen a thousand galaxies. “Okay. Wow. Alright. Well, that’s good. Because I love you too.”  
  
Josh felt his cheeks grow hot. His heart thrummed in his throat, his wrists, stomach.

 

Tyler gulped. “Okay, I definitely haven’t said that to anyone before,” he said. “Except maybe my mom. Trust me.”  
  
Josh kissed him. “I trust you.”

 

Tyler sighed, pulling him close again, biting a line of marks down Josh’s throat. Josh twisted his fingers into Tyler’s hair, and thrust his hips forward, pulling a groan from Tyler.

 

“Oh god,” Tyler whispered, eyes fluttering shut. He grazed his hands up Josh’s chest, massaging his nipples. Josh rolled his head back and whined, and Tyler reached in to suck and bite at his throat again.

 

Josh dragged his hand down Tyler’s torso to palm him through his pants, stroking through the fabric.  
“Fuck,” Tyler moaned into his throat. He pulled back to gaze at Josh, eyes half-shut with lust.

 

“Ty, I was thinking,” Josh said. His mouth suddenly felt dry, and he swallowed. “Um. I think – I think I wanna try bottoming.”  
  
Tyler blinked. “You sure?” he asked.

 

“Um,” Josh said. “Y-yeah. I’m sure.”

 

“Okay.” Tyler took a deep breath. “Alright. Well, this is gonna be a bit different to a plug.”  
  
“I know.” Josh chewed his lip. “I still want to try.”

 

“Okay,” Tyler said. He rolled Josh on his back, pulling his pants off – and was faced with a surprise.

Josh looked up at him, flushing and chewing his lip. “This okay?” he asked.  
He’d been wearing pink satin panties under his pants, a little bow at the front. Tyler grinned. “Did you wear those under your pants all day? Did you _plan_ for makeup sex tonight or something?”  
  
Josh flushed. “No,” he said. “It’s not – not for sex. Not just about that. I was anxious and stressing out because you wouldn’t talk to me, and they’ve kinda become my lucky undies. I don’t know. Shut up.”

 

“So you’re gonna wear them to the exams?”  
  
“Well, they got you back to me, didn’t they? Of course I’m wearing them to the exams. Shut _up_.”

 

Tyler laughed, and stroked Josh’s already-hard cock through the silky material. Josh responded with soft moans, bucking up into his hand, his mouth falling open as his breathing became louder.

 

Tyler kicked off his own pants and boxers, and spread Josh’s legs apart. He leaned over him to reach into the bedside drawer for lube and condoms, and found them, settling between Josh’s legs.

He drizzled lube over his fingers, pulling the gusset of the panties to the side and pressing his index finger in slow circles around Josh’s hole. Josh flinched from the cold lube, but otherwise didn’t show any signs of discomfort.

 

Tyler pushed one finger in gently. He reached up, searching, and watched Josh’s eyes grow wide as he found his prostate. Josh’s mouth fell open and he whimpered.

 

“Right there, _oh,_ ” he moaned, and Tyler rocked his finger back and forth, entranced by Josh’s face; his eyes fluttering shut, forehead creasing and lips shaking.

 

He added another finger, and a third, pulling soft whines from Josh.  
Josh moaned and covered his face with his hands, trembling slightly. Tyler leaned down to pull at his arms, kissing his cheeks. “Don’t do that, baby, I wanna see you,” he murmured.

 

“Please, Ty,” Josh whimpered. “Please, oh god, I need you, _please._ ”

 

Tyler kissed him again, and leaned back, removing his fingers and wiping them off on a tissue. He rolled the condom on, lubed up.

 

“You ready, baby?” Tyler asked. “You sure about this?”  
  
Josh nodded, muscles in his throat flexing as he swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he said. “Please.”

 

Tyler pressed his palms on either side of Josh’s body, just under his arms. He lined up, pushing in gently, slowly, trying not to go too fast. Josh tensed up, panting.

 

“Relax, baby,” Tyler said. “It’s better if you relax.”

 

Josh nodded. “Keep going,” he gasped, grasping at Tyler’s arms. “I’m okay.”  
  
Tyler bottomed out, a moan tearing from his throat as he did so. He paused, gasping. “You – you okay, baby?”  
  
“I’m good,” Josh said. His eyes were wide, bright. “This is good. Keep going, Ty.”

 

Tyler pulled back, then rocked back in, building up a slow rhythm. Josh moaned and pulled his arms around Tyler’s body, nails dragging into his shoulderblades. Tyler dropped onto his elbows, hands gripping Josh’s shoulders, leaning down to bite and kiss. Josh moaned into his mouth, his breath coming in sharp little whines as Tyler thrust his hips, legs splaying and lifting to wrap around Tyler’s waist.

 

Tyler’s dream had finally come true; he had Josh coming undone under him, writhing and moaning, body sheening with sweat while Tyler thrust into him.

His curls stuck to his forehead, and his eyes were squeezed shut, mouth slack and open as he panted. Tyler could feel his nails raking across his back, the stripes of pain sending hot streaks of pleasure into his stomach.

Josh was enthralling. Tyler shuddered, realising he wasn’t going to last long with Josh keening and squirming under him like this.

 

“Josh,” Tyler panted. “Josh, look at me.”  
  
Josh cracked his eyes open. “Ty, it feels g-good,” he whimpered. “Oh, _fuck_. You feel so – so good. S-so much better than plugs or fingers, Ty, so much better.”

 

Tyler giggled despite himself. Josh moaned and his head lolled to the side, eyes fluttering.

 

“No, baby, look at me. Please, Josh. Look in my eyes.”  
  
Josh whined, his eyes opening again. Tyler moved his hands to press them on either side of Josh’s head, tangling his fingers in his hair and holding him still so he couldn’t move.

 

Josh’s eyelashes fluttered; he seemed to be making great effort to keep them open. He gazed up at Tyler, fixing him with that half-shy, half-lascivious expression, seeming innocent but for the way his mouth hung open and panting.

 

Tyler came. He felt his body shuddering above Josh, clenching and curling around him, and he bit hard into Josh’s shoulder. Josh keened, and Tyler thought he was going to ascend right there.

 

Tyler thrust messily a few more times, and then he was collapsing next to Josh, pulling him close and panting into his neck. His whole body was buzzing, coursing with a hot euphoria that engulfed him like flames.

 

Josh cupped his jaw and pulled him up, kissing him. He was gentle, but there was a quick urgency that reminded Tyler that Josh’s cock was still hard, flushed and straining against the panties.

 

Tyler pulled away, pulling the condom off and throwing it in the trash. Then he was back to nuzzling into Josh’s neck. “Hold on, I got you,” he whispered, kissing down his throat and chest, pinching Josh’s nipples. Josh recoiled slightly, and moaned, tangling his fingers in Tyler’s hair.

Tyler trailed kisses down Josh’s body, biting and sucking little marks on the soft skin of his thighs.

Josh was whimpering again now, head thrown back into the pillow.

Tyler snapped the elastic against Josh’s cock, and he yelped. Tyler pulled the panties down. He licked up the underside of Josh’s cock, and his hips bucked up with a loud gasp.

“Baby, baby please,” Josh whimpered, fingers yanking at Tyler’s hair. Tyler smiled and complied, sucking Josh’s cock into his mouth and bobbing down on it slowly.

 

“Oh, oh _Tyler_ ,” Josh moaned as Tyler tongued his slit, humming around his cock. “ _Mm_ , that’s n-nice.” Josh’s hips jerked up involuntarily, and Tyler let Josh fuck his mouth, teeth grazing just gently on the sensitive tissue.

 

Josh was panting loudly again, soft keening gasps that was nearly enough to make Tyler hard again.

“I’m close, Ty, really c-close,” Josh whimpered. “Oh, _oooh,_ that’s – that’s good. That feels good.”

 

Tyler pulled off with a pop, looking up to smile. Josh made a protesting sound. “Tyler, what are you doing?”

 

“Nothing,” Tyler said, crawling up to kiss Josh. “I’ll get back to that in a second. I just want to kiss you.”  
  
Josh whined, kissing him hungrily. “I’m going to explode if you don’t finish,” Josh said, voice ending in a soft sob. His eyes were squeezed shut again, and Tyler wasn’t sure if Josh was in pain or ecstasy.

 

“Like I said, in a second,” Tyler said, nuzzling into his neck. “Mm, you’re so beautiful.”

 

“Tyler,” Josh whimpered, and he looked like he was about to burst into tears.

 

Tyler gently shushed him, crawling back down to Josh’s cock. Josh’s whole body was taut, quivering slightly, and his hips jerked when Tyler touched him again.

Tyler sucked his cock into his mouth, resuming his rhythm, and Josh moaned, hips bucking, fingers tangled tight in his hair again.

 

A few more strokes, and Josh’s hips were spasming, shooting down Tyler’s throat with a strangled cry. His body went completely limp, head lolling back against the pillows, and Tyler crawled up, pulling Josh’s still-trembling body into his arms, kissing his face. Josh burrowed into his chest, nuzzling into Tyler’s neck, sighing.

 

“How was that?” Tyler asked, smoothing his fingers over the bite marks on Josh’s shoulder. “You okay?”  
  
“I’m good,” Josh said, snuggling into him. “So, so good. I want to try that again. Though..” Josh yawned loudly. “Maybe not right now. I’m wrecked.”  


Tyler giggled. “You really liked bottoming, huh?”  
  
“Oh, yeah. I thought it was supposed to hurt so much more, though. It felt better than it hurt.”  
  
“Yeah, well. When you do it properly it’s not too bad.” Tyler pulled the sheets up around them, feeling his eyelids grow heavy. “I was a bit worried about it being your first time, though. It can hurt a lot if you’re not used to it.”  
  
“No, you were good,” Josh said. “Really good.”

 

Tyler stroked his face. “You sure you’re okay? No pain?”  
Josh shook his head, nuzzling into Tyler’s hand and humming. “I’m fine. Just shut up and cuddle me.”  
  
Tyler chuckled and complied, pressing kisses all over Josh’s face and pulling his arms tight around him. Josh sighed and settled in, head lolling against Tyler’s shoulder. His eyes fluttered shut, and his breathing evened out. Tyler stroked his fingers through Josh’s hair, watching him fall asleep.

 

“Love you, Ty,” Josh mumbled. “G’night.”  
  
Tyler smiled. “Love you too, Josh,” he said.

 

 

The next day, Tyler had a bright idea. “Think we can have a go at the belfry again?”

 

Josh winced. “I don’t know, Ty,” he said. “Remember what happened last time? We ended up dragging a comatose Ed back to the dorms and had to nurse him through the hangover from hell. And there’s still always a chance we’ll get caught. You _know_ this is a bad idea.”  
  
And, same as last time, Josh wasn’t entirely sure how, but they’d made it up to the bell tower and he was pushed up against the wall, legs wrapped around Tyler’s waist while Tyler gripped his thighs and busied himself with creating teeth imprints on Josh’s collarbones.

 

“I’m never going to be able to wear low-neck t-shirts again, am I?” Josh panted. “I’ll have to take up – turtlenecks. Christ. Dating you has – b-been the worst thing for – ah! – my fashion, I swear. _Jesus_ , Tyler, that’s _good_.”

 

Tyler paused to pull back and smirk at Josh. “I wouldn’t say I’ve been that bad for your wardrobe,” he said. “You look damn cute in those dresses. You should wear them more often.”  
  
How could Josh argue with that? Tyler latched his teeth back on his neck, and Josh shuddered from the spike of pain, and the pleasure it sent lancing through his body.

 

He became aware he was slipping. “Ty, hold me up properly,” he hissed, trying to wrap his legs tighter around Tyler, but Tyler’s grip didn’t change. He seemed distracted.

 

“Ty – shit!”

 

Josh’s back slid down the wall and he panicked, reaching for a nearby rope for support.

 

A deafening clang rang through the bell tower, and both boys screeched in alarm. Tyler dropped Josh, who landed on his butt on the floor, still clutching the rope.

This had the unfortunate effect of pulling the rope down all the way, sending the huge bell swinging and making the whole room vibrate with overwhelming noise.

 

Tyler clutched at Josh’s hand, face stricken. Mercifully, neither of them had gotten around to stripping off yet, so the boys were able to immediately flee the scene.

 

“That place is cursed for us, I swear!” Josh yelled as they ran. “We’re _not_ trying that again!”  
  
“What?!” Tyler called, tapping his ears.

 

They made it back to the dorm without getting caught, tumbling into Josh and Gerard’s room.

 

Gerard looked up from their sketchbook, pulling their headphones off. “Um,” they said. “You two okay? What’s the rush?”  
  
“What?” Tyler bellowed. Josh shook his head like it would clear his hearing; his ears felt like they were full of water-soaked cotton wool. He could barely hear Gerard.

 

Gerard’s eyes widened. They grinned wickedly.

 

“You two wouldn’t happen to know anything about the bell in the belfry randomly going the fuck off, would you?” they asked. Both boys stared at him in confusion, and Gerard giggled, scribbling his question down on a new page.

 

They held the page up, and both boys blanched as they read it.

 

“Um, no,” Tyler stammered in an over-loud voice. “We, uh, we were studying, weren’t we? Josh? Josh?”  
  
“Huh?” Josh asked, thumping his hand against his ear.

 

Gerard cackled. “You fuckin’ maniacs,” they said gleefully. “Morons, the both of you. You’re so goddamn lucky you didn’t get caught, holy christ.”

Gerard launched into a story. “We could hear the bell all the fuckin’ way from here, Montano lost his shit! Like, actually freaked out – Mr Montano, the most deadpan human being in all the known universes, actually yelled and swore and bolted off in a panic. He ran off to see what the disaster was, and he came back and said it looked like the bell had been pulled in a prank, or accident.”  
Gerard’s eyes glittered. “Apparently Morrison was fuckin’ furious. What I would have given to see his face, holy _shit!_ ”

Gerard slapped their legs and threw their head back, they were laughing so hard. “Morrison was afraid it was some kind of fuckin’ burglar making off with the expensive shit in the vestry. Or a vandal, or something. And all along it was just you two horny little shits, getting kinky in entirely the wrong fucking place! Serves you both right!”  
  
Josh and Tyler missed this whole tirade, of course. But Josh still grimaced at the sight of Gerard’s fit of laughter. Even despite being unable to hear them, it was very clear that Gerard had put two and two together.

 

“Y-you’re not gonna tell, are you?” Tyler stammered, and Gerard snorted.

 

“Of fuckin’ course not,” they said. “Not the staff, anyway. But just fuckin’ _wait_ until Frank hears this. Can you imagine Pete? His _face_ when we tell him this, holy shit.”

 

And that was how Tyler and Josh found themselves at dinner, flushing and looking down at the table as Father Morrison finished prayers with a lecture on respecting school and Church property, scowling across the whole hall, while the rest of the table attempted to hide their smirks and giggles.

 

Josh was pretty sure Father Morrison’s eyes had lingered dangerously on their table, resting a little too long on him and Tyler.

 

But Gerard was bright red in the face and shaking with the effort of trying not to laugh; Pete had shoved his entire fist in his mouth to stifle his guffaws, and Frank was collapsed across the table with his head in his arms, shoulders convulsing. Mikey was overly interested in cleaning his glasses, as was Patrick, and Ray had his hands covering his whole face. The rest of the table wore smirks, or kept dissolving into strange coughing fits that sounded oddly like giggles.

 

With the rest of the table in various states of hysteria, it was hard to hide his own grin, even under Morrison’s suspicious glare. And when Tyler glanced at him and had to clamp his hand over his mouth to stifle his giggles, it was very hard to pay attention to any nerves about getting caught.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, as the students left after breakfast, Father Morrison caught Josh’s arm by the door. He pulled Josh aside, bright smile on his face.

 

“Morning again, Josh,” he said pleasantly. Josh stammered out a similar greeting. Why was Father Morrison taking him aside now? Had he figured out he’d been involved in the bell tower incident?  
  
“I was just hoping we could catch up again this afternoon, if you’re free,” Father Morrison said. “You didn’t look all too well after last time, which I suppose was fair enough – so I just want to check up, make sure everything went okay.” He grinned. “I’ll bring that lemon and ginger tea again, sounds good?”  
  
Josh nodded, heart rate slowing. Maybe he and Tyler had gotten away with the belltower thing. “Sure,” he said. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

 

He joined Gerard and Tyler outside the dining hall. Tyler looked stricken.

  
“He hasn’t figured it out,” Josh explained. “Well, I don’t think so anyway. He said he just wanted to catch up again.”  
  
“How come?” Gerard asked.

 

Josh shrugged. “Well, last time we talked, he tried to get me to break up with Tyler. He said I didn’t look good, and he wanted to check that I was okay.”  
  
Tyler chewed his lip. “But we didn’t break up,” he said. “Well – not permanently, anyway.”  
  
Josh supposed he was going to have to tell Father Morrison that. A twinge of fear coiled in his stomach. He was afraid of how he was going to react to that.

 

What if he tried to convince him further? What if he had more stories, or worse, actual evidence of Tyler doing terrible things?  
He glanced at Tyler. He was trying to convince Gerard why Taco Bell was superior to Chipotle.

No. No way. Tyler wasn’t a bad person, he hadn’t hurt anyone.

And Josh didn’t want to go through it again. Hearing stories. Feeling that sick doubt again, the coiling churning in his stomach.  
The more he thought about reliving that, the less he wanted to go to see Father Morrison again.

 

Yet, once again, Josh found himself outside Father Morrison’s office after school.

 

Josh’s anxiety had steadily increased over the course of the day, and Tyler hadn’t been able to calm him down. Gerard had failed, too. They’d both walked with Josh to the office, but they’d left him there while exchanging worried glances. They knew nothing they’d said could stop Josh’s hands shaking.

 

The door opened, revealing Father Morrison’s beaming face.

 

“Good to see you again!” he said, ushering Josh in. “I’ve already got the tea ready. Want a biscuit?” He shook the McVities package.

 

Josh shook his head politely. “Sorry,” he said. “I got seconds of lunch. I mean, it’s not every day we get chicken burgers.”

 

Father Morrison laughed. “Yes, there’s always a lot of excitement when they do burgers here, isn’t there?” he said. “I remember the first time I saw them bring out burgers for lunch. I thought there was some kind of riot!”  


Josh sat down, and Father Morrison pushed forward a mug. Josh picked it up, blowing on the hot tea.

 

“So,” Father Morrison said, watching Josh sip the tea. “You and Tyler.”  
  
Josh froze. He set the tea down, bracing for the storm.

 

“I see you still haven’t broken up with him,” Father Morrison said in a disapproving voice.

  
Josh shrugged. “I did talk to him,” he said. “Like you told me to. I confronted him about what you told me. And – we talked about it. And...”  
  
He fidgeted nervously. “I don’t know how you figured that Tyler was hurting people,” he said. ‘But I don’t believe he’ll hurt me. I don’t believe he hurt anyone. It’s... it’s scary to think all his exes left, I guess. But I don’t think it was because of him. I trust him.”  
  
Father Morrison sighed.

He shook his head, looked down, away from Josh. Massaged his temples, eyebrows pulling together in a frown.

“That’s a shame,” he said. His jaw was set. He looked angry. “I’m disappointed, Josh. Very disappointed. I thought you would know, you’d learn...”  
  
He shook his head. “Out of all of them...”

 

Josh shifted in his seat. “I – I’m sorry,” he offered. “I appreciate you trying to help, and I’m not ignoring what you said. I’ll be careful, I promise. But – this is my relationship, my business, and... this is the decision I’m making on it.”  
  
Father Morrison shot him an ugly glare. Josh gulped. He’d never seen him make an expression like that, and it chilled him to his bones.

 

“Yes – that’s what the others said, too,” Father Morrison snorted.

 

Josh blinked. _What?_ What in the hell did Father Morrison mean by that?

 

“O-others?” Josh said. “You mean Tyler’s exes?”

 

“Who else?” Father Morrison snapped. “Foolish boys. So much potential, all of them. I tried. I really did. But wandering into sin, it has _consequences_.”

 

Josh swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to say. “Um,” he said. “Can – can I go?”

 

Father Morrison shot him that horrible look again. His eyes always seemed cold, but now they were burning, making sweat break out on Josh’s palms and back of his neck with the heat.

Josh didn’t think he was going to be allowed to leave.

 

“Consequences, boy,” Father Morrison said. “Evil actions have consequences. You need to understand that.”  
  
Josh blinked. He slid the chair back, trying to get up, but before he could even fully stand his arms were being seized and pulled behind his back.

Josh’s head was slammed onto the desk; he flinched as pain exploded in the side of his skull. Stars popped in front of his eyes.

 

His chest tightened with fear. The snakes didn’t even have a chance; he’d skipped worry and anxiety entirely, so that now everything was a blur of heightened awareness, waiting, anticipating, fearing what was going to happen next.

 

“Do you think what you’re doing isn’t wrong?” Father Morrison hissed from behind him. “Do you think you’re exempt?”  
  
“P-please,” Josh struggled against Morrison’s iron grip. “Let me go.”

 

“Actions. Have. _Consequences_.”

 

On the last word, a fist slammed down into Josh’s back. Josh barely had time to reel from the shock before a knee was driving up into his ribs, forcing all breath out of his lungs. Josh’s legs gave way, and he slumped to the floor.

 

He couldn’t move, and it wasn’t just from being winded and in pain.

 

Father Morrison was assaulting him.

 

Five minutes ago he’d been smiling and offering him biscuits, and now he was kicking his ribs with a vicious fury that Josh realised explained the cold fire ever present in his eyes.

 

More than anything, more than the fear and pain, Josh was surprised. He didn’t know how to react.

Father Morrison was a _priest_. He was supposed to help, supposed to be good, but instead Josh was trying to curl into a ball to protect himself from the blows.

 

Josh was aware of Morrison pulling him up off the floor, throwing him over the desk. He wrenched open a drawer, pulling out a cane.

 

Morrison forced Josh’s shirt up his back, and wrenched down his pants.

The next thing that came was pain; blinding hot streaks across Josh’s back and buttocks, and panic began to rise belatedly in Josh’s throat.

 

“Is this what you want?” Morrison was saying above the high-pitched _thwack_ of the cane. “Punishment? I don’t enjoy this, Josh. I don’t enjoy dealing punishment, but this is what happens.”  
  
Josh could barely focus over the stinging pain; his whole back was on fire. He was struggling to keep from crying out.

 

“How about this, for years? Millenia? All eternity?” Morrison’s voice was reaching a hysterical note. “You want purgatory? Eternal suffering? Nothing can be worth this, Josh, _nothing_.”

 

Josh squeezed his eyes shut, braced against the lashes, and prayed it would stop. His mind was reeling. Eternal suffering, this and worse for millenia, and for _what,_ for something he thought could be love –?

 

There was a bang that sounded like the door being forced open, and shouts. Josh recognised Father LaBeouf’s voice, and Morrison’s hand was being wrenched away from Josh’s arms, releasing him. The cane was gone.

 

Someone helped him up off the desk, smoothed down his shirt. Josh shakily pulled his pants up, dimly aware that the hands around his shoulders were stark white with pink nail polish. He glanced around, seeing Lola’s face, wisps of pink escaping from their wimple.

 

“Come on, I’m taking you to infirmary,” they said, as LaBeouf wrestled Morrison out of the office, the priest shouting something about scourging, the importance of redemptive suffering.

Josh realised he was shaking violently.

 

Lola took him to infirmary, where the nurse checked him over. Not much could be done about the red, angry marks covering Josh’s back. There were a few cuts where the cane had broken the skin, so the nurse dabbed ointment over those. Josh was also given an icepack to ease the swelling bruise developing on his head.

“Your ribs seem bruised, but otherwise fine,” the nurse said. “And you don’t look concussed. Just superficial stuff. Lots of bed rest, no heavy exertion for a little while. I’ll write notes for your teachers.”

He walked towards the door, glancing back at Lola and Josh. “Call me if there are any issues, okay?”  
Lola nodded, and the nurse left, leaving just the two in the infirmary.

“Want me to call Tyler?” Lola asked, and Josh nodded. His throat suddenly tightened. He needed to see Tyler, oh god. He _needed_ him. He’d been so scared, he was in pain, he needed to have Tyler there, have him make everything okay again.

 

Tyler didn’t take long; when he arrived, he burst through the door, hair and clothes disheveled, out of breath.

 

“What happened?” he demanded, crossing the room to Josh.

 

Josh swallowed hard, throat closed too tight to speak. Tyler wrapped his arms around Josh, standing while Josh was sitting, so Josh’s head rested against his chest.

Josh hugged him tight, ignoring the way it made his ribs twinge. He sucked in a shuddering breath, and then everything smelled like Tyler, easing the hard lump in his throat.

 

“There was an incident with Father Morrison,” Lola said softly. “It... well. I don’t think Father Morrison will be teaching children again.”

 

Tyler’s expression changed into one of horror. “What happened? _What did he do to Josh?_ ”  
  
Lola looked at Josh, and Josh nodded. He wanted to speak, tell Tyler it was okay, tell him it hadn’t been as bad as whatever horror scene Tyler was imagining, but he knew if he tried to talk, he’d start crying. He didn’t want that.

 

“I don’t think Morrison was happy about Josh dating you,” Lola said. “We found him hitting Josh with a cane.”

 

Tyler’s grip on Josh tightened.

 

Josh cleared his throat. “He kicked me, first,” he managed. “That’s – that’s where the bruises are from. Then he got the cane out. He kept talking about... consequences. Punishment, purgatory. I think he was trying to tell me I’d go to hell.”

 

Tyler was shaking now, hands frantically smoothing through Josh’s hair. He seemed like he was going to go into a panic attack. Josh caught one of his hands, squeezing it gently. Trying to tell him it was _alright_ , it was okay. He had Tyler now, and that was all that mattered. Tyler didn’t need to freak out, not when Josh was already calming down.

 

“What else?” Tyler said, voice high-pitched.

 

“Nothing,” Josh said. “Lola and LaBeouf came in.”

 

Lola cleared their throat. “There’s something else,” they said in a small voice.

 

“There’s more to it. Some of the board and I suspected that something was going on with Father Morrison and some of the students. We had names of boys who were reporting to the infirmary with bruises after having visited Morrison for tea. That was the major red flag. But we had nothing, the boys weren’t talking – too afraid, I think. Morrison, of course, would never admit to anything. And we had no proof of Morrison doing anything, so we couldn’t even contact police, really.”

Lola fidgeted. “We’d been monitoring Morrison’s after-school meetings since. Not hi-tech stuff, more like waiting outside the door, hoping to hear something. We hadn’t had anything, though, until today. We heard the cane, and that was when we realised something was wrong.”  
  
Lola gave Josh an apologetic look. “The door was locked, so it took us a little while to break in,” they said. “I’m sorry we didn’t get in earlier.”

 

“It’s okay,” Josh said. “Just bruises, I’m fine.”  
  
“Wait, so what happens now?” Tyler asked. “What – what about the other boys?”  
  
“Well, now we have solid eyewitness proof of Morrison assaulting at least one student,” Lola said. “That, at the very least, means he won’t be working with kids again. It’ll be tough going against the Church, no doubt, but it might be harder for the Church to cover this one up, considering two of the eyewitnesses were also part of the clergy.”

 

“The others?” Tyler demanded. Lola chewed their lip.

 

“Tyler, do you want to come with me for a second?” they asked, leading Tyler out the door.

 

Josh fidgeted in the infirmary, waiting impatiently for them to come back. He could guess at what they were talking about. No doubt Tyler wanted to know if his exes had been involved.  
After all, Josh’s assault had occurred after Morrison tried to get him to break up with Tyler. What if the other boys had similar stories?

 

Josh didn’t know. At this point, he just wanted Tyler back. Everything ached, twinged, burned. He wanted Tyler to hug him again, melt away the bad.

 

Tyler and Lola came back in ten or fifteen minutes later; Josh wasn’t sure, as it had felt to him like hours.

 

Tyler looked stunned. Lola looked morbidly guilty.

 

“You okay?” Josh asked. Tyler nodded, stepping in close to hug Josh again.

“Y-yeah,” Tyler mumbled. “My exes – all of them were on that list.”

 

“How many kids were on the list overall?” Josh asked.

 

“I can’t really tell you,” Lola said. “But... there were a few. They’d fill up a classroom.”

 

Josh tried to visualise that, tried to visualise a classroom of students. Tried to imagine them all as victims of the same attack he was reeling from now. And he’d been _lucky_ ; how worse could it have been if Lola and LaBeouf hadn’t intervened? He shuddered.

 

“We’ll have to go back, re-interview everyone,” Lola said. “Hopefully, knowing they’re not going to be punished for talking will help them feel safer about talking about what happened. We’ll have to call you in for a police interview too, Josh. I’m sorry about that.”  
  
Josh shrugged. He didn’t want to think about that just yet. Not yet.

 

“Do you two want me to take you back to the dorms?” Lola asked. “I’ll talk to your housemasters, see about getting you two out of dinner. You both look like you need a rest.”

 

Tyler nodded, and carefully pulled Josh up from his seat. Josh could walk fine, but Tyler kept his arm tight around him for the whole walk back to the dorms.

 

They went straight upstairs to Tyler’s room while Lola talked to Jimmy. Wordlessly, Tyler pulled Josh down on the bed and drew him into a hug.

 

Even under the bedcovers, Josh was still shaking. He was starting to feel okay, starting to feel like the shock was wearing off, but his body hadn’t got the memo yet. He burrowed down into Tyler’s chest, feeling his heartbeat slow with Tyler’s breathing.

 

“You okay?” Josh whispered.

 

Tyler’s breathing hitched. “Why are you asking _me_ that? Jesus Christ. I should be asking you that. Have I done that yet? I haven’t even asked if you’re okay, oh my god.”

 

Josh tried to shush him, but it was too late. Tyler was shaking uncontrollably now, breath coming in erratic spurts.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Tyler gasped, arms tight around Josh. “Jesus. He really hurt you, Josh, he hurt you.”

 

“Shhh, I’m okay,” Josh said. “I’m okay now. You’re not, though.”

 

“No.” Tyler pressed his forehead into Josh’s neck. “That list was huge, Josh. And all of them were on it. Not just a couple, or a few, all of them. He hurt all of them like he hurt you.”

 

“He lied. He knew why they left.”  
  
“Oh, god.” Tyler sucked in a deep breath. “Fuck. _Fuck_. That’s – that’s why they left.”

 

Josh squeezed him gently. “You didn’t hurt anyone, Ty. He did. Not you.”  
  
Tyler fell quiet again, shaking starting to subside.

 

He tensed up. “He still hurt you, though. Jesus. If I see him again, I’ll punch his fucking lights out. He shouldn’t have touched you.”

 

Josh sighed. “It’s over, Ty. He’s gone.”

 

Tyler relaxed again. “I’m sorry,” he said. “This – it’s not helping you. I’m not helping.”

 

“Stop apologising,” Josh grumbled. “You’ve done nothing wrong, okay? You’re allowed to be upset too. He hurt you too, by making all your exes break up with you.”  
  
“He didn’t _hit_ me.” Tyler ran his hands under Josh’s shirt, gently tracing the raised marks. His fingers were as gentle and slow as they always were, nearly asking permission to touch, and Josh relaxed into it, relishing the soothing motions over his sore skin.

 

And that was the moment that all of the suppressed fear and panic and relief Josh had been unconsciously holding down decided to make itself known, and suddenly Josh was bursting into tears, noisily gasping and crying and apologising, clutching Tyler’s shirt, sobbing out a broken melody of “I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry”.

Tyler just held him tight, letting him cry it out, stroking and kissing his hair. Murmuring soft ‘itsokay’s, soothing hums and shhh’s. He didn’t let go of Josh once, just held him through the tears.

 

Eventually Josh calmed down, just sniffling occasionally. Now he felt properly better. He hadn’t even realised he’d been stifling how shaken up he was, ignoring it as if that would make it go away.

 

“How are you feeling?” Tyler asked. Josh burrowed down against his chest.  
“Better,” he said. “I’m okay.”  
  
“You said you were okay before you started crying,” Tyler said, frowning. “Baby, you’re not okay. Tell me how you’re feeling.”  
  
Josh sighed. “Sore,” he admitted. “Tired. I’m still kind of shaken up. But I’m better than before, I promise.”  
  
Tyler made a grumbling sound, but leaned down to kiss Josh’s nose. “Well, we can fix the ‘tired’ part,” he said. “Go to sleep. I’ve got you.”  
  
“But I haven’t even showered,” Josh protested. “Neither have you.”  
  
“Well, tomorrow we can be morning-showerers for a change,” Tyler said. “It’s okay. It’s more important that you get some sleep, okay?”

 

Josh sighed. “Okay,” he said. “But I’m too jumpy. I can’t relax.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “I can definitely help with that,” he said. He shifted around, tucking the bedsheets into a sort of burrito around Josh. Then he snuggled down, pulling Josh against his chest, peppering his face with soft kisses and stroking his hair.

Josh hummed, shutting his eyes and snuggling down against Tyler. He could already feel himself relaxing, despite his jumpiness. He really, truly felt okay. Tyler may not believe it yet, but that was hardly a problem with his hands combing through Josh’s hair, lips pressed to his forehead.

 

He couldn’t help his mind wandering back to Morrison’s office, though. Morrison had told him he was going to be punished, and for a moment Josh had believed it.

 

It was easy to understand how the other boys would have been convinced of it, would have spiralled downward into fear, of both Morrison, and eternal punishment.  
It was easy to imagine those boys being beaten down – literally and figuratively – into breaking off relationships, leaving the school, in some attempt to alleviate guilt – and perhaps escape Morrison.

 

But those boys didn’t have Gerard and their midnight Bible-study sessions, probably. Josh reminded himself about what Gerard had said about mistranslations, about the sexism and the homophobia of the day that influenced the way texts were transcribed and interpreted. The way things could be edited, added on to.

 

Josh was still shaken by it. But he wasn’t going to worry about what Morrison had said.  
Maybe if he’d been with a different boy to Tyler, maybe if he’d had a different roommate, and consequently, different friends. Maybe if this had happened last semester. Maybe then he would have agonised over it, gone over his Bible until it fell apart in his hands, worried himself into a panic attack.  
But he was with Tyler. His roommate was a nonbinary atheist with a stunning critical knowledge of the Bible. And his friends had already stood up for him more than once.

 

Josh felt warm and good, snuggled in the makeshift blanket burrito and Tyler’s arms. He felt safe.

Even if Tyler was right, and he wasn’t okay right now, Josh knew he would be okay. So long as he had this, he would be okay. And that was enough for now.

 


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of fluff, bit of smut, bit of deep meaningful discussion. Y'know, filler material. I am so so so sorry, I promise more actual stuff will happen next chapter. Warnings in chapter notes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> reference/discussion of past abuse (as in the shit that went down last chapter, thats it - tbh I try to refer to the details of it as little as possible if it helps), a nightmare/flashback at the end of the chapter. All ends well tho. So much fluff. Fluffier than josh dun's hair probably.

Tyler was woken by the door creaking open. He cracked open his eyes, expecting to see Jimmy or Steve in the doorway, but instead he saw Gerard, slipping in quietly, two containers in their hands.

 

Gerard was wearing black skinnies, and another of Lindsey’s shirts, a long button-up blouse. Tyler was confused for a moment, but then he remembered – _Saturday. That’s right. No school today._

 

Gerard met his eyes. “Hey,” they said. “Sorry to wake you. You guys missed breakfast, though, so I figured you might want something to eat.”  
  
Tyler sat up, nodding, rubbing grit out of his eyes. He felt Josh stir and mumble next to him, and he gently shook the other boy’s shoulder.

“Thanks, Gerard,” Tyler said, patting a space on the bedcovers. Gerard hopped onto the bed, careful not to sit on either of the two boys’ legs.

 

“Josh, wake up,” Tyler said softly, shaking Josh’s shoulder again. Josh grumbled and rolled over, hiding his face in Tyler’s side. Tyler couldn’t stop the grin on his face.

“C’mon, Gerard brought us breakfast,” Tyler said. Josh looked up blearily.

 

“Did we miss breakfast?” he mumbled.

 

Gerard nodded. “Yeah, Jimmy didn’t want to wake you up,” they said, handing the containers to Tyler and Josh. “He and Steve figured it was better to leave you two alone. After… you know. Yesterday.”  
  
“You heard about that?” Tyler asked, popping the lid of the container. Fruit and cold packet-mix pancakes; the school’s attempt at a fancy breakfast. His stomach growled.

 

Gerard nodded, chewing their lip. “LaBeouf told me and Frank,” they explained. “I mean, like – we didn’t know what to think, you know? Tyler gets this phone call from Lola after school, runs off in a mad panic – we were freaking out.”  
  
Josh made a confused sound.

 

“Oh, right,” Tyler said. “Josh, when Lola called, I was hanging out in the Music block with Gerard and Frank. We were gonna work on Music homework there while waiting for you to finish up with Morrison.”

He looked back at Gerard. “So LaBeouf found you and explained what happened?”  
  
“More like we found him,” Gerard said with a laugh. “We packed up our stuff and ran after you, but you’d already disappeared. We knew something was up, though, holy shit. There were police cars, man. We freaked out. But we ran into LaBeouf talking to a police officer, and he explained what was going on. That Morrison was being arrested, that he’d been assaulting kids.”

 

Gerard twisted their mouth. “I’m really sorry, Josh” they said. “That – shouldn’t have happened. Ever. I mean, I never _liked_ Morrison, but even then, I didn’t think... Frank and I wanted to find you when LaBeouf told us, but he said we should give you some space.”  
  
“It’s okay,” Josh said. “How many other people know?”  
  
“Just us,” Gerard said. “Me and Frank. Everyone knows that Morrison got arrested, though. LaBeouf had to announce it at dinner. Said that Morrison was leaving the school and wouldn’t be returning, that he’d been arrested. He didn’t say why, though. Nobody knows it was because of assaulting students, and nobody knows it happened when he was caught hurting Josh.”

 

Josh nodded, chewing quietly on a mouthful of pancake. Tyler guessed he probably didn’t want the whole school to know what had happened.

 

“Are you two okay?” Gerard asked.

 

Tyler looked at Josh, who just shrugged. “I feel like I don’t really want to deal with people for a while,” he said quietly. Tyler’s heart broke. Josh’s social anxiety.

“I’ll be okay, though,” he continued. “Just... need some time. I don’t really want to go back to classes for a few days. Kind of just wanna sleep and pretend nothing happened.”

 

He chewed his lip. “It’s funny, though,” he said. “Before, I was really confused. I was really struggling to reconcile everything Morrison said with, you know, what I thought, how I feel. And I’m not just talking about what he said to me about Tyler, I also mean when he spoke in church. I guess I tried really hard to take on what he was saying, but something about it never felt quite right.”

Josh sighed, putting his empty container on the bedside table and settling into Tyler’s side.

“I think I thought I was the problem,” he continued, “that there was something wrong with me, which was why I couldn’t fully accept what he was saying. So I spent a lot of time feeling guilty, like I should have been trying harder. But... now, it makes sense. It felt wrong because it was wrong, because he’s wrong. He’s not a good person, he probably shouldn’t have even been preaching to kids, honestly. And I’m not confused anymore. I don’t think I have to feel guilty anymore, and that aspect of it is.. kind of nice.”

 

He pulled his arms around Tyler. “It’s all kind of weird,” he said. “It’s gonna take me a little while to figure out, I think. Ty, what about you?”  
  
Tyler chewed his lip. “Well, that makes sense,” he said. “I guess I’m kind of the same. I was still kind of freaked out and confused about what Morrison told you, but now I know he was lying... I don’t need to worry about it any more. And... it settles a lot of questions I had about past relationships. I’m not happy about it, and I’m kind of mad now that I never knew, I never even noticed. Shit, you’d have thought...”  
He sighed, closed his eyes. “It’s over, though,” he said. “It’s done. And I know it wasn’t my fault, now. And that helps.”

 

When Tyler opened his eyes, he saw Gerard was grinning at him.

“Man, I hate to say ‘I told you so’, but,” Gerard said, “I told you so.”  
  
“Shut up,” Tyler said, shoving Gerard with his foot. Gerard just giggled.

 

“By the way,” Gerard said. “The others were kind of worried when you two didn’t show at dinner. I think Ray’s guessed that it had something to do with Morrison being arrested. Do you them to know what happened?”  
  
Tyler looked at Josh, who shrugged. “As long as it doesn’t spread around the whole school or whatever,” he said. “And as long as they don’t... get weird about it. Or whatever.”

 

“Fair enough,” Gerard said.

 

Gerard hung out with them for another half hour, mercifully moving off the topic of the previous day’s events by asking if Tyler had learned any other songs on his uke yet.

Tyler had been nervous to show his progress on Somewhere Over The Rainbow, but Josh had assured him he’d love it even if it wasn’t perfect, and Gerard promised not to laugh.

 

When he finished performing what he’d learned, Josh had the biggest goofy grin on his face, and Gerard clapped politely. _I guess I didn’t butcher the song too badly,_ Tyler figured.

 

Gerard left soon afterward, explaining that they were supposed to be going downtown with Frank. When they were gone, Tyler dug out his laptop. “Want to just watch movies today?” he asked, and Josh nodded.

“Can, um, can we watch X-Files?” Josh asked.

 

“Sure,” Tyler said. “I haven’t watched it before, though.”

 

“Oh,” Josh said. “Okay. Well, um. Let me know if you hate it, okay?”  
  
There was something about the way he fidgeted nervously when Tyler pulled up a streaming website and searched for the first episode.

 

“Do you like X-Files?” Tyler asked curiously.

 

“Um, yeah. I kind of love it, actually,” Josh admitted. “It’s one of my favourite shows.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “You should have said,” he said. “I would have watched it ages ago if I’d known you like it. It’s okay, Josh, I’m not gonna hate your favourite t.v show, okay?”

 

They settled down and began watching.  
Josh was still fidgety for the first couple of episodes, but when it became evident that Tyler was enjoying the show and not hating it, he relaxed.

 

Later in the afternoon, Gerard and Frank came in with bags of snacks, and watched an episode with them. When they left, they left the snacks, much to Josh’s vocal delight.

 

When the dinner bell went off, they looked at each other.

 

“Want to go to dinner?” Tyler asked.

 

Josh shifted uncomfortably. “I know we should,” he said guiltily. “And I’ll feel bad making Gerard get food for us again. But...”

 

“It’s okay,” Tyler said, pulling Josh down into a hug. “We don’t need to go. They’ll understand.”  
Josh relaxed and settled down against Tyler.  
“I think Gerard kind of likes babying us, actually,” Tyler said. “Weird kid. They’ve always been kinda maternal.”

 

“It’s nice,” Josh said. “They’d make a good parent.”

 

“Them and Frank both, actually. They’d both be cute parents.”

 

“They’d have super cute kids.”

 

“Hey. Do you think we’d have cute kids?”  
  
Josh hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe,” he said. “If they looked like you, they’d be adorable.”

 

“Nah. I’d want them to look like you. I want mini Josh’s. Mini Josh’s or nothing.”  
  
Josh snorted. “What about names? I think I want girls. I’d call my first girl Maple.”  
  
Tyler laughed out loud. “Maple?” he said. “Babe, you know that’s more like a cat name than a human name.”  
  
Josh stuck his tongue out. “My first girl is gonna be Maple, or so God help me, Tyler Joseph,” he said stubbornly. “If you can’t accept that, I’m afraid we simply can’t work out. I want a divorce.”  
  
“Aw, no. Babe, no. We can compromise, can’t we? Middle name?”  
  
“Fine, then her first name can be Juniper.”  
  
“Josh, _no_. No plant names.”

 

They bickered quietly, pausing X-Files to continue the discussion. To Tyler’s surprise, Josh was weirdly invested in the idea of plant names; they spent about an hour arguing about just baby names. And although Tyler knew it was just a joke, talking about kids and name preferences made his chest feel oddly warm, like he’d swallowed sunlight.  
He kind of liked the idea of having or adopting kids with Josh, even if Josh got his way and it meant ending up with a small army of kids named after trees.  
He pondered on that, doing everyday domestic stuff with Josh. Groceries. Vacuuming. Bills. Dishes. School grades. Birthday parties. Pestering teenagers to study for exams. Awkward talks about sexuality and stuff.

All that stuff made him feel a bit scared, normally. It always seemed so monotonous to him. Did he really want to spend the rest of his life like that? It seemed painfully dull.

But if Josh was there? If Josh was the one helping him change nappies, or deciding whether to get white or wholemeal bread? Suddenly, it didn’t seem so bad.  
He could see Josh getting all excited about being Santa and the Tooth Fairy.  
He liked the thought of that.

 

“Okay, fine,” Tyler relented. “We can have ten kids, and they can have dumb tree names. But no dogs. And I’m limiting the number of cats to three.”  
  
Josh hummed gleefully and kissed Tyler’s cheek. “Thanks, babe. I’ll take care of homework, you take care of sport practice.”  
  
“Deal.”

 

There was a knock on the door, distracting the boys from the discussion.  
“Come in,” Tyler called.

 

The door opened, and Jimmy’s head appeared.

“You two okay?” he asked tentatively. “Just checking up, that’s all. We haven’t seen you all day, and you didn’t come out for meals, so..”  


“We’re okay,” Tyler said. “Just.. quiet Saturday in.”  
  
“That’s fair,” Jimmy said. He held up two containers. “Here’s dinner, by the way.”

 

“Thanks,” Tyler said, and Jimmy walked into the room, setting the containers down on Tyler’s bedside.

 

“Alright,” he said, slipping out the door. “I’ll leave you two alone, now.”  
He waggled his index finger at them. “And no mischief,” he said sternly. “To be honest with you, I’m not upset about you two staying in today; we’re still dealing with paperwork thanks to the belfry incident. Kudos for getting creative, but try to keep your shenanigans within the boarding house, would you? Goodnight, boys.”  
  
And with that he shut the door, leaving the two boys staring agape.

 

“He knows?!” Josh gasped.

 

“No way,” Tyler squeaked. “There’s no way he could have known it was us. _No way._ How could he have even figured it out?”

 

Josh groaned, burying his face in Tyler’s chest. “He knows all our secrets,” he said. “God, I’m really starting to wonder what goes on at teaching college.”

 

He paused looking up, a smirk on his lips. “Hey, did we ever finish what we started in the belfry? I don’t know that we did. Maybe we should pick up where we left off.”  
  
Tyler twisted his mouth. Josh was looking up at him through his eyelashes, with a heinously sultry expression. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing it gently, and Tyler was very close to being unable to say no.

But..

“Josh, are you sure?” Tyler asked. “You probably still have bruises after yesterday, shit. I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

Josh shut his eyes, shaking his head. “Don’t talk about it,” he said softly. “I don’t want to think about it. If – if you don’t want to, that’s okay, we could keep watching X-Files –”

 

“No, no, shh.” Tyler cupped Josh’s face, stroking his jaw. “Jesus, Josh. Of course I want to. I’m just worried about you.”

 

Josh sighed, leaning into his palm. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll be fine, okay?”

 

He pulled Tyler down so he was lying on his back, and set to kissing him, forceful and hungry, leaving Tyler breathless.

 

Tyler was still nervous – what if he touched Josh in some way that triggered a flashback? He resolved to be as gentle as possible.

But with Josh’s hands tangled in his hair and his lips trailing down his throat, it was very hard to stay worried.

 

“Shirt,” Josh murmured into his collarbones, and Tyler sat up, pulling his shirt off. He helped Josh as well, trying not to wince at the dark purple splotches, vivid and angry on his ribs and stomach.

 

“Come here,” Tyler said, pushing Josh down onto his back. He kissed down Josh’s chest, gently pressing his lips to the purple marks.

 

Josh giggled. “You trying to kiss me better, Ty?”  
  
“Maybe,” Tyler said. He continued down until he reached Josh’s waistband, and popped the button, pulling his pants down.

Today, Josh’s underwear was lacy and black, with a tiny red satin ribbon. Tyler grinned and ran his fingers over the material, exploring the texture – and relishing the little noises Josh made at the contact.

 

He pulled Josh’s pants off completely, then touched the fabric of Josh’s panties with a little more vigour, stroking his palm over the bulge where Josh’s erection was beginning to strain at the lace.  
Josh moaned, hips jerking at the slow pressure. Tyler looked up to see that Josh’s eyes had fluttered shut, and he was chewing his lip again, arms splayed out across the bed.

“Want me to suck you off?” Tyler asked, and Josh let out a strained “Yes, please” - it was so cute that Tyler had to lean up and kiss Josh again.

This time Josh was breathless, panting into Tyler’s mouth as he slowly massaged his erection. Tyler pulled away, trailing kisses down Josh’s body until he reached the waistband of his panties, and then he pulled the fabric down, continuing the kisses along Josh’s cock.

 

Josh moaned as Tyler licked the top, twisting his hands in Tyler’s hair as he moved down, dragging his tongue up from the base to the top again, before sucking Josh’s cock into his mouth completely.

 

Josh whimpered, muscles of his stomach quivering as Tyler worked up a rhythm, humming around him.  
“S’good, Ty,” Josh moaned. “ _Oh_ , that’s nice.”

 

Tyler smirked, and pulled off, drawing a squeak of displeasure from Josh.

“You want to bottom again?” Tyler asked, and Josh flushed, nodding furiously.

 

“Okay, well then I can’t let you come yet,” Tyler said. “Not a good idea.”  
  
Josh groaned in frustration, but he couldn’t argue. He pouted for a moment, while Tyler rummaged around for lube and a condom. He couldn’t continue sulking once Tyler drizzed the lube over his fingers, though; his mouth fell open and his eyelids fluttered when Tyler pressed his finger into Josh’s hole, looking for his prostate.

He found it, and Josh moaned, clutching at the sheets. His body was starting to sheen with sweat, chest rising and falling rapidly as he panted, breath coming in small whimpers.

 

Tyler took his time in stretching Josh up, and it was difficult to watch the other boy’s pleasure without getting himself off; he was painfully hard now, and he had to busy his other hand with stroking Josh’s hips and chest, so it wouldn’t stray to his own cock.

 

Josh was growing impatient too. “I’m good, I’m ready,” he insisted, and Tyler removed his fingers, wiping them off.

“Ty, can I try riding you?” Josh asked, eyes bright. Tyler’s mind made the mistake of picturing Josh panting above him, and he involuntarily moaned.  
“Christ, Josh, I’m not gonna say no,” Tyler said, ignoring the strained edge in his voice. “Are you sure, though? You’ve only bottomed, like, once.”  
  
“I’m sure,” Josh said, sitting up and pulling Tyler down, pushing him onto his back. “I just want you, Ty – need you. Please.”

Tyler stretched back out on the pillows, anticipation fluttering in his stomach.

“Okay,” Tyler said. “But stop if you need to, alright?”  
  
“Okay,” Josh said, settling on Tyler’s thighs, knees on the bed on either side of Tyler’s hips. He stroked Tyler a few times, not that there was any need – Tyler was rock-hard.  
He rolled on the condom and lubed him up, then rose up on his knees, moving forward so he was above Tyler’s cock. He pulled the gusset of his panties to the side, then slowly, carefully – he lowered himself down, easing onto Tyler’s cock, gasping softly.

Tyler moaned; Josh was hot and tight around him. A little too tight, he worried – Josh had been a bit too impatient.  
But Josh didn’t stop or show any discomfort; he eased down, taking Tyler’s cock completely, moaning as he bottomed out.

 

“You okay?” Tyler gasped out, gripping tightly onto Josh’s hips. Josh nodded, splaying his hands across Tyler’s chest. “Yeah,” he panted. “S’good, Ty. Oh, _god_.”

 

He lifted up on his knees, dropping down again with a moan. Tyler leaned up, sliding his hands up Josh’s back as he built up a rhythm, at first tentative.

And then Josh was speeding up, pulling his arms around Tyler’s neck and bouncing on his cock with little gasps and whimpers that had Tyler moaning with him, resisting the urge to drag his nails down Josh’s back. _Gentle, gentle._

 

“You’re so good,” Tyler whispered, kissing the parts of Josh’s chest and neck that he could reach. His chest and stomach glistened with sweat, light playing over his body as he moved. “Oh – God, Josh. You’re so gorgeous.”

 

Josh responded with a moan, panting too hard to speak properly. He seemed to have angled himself to find his prostate, and was grinding on it, forehead creased and mouth open. He leaned down to find Tyler’s mouth, kissing him messily.

He seemed to be asking ‘please’, a hushed stream of _ohgodtylerpleaseohpleaseplease_ that was more whispered than spoken, in between gasping breaths. For what, though, Tyler wasn’t sure. He sucked at Josh’s neck, relishing that coiling heat in his stomach that signaled that he was close.

 

“Josh, baby,” Tyler murmured. “I’m gonna come.”  
  
“Touch, please,” Josh gasped, and Tyler hurriedly obliged, reaching around to Josh’s front to pick up where he’d left off earlier.

Josh moaned as Tyler’s hand wrapped around his cock, head falling back. He ground down on Tyler’s cock, thrust up into Tyler’s hand, rhythm growing ever more haphazard until he was gasping and shaking, cum spurting onto Tyler’s hand and chest.

And that brought Tyler over the edge too, shuddering and pulling Josh close to bite hard on his shoulder, hips thrusting up into Josh erratically as he chased the last of his orgasm.

 

The two collapsed back on the bed, panting and trembling. Tyler pulled Josh tightly to his chest, and Josh sighed, humming as he pressed his face into Tyler’s neck.

 

“You okay?” Tyler asked, and Josh nodded.

 

“I’m good,” he sighed. “Look at you, you’re so gorgeous, Ty.” He grinned. “Even though we’re both super gross. Oh my god. Is that my cum?”  
He pulled back a little, making a face. Tyler laughed, pulling him close again.  
“We’ll clean up in a second,” he said. “Just wanna enjoy this. Besides, it’s your own cum, you’ve got no right to be grossed out by it.”  
  
“Too bad, it’s all over you, and now it’s all over _me_. Ew. I wish we could shower.”  
  
Tyler blinked. “Hey. Why not?”  
  
Josh looked up. “What?”  
  
“Why can’t we shower? We’re both gross. I think we both forgot to shower today, so we’re both kind of rank even without the sex. And it’s well past lights-out, maybe nobody will see us.”  


Josh chewed his lip. “Okay, my desire to not be gross is kind of outweighing my desire to not get into trouble,” he admitted, and Tyler laughed.

 

Ten minutes later, they’d snuck into the bathrooms (mercifully unnoticed), and Tyler was washing Josh’s hair. Josh wasn’t sure how Tyler had persuaded him to share cubicles, but he wasn’t complaining, not with Tyler’s fingers massaging his scalp and neck.

 

“Why didn’t we do this _months_ ago?” Josh asked when his hair was rinsed out, and he was scrubbing a soapy loofah over Tyler’s shoulders.

 

Tyler shrugged, in the middle of brushing his teeth. “Didn’t wanna get caught,” he said around his toothbrush.

 

Josh blinked. “Oh, yeah,” he said. “Well. We screwed that one up.”  
  
Tyler giggled, spitting the toothpaste onto the tiles near the drain. “Well, yeah, Jimmy and Steve know,” he said. “And our friends know. But as far as we’re aware, nobody else in the boarding house knows.”  
  
“God. But someone could be hearing us right now. We’re really screwing this up.”  
  
“Kind of. But, to be honest, how many of the other students would actually care? Besides, we’re graduating in like, a month. Exams, then we’re gone. So, who cares?”

 

Josh pondered this for a moment. “True,” he conceded. “Still. Shut up. I don’t think anyone wants to come in for a midnight pee just to hear two idiots talking in the shower about not wanting to get caught showering together... _while showering together._ ”

 

Tyler laughed, turning around to kiss Josh’s cheek. “Fine. Where’d you put the shampoo?”

 

* * *

 

 

What must have been hours later, Tyler was woken by jolting and whimpering. He groggily came around to realise that Josh was fighting out of his arms, tossing and turning.

Despite being half-asleep, Tyler managed to figure it out – Josh was having a nightmare.

 

“Josh, wake up,” he hissed, shaking Josh’s shoulder. “Baby, it’s just a dream, wake up.”

 

Josh awoke with a start, yelping at the dark figure hovering overhead. His eyes widened. “Tyler?”  
  
“It’s just me,” Tyler said. “It was just a dream. It’s okay.”  
  
Josh’s face crumpled, and he rolled over into Tyler’s chest, body shaking with stifled sobs. Tyler wrapped his arms around him. “Oh, baby. It’s okay, you’re okay,” he whispered, and Josh clung to his shirt and cried.

 

“Morrison,” Josh eventually gasped out. “Burning eyes, it was horrible. He was a demon, I think? I was in Hell, he was trying to punish me, so I was running, trying to hide. I nearly got caught so many times, that was always the worst, feeling like I was about to get caught. Demons everywhere, I was trying to hide from all of them, like a really messed up hide-and-seek – it was so scary, Ty, so so scary.”

 

He shuddered, threatening to burst into tears again. Tyler kissed his hair, hugging him tight. “You don’t have to think about it,” Tyler said. “Don’t try to remember it. Not if it’s scaring you. Okay?”  
  
Josh sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t really want to go back to sleep again,” he mumbled. “It’s just going to keep happening, isn’t it? Nightmares. That’s – how it’s going to be. Until I can forget what happened.”

 

Tyler didn’t have an answer for that. He didn’t understand well enough how trauma worked, how long post-traumatic stress went on for. How long the nightmares would continue.

 

Josh had spent the whole day saying things were okay, that he’d just needed a break, to avoid thinking about it.  
But he hadn’t really been okay. Tyler saw that now, heart sinking. He hadn’t really been able to stop thinking about it. Not if he was having nightmares about it.

 

Tyler didn’t have any idea what he could do or say that could help, that could soothe Josh back to sleep, that could stop the nightmares. And that made him feel horribly useless, all of a sudden.

 

“Do you want to watch X-Files again?” Tyler asked. “We don’t have to go back to sleep. Not if you’re worried about the nightmares. I’m not gonna force you to go to sleep, baby.”  
  
Josh was quiet for a moment, then shook his head. “No, s’just putting off the inevitable,” he mumbled. “We’d fall asleep eventually.”

 

He snuggled down against Tyler’s chest. “Can you sing to me?” he asked, voice cracking slightly with hesitation. “Nothing crazy, just – anything. And not loud, don’t wanna wake anyone up. I just... I think I’ll fall asleep easier if you’re singing. Your voice is – nice.” Josh flushed. “Makes me feel okay. You know? I feel like everything will be alright when you’re singing.”

 

Tyler smiled. “Of course,” he said. “Um – I could sing you something I was working on, recently? Maybe? Would you like that?”  
  
Josh nodded, settling down in Tyler’s arms and shutting his eyes.

 

“It’s kind of cheesy – I wrote it for this girl I knew at my church back home,” Tyler admitted, blushing. “I mean – she was always just a friend, but I always loved seeing her at church. She always sang loudest in the choir. You know?”

 

Josh smiled. “That’s cute,” he said. “Sing it to me? Please?”

 

Tyler started softly – not sure if this would even work. Josh had seemed too wound up and distressed, surely he’d have to sing ten songs before Josh could calm down enough to sleep.

 

But Josh was snoring faintly before he even reached the chorus. Tyler smiled, and settled down with him.

 

Josh didn’t have any more nightmares that night.

 

 _Ruby I hope I see you, I've waited all this week_  
 _For you to walk my way, your soul will capture me_  
 _Your momma painted your room a shade of pink, she said_  
 _But with your great arrival that shade has turned to red._  
  
_Ruby take my hand, please lead me to the Promised Land_  
 _Tell me, where am I from, your eyes say, "Shada de da dum."_  
 _Ruby, you're royalty, in your home land, they all call you "Queen"_  
 _Tell me, where are you from, your eyes say, "Shada de da dum."_  
  
_You're an angel fallen down, won't you tell us of the clouds_  
 _You have fallen from the sky. How high? How high?_

 


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a time-skip to after the boys have finished exams, and are attending their last social. Tyler gets a little possessive, resulting in some interesting shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:
> 
> Just a mild one for bigotry/transphobia. Gerard runs into a couple of unpleasant teachers who take issue with their outfit - but it all ends well.

Tyler fiddled with the collar of his shirt – it didn’t have a top button, so the collar was slightly open. Not really dress code. Then again, he figured that wearing a shirt that fell past his knees probably wasn’t technically dress code either.

It was a long black floral thing, sort of a shirt-dress, though the long side splits up to his waist necessitated jeans and an undershirt.

 

With any luck, he’d get away with it and be allowed into the end-of-year social.

Exams had ended, and the senior class was graduating in the next week. And this would be the last social Tyler would ever be dragged into attending, so he figured he might as well wear something truly ridiculous and go out with a bang.

 

He hoped Josh would like it.

 

The door opened, and Tyler looked up – it was Josh, looking radiant in a black floral-patterned button-down of his own, little black bow tie around the collar. His shirt was a normal length, but the rose pattern was bigger, more vibrant.

 

Josh flushed. “Dang, Ty,” he said. “You look so good.”  
  
Ty grinned. “So do you,” he said. He flapped the hem of the shirt. “Think this’ll distract the staff from Gerard?”  
  
Josh laughed. “Yeah, the nuns’ll be too busy checking you out,” he said. “I’ll have to fight Sister Jude off you with my bare hands.”  
  


The floral shirts weren’t just because Tyler was starting to develop a preference for cute rose-floral patterns. The two boys left Tyler’s room, and headed into Gerard and Josh’s room, where Gerard was standing in front of the mirror, chewing their lip as they stared into it.

 

Gerard looked up with a yelp when the boys came in, expression quickly changing to relief when they saw it was just Josh and Tyler. “Dammit, you two,” they snapped. “You gotta knock or something. Give me some warning.”

 

“Sorry,” Josh said. “You look awesome, by the way.”  
  
Gerard flushed. “Shut up. You’re just saying that.”  
  
They did look awesome, though. Gerard was wearing a rose-floral patterned dress, a similar pattern to Tyler’s shirt. It was a sort of skater style, with long sleeves and a collared neckline. Gerard wore black tights under it, saying they weren’t ready to shave their legs just yet, and their usual combat boots.

A black cardigan and copious eyeliner completed the look. Gerard looked amazing.

 

And with the three of them in floral prints, Gerard didn’t stand out too obviously. That had been the purpose of the shirts; solidarity. Gerard couldn’t get into trouble for wearing a dress, when Tyler was arguably also wearing a dress.

And if Tyler got into trouble too, well, Josh was wearing a floral shirt, too, wasn’t he? Tyler’s shirt-dress wasn’t much different to Josh’s shirt. Would Josh have to get into trouble too?

 

The two boys had absolutely no idea if that would work, if they’d get away with it.   
But they’d resolved that if Gerard was going to get into trouble or stared at, then they would too.

 

Gerard sighed. “Okay,” they said. “I think I’m as ready as I’m gonna get. Let’s go to Frank’s room.”

 

The three left the dorm and headed up the corridor. A couple of boys passed them, giving them strange looks which Tyler saw made Gerard stiffen. But none of them passed comment, and they ducked into Frank’s room.

 

Frank looked up from where he was sitting on his bed, wearing a leather jacket over his own floral shirt. The boys had all gone out floral-shirt-shopping together, outside of Gerard’s knowledge, and Tyler figured they’d done a pretty successful job.

 

Frank grinned. “Babe, you look amazing,” he said, standing up and kissing Gerard on the cheek. “I’m mad they didn’t let the student board put on an actual prom, I can just imagine how good you’d have looked in a prom dress. I could have worn a suit with a matching tie and junk.”

 

Gerard flushed, giggling. “I don’t know if I’d have worn a dress to prom,” they said nervously. “Those long gowns don’t really appeal to me. But... thanks, babe. You look pretty fuckin’ great yourself.”

 

They left Frank’s room, and found the others waiting in the front office. Mikey had a black pea coat over his black Hawaiian shirt; Ray looked very smart with a navy satin tie over the blue flower pattern on his black shirt.

Patrick and Andy also had black Hawaiians on, Joe’s shirt was white but still matched thanks to the rose floral print that matched Tyler’s, and Pete had managed to find a snapback with a floral pattern on the underside of the brim. Josh nodded approvingly at it.

 

Even Ed had found a shirt with a floral-patterned pocket and trims. He nudged Tyler.   
“I think you’ve started a trend,” he said, grinning. Tyler turned to see Bert wearing a floral tie over a battered black shirt, and a dark scowl. He looked rather as if he’d been bullied into it by his friend Quinn, who wore a matching tie and beamed at Tyler.

Tyler vaguely remembered seeing Quinn in passing at one of the thrift stores they visited while hunting for floral shirts. He hadn’t realised Quinn might have picked up on why they were getting matching shirts.   
It was nice seeing other people who weren’t even friends with Gerard offer support. Even if Bert looked positively thunderous.

 

Jimmy and Steve approached them; Tyler swallowed past the lump of nerves in his throat. Now for the big test.

 

“Well don’t you all look ready for a big old garden party,” Steve snorted. His eyes widened at Gerard’s dress.

“Gerard,” he said. He paused.  
“Your top button’s undone,” he said. “Do that up for me, will ya?”  
  
Gerard squeaked out a ‘yes’ and hastily did the button up on the dress’s collar.

 

Steve didn’t look finished.   
“Your cardigan,” he muttered. “Too casual. I’ll let it slide since it’s your last social, but I’m warning you now to not come cryin’ to me or Jimmy if one of the staff take it off you. You ought to be wearing a proper jacket or coat, if you wanted an extra layer.”

 

“Sorry,” Gerard mumbled. “Kinda – slipped my mind. I’ll take it off before we get to the social.”

 

Steve nodded. When he passed, Tyler almost thought he heard a gruff _“nice dress”_ , but it could have been a cough. Probably.

 

Jimmy raised an eyebrow at Tyler. “Your shirt doesn’t even _have_ a top button,” he complained. “And what if I told you to tuck that in?”  
  
Tyler giggled. “I’d try and tuck it in if you told me, sir, but I think we both know it wouldn’t work too well.”

 

Jimmy sighed like an exasperated mom. “Alright,” he grumbled. “Okay, well I’ve ticked all your names off, and you’re all _more or less_ passing dress code, so off you go. School gym, remember.”

 

Gerard visibly relaxed, and the group left the house and set off for the school gym.

 

It was a nice night, not too cool. The sun was setting behind the buildings, the clouds in the sky creating an ethereal overhead mural of soft pinks and mauves. Tyler felt someone’s hand slipping into his, and turned to see Josh smiling at him. The light set off his pale skin in hues of pink and blue, giving the overall impression that he was some kind of glowing fantasy creature, pretty in an alien sort of way.

 

“S’going well so far,” Josh said, and Tyler nodded.

 

“Yeah, we’ll see how we go in the gym, though,” he said softly. Jimmy and Steve were only the first challenge. Next hurdle was the unwilling group of nuns and teachers that had been dragged into supervision duty for the night.

 

And almost as soon as the gym came into sight, two teachers came rushing out the doors.

 

Tyler recognised Mr. Morris, the History teacher. Oh no.  
The other teacher was Sister Josephine, the nun who taught Religious Studies.   
Oh boy.

This was going to be a fun time.

 

The two teachers ran right up to the group, and Tyler wasn’t sure if their faces were red with exertion or fury. Mr. Morris looked ready to spit fire.

 

“What’s going on here?” he spat, looking Gerard up and down with a disgusted expression. “Dresses? Really? What made you think you could sneak into the social looking like that? This is so entirely against dress code, I ought to be giving you detentions for a week.”  
  
“Not to mention against the word of God!” Sister Josephine shrilled, round glasses trembling on her nose. “Surely cross-dressing falls into... sexual perversion! Forget detention, you ought to be suspended!”  
  


“ _Technically_ , Gerard’s not cross-dressing,” Frank muttered. Tyler saw he was tightly holding onto Gerard’s hand.   
Tyler couldn’t see Gerard’s face. He hoped they were okay. None of them had expected a barrage like this – he supposed it was just really bad luck that Mr. Morris and Sister Josephine just happened to be on duty for the night of the one event that Gerard felt brave enough to wear a dress to.

 

Sister Josephine rounded on Frank. “And you ought to be getting detentions too, at the very least, for talking back to a teacher!” she snapped.

 

Patrick looked ready for blood. “You’re gonna pick on us, when other boys have already gone in wearing against-regulation clothes?” he demanded. “You can’t pick and choose like that. At least admit you’re being a bigot, don’t pretend like you actually care about dress code.”

 

Mr Morris evidently didn’t have an answer – he ignored Patrick, choosing to scowl at the whole group instead. “You all look ridiculous,” he declared. “I can’t allow any of you to attend the social looking like that. Either go back to the house and change, or –”

 

“Or what?”  
  
Two more teachers emerged from the gym, and relief flooded into Tyler’s stomach when he saw Lola and LaBeouf.

 

Mr Morris looked around. “Or I’ll give them all detentions until they graduate,” he said. “You two can go back inside. I’m dealing with this.”  
  
“I don’t know,” LaBeouf said. “I heard you say they were going against dress code? Well, let me have a look..”  
LaBeouf pulled out a copy of the actual dress code, and pointedly flipped through it.

 

“You know, this actually says nothing about dresses or floral patterns,” he said. “Technically, these boys aren’t breaking any dress code rules. Although...”  
He squinted at Tyler. “By all rights, you should have tucked that shirt in.”

 

“And technically, Gerard isn’t cross-dressing,” Lola pointed out. “I sent out the memo last month that this student isn’t to be addressed as a boy by staff, because they aren’t one. As for sexual perversion? Yeah, if you view dresses as inherently sexual, maybe. Which is pretty unfair to most of the girls attending tonight, as well as Gerard.”  
  
Lola glanced at Gerard, making a show of inspecting their outfit.

 

“We don’t have rules about dresses, but the girls’ school does,” they said, pulling out another dress code booklet with the girls’ school logo printed on it.   
“And even according to those rules, Gerard’s dress is within regulations.” Lola argued. “It’s not low-cut, there’s no spaghetti straps, it’s not sheer – I can’t see a bra underneath, so it’s good and modest. There’s no inflammatory slogans or curse words in the pattern. It might have been a bit shorter than regulation, but the rule is that dresses that end above the knee must be worn with stockings. Gerard is wearing tights, so they’re well within the rules.”

 

Lola snapped the booklet shut. “Technically, none of the students here are breaking any rules,” they said. “So there’s no reason to bar them from having some fun.”  
  
“Lighten up, Shane,” LaBeouf said, thumping Mr. Morris’s shoulder, causing the other teacher to visibly wince. “They’ve just finished final exams, I think we can let them off the hook for tonight.”

 

“That was our logic,” another voice piped up from behind the group. Tyler turned to see Jimmy and Steve approaching. They must have finished sending boys out of the boarding house.

 

“We looked at all their outfits, and deemed them appropriate and within dress code regulations,” Jimmy continued. “If you have a problem with our decision, you can talk to us – we allowed them out of the house.”

 

Mr. Morris opened his mouth, but LaBeouf’s hand tightened on his shoulder. He scowled.

 

“Fine,” he grumbled. “Whatever. I’ll be bringing this up with the board on Monday, though, believe me.”  
He glared at the group. “You’re lucky it’s your last social,” he said. “I wouldn’t be letting you lot in at all, otherwise.”

 

He scowled at them as they walked past.   
Lola beamed at them. “Have fun!” they chirped. “Don’t drink too much punch!”

 

And with that, they were inside.

 

Tyler released the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding with a _whoosh_ , head spinning a little. He glanced around, but most people in the gym hadn’t reacted to their entrance at all.   
He watched Gerard slink out the back with Frank, the pair making their way to the fire escape. A supervising nun gave them an odd look, but said nothing. Relief flooded his chest when he saw the pair disappear safely up the fire escape.

 

“That was stressful,” Josh gulped, tightly gripping Tyler’s hand. “Wanna get something to drink?”  
  


Tyler nodded, and they headed to the drinks table, grabbing a couple of Cokes.

 

“I texted Jenna,” Tyler said, sneaking a sip of Coke as they left the gym to join the others on the roof. “She and Debby are already up there.”

 

They made it to the rooftop, where the others had already congregated. Jenna and Debby waved them over, a teal-haired girl sitting with them.

 

“This is Halsey,” Debby explained. “She’s on guitar in band, remember I told you?”  
  
Halsey turned out to be cheeky with a wicked sense of humour and a filthy mouth to rival Gerard’s, and she and Josh immediately hit it off. It appeared she already knew a lot of the people on the rooftop, looking around periodically to laugh at a joke Gerard made, or ask Patrick how he’d gone in the Geography exam.

 

Before long, even Lola was popping up to say hi and wish everyone luck for graduation. Tyler didn’t think he’d ever seen the rooftop so crowded.

 

“There is no room up here anymore,” he complained. “What the hell. When did we end up with so many people?”  
  
“I can think of one way we can create more room,” Halsey said wickedly, shifting to sit on Josh’s lap. Tyler made a face and pushed her off the bewildered Josh, taking her place.   
Halsey giggled from her half-fallen position, then mock-pouted when Jenna quickly shifted onto Debby’s lap.   
“Aw, c’mon, where am I supposed to sit?” she complained. Jenna patted her lap, and Halsey happily settled into it. The awkward three-person-position didn’t last long, and the three girls soon collapsed into a giggling heap.

 

“God, girls, go find a room,” Josh joked, and all three girls suddenly flushed.

 

Tyler blinked. “Halsey’s your _girlfriend_ ,” he realised. Halsey went an even darker red.

 

“Announce it to the whole rooftop, why don’t you,” Debby grumbled. “Yeah. Uh. All three of us. I guess?”

 

“Okay,” Josh said. “Wait. I don’t know about this. Something’s really not right, here.”  
  
Jenna looked up, eyes suddenly hawklike. “Not right?” she said, voice falsely sweet. “Care to comment, Josh?”

 

“Yeah, actually” Josh said, frowning. “Okay. So. If you’re all in a car, one of you drives, one of you calls shotgun, but what about the third girl? You just sit lonely in the back? Rough deal, dude.”

 

Debby twisted her mouth. “That’s a good point,” she mused. “Dang. We’ll have to take turns.”

 

“Yeah, and how do you all fit in the one bed?” Tyler added. “I mean, you could get a king double eventually. But right now? At school? In one of the tiny school beds? That’s a squeeze.”  
  
“It’s called spooning, you goof,” Jenna said. “We figure it out.”

 

Josh suddenly gasped. “But how do you split taco four-packs?!” he wailed. Halsey’s face fell.

“Guys,” she said in a hushed tone. “We fucked up. _We fucked up._ Quick – we need to make this a foursome, pronto. Is Justin single?”

 

Debby made a face. “I don’t even like boys! Girl, you know this!”

“We are _not_ dating Justin just to even out taco orders,” Jenna said sternly, and Halsey groaned.

 

“Dang, Justin’s pretty cute,” Josh lamented. Tyler fixed him with a hard look. Josh blinked. “What?”

 

“Too bad, loverboy, he’s straight,” Halsey said. “And I’m gonna guess that Tyler’s not down with sharing.”

 

“Damn right he’s not,” Tyler snorted. “Josh. We’re discussing this later.”  
  
Josh flushed, ears turning pink as the girls _oooh_ ed. He was going to be in trouble later, he just knew it.

 

Lola popped up again, head just visible at the top of the fire escape stairs. “Sorry guys, but the girls’ buses are here,” they said. “C’mon, everyone. You can all catch up after graduation, don’t worry.”

 

With that, the party dispersed, leaving Josh and Tyler the last two to head back to the boarding house. Farewelling the girls had taken ages, and they didn’t leave until the bus rolled away, the three girls pressing their faces comically up against a window while the boys laughed and waved.

 

When they got back to the house, Jimmy rounded on them. “You two are always the last ones these days,” he grumbled. “You should have been back half an hour ago!”

  
“Sorry,” Tyler said. “We just lost track of time.”  
  
“I’m sure you did. You two can’t seem to stay out of trouble tonight,” Jimmy snapped. Then his frown softened.

“It’s gonna be weird when you guys leave, though,” he admitted. “God, what am I even gonna do with all the damn free condoms? At least you two helped me keep the stockpile manageable. I’m so screwed.”  
  
Josh giggled. “Where do you even get the condoms?” he asked.

 

Jimmy shrugged. “Workshops, conferences, charity organisations,” he said. “Steve and I joined maybe one too many social service clubs in college. They’re fun and all, but as soon as we mention we work at a boys’ school, they rain the damn things on us like confetti.”

 

“That’s... a really weird dilemma to have,” Tyler said. Jimmy grinned.

 

“Yeah, well. Enough about the problems of a couple of well-meaning teachers who don’t get laid nearly enough to cope with all the free shit we get. You two should be getting off to bed, pronto.”

 

He shooed them up the stairs. “C’mon, git. I’ve got phones waiting to get confiscated off sophomores. Goodnight, boys.”

 

With that, the boys retreated back to Tyler’s room. Josh pulled Tyler down on the bed, sighing.

“Tonight was fun, but I’m so glad it’s all over,” Josh admitted. “Like – that was stressful, initially. With Mr Morris and all. I was so afraid we were all gonna get into buckets of trouble.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m so glad it all went okay,” Tyler said, stretching out and pulling at Josh’s bow tie. “But. You know. You’re still in trouble.”  
  
Josh frowned for a moment, mouth falling open in confusion. “But – Mr. Morris – ”

His eyes widened. The Justin comment. _Oh_.

 

“Babe, I was kidding,” Josh said, trying to smile. “Look, just because I said Justin was cute – I’m not saying I wanna _date_ him or anything, I – ”

 

“You sure?” Tyler asked. “Not even a little bit? There wasn’t some little part of you disappointed when Halsey said he’s straight?”   
Tyler’s eyes glinted. Josh swallowed hard.  
  


“Babe – no,” he said. Was this a trick question? “I only like you, you know that -”

  
“Oh, so none of that flirty business with Halsey meant anything, then?” Tyler said. Josh flushed.

 

“We were just talking!” he insisted. “She’s funny, but -”  
  


“Nuh-uh,” Tyler said, sitting up. “Not another word. I can’t believe you, Josh Dun. Flirting with other people right in front of me, then having the gall to pretend like nothing happened.”  
He tugged Josh’s bow tie off, wrapping it around Josh’s wrists. Josh struggled at the satin – it wasn’t too tight, but it was tied securely.   
Uh oh.

 

“Honestly,” Tyler continued, slipping further into that dominant persona that made the hair on the back of Josh’s neck prickle. “I’m disappointed. At least be honest. Admit it, you’d love it if Halsey and Justin were in here with us.”  
  
Josh’s blush deepened, and Tyler grinned.

 

“Well, I’ve gotta do something about this, baby,” Tyler sighed, undoing the buttons on Josh’s shirt, pushing it open to bare his chest. “Can’t have you thinking it’s all well and good to chase after other people. You’re with me. _Only_ me.”  
  
“Only yours,” Josh said softly, and bit down a smirk when Tyler flushed. So Tyler had an ownership kink. This was going to be fun.

 

“Whose?” Tyler asked, pulling the shirt-dress off, taking the undershirt off with it.

 

“Yours,” Josh said. “I’m all yours, baby. Nobody else’s.”

 

“Damn right you are,” Tyler growled, leaning down and nipping at Josh’s throat. “God. I wish I could punish you properly. You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”  
  


“But we can’t,” Josh said. “Not in the boarding house. Too loud.”

 

“There are other ways, though,” Tyler said, eyes glittering. Josh’s heart thumped.

 

Tyler crawled down Josh’s body, pulling down his jeans and panties and sucking his cock into his mouth. Josh gasped – he’d barely had time to get hard.   
He moaned, arching his back. God, Tyler was merciless tonight – bobbing his head rapidly, sucking hard enough that it was nearly painful. And it felt _good_. Josh strained at the tie around his wrists, wishing he could thread his fingers through Tyler’s hair – maybe even pull him up for just a quick break, he was getting so breathless already.

 

Tyler pulled off and lifted his head for a moment, grinning wickedly. “Neither Halsey nor Justin is gonna make you feel the way I make you feel,” he murmured, pressing slow kisses into Josh’s inner thigh. “Think they could make you come like I do? What if both of them were here at the same time – think between the two of them, they could make you come twice?”

 

Josh moaned, shaking his head. What was Tyler planning?

 

“Bet I can make you come three times,” Tyler said, stroking Josh’s cock with his hand. He lazily pumped up and down, maddeningly slow as he talked. “Bet they can’t do that for you, baby.”  
  
Josh frowned. That was impossible – he didn’t think he could possibly come twice, let alone three times in one night. But then Tyler’s lips were wrapped around his cock again, and it was very hard to ponder on that with Tyler humming and massaging with his tongue. His free hand reached up, fingers sliding up Josh’s body, stroking and caressing everywhere he could reach.

 

“Ty, too much,” Josh gasped, shuddering. “Too fast, I’m already close.”  
  


Tyler stopped for a moment, smirking. “Good,” he said, returning to pulling moans from Josh with his tongue.   
Josh was getting nervous now. Did Tyler want him to come? Already?

He couldn’t stop to worry about it any longer, though, because Tyler was pinching his nipples and swallowing around his cock, and his mind blanked out as he came with a shudder down Tyler’s throat.

Tyler swallowed it all, licking and sucking as if to clean Josh off completely. It just made Josh whimper and shudder with oversensitivity, wishing he could get Tyler to move.

 

“Tyler, what are you doing?” Josh whispered. “C’mon, I’m finished.”  
  
“No you’re not,” Tyler said. “Not til I say so, baby.”

He finally pulled away, crawling up to kiss Josh. “I know how to get you hard again,” he said, dragging his tongue up Josh’s neck and nipping his earlobe.

Josh moaned, but shook his head. “Tyler, I _can’t_ ,” he said. “God, I’m not a miracle worker. Good luck getting me hard again, but I don’t think it’s gonna work.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Are you giving me permission to try?”  
  
Josh squirmed. “Um. I guess? But – god, slow down.”  
  
“Sorry,” Tyler said, kissing him gently. “If I go much slower, though, it’ll be a long night.”  
  
“Yeah, well,” Josh snorted. “Let’s see how it goes. I may well just give up. I’m not getting it up again anytime soon, believe me.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Josh, you’re still a teenager,” he said. “Have more faith in your hormones, baby.”

 

He pulled his arms around Josh, one hand tangled in his hair, the other dragging across his chest. He kissed Josh, deep and hungry, and God, maybe Tyler could get him hard again. It wouldn’t take long with him pulling at his hair like that.   
Tyler massaged at Josh’s nipple, and he moaned into Tyler’s mouth.

 

“Is this what you meant by punishment?” Josh panted, pulling away to catch his breath. “Making me come until I can’t take it?”

 

“Depends. You learning your lesson?” Tyler asked, pressing open, wet kisses down Josh’s throat.

 

“Maybe,” Josh said, swallowing hard. “Tyler, I can’t even think straight right now. Everything’s too sensitive.”

 

“That’s okay, I know you can handle it,” Tyler said, hands creeping down to massage slow circles into Josh’s hips. “I’ve got you.”  
  


He slid down, and Josh was very much afraid that Tyler would try to suck him off again, but he jolted in surprise when he felt kisses pressed further down, just next to his hole.

 

“Tyler, what are you doing,” he choked out, before breaking off into a gasp as Tyler’s tongue passed across his hole.

 

“That okay?” Tyler asked. Josh didn’t really know how to respond. He’d heard of rimming, getting eaten out. But he’d never quite understood how it was supposed to feel good, hell, how _hygienic_ it was supposed to be. He’d never expected to actually engage in it, and yet apparently that was happening now.

Tyler’s tongue massaged slow circles, and within moments Josh’s thoughts had morphed from debating the grossness of the situation and mentally chiding Tyler for using way too much saliva – to white hot pleasure. At some point, the sensation went from vaguely weird, to feeling incredibly good, and Josh found himself throwing his head back against the pillow, moans tearing from his throat.

 

“That’s so weird,” he whimpered, unable to stop his hips pushing down, seeking Tyler’s tongue. “God, don’t _stop_.”  
  


Tyler giggled, and the sensation made Josh moan.

Then Tyler was stroking a finger alongside his tongue, gently pressing in. He massaged at Josh’s prostate, and that along with the strokes of his tongue was ruining Josh, forcing gasps and moans from his throat, and _god,_ he came to the realisation that Tyler had gotten him hard again.

 

Tyler laughed, in between kisses and slow licks. “Ready to go again already? Told you to have more faith in yourself, baby.”

 

“You’re an ass,” Josh muttered.

 

“You’re gonna say that as I’m eating your ass?” Tyler asked. “Do you want me to stop and just recite ass jokes to you?”

 

“God, no. Shut up and keep – doing what you’re doing.”

 

Tyler frowned, stopping to rest his cheek on Josh’s thigh. “That’s no way to ask, baby. I’ll stop for real.”  
  
Josh swallowed. “Please, Ty – I’m sorry, please keep going.”

 

Tyler kissed his thigh, lowering his head again. “There we go. That’s better.”

 

He returned his attention to making Josh see white light again, and it wasn’t long before Josh was getting close. He couldn’t believe it. Tyler had made him come once, and now he was about to do it again.

 

Tyler reached his free hand around Josh’s leg, taking hold of his cock and slowly jacking him off. Josh shuddered – he was still sensitive, though not as much.

Tyler paused to lean up and spit into his palm. “Sorry,” he murmured, stroking Josh’s cock again, the friction mercifully alleviated. “Forgot.”   
He returned his tongue to Josh’s ass, and Josh was overwhelmed for a moment by all the sensations. He didn’t know where to focus, he just knew his body was pulling tight, his breath was hitching and _god_ it all felt so _good_.

 

And then he was coming _again_ , this time all over his stomach, and Tyler’s hand on his cock was painful now, making him flinch until Tyler let go, hand skimming to his hip.

Tyler crawled back up, and Josh was very worried for a moment that Tyler would try to kiss him – not that he didn’t want kisses right now, but something about knowing Tyler’s tongue had just been on his ass moments ago wasn’t appealing to him.

Fortunately, Tyler just nuzzled his face into Josh’s neck, sighing.

  
“You’re doing so well, Josh,” he murmured, hands stroking across Josh’s trembling body. He found Josh’s bound wrists, and undid the tie, letting Josh’s hands free.   
“We can have a break, and then one more,” he said. “You’ve got one more in you, I know it.”

 

“I don’t know,” Josh gasped, swallowing hard. “I can’t – I’m so tired, Ty.”  
  
“I know,” Tyler said, stroking Josh’s hair. “You’re doing so well for me, baby. So good. Just one more.”  
  
He sat up, quickly throwing his undershirt back on. He looked painfully hard, tenting his jeans obscenely, and he pulled the shirt down over the bulge in an attempt to hide it. Josh had the sinking feeling that relieving it would play a part in the third orgasm Tyler apparently had planned for him.

 

“Just gonna brush my teeth, I’ll be right back,” Tyler said, grabbing his toothbrush and blowing a kiss before he left the room.

Josh lay back, groaning. Tyler was crazy if he thought he was going to make Josh come a third time. He was spent. It’d take a real miracle to get him even halfway hard again, he figured.

 

He remembered that he was still covered in his own cum, and reached for the tissues, cleaning up the mess on his stomach while he waited for Tyler. With his hands free again, he could also pull off his shirt, throwing it on the ground with the rest of their discarded clothes.

 

After cleaning up, Josh suddenly realised that he was worried – he didn’t want Tyler to try to get him to come again, just to fail. Rather, he didn’t want to fail Tyler. The thought of seeing him disappointed made him cringe.

But he really didn’t think he could go a third time. If he’d been oversensitive before, he was completely raw now. Just his legs brushing against his cock made him flinch.

 

The door opened, and Tyler came back in, throwing his shirt and toothbrush and toothpaste onto the floor, hopping back onto the bed. He pulled Josh into his arms, kissing his nose.

 

“How are you feeling? Ready to go again?” Tyler asked. Josh groaned.

 

“I don’t know,” he said. “Twice was too much. What makes you think I can even get hard right now?”  
  
“Because you’re good,” Tyler hummed, pressing his face into Josh’s neck. “You’re so good for me. You always try for me, don’t you, baby? Makes me crazy.”

 

The way he spoke made sparks burst in Josh’s stomach, but he chewed his lip. Tyler had too much faith in him, and a faint sadness spread in his chest. He hated the idea of disappointing Tyler.  
  
Tyler trailed kisses along Josh’s jawline, hands exploring his chest, rubbing circles into his hips. “ _Mmm,_ you’re so gorgeous, trying for me even as you’re telling me you can’t get hard again.”

He giggled. “You really didn’t think you could go a second time, did you? But you did, for me. So hot, seeing you let me push you, seeing how far you can go. You’re amazing.”

 

His hands trailed lower, brushing Josh’s cock. Josh whimpered, hips jerking away from the contact.

“Too much,” he gasped. “Ty, I don’t think –”

 

“Shhh. You can handle it.” Tyler pulled Josh into a kiss, sighing against his lips.

He reached around for lube, slicking his hand up before reaching down again, gently stroking Josh’s cock.  
Josh shuddered, whimpering, but steeled himself against pulling away. He gripped tightly onto Tyler’s shoulders, willing himself to stay still.

 

“So good,” Tyler murmured. “Trying so hard for me, sweetheart.”

 

Despite himself, heat was coiling in Josh’s stomach again. He couldn’t believe it, but Tyler’s soft cooing was sending spikes of electricity up his spine, and it wasn’t long before he was gasping, thrusting up into Tyler’s hand, ignoring the pain of overstimulation to chase the pleasure bursting in his stomach with each stroke.

 

“I told you you could do it,” Tyler said, smirking. Josh wanted to call him an ass again, but he was gasping instead, whimpering out Tyler’s name.

 

“Shh, _shhh_ , I’ve got you.” Tyler shifted, placing himself between Josh’s legs. He reached for the lube again, and a condom.

 

“Think you can bottom again?” Tyler asked. Josh shrugged – it was easier than trying to articulate words. One thing was for sure, he wasn’t going to say no.

 

Tyler took his pants and boxers off, hissing slightly. He looked relieved, and Josh could see why – his cock was violently hard and flushed. Josh wasn’t sure when exactly Tyler had gotten hard, but he’d clearly been so for a while, and he was suddenly impressed that Tyler had managed to hold off for so long.

 

Tyler rolled the condom on and lubed up, before pushing in slowly. Josh was sufficiently stretched up from earlier, but he still whimpered, trembling with sensitivity.

 

“God, you’re so hot.” It was more moaned than spoken, Tyler leaning over Josh’s body and gazing down at him with half-lidded eyes. His mouth was falling open, eyelids fluttering as he bottomed out.

That sight, if nothing else, would have been plenty enough to get Josh hard again by itself. He shuddered, reaching up to run his hands across Tyler’s olive skin, tracing the contours of his muscles.

 

Tyler started up a rhythm, slow and careful. Josh had been worried he’d be too sensitive to take Tyler’s cock right now, but Tyler’s broken moans and half-coherent praises were sending spikes of heat through him, coiling tight in his stomach. Any pain was totally overshadowed by the haze of pleasure Josh was basking in, and he had to stifle a cry when Tyler took hold of his cock again, pumping in time with his thrusts.

 

Tyler’s thrusts were becoming erratic and desperate, signaling that he was close. “F-fuck,” he panted. “I’m not gonna last, Josh.”  
  
“Yeah?” Josh gasped. “Y-you waited longer. S’ok. I’m close too, oh _god_.”

He heard his voice trail into a whimper as the heat in his stomach spiked again. God, he was so close, but it was taking so much longer to reach his peak this time.

Tyler choked off a groan, and his hips thrust haphazardly through his orgasm. His eyes fluttered shut as his hips stilled, and he hovered over Josh, panting.

 

“Oh my god,” he whispered. “ _Fuck_. That was good, Josh.”

 

He swallowed, leaning down to kiss Josh, hand pumping him again. Mercifully, it only took a few strokes before Josh was moaning into Tyler’s mouth, hips stuttering as he came yet again.

 

Tyler let go before touching could become too painful, and Josh rolled into Tyler’s arms, shaking uncontrollably.

“I’m so tired,” he murmured. “No more, please.”  
  
“No more,” Tyler promised, kissing him. “Let me clean you up first, then we can sleep, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Josh mumbled. He didn’t feel like he could move, other than the involuntary shivering his body had fallen into. He still flinched slightly when Tyler wiped the tissues too close to his cock, though.

It couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes, but it seemed like forever that Tyler was cleaning up, and Josh’s eyelids were growing heavier by the second. He fell into a daze, only realising Tyler had finished when he was pulling the sheets around them, wrapping Josh in his arms.

He yawned.

“All of that just because I made a comment on Justin from Economics class?” Josh asked, voice slurring from sleepiness.

 

“Not completely,” Tyler admitted. “I mean – I got a little jealous when you were getting on so well with Halsey. The Justin comment just kinda drove it home.”  
  
“Aww,” Josh cooed. “My little Ty-Ty getting jealous? You’re too cute, baby.”  
  
“Shut up,” Tyler said, struggling to hide a smirk.

He nuzzled into Josh’s neck, sighing. “I also kind of wanted to see if you could do it,” he continued. “I mean – I was pretty much over the jealousy thing by the time we got back to the house, to be honest. But I could tell you were into it. And I was curious.”

 

He chewed his lip. “I didn’t push you too far, did I?” he asked. “I didn’t hurt you? If I did, please tell me, we won’t do that again.”  
  
“No, it was okay,” Josh said. “I would have stopped you if it got too much. I kind of wanted to see if you were right, though.”

 

He was slightly surprised to find he felt _proud_ of himself. He’d managed to come three times for Tyler. He hadn’t disappointed him after all.

There was something he really liked about pleasing Tyler, and Josh wondered if that was probably kind of weird. But he was way too exhausted to think about it now.  
  


He yawned. “Maybe – let’s not do that again for a while though. God. I feel like I could go a month without sex right now.”  
  
Tyler giggled. “Yeah, right. You’ll be all over me tomorrow night.”  
  
Josh twisted his mouth. “Yeah, probably,” he admitted.

 

“It was also super hot seeing you come multiple times,” Tyler murmured. “I usually only get to see that once. Tonight I got it three times. You’re so gorgeous, Josh.” His voice had gotten low and soft now, taking on a husky edge – probably just from sleepiness, but it made Josh’s cheeks flush just the same.

 

“Yeah, well,” Josh mumbled. “You were pretty hot too, I guess.”   
Tyler dissolved into giggles.

 

“Okay, well, I’m too tired to think, let alone come up with sexy compliments,” Josh said. “I could sleep a million years.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Tyler said, pulling his arms tighter around Josh, settling down. “Go to sleep. You need it.”

 

“G’night, Ty,” Josh murmured. “Love you.”  
  
“Love you too, Josh,” Tyler responded, and Josh felt his eyes flutter shut. “Sleep well.”

 


	17. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the school year comes to a close! New beginnings, new challenges, and new sex positions. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna split this into two chapters, but I feel so bad for taking a million years to update, so rather than make you wait, I'll just dump the rest of everything in one big long chapter. Sorry folks :(  
> And this is it! The final chapter!

Josh sighed while stripping the sheets off Tyler’s bed and folding them up. “You’re hopeless,” he complained. “You can’t make your bed, and you can’t even fold a few sheets? Did you ever properly make your bed once in your entire high school career?”  
  
Tyler pecked him on the cheek and reached to the wall, peeling another poster off the bricks. “Well, considering the shit we get up to every other night, there didn’t seem to be much point making the bed,” he said. Josh flushed.

 

“That’s besides the point!” he insisted. “You’re gonna have to learn to figure out bed linens one day.”

 

“Probably, but until then, I’ve got you,” Tyler said, flashing Josh a grin.

He rolled the posters up into a tube, snapping an elastic band around the tube and tossing it on top of the already-packed bags and suitcase in the corner of the room. “Whew, we’re just about done. Thanks, Josh.”  
  
“No problem, you helped me pack up earlier,” Josh said, tossing the last of the sheets into an open bag and zipping it up. “When are your parents coming to pick you up?”  
  
“In a couple hours, I think,” Tyler said. “That’s what Mom said when she last texted, anyway. That was, like, ten minutes ago? What about your parents?”

 

“Hold on,” Josh said, glancing at his phone. “Uh, Mom just texted. They’re maybe half an hour away.”

 

“Huh, so we have some time left over,” Tyler said. “That’s nice.”  
  
“Yeah, and then my parents are gonna take me away and I won’t have you,” Josh said with a sad pout, sitting on the stripped bed. “I’m gonna miss having you two doors down from me. It’s not the same if I actually have to drive to your house to see you.”  
  


“Aw, it’ll be fine,” Tyler said, sitting next to him and resting his head on Josh’s shoulder. “We’ll just have to have lots of sleepovers. Maybe I could stay at yours one time.”  
  
Josh laughed. “I don’t know how Mom will feel about that,” he said, grinning. “She’s got ears like a bat, she’ll sniff us out no problem. You’ll like her, though.”

 

“Will I? What’s she like?”  
  
“Strict, but nice. She’s funny. She has, like, twitter and facebook and stuff and it’s kinda weird.” Josh made a face. “Moms are so weird on facebook. Making jokes about wine bottles hidden in handbags and stuff. And Minions memes. I don’t understand the Minions memes.”

 

“Moms and social media do not mix,” Tyler concluded, and Josh nodded sagely.

 

“How long do you think you’ll be around if you get into college?” Josh asked, and Tyler shrugged.

 

“I don’t know,” he said. “I can’t say I actually think I’ll get into college. I applied to a bunch of scholarships and stuff, though – they have a basketball scholarship, and I think I could have a chance with that. I’m not sure though, they don’t tell you when semester start dates and stuff are until after acceptance letters go out. I think.”

 

“Hmm,” Josh sighed. “I wanna know how long I’ll have you before you disappear to college.”

 

Tyler laughed. “Look, I might end up bumming around Columbus still,” he said. “Like I said, I don’t think I’ll get in.”  
  
“Of course you will. And then you’ll leave me. And I’ll be sad.”  
  
Tyler snorted. “Anyway, what were you planning to do?” he asked. “You’re not going to college? You have the grades for sure.”  
  
Josh shrugged. “I’m not really interested in anything though,” he said. “Except drumming. That’s it. It’s gonna be music or nothing for me, I know it. So.. I don’t know. I’ll get a day job, join a band. When I’m not working I’ll do shows. That’s pretty much my plan.”  
  
“What if that doesn’t work out?” Tyler asked.

 

“It’ll have to work out,” Josh said. “There’s no plan B. It’ll work out, or I’ll become a street bum or something, I don’t know. I’ll probably stick around Columbus, though, so whenever you come back for holidays and stuff I’ll be around.”

 

“Stop talking as if I’m definitely going to college!” Tyler exclaimed. “I might be a street bum too. We can sit next to each other and fight any other bums who try to take our begging spots.”  
  
“We can form a hobo street band,” Josh mused. “Busk for spare change so we can live on tacos. You sing, I’ll tap on soup cans or something.”

 

Tyler laughed. “Our grand master plan,” he said. “Street hobo band. I love it.”

 

He sighed. “Well, even if we end up street bums drumming on soup cans for spare change, that’s fine. I’m so glad I met you, Josh.”  
  
“Me too,” Josh said, sliding an arm around Tyler. “You’ve helped me a lot, you know? Like I’ll probably always have the anxiety, that’s never gonna go away. But having you, that helps.”  
  
“Aw,” Tyler crooned. “Do I cure your anxiety, baby?”

 

“Don’t be an ass,” Josh snorted. “God. If getting a boyfriend cured mental health issues, I’d have gotten one years ago.”

 

“That’s fair. Imagine if relationships cured depression.”  
  
“What a world that would be. Alas, we must continue to cope and suffer regardless.” Josh kissed Tyler’s cheek. “It’s nice having a pretty face like yours to comfort myself with, though.”

 

A knock sounded on the door, and Gerard’s head poked through. They snorted. “You’re _not_ having hot bangin’ farewell sex in here?” they said incredulously. “I’m disappointed in both of you.”  
  
“Nah, we’re saving that for when Tyler goes to college,” Josh piped up, and Tyler flushed.

“Stop saying that!”  
  
“No, that’s fair – like, as if Tyler won’t get into college,” Gerard said. “I think the hot farewell sex is inevitable. Sorry, Ty.”

 

“You’re all placing way too much faith in me,” Tyler grumbled. “Anyway, what’s up, Gerard?”  
  
“Me and Mikey’s parents are here to pick us up,” Gerard said. “So we’re off, now. I thought I’d better say bye to you two, considering neither of you took up my incredibly reasonable and logical suggestion of art school in New York, so I won’t see either of you for a while. Fuckers.”

 

“We’ll miss you too,” Tyler said, standing up. “C’mere.”

 

Gerard entered the room properly and pulled Tyler into a tight hug. “I’m gonna miss you, ya dickhead,” they said. “Keep contact, yeah? Good luck with college, and lemme know if you drop out, start a band and need album art or t-shirts or whatever.”

 

“Of course,” Tyler said. “Good luck with the comics, friend. I’ll save all the Marvel titles you write.”

 

Gerard pulled away from Tyler and wrapped Josh in a bone-crushing hug. “And good luck to you too, whatever the hell you end up doing,” they said. “You’re a good kid, Josh. I’m gonna miss the shit out of you.”

 

Gerard backed out of the room with a grin, eyes glistening oddly, and left.

 

“I’m gonna miss that kid,” Tyler said. “We’ll have to like.. visit New York sometime in future or something. Assuming Gerard doesn’t start a band themselves and tour all over the country. I feel like that’s something they’d end up doing.”

 

“We can tour together,” Josh suggested. “Gerard’s fancy artistic rock metal band, and us with our soup cans.”

Tyler laughed. “You’re really sold on this street bum band thing.”  
  
“Well, I mean, like,” Josh said. “If the college thing doesn’t work out, hit me up. If I’m between gigs or something, I’d happily play drums for you.”

 

“Or soup cans.”

 

There was another knock on the door, and this time Jimmy’s head appeared around the doorway.

 

“Josh?” he said. “I thought I’d find you in here. Your parents are downstairs, bud.”  
  
Josh sighed. “Guess I’d better get my stuff,” he said sadly, standing up.   
  
“I’ll help,” Tyler said. “And then see you off, I guess. I’ll get to finally meet your parents!”  
  
The two boys dragged Josh’s bags down the stairs, where a tiny lady with a blonde bob and a bespectacled man not much taller than Josh waited.

 

“There’s my boy!” the woman exclaimed. She beamed at Tyler. “And is this your friend who was responsible for us barely seeing you all midterm break?”

 

Josh flushed. “Mom,” he whined. “And – well, yeah, I guess. That’s Tyler. Tyler, meet my mom.”

 

“Hi, Mrs Dun,” Tyler said.   
She laughed and tweaked his cheek. “Aw, you’re sweet. Call me Momma Dun. You’ll have to switch things up and come visit us, instead of Josh going to yours all the time.”

 

“We’ll see,” Josh said, smirking at Tyler.

 

“You ready to head off, Josh?” Josh’s dad asked, and Josh nodded.

“I guess I’ll see you in Columbus,” Josh said, looking up at Tyler wistfully. “Text me when your parents pick you up, okay?”  
  
“Of course,” Tyler said, pulling Josh into a hug. “I’ll call you so we can figure out meeting up. And I’ll just hang out with Frank until my parents get here. You have a safe trip, okay?”  
  
“Sure,” Josh said, pulling away reluctantly. “I’ll see you soon, Ty.”

 

Tyler watched them leave, and smirked when he overhead Momma Dun exclaiming _“Tyler was a nice boy! You two seemed very good friends, Josh”_.

 

He went back upstairs, sliding into Frank’s room. All there was to do now was wait, and he did not have much faith in his patience.

 

~~~

 

Josh was in his room waiting for a text from Tyler when his mom called through the house. “Tyler’s here, honey!”

 

Josh blinked, looking up from his phone. Tyler was here? He was supposed to text or call Josh when he found out if he got into college or not. Why had he come over?

 

He left his room and walked into the living room, where he found Tyler chatting to his mom. Tyler turned and looked at him, face lit up in a huge, toothy grin.

 

“Dude, I got in!” he exclaimed, flapping an acceptance letter. “I got a full ride basketball scholarship, I’m majoring in music. I’m going to college!”  
  
Josh grinned right back, pulling Tyler into a hug. “Congratulations!” he said. “And, ha! I told you you’d get in!”  
  


Tyler thumped his shoulder gently. “Shut up,” he said, still smiling. “Oh, wow. This is weird. I’m gonna have to, like, actually get organised.”

 

A sad tugging feeling ached in Josh’s chest. That was right – Tyler would have to pack up, move away. Leave.

 

“Do you know when you have to move?” Josh asked, and Tyler shrugged. “I think I’ve got like, three weeks,” he said.

 

Oh. Not even quite a month.

He squeezed Tyler tight.

 

Tyler pulled away, hand remaining to rest on Josh’s shoulder. “You wanna go to your room?” he asked. He was chewing his lip. “I gotta tell you about the campus and stuff.”  
  
Josh nodded, glancing back at his mom. “We’ll be back out later, okay?” he said. “Just gonna hang out for a bit.”  
  
“Of course!” his mom said, beaming. “I’ll be off soon to pick up groceries anyway. I bet you two want to talk all about the college and stuff. Maybe Tyler might be able to convince you to apply for late entry.” She winked, and Josh rolled his eyes.

 

“Okay, wow! You’re still trying to make me go to college! C’mon, Tyler,” he said, feigning mock exasperation at his mother, who just laughed.

 

“She’s not wrong, you know, your grades were awesome,” Tyler said as Josh led him back to his room. “You could totally get in, even on late entry.”

 

“I told you, I’ve got no interest in it,” Josh insisted, pushing the door of his room open. “What would I even study?”  
  
“Music, same as me,” Tyler said, jumping onto Josh’s bed and rolling over on his stomach, grabbing a pillow to rest under his chin. “You said you wanted to drum, right?”  
  
“Drums aren’t exactly a music course kind of instrument,” Josh said, closing the door and flopping next to Tyler.   
  
“Um, duh, of course it is. It’s called ‘percussion’. You’d be a ‘percussionist’. Which is a fancy word for a drummer.”

 

Josh laughed. “I think percussion is way more than just drumming,” he said.

 

Tyler pouted. “Well, I mean – look at it this way. If you got into the same college as me, we wouldn’t have to be apart.”  
  
That was a good point. Josh didn’t have an answer for that one, fidgeting quietly while Tyler looked at him.

 

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I just.. I don’t want to go to college just because you’re there.”  
  
Tyler raised an eyebrow at him. “What, I’m not worth it?”  
  
“No!” Josh groaned, rubbing his eyes. He rolled over, bumping his forehead against Tyler’s shoulder. “God, it’s not like that. You know it’s not like that. I love you to death, you goof. But... I mean, for starters, the scholarships are just about all gone, even if I qualified for anything. I couldn’t count on a full-ride with basketball, not like you. And I just don’t see the point in wasting all that money when I don’t have any real passion to study, you know? I know what I want to do, and it doesn’t involve tertiary study, even if I might have the grades for it.”  
  
Tyler still wasn’t looking at him, face thunderous. Josh sighed.

 

“And another thing, I don’t want to take a college spot away from someone who really wanted it,” he continued. “It’s.. it’s not that I don’t want to be with you. God, of course I do. I’m gonna miss the heck out of you. But there’s other stuff I need to consider, you know? And, I mean, we can't just base our lives around each other, you know. Stuff like this is too important, we can't just follow each other around - we've got to think, figure out priorities.”

 

“So I’m not a priority?” Tyler demanded.

 

Josh blinked. “What?” he sputtered. “Jesus, Tyler – it’s not like that! And you know it. I mean, you’re quite happy to leave me to go to college. Don’t talk to me about priorities, because by your own standards, I’m not your priority either.”  
  
Now Tyler groaned. “No, you are, of course you are,” he said. “God. Okay, fine. You have a point. But.. I don’t know. Part of me was kind of hopeful I could convince you to come with me.”

 

Josh sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “But I can’t.”

 

Tyler was silent for a while, staring at Josh’s shirt. His hand drifted to Josh’s hair, playing with the curls.

“We can still text,” he said quietly. “And Skype. It’s not.. long distance doesn’t have to be too hard. And there’s holidays.”  
  
“I know,” Josh said. “But I’m still gonna miss you. So, so much.”

 

“Me too,” Tyler mumbled. He pressed his face into Josh’s chest. “Holidays aren’t gonna be long enough, are they?”

 

“How long’s your course?” Josh asked.

 

Tyler shrugged. “Three years.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
Three years of only having Tyler for holidays, with only social media to fill the gaps. It was going to be tough.

 

“We can do it, though, right?” Tyler asked.

 

“We can try,” Josh said. “I mean, that’s a given, right? I’m not breaking up with you just because you’re leaving. Don’t you dare dump me just for some cute college boy, though.”  
  
Tyler laughed into his shirt. “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that,” he said. “I mean, aren’t you planning on joining a band? What if you get famous? I’ll have to fight all your fans off.”

 

Josh laughed. “Yeah, all the adoring fans of my soup can mastery. Anyway, you know fans never go for the drummer, right? It’s always the singer and lead guitarist. They get all the groupies.”  
  
“Oh, that’s not what I heard. I heard the drummer was the one you had to watch out for, precisely because they’re not the ones you expect to get all the babes. I’m gonna have to go all jealous boyfriend on you, ward them off.”

 

“You’d have to come to all my gigs to do that. Street corner outside Taco Bell every Thursday and Friday. Assuming the police don’t arrest me for illegal busking.”

 

Tyler leaned up to gently kiss Josh. “You’d make a cute soup can busker.”

 

Josh giggled, breaking off into a gasp when Tyler deepened the kiss, pressing in close to pull his arm around Josh.

“Tyler, not here, my mom,” Josh whispered nervously. “Remember last time?”  
  
Josh had always been fine with messing around at his house so long as his mom was out of the house, but was adamant that her hearing – or “sin senses”, as Josh called it – were too powerful for them to risk fooling around with her around.

The week before, Tyler had come over and managed to convince Josh to mess around a little, despite his mom being in the house. And he’d been in the middle of giving Josh a blowjob when his mother had rapped sharply on the bedroom door.  
“Everything okay in there, sweetie?” she called cheerfully. “I thought I heard something odd, neither of you are hurt, are you?”  
  
“Uh – n-no, Mom,” Josh had yelped, quickly pulling Tyler off and ripping his pants back up. “We – _fuck_ – were just, uh, playing Mario Kart.”

 

“Really? I can’t hear the game...”

The door opened.  
  
“Uh, we put it on mute,” Josh squeaked, shoving Tyler into the closet. “So we.. could talk.”

 

Momma Dun’s head appeared, eyes suspicious over her beaming smile. “Really? Oh, the t.v’s not even on. What are you doing?”  
  
“I – um – we’re not playing right now!” Josh babbled. “We _were_ playing. Past tense. We just finished the game. Tyler – uh – went to the bathroom.”  
  
“Alright, honey,” his mom said, backing out of the doorway. “Well, if you need anything, give me a shout.”  
  
“S-sure thing,” Josh bleated, sighing in relief when the door closed.

Tyler hopped out of the closet. “Dude, really?” he said. “Hiding me in the closet? She knows I’m in the house, it’s not as if I snuck in.”

 

“I’m sorry, I panicked!” Josh said. “Acted on instincts. Anyway, you saw that, right? You can’t say I wasn’t being quiet that whole time. She still knew something was up! Never again, Ty. _Never again._ ”

 

Despite the memory of that close shave, Tyler sighed, nuzzling closer. “Whatever, she’s probably figured it out by now,” he grumbled. “She’s probably just waiting to catch us in the act.”  
  
“Which is exactly what I _don’t_ want,” Josh said sternly. “She used to do that with my girlfriends. Let me tell you, it’s bad enough getting caught having sex by your strict Christian mom who thinks ‘heck’ is a cuss word. Let alone getting caught having sex _with another dude._ ”  
  
“Oh c’mon, my mom’s a strict Christian too,” Tyler said. “I figured out how to navigate her. C’mon Josh, live a little.”  
  
“Nope. No. Not until she leaves the house. Then we can get as freaky as you want.”

 

Tyler grumbled incoherently, pulling in close to wrap his arms and legs around Josh. “Fine. I can settle for cuddling until then.”

 

Josh smirked, kissing Tyler’s hair. “Cuddling is fair. Hey, do you have any idea what kind of dorm you’ll be staying in?”  
  
“I think I’ll be sharing a room. They gave me the name of the kid they put me with – Mark, or something. He has a weird last name. I don’t know. I bet he’ll be really weird.”  
  
“Aw, you don’t know that. He might be really cool. Or maybe he’ll be a giant dork, but since you’re also a giant dork, you’ll hit it off straight away and become best buds.”  
  
Tyler snorted. “Asshole.”

 

The sound of the front door opening and closing echoed in the house, and Josh heard the faint sound of the car engine starting.

“Yes!” Tyler crowed, immediately sitting up and ripping his shirt off. “Jackpot. Good timing, Momma Dun.”  
  
“She’s only going grocery shopping,” Josh said frantically. “She’ll be gone barely an hour if we’re lucky.”  
  
“An hour’s long enough,” Tyler said, hopping up to straddle Josh and kiss him deeply, hands sliding under his shirt.

Josh moaned as Tyler massaged his chest, pinching his nipples. “Fine,” he conceded, resolve breaking. “But we have to be quick.”

 

“Jeez, I thought you’d be a little more enthusiastic about congratulatory I-got-into-college sex,” Tyler grumbled, pulling Josh’s shirt off.

 

Josh rolled his eyes, leaning up to kiss Tyler’s throat. “I’m saving the good stuff for when you actually move,” he said. “Your hot farewell sex, remember?”

 

“Oh, yeah. Fair point.”

 

Josh groaned, arching into Tyler’s touch as his hands slid down his body. Tyler was moving too slow, hands soft and tantalising as they explored. “Tyler, hurry up. I’ll lose my boner from sheer fear if we don’t get this over with.”  
  
Tyler giggled, planting kisses all over Josh’s chest and rolling his hips lazily, forcing little pants from Josh. “Are you sure you’re not hard from the fear? I bet you’ve got a total fear kink.”  
  
“No, that’s you,” Josh grumbled. “You’re the one who drags me into risky situations, and I’m the one who worries about getting caught. I swear you’ve got some voyeurism thing, that’s why you like nearly getting caught all the time. Meanwhile I nearly have a heart attack from it every single time.”

 

“Shh, you love it.”  
  
“I don’t. I really don’t.”

 

Tyler ground his hips particularly aggressively, and Josh cut off with a whimper. “Tyler, _please_.”

 

“Okay,” Tyler said, sitting up and pulling his pants off, reaching over to Josh’s dresser. “You keep everything in here, yeah? God, we really need to fuck at your place more often. I don’t even know where you keep your lube.”

 

“We really don’t need to fuck at my place more often, believe me, and yes, that’s where everything is,” Josh panted, wrestling with his own pants and underwear. “C’mooon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon.”

 

“Shh, so impatient,” Tyler said, voice becoming low, tossing a bottle of lube on the bed.   
He and Josh had finally gone to see a doctor about STI testing a week after getting home after graduation, and after confirming they were both clean, had decided to venture into sex without condoms. Tyler was so incredibly glad that they had.  
He pushed a couple of pillows out of the way, sitting back against the headboard, and motioned for Josh to sit in his lap.

 

Josh crawled over, but Tyler shook his head when he tried nuzzling into his throat. “No, baby, face the other way, not me.”  
  
Josh made a sad sound in his throat, frowning, but obliged, sitting so his back was against Tyler’s chest. “I can’t see your eyes, though.”  
  
Tyler burst into giggles. “Josh, that was really, really cute.”  
  
“Shut up. And it’s true, I like watching you.”

 

“You could, like, grab our phones and facetime me if you really want.”  
  
“Fuck off,” Josh grumbled, breaking off with a moan as Tyler pulled his hips down, driving into him.

 

“You gonna talk back to me like that?” Tyler murmured, smirking as Josh whimpered and shook his head, legs shaking with the effort of supporting himself.

 

“S-sorry,” Josh whimpered, easing all the way down and then raising himself back up. Tyler moaned, sliding his hands around Josh’s chest, pulling him tight against his own chest. He liked the sensation of Josh’s skin sliding and bumping, warm and velvet, against him.

 

“Mm, you’re a good boy,” Tyler murmured, pressing a line of kisses up the back of Josh’s neck, into his hair, breathing in the sweat-and-shampoo scent of the dark curls. “Always so good for me, always taking me so well. And you’re just good, _fuck_ , you feel so good, sound so good.”

 

Josh moaned in response to the praise, picking up his pace. Tyler gripped Josh’s hips again, snapping his hips up as he pulled Josh down, eliciting a loud, broken wail from him that lit Tyler on fire.

 

“M-mh, Tyler,” Josh whimpered, letting Tyler take over and bounce him on his cock. He clutched at Tyler’s legs, nails scraping up his thighs. “’M not gonna last.”

 

“That’s fine, you wanted us to be quick,” Tyler said, thrusting up harder. He wasn’t sure how Josh would like being fucked a bit rougher, but his response – moaning and throwing his head back over Tyler’s shoulder – was encouraging. Tyler bit down hard on his neck for good measure.

 

“Please, Ty, harder,” Josh whimpered softly, voice cracking as he spoke, grinding down onto him. “You’re always – always trying to be gentle.”

 

“Because you’re not used to it, and I don’t want to hurt you, ya dork,” Tyler said, but he complied, speeding up his pace and driving into Josh with more vigour. Josh virtually purred, writhing against him.

 

Tyler slid one hand down to Josh’s cock, gently stroking him in time with his thrusts, other hand sliding up Josh’s chest to gently grip around his throat.

 

“This okay?” Tyler murmured.

Josh nodded, leaning his head back to give Tyler’s hand more purchase. “Just don’t cut off my breathing,” he panted.

 

Tyler nodded, pressing his fingers into Josh’s throat, feeling his pulse beat hot and hard against his fingers, the muscles and tendons rolling as Josh swallowed and gasped for breath.

 

“Mhhm, Tyler, _fuck,_ ” Josh whimpered, body stiffening and shuddering against Tyler. He let out a long moan, spilling hot over Tyler’s hand.   
Hot pleasure took over Tyler, and then he was coming as well, white heat taking over his limbs as Josh shook against him, whimpering as Tyler rode out his orgasm inside him.

 

Josh slumped back against Tyler’s chest when he was done, breathing hard. Tyler kissed his hair and pulled his arms around him, rolling them both over so they were spooning on the bed.

 

“That was good,” Josh sighed. “I think I like it when you’re a bit rough. But I missed your face.”  
  
“Me too,” Tyler admitted. “Your face is really cute during sex. It was nice getting to admire your back freckles though.”

  
“Yeah, leaning back on you was hot.”

 

“See, I told you we should have facetimed.”

  
Josh snorted and swatted Tyler’s arm.

 

They lay together in a sleepy haze of pleasure for a few moments, until the sound of a car’s engine broke the silence.

 

Josh stiffened and jumped off the bed. “Shit. _Shit!_ She’s home early. Fuck! We’re both naked!”

 

“Dude, relax, she’s still gotta bring everything in,” Tyler grumbled, but still helpfully handed Josh a handful of tissues so he could clean off.

Josh scrambled to get his clothes back on, a look of panic on his face. “She knows!” he hissed. “That’s why she’s early, she knew we’d get freaky, she was gonna try catch us in the act –”

 

“Josh, chill,” Tyler snorted, lazily pulling on his shirt. “First of all, never use the phrase ‘get freaky’ to describe sex ever again, please. Second, you don’t need to worry, okay? She just took less time than usual to get everything, that’s all.”

 

They finished dressing just as a knock sounded on the door. “Josh, sweetheart,” Josh’s mom called. “Do you mind helping me with some of the heavy stuff out of the car?”  
  
“N-no problem, Mom,” Josh said high-pitchedly, slinking out of the room. Momma Dun beamed at him as he left, and turned to Tyler.

 

“Want me to help out too?” Tyler asked.

 

“Oh! That’d be so kind of you,” she said delightedly. “But, one second, sweetheart, I just wanna ask you something real quick.”  
  
She waited until Josh was out of earshot, then fixed Tyler with a disapproving look. “Alright, first of all, I know you and my son are a lot more than just friends,” she said.

 

Oh.

 

Shit.

 

Momma Dun continued. “Second, you break my boy’s heart, you’ll never be welcome in this house again,” she said brightly.

 

Tyler gulped.

 

She beamed. “And third, I’m not here to judge, just for the love of God, please use protection,” she said. “I don’t care what you two get up to, as long as you’re both smart about it. Sweet boy thinks I’m clueless. Truth is, I know exactly what he gets up to, and as much as I’d have preferred him to wait until marriage, I know I can’t exactly stop him. So I just want him healthy and safe. And I like you, Tyler, so I want the same for you too. Okay?”  
  
Tyler nodded quickly. “Um, okay. Of course. And uh, we’re always safe.” He flushed. _Wow_. Was he seriously reassuring his boyfriend’s mom that they had safe sex?

 

Momma Dun smiled brightly. “Alright, good! Well, I’m glad we talked,” she said happily. “Now, you wanna help me with those groceries?”

 

~~~

 

A couple of days before Tyler was due to leave, Josh came barreling into his house after dinner with news of his own.  
  
“You know that local Christian rock band I told you about?” Josh said excitedly as he marched into Tyler’s room, forgetting to even say hello. “And they had auditions, and we went? Well, they called me back just now! They want me to drum for them! I’m in an actual band, dude!”  
  
“Congratulations!” Tyler exclaimed, hopping up off his bed to pull Josh into a hug. “I knew they liked you! I told you they’d pick you.”

 

“I’ve got to learn all the songs, but oh wow. I can’t believe it. They’re touring in a couple months,” Josh explained. “Not much time to learn the songs, but still!”

 

“How’s that gonna go over with your new job?” Tyler asked.

 

Josh shrugged. “Chris is cool with it,” he said, referring to the manager of the music shop he was now working at. “I was so nervous he’d fire me or something, but he was great. I’m only casual staff anyway, so he just wants me to let him know in advance whenever we go on tour, so he has time to work out the roster.”

 

“That’s awesome!” Tyler said. “Bummer about the soup can band, though. I guess that calling will have to wait.”

 

Josh giggled into his shoulder. “Wow, things are like... actually coming together,” he said. “You’re going to college, I got a job and a spot in a band. Things are actually working out.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Yeah, it’s nice,” he said. “Just sucks it’s gonna separate us, though.”  
  
Josh nodded silently, pressing his lips into Tyler’s collar. He didn’t want to think about Tyler leaving so soon. Two nights – tonight, and then tomorrow night. And then he was gone.

 

“Congrats, Josh!” a muffled voice came from the other side of the door. “I’ll tell Mom and Dad. They say hi, by the way.”  
  
“Stop eavesdropping, Jay!” Tyler yelled as Josh burst into giggles. “Go away!”

 

They waited for Jay’s footsteps to fade, then Tyler kissed Josh’s cheek. “You wanna sleep over? I don’t think Mom will let you stay tomorrow night, we’re leaving kinda early.”

 

“I definitely want to sleep over,” Josh mumbled. “I wanna make the most of all the time I have left with you.”

 

Tyler snorted. “I’m going to college, not deployment in Afghanistan,” he said, but his voice cracked slightly. It was still going to feel like forever.

 

Josh nuzzled into his shirt. “You gonna cuddle me, or what?”  
  


Tyler snorted, pulling Josh down onto his bed and wrapping his arms around him.

 

“Don’t you remember when we first got together, and you were this nervous blushing mess, scared to try anything?” Tyler asked. “What even happened? Now you’re rolling your eyes at me and demanding cuddles.”

 

Josh laughed. “You showed me you were all too happy to give me cuddles,” he said. “That was your mistake.”

 

Tyler sighed and kissed Josh’s nose. “You’re too cute,” he complained. “Now I can’t help but let you walk all over me.”

 

Josh leaned forward and kissed Tyler’s lips. “I wouldn’t walk all over you. I love you too much. I only demand what you’re happy to give, anyway.”

 

“True.” Tyler pressed deeper into the kiss, and the two made out lazily on the bed for a while. Josh was happy enough to just bask in Tyler, relish the warmth of his arms and legs tangled in his, Tyler’s soft hums and sighs, the safe little haven they made together. More than anything else, he was going to miss this – the safe warmth they made, the soft talk and cuddles and sleepy kisses.

 

He wondered if it was stupid to imagine he’d found the love of his life in high school. The last semester of high school, but high school nonetheless. Was it naïve to think he’d found love at eighteen?

He supposed he’d find out. Tyler going to college was going to be the ultimate test, and he supposed if they managed to withstand it, they could probably withstand most challenges.

 

“You talk like a sugar daddy, sometimes,” Josh suddenly said. He was thinking about Tyler scolding him for asking for cuddles, but that was a while ago. It probably sounded out of the blue. “It’s cute,” he added, which cleared the confusion off Tyler’s face.  
  
Tyler snorted. “Yeah, because I have _so_ much money,” he said. “Babe, I’m going to college. I’m gonna be living off dry ramen and red bull in about a month. I’ll be more like a Splenda daddy. I’ll _want_ to give you nice things, but I’ll be too broke.”  
  


Josh snickered. “You’ll get there. Get into music production or something, make your millions. Then you can spoil me all you want.”  
  
“Josh, I’m not gonna make millions out of a career in music.”  
  
“Shh, I can dream.”  
  
“What if your band gets big and you end up with the millions? You’ll be _my_ sugar daddy.”

 

“Ew, no. I’ll probably just send it all to you and let you buy me nice things with it. We’ll pretend you’re the one earning it.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “I think I can cope with that,” he said, pulling Josh into a heady kiss.

Oh wow. He was never going to stop having his breath taken away by that, was he?

 

Tyler bumped his forehead against Josh’s. “I’m gonna miss you so much,” he said softly.

 

Josh nuzzled into his neck. “Think your parents can hear us?”  
  
“Nah. They always go selectively deaf when I have you over, weirdly enough. It’s my siblings we’ve gotta look out for, honestly, but Maddy’s out, Zack’s playing video games, and Jay knows to stay well out of earshot.”  
  
“Good. Because I think it’s time for your hot farewell sex.”  
  
Tyler grinned. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

 

Josh fluttered his eyelashes at him. “I know,” he said, sitting up and straddling Tyler, rolling his hips achingly slowly. Tyler moaned, leaning up to kiss him.

“Don’t tease me,” he growled, pulling Josh’s hips down into a hard, hot grind, forcing a surprised gasp out of him.

 

“What kind of undies tonight?” Tyler asked, rolling Josh onto his back and pulling his shirt off, pressing wet, open kisses across his chest. He undid Josh’s jeans and pulled them off, revealing pink lace.

 

“These are new,” Josh said softly. “I liked the colour. What do you think?”  
  


“Very nice,” Tyler said appreciatively, hooking a finger under the elastic and snapping them against Josh’s stomach. “They match your lips.”

 

“Hold on,” Josh said, sitting up and pushing Tyler back on the bed, pulling his clothes off. When Tyler was naked and lying back, propped up on his elbows, Josh kneeled in front of him, sitting back on his heels, palming himself through the lace.

 

“You putting on a show for me, sweetheart?” Tyler asked, and Josh responded with a moan, biting his lip as he slipped one hand into his panties.

He felt his cheeks flush as the cockiness left Tyler’s face, his mouth falling open and breathing growing laboured as he watched Josh touch himself.

Putting on a show was the easy part. What made it difficult was the lustful gaze Tyler watched him with, eyes hooded and sultry as he trailed a hand down to his own cock – it made Josh’s cheeks flush with self-consciousness, having Tyler leer shamelessly at him like that. He seemed to be putting on a show of his own, moaning softly as his eyes raked mercilessly over Josh’s body.

  
“Mmm, come here,” Tyler murmured, sitting up to pull Josh into his lap. He squeezed Josh’s ass, nails digging through the lace, and kissed Josh hard, graceless and desperate. “You’re too much, you know that? I can’t control myself when you tease me like that.”

 

Josh smoothed his hands up Tyler’s sides, sliding them over his chest and rubbing his nipples. “You’re not supposed to control yourself when I do that,” he said softly, prompting Tyler to groan and bury his face into his neck, biting and sucking his collarbones.

He pulled him down into a rough grind, forcing a moan from Josh and making stars burst in his head. He was surrounded by Tyler completely like this, and it was overwhelming.

 

“What’s this?” Tyler asked, fingers exploring under his panties to find the hard end of a plug.   
  
Josh flushed. “I might have anticipated this,” he admitted.

 

“Planned this, more like,” Tyler teased, kissing him greedily, gripping the base of the plug to pull it out a little, prompting a gasp from Josh when he pushed it back in. “You’re an utter menace.”

 

“I learned from the best. You corrupted me, remember.” Josh pressed his face into Tyler’s neck, moaning softly as Tyler continued playing with the plug, twisting and thrusting it slowly.

 

“I’m very much suspecting I didn’t so much corrupt you, more like I just let you unleash your kinky side,” Tyler said. “I had nothing to do with the dresses, remember.”

 

Josh giggled, breaking off into a whimper as Tyler pulled the plug out completely, setting it aside.

 

He reached over to the dresser, unwilling to move in order to reach the drawer more easily – not if it meant letting go of Josh.  
He managed to fumble lube out of the drawer, face strained as Josh continued slowly grinding in his lap.

 

“There,” he sighed, dropping it next to them. “Not right away though. Here.”  
  
He raised his hand to Josh’s face, and Josh took his wrist, sucking two fingers into his mouth.

He put on a show here too, humming and moaning around Tyler’s fingers, relishing the way Tyler’s cheeks flushed and cock twitched against his thigh.

 

“God, you’re obscene,” Tyler said, pulling his fingers away. A thread of saliva joined them to Josh’s lips for a moment, before snapping as Tyler reached around Josh, pushing aside his panties.  
  
“Ty, I don’t need it, the plug stretched me enough – _ooh,_ ” Josh whimpered, clutching at Tyler’s shoulders as he pushed his wet fingers inside and up, pressing right up to his prostate.  
  
“You don’t need it, but you’re a hell of a sight when I do it anyway,” Tyler murmured, kissing Josh’s throat.

Josh couldn’t answer, barely able to focus his scrambling thoughts past the white-out pleasure Tyler’s fingers were building up inside him, legs beginning to tremble. A few moments, and he was grinding down on Tyler’s fingers, unable to swallow the gasps and whimpers Tyler was forcing out of him.

 

“Okay,” Tyler panted, withdrawing his fingers. “You ready, sweetheart?”  
  
“I’ve been ready for a while,” Josh whimpered, and Tyler laughed softly, pressing his face into Josh’s chest for a moment.

 

“Alright,” he said, shifting Josh back a little so he had space to lube up, gazing at Josh as he stroked his cock.

He placed his hands firmly on Josh’s hips, gripping them and positioning him over his cock. “Ready?”  
  
Josh nodded, and Tyler guided his cock into his hole, pushing down on his hips gently. Josh felt his mouth fall open, legs barely able to hold him steady as he started up a rhythm with Tyler, soft keens escaping him with every thrust.

 

Tyler moaned, low and throaty, pressing his forehead into Josh’s neck. “God, you’re gorgeous,” he whispered, sliding his hands up Josh’s sides and pressing them steady against his shoulderblades. “You’re beautiful, you understand that? Always getting me worked up, baby.”

 

Josh picked up the pace as heat boiled in his stomach, whimpering as Tyler drove his hips up to meet his movements. Tyler was merciless, but not quite merciless enough.

 

“Harder, Ty,” Josh panted, nails digging into Tyler’s shoulders.

He responded by shifting, throwing Josh on his back and curling over him on his knees and elbows, and he rammed hard into Josh with new force that drove the air from Josh’s lungs.

 

“Good?” Tyler panted.

 

“So good,” Josh moaned breathlessly. He bit his gasps into Tyler’s shoulders, shuddering when Tyler pressed his lips behind Josh’s ear, sucking hard bruises into the soft skin. Tyler wound a free hand into Josh’s hair, tugging hard and eliciting a cracked whimper from him.

 

This was the first time Tyler had fucked him so hard, and Josh was beginning to understand why Tyler had liked it like this. Pleasure shot through his whole body with each thrust, leaving him little space to think other than to cling on and try to match Tyler’s pace. He gave himself up to the coursing heat and pleasure, allowing himself to get lost in the rhythm and Tyler’s soft grunts and moans, the whispered praises.

 

“I’m close,” Tyler gasped out. “You okay?”  
  
“ _Mhhm,_ Ty, you feel so good,” Josh panted. “Touch me?”

 

Tyler complied, wrapping his hand around Josh’s cock and pulling in time with his thrusts. Josh threw his head back, feeling the tension in his stomach tighten, letting the climax build.

 

“Ty-ler,” he gasped out, just as the tension snapped and he shuddered, coming all over his stomach and Tyler’s hand.   
Tyler moaned long and low in response, hips losing all rhythm as he reached his own orgasm.

 

The pair panted and clutched one another, Tyler swallowing hard and leaning down to press soft kisses to Josh’s lips as they came down from their peak.

Josh was spent. He pulled Tyler down on the bed, nuzzling into his chest.

 

“Not half bad for farewell sex,” Tyler said sleepily, pulling his arms tightly around Josh. “Thank you, baby. This was perfect.”

 

“Mm, not so bad yourself,” Josh murmured, burrowing down into Tyler’s arms. “You know how to wear me out.”

 

“Damn right I do. Shower?”  
  
“Shower.”  
  
They snuck quickly into the bathroom, and took their time under the hot spray, washing each other clean with a slow contentedness.

Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s waist, leaning against his chest in a lazy hug as Tyler massaged conditioner in his hair. He yawned loudly. “Tyler, you’re gonna send me to sleep like that.”  
  
Tyler snorted. “You can’t fall asleep standing up.”  
  
“Don’t test me. I’m two seconds away from doing just that.”  
  
Tyler laughed, pushing Josh back as an indicator for him to step under the water and rinse the conditioner out. “In a bit, baby. We’re nearly done.”  
  
“You better be!” a voice shouted through the bathroom door, accompanied by a sharp rapping. “You’ve been in there nearly an hour. Finish up so the rest of us can piss, loverboys.”  
  
“Piss _off,_ Zack,” Tyler yelled, as Josh struggled to stifle his laughter.  
  


They crept out of the bathroom with towels around their waists when they were done (past Tyler’s glowering brother), and raced back to Tyler’s room, hopping back into the bed.

  
Josh burrowed down under the blankets with a contented sigh, Tyler sliding in beside him. He adjusted the blankets and pillows around them, pulling them over himself and Josh so they were snuggled down and sheltered, legs tangled under the covers, Tyler’s face half-obscured by blankets. Josh sighed and shut his eyes. He felt safe, content.

 

He was going to really miss this.

 

Tyler kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight, Josh,” he said softly. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Josh slurred, and it wasn’t long before he was asleep.

 

~~~

 

Tyler woke up sometime in the early morning as the first suggestions of faint blue dawn light filtered through the curtains.   
He focused blurry eyes onto Josh, whose skin was set off by the pre-dawn light, lit up in a faint cool glow. The light illuminated faint purple veins crossing the delicate tissues of his eyelids, flickering faintly in what must have been a dream.

Everything was a silent, soft dreamlike haze, and Josh was the point of clarity right at the centre of it.

 

Tyler lay for a few quiet moments, absorbing as many details of Josh’s beauty as he could. This was all going to be so difficult to let go of, even if it was only for a few months.

 

Josh mumbled something, shuffling closer to nuzzle into Tyler’s chest. His heart broke a tiny bit. How was he going to say goodbye to this?

 

Josh shifted again, eyebrows pulling together, and he murmured something again. Tyler didn’t catch it, but he detected some insistence, desperation -?  
Josh _moaned_. “Ty-ler,” he slurred softly, shifting and rolling his hips into the mattress. “ _Please_.”

 

Tyler blinked. It took a moment for him to put things together, but if he wasn’t mistaken, Josh appeared to be having a wet dream.

 

Josh’s mouth fell open and he whimpered softly, rocking his hips with more force. Tyler was spellbound.

His cheeks burned at the same time a spike of arousal shot almost painfully through his body. It was probably _really really_ wrong to be just watching Josh like this, but at the same time, it was _really_ hot.

 

He carefully rolled Josh onto his back, and Josh whined, hips thrusting up into empty air.

“You dreaming, baby?” Tyler asked, cheeks still burning. Maybe if he tried to treat this like it was just another of Josh’s nightmares - “Sweetheart, you’re just dreaming, wake up.”

 

Josh reached out blindly, hand slapping against Tyler’s bicep. He tightened his fingers, squeezing his arm hard enough to bruise. “Mmhm, Tyler, _please_ ,” Josh whimpered again, eyelids fluttering for a second, and that was it. Tyler was gone.

 

“It’s practically an invitation,” Tyler mumbled to himself guiltily, and he pulled the sheets aside, revealing Josh’s painfully erect cock.

He gently wrapped his hand around it, sliding his fingers through the already-smeared precum and spreading it carefully.   
Josh moaned – loudly, a soft cry that went straight to Tyler’s cock and also spiked his anxiety something incredible. He flinched. At that volume, Josh was gonna wake up the whole house.

 

He debated the situation. On the one hand, Josh usually tried to stifle his sounds – having him still half-asleep, not self-aware and letting go completely, was thrilling. That single moan alone was spank-bank material for weeks.  
On the other hand, waking the entire house up was less than ideal. Tyler was pretty sure his dad would be more mad about having his sleep-in disturbed than the fact that his eldest son was having loud sex with a boy, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t afraid of his father’s potential wrath over being woken up.

 

Tyler sighed. He reached up, pressing a hand gently over Josh’s mouth. “Sorry baby, I know you can’t help it, but you can’t be so loud,” he whispered. Josh sighed, like he understood.

 

Tyler gently pumped Josh’s cock once, then delicately pressed a kiss against the slit. Josh whimpered, but remained mostly quiet, face contorting with pleasure.

 

“You gonna stay quiet for me, baby?” Tyler asked, and Josh sighed in a sing-song voice. “Like a mouse, all the mice running around,” he hummed, and Tyler had to stifle a giggle.

 

Tyler wondered how long he could continue with this without waking Josh up. So far, he still seemed mostly unaware of the fact that he wasn’t actually dreaming, stuck in an odd half-asleep state that made him oddly placid and suggestible. He supposed that wasn’t a bad thing, if it meant he could keep Josh quiet.

 

Tyler gently wrapped his lips around the head of Josh’s cock, slowly bobbing his head down. Josh shifted and whimpered, letting out soft keens and gasps that, while not too loud, were certainly a lot more noise than what he usually made. Each cry intensified Tyler’s own arousal, building it up into a throbbing heat in the pit of his stomach, making him feel weak. All that just off Josh’s voice? He was going to have to encourage Josh to be louder more often.

He slid his free hand up Josh’s body, resting it on his stomach, feeling the muscles in his lower abdomen tighten and flutter. Josh shuddered, hips twitching up without control. Tyler rolled with it, letting Josh thrust up into his mouth, letting him continue his dream.

 

“Mmh, Tyler,” Josh whimpered. “S-so nice. Your wings, s’pretty...”  
Wings? Tyler was going to have to ask about that later.

 

Josh bucked up harder, and gasped, pulling taut. He didn’t come. Tyler glanced up, and Josh was pushing himself up onto his elbows, staring in confusion at Tyler.

 

“Um,” he said, blinking away sleep. “I – w-what?”  
  
Tyler let Josh’s cock slide out of his mouth, licking his lips. “Uh, good morning?” he attempted. His voice came out wrecked.

 

Josh groaned, rubbing a palm over his eyes. “Wh – I’m so confused. I was... dreaming?”  
  
“It sounded like you were having a nice dream,” Tyler said, resting his cheek against Josh’s thigh.

Josh giggled. “Yeah, it was pretty nice,” he admitted. “I, uh. Was I sleeptalking or something?”  
  
“Kind of,” Tyler said. “I, uh, wanted to help you out.”  
  
Josh laughed, hiding his flushing face in his hands. “Oh my god,” he said. “Oh god. That’s so bad, I’m so sorry.”  
  
“Nah, it was cute,” Tyler said, crawling up to pull his hands away and kiss him. “Kinda hot.”  
  
Josh leaned in, loosely pulling his arms around Tyler’s waist. “Can I count on a wakeup call like that any time I have a hot dream?”  
  
“Assuming you’re as vocal, sure,” Tyler said. “Did you like it?”  
  
“I could get used to it. Better than an alarm clock.”

 

Tyler laughed and nuzzled into Josh’s chest, feeling it expand against his cheek as Josh sighed.

 

“You mentioned something about mice and wings,” Tyler murmured. “I think you were sleeptalking.”  
  
“Was I?” Josh asked. “Hm, I don’t remember a lot. I definitely don’t remember any mice. Just how hot you were.” He shifted, sighing.   
“We were – I was sitting in your lap riding you, like last night. But for some reason everything felt hotter, better?”   
Josh chewed his lip pensively.  
“Your whole body was like fire, and you were holding me so tight,” he continued. “I don’t know how, but you were fucking me so hard, even in that position, and – God. I felt amazing.”  
  
Josh’s voice caught in his throat, and he rolled his hips involuntarily. Tyler remembered Josh was still hard. So was Tyler, for that matter.

 

He ignored it. “Tell me what you remember,” he insisted. “The wings?”  
  
Josh groaned in frustration. “I’m not sure,” he said. “You had – these huge feathery wings, like an angel. You wrapped them around us and they surrounded us completely, that’s how big they were. Everything was white and soft and glowing. You looked like an angel, but – you had red eyes? And your hands were black. It was really strange. But also weirdly hot.”

 

“A hot angel? I could get used to that,” Tyler said.

 

Josh laughed. “Maybe you were actually a demon,” he said. “The red eyes?”  
  
“Hush, demons are fallen angels, you know that,” Tyler said. “I fell from Heaven just for you, baby.”

 

Josh snorted, kissing Tyler on the nose. “You come down to tease me half to death, or actually fuck me?” he asked.

 

Tyler laughed, pulling back. “Both I guess, if you want,” he said. “You wanna sit in my lap again? Or try something else?”

“Um, I’m not sure,” Josh mumbled. “I’m, uh, kind of too horny to make a decision on that, to be honest. You’ve got me all worked up now.”

 

Tyler laughed again. “Wanna roll over on your hands and knees for me?”  
  
Josh groaned. “Back to chest again? Really?”  
  
“Yes, really. Something different.”

 

Josh sighed, but rolled over onto his stomach, propping himself up on his hands and knees. “Okay, fine, but you better – shit!”  
  


Tyler pulled back to snicker, then dived straight back in, spreading Josh’s ass and licking another stripe across his asshole. Josh moaned and pressed back against his tongue, gripping the sheets.

 

“You’re th-the worst,” Josh whimpered, throwing his head back in pleasure. Tyler responded with a cheerful slap to Josh’s ass, making him jump slightly.

 

“C’mon, Tyler,” Josh whined. “I’ll come like, now, if you keep teasing.”

 

“Still always so impatient,” Tyler growled, pulling away and leaning over Josh’s back to yank his hair and pull his head back, kissing him hard.

 

Josh grimaced when Tyler pulled away. “Ew. Your tongue was on my _ass,_ dude. What the hell.”

 

“Chill, it’s not gonna kill you,” Tyler said, running his hands up Josh’s back. “Like you said, I just had my tongue on your ass, at least be grateful and kiss me.”

 

“Okay, fair,” Josh conceded. Tyler settled back and gripped Josh’s hips, bending down to press a few soft kisses on his back before straightening back up and driving hard into Josh.

 

Josh stiffened, clutching at the sheets. Tyler watched, entranced for a moment by Josh's back muscles tightening and rolling under the pale, freckle-scattered skin, before snapping his hips again.

 

Josh moaned, pushing back against Tyler, and he landed another slap against his ass and picked up the pace.

“You – this good?” Tyler panted. Josh nodded, and moaned when Tyler gripped tighter, digging into his hips with his fingernails.

 

“So good, Ty. ’M definitely not gonna last,” Josh whimpered, craning his neck to look around at Tyler. Tyler slowed for a moment to reach over and kiss Josh, moving one hand around to Josh’s jaw to steady his face.

 

“Oohh,” Josh gasped when Tyler pulled away, elbows giving way and letting his head and shoulders hit the sheets. Tyler leaned over to press his chest against Josh’s back, pressing kisses wherever he could reach.

 

Tyler wasn’t going to last either; heat was coiling tight in his stomach, and his thrusts were losing rhythm as it grew harder to focus on anything other than the building pleasure. He reached around to grip Josh’s cock, relishing the moan it elicited from him when he dragged his fingers up along its length.

 

“Ah, Tyler,” Josh whimpered, throwing his head back. “I’m -”

He broke off with a cut off cry, shaking as he came over the sheets, pressing back against Tyler.

 

Tyler let go of Josh’s cock and wrapped his arm around his torso, pulling Josh tight against his chest while his hips stuttered out their last few thrusts. He came with a groan bitten off in Josh’s shoulder, shuddering hard as Josh trembled against him.

 

It took him a while to move, gingerly rolling off Josh, who burrowed into his arms as soon as Tyler hit the bed.

 

“You okay?” Tyler asked, kissing Josh’s forehead. Josh nodded and nuzzled into Tyler’s throat, humming softly.

 

“Still missed your face,” he mumbled. Tyler giggled.

 

“I love you,” Tyler said. Josh sighed and kissed his neck.

  
“I love you too. Should we change the sheets? I kind of – they’re kind of gross now, sorry.”

 

Tyler groaned. “No, please. We can change them later. I just wanna cuddle.”

 

“Okay,” Josh said, snuggling in closer. “That’s fair.”

 

They lay together for a long while, Tyler nearly drifting off again to the sound of Josh’s breathing. But all too soon, they had to get up. They had to change the sheets and get changed, before Tyler’s mom could come in to wake them up.

 

Josh ended up staying the whole day to help Tyler pack, but he went home before dinner, just as the sky was growing dark.

“You need to hang out with your family before you go,” he said, despite Tyler’s insistence that his family wouldn’t mind if he stayed for dinner, that his mom had made extra dinner anyway.

“Besides, I’ll come back tomorrow morning,” Josh said, smiling. “I’ll see you off when you go. Promise!”  
  
He hugged Tyler tight on the driveway before driving home.

 

He got home and went straight to bed. His mom left him alone; he heard Ashley and Jordan debating on checking on him outside his door, before his dad told them to leave him alone and shooed them away.

 

Abbey came in after dinner with a plate and Jordan’s extra X-box controller, wordlessly pushing the plate into Josh’s hands and switching on the console.

 

They’d played several rounds of Mario Kart before Abbey eventually spoke.

“You and Tyler, huh?” she asked. “I thought you were into girls?”  
  
“I am,” Josh said. Princess Peach flew off the rainbow road, and he cursed. “I’m just... also into dudes, too.”  
  
“Oh.” Abbey chewed her lip for a minute. “Right.”  
  
“Yeah. Uh, how did you figure that out?”  
  
“You were kind of obvious. Especially when you came home today all depressed and lovesick. Jordan and Ashley know too, and if Mom knows, she doesn’t mind. I don’t know about Dad, he might have figured it out, but if he has he’s not saying anything, so I guess that’s good.”  
  
“Oh. I didn’t realise we were so obvious.”  
  
“Yeah. Nobody cares, though. I think Mom and Dad are confused because they don’t realise being bi or pan is a thing, but I think they’re more worried about you being all sad than the fact that you’re sad over a boy instead of a girl.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
They played silently for a while longer, then Abbey spoke again. “You can visit him, you know. He might like that, if you went to see him while he was at college. He might be trapped there to study, but you could drive up.”  
  
“I’m already splitting time between work and the band, though,” Josh mumbled. “I don’t think I’ll have many free weekends to visit.”

 

“Still, at least then you’re not just waiting for holidays,” Abbey said.

 

“It’s still not the same,” Josh said. “I mean... we started dating at school, so we’re used to spending lots of time together. Even just living in different houses has been kind of weird, like, actually having to drive to visit each other. This is just.. it’s gonna be hard.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s rough,” Abbey said sympathetically.

 

They played silently again for a while, and when Abbey spoke again she asked about the band and work, and then groused about still having to go to school, complaining about summer homework. Josh was quietly grateful to her for avoiding asking about Tyler again.

 

Eventually, he glanced at his phone and sighed. “Sorry, Abbey,” he said. “I’ve gotta get up early to see Tyler off, and then I’ve got work. I need to sleep.”  
  
“No problem,” Abbey said, hopping up and crossing the room to switch off the console and unplug her controller. “I’ve got study group tomorrow, so I have to go to bed early too.”

 

She took his plate and ruffled his hair before heading to the door. As she opened it, Josh coughed.  
  
“Uh, hey, Abbey,” he said. She paused to face him.

 

“Thanks,” Josh said. “For... hanging out. I appreciate it.”

 

Abbey grinned. “It’s all good, dude,” she said. “And uh – I guess, you know you can talk to any of us if you need to, right?”  
  
“I do,” Josh said. “But I also appreciate not talking, I guess. That was nice.”  
  
Abbey laughed. “Well, okay,” she said. “Whatever helps. Anyway, sleep well. See you tomorrow.”  
  
“You too. Goodnight, Abbey.”  
  
“Night, Josh.”  
  
She left, and Josh drifted asleep. His dreams were full of cars on neon flashing roads, following endless street signs that all read “Tyler”.

 

~~~

 

Tyler yawned groggily, dumping another duffel bag into the back of his mom’s station wagon. His keyboard was unceremoniously thrown in after it, and he winced. “Zack! You gotta be more careful with that!”  
  
“I’m sorry, it’s heavy,” Zack grumbled. “Get Jay to pack the car if I’m so bad at it.”  
  


“I’m already packing the car,” Jay protested, dropping a candy stripe bag full of bedsheets into the trunk. “Grab the laundry bags if you can’t handle the heavier stuff, Zack.”

 

“Quit whining, all of you, and grab the rest of the stuff,” Maddy snorted, hefting a huge, fully packed suitcase on top of the duffel bags.

 

The boys stared at her for a moment, before scowling at each other and following her to pick up the rest of Tyler’s luggage.

 

“Tyler! That’s Josh!” their dad called as Tyler loaded the last bag in the trunk, and Tyler turned to see Josh’s car pulling on the lawn, next to the station wagon.

 

Josh emerged from the car in his work uniform, blinking sleepily. Tyler jogged over and pulled him in a hug.

 

“You’ve packed so much stuff,” Josh mumbled, staring at the station wagon. “It’s like you’re moving away forever.”  
  
“I’m really not,” Tyler snorted. “I just don’t know how to pack light.”  
  


Josh giggled. “How many shoes?”

 

“Not too many. Ten pairs.”  
  
“Tyler, I don’t even _own_ that many pairs of shoes.”  
  
“Shush. I’ll need all of them.”

 

Josh sighed, resting his head on Tyler’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you’re going to college today. I hope your roommate’s nice.”  
  
“I hope so too. He’s studying media, I think, so hopefully that means he’s not a dick.”

 

Tyler’s siblings disappeared quickly, and his parents were still in the house. He hugged Josh tightly, kissing his cheek. This was the last chance they had to really say goodbye properly, before his family emerged, and he wanted to make the most of it.

 

“I’m gonna miss you, Ty,” Josh said, blinking hard. “I’ll try to visit. Come up on weekends if I can. But I’m still gonna miss the heck out of you.”  
  


Tyler’s throat had gone very tight, so he kissed Josh’s nose instead.

 

Josh glanced around, and kissed Tyler properly. Tyler savoured it for the few seconds he had before Josh pulled away and pressed his face into Tyler’s neck.

 

He coughed hard, trying to push past the lump in his throat. “Um, good luck with that band, okay?” he said. “And uh, I know I don’t know much about drums, but I have some advice.”  
  
Josh looked up, eyes wide and blinking hard.

 

“If you get nervous,” Tyler explained, “Just hit your drums harder. The more nervous you are, the harder you hit ‘em.”  
  
Josh giggled. “I’m gonna be hitting my drums super hard all the time if I do that, then.”  
  
“Good. Just keep on hitting them as hard as you can, and you’ll be fine. Okay?”  
  
“Okay.” Josh rested his face in Tyler’s neck again.

 

“I have some advice too,” he said. “For college. If – if you start getting overwhelmed, write. Please. Write it all down, rearrange it all so I could play drums to it. Write until you feel in control of things again. Okay? And don’t frickin’ climb anything.”

 

Tyler laughed, struggling not to let it turn into a sob. “Okay, no climbing. Gotcha.”

 

“Never climb unless I’m around to catch your dumb ass if you fall.”  
  
“Okay, I won’t. Promise.”

 

“And call me lots,” Josh said. “It – it doesn’t have to be every night or whatever, I know you’ll be busy with stuff but – please call when you can.”  
  
“Same to you. We’re both gonna be so busy, but we’ll figure it out. Okay?”  
  
“Okay.”

 

The front door opened loudly, and the two boys reluctantly pulled apart.   
“You ready, Ty?” Tyler’s dad called. “We need to get going. You gonna say goodbye to your sister and brothers?”

 

“Well, I guess they _did_ help me pack the car,” Tyler sighed. Zack glowered hard at him from the door, but hugged him tightly when Tyler reached him. Tyler hugged Jay and Maddy as well, then crossed the lawn back to the car.

His parents got into the car. Tyler looked back at Josh, deciding to hug him one last time before they drove off.

He relished Josh’s solid warmth one as much as possible, then his mom beeped the horn.

 

“I’ll see you soon,” Tyler said, and Josh nodded. “See you soon, Ty,” he said. “And, uh, don’t forget what I said about the soup can band.”  
  


Tyler snorted. “You’d drop everything – your job, the band, if I dropped out of college to start a band with you? Even if we were literally an unsuccessful street hobo band and played shows in front of nobody?”  
  
Josh grinned. “Of course,” he said. “What, that isn’t sensible?”  
  


Tyler laughed, pulling away. “I love you, Josh,” he said, hopping into the car.

 

Josh smiled and made a love-heart shape with his fingers, breaking the heart to wave as the car pulled out of the driveway. Tyler stared out the back of the station wagon, craning his neck to watch Josh wave until they rounded a corner and he disappeared.

 

~~~

 

“Well, Mark seemed lovely!” Tyler’s mom gushed as they walked back out to the car. Tyler was carrying an armload of registration forms, and had an afternoon of admin to look forward to, but at least his stuff was unpacked.

 

Mark turned out to be a serious-faced kid whose laptop screen was constantly open on video editing software that Tyler couldn’t make any sense of. He’d introduced himself, helped Tyler and his parents carry his stuff from the car, and then when his parents had been at the front desk to ask about religious clubs, he’d cracked a couple of jokes that had Tyler crying with laughter.  
He immediately liked him, and something told him Josh would get along with Mark, too.

 

“Alright, kiddo, we’d better get going,” Tyler’s dad sighed as they reached the car. “Think you’ll be okay with all those forms?”  
  
“I’ll get Mark to help if I need it, he said he’d done the forms already so he can help,” Tyler said. “Mom, you said there was a church on campus?”  
  
“Yes, and we met the youth leader – she seemed lovely!” his mom said. “She sounded excited about you signing up for the Bible study sessions – I hope we’re not pushing you to sign up, though.”  
  
“Of course not,” Tyler said with a grin. Not anymore. He’d have to see what the college Christian community was like, but he supposed if they turned out to have similar attitudes to Father Morrison, he could just quit and study on his own. He felt confident about it, now.

 

“Oh, and keep up your game!” his mom said. “These guys were really impressed with your ability, Tyler. Don’t skip practice!”  
  
“I won’t, don’t worry,” Tyler sighed. “It’ll be fine, Mom.”  
  
“Okay,” his mom said. “Well, we’ll see you on holidays, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Tyler said. His mom blinked tearfully, and pulled him into a hug. “You do your best, alright?” she said. “Work hard, and try your hardest.” Tyler nodded, breathing in her perfume.

 

She pulled away, and his dad hugged him tight, familiar cologne scent enveloping him. “And please know, whatever happens, if you try your best, we’ll be proud,” he said. “Okay? You could drop out and as long as we knew you’d been trying your dang hardest, we’ll still be proud of you, kiddo.”

 

Tyler shut his eyes and nodded. “Thanks, Dad,” he said.

 

His dad pulled away, and then they were getting in the car, I-love-you’s and we’ll-miss-you’s and stay-safe-don’t-do-weed’s trailing them.

 

The familiar pang of sadness ached in Tyler’s chest again, but this time it was different.

He’d see his family again soon, and he’d see Josh again soon, whenever that would be.   
He was going to go back to his dorm and fill out these dumb forms, with the help of a nice kid who wasn’t Gerard but was about as bitingly witty, and then he’d set up his keyboard and start writing.

 

He’d have to finish learning Somewhere Over The Rainbow, too, to surprise Josh when he next saw him.

 

The car disappeared down the road, and Tyler headed back to the dorms with his armfuls of forms.

 

Everything was going to be alright.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :')


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue .

Josh slipped back into the house quietly, hauling his duffel bag over his shoulder. His mom had left the light on, but for the most part, the house lay dark and silent.   
Which was a good thing – it was nearly 3 am, and he’d never expect his family to stay up so late for him to get home from tour. He’d reunite with them in the morning at a more respectable hour.

 

He slipped into his room, shutting the door quietly and breathing in the smell. It was strange how the room’s smell became new and apparent after he’d been away for a while; almost unfamiliar. He’d grow used to it again soon, though.

The room felt dark and cold even after he’d turned the light on, which was normal after he’d been away for a while. Four weeks this time. The tour had been amazing, but now he was just exhausted.

Thank god he’d arrived home on a Saturday morning; that gave him a whole weekend to recover before he was due back for work on Monday. Only two days, but right now it felt like an eternity.

 

He stripped off quietly and crawled into bed. He’d unpack in the morning.

 

Josh had just about drifted off when a scraping noise jolted him wide awake. _What the hell?_  
He jerked upright and froze as he saw the window. A shadowed figure was pushing the window open, crawling inside.

Josh yelped, hopping out of bed and grabbing around for a weapon. His hand landed on a drumstick. Great, he was gonna beat an intruder to death with a drumstick?

 

The figure squeaked. “Josh, it’s just me,” a wonderfully familiar voice hissed.

 

Josh dropped the drumstick. He rushed forward, pulling the figure in and wrapping his arms around him.

 

Tyler chuckled, then sighed, shuddering slightly as he pulled his arms tight around Josh. Very tight. “Hey, babe. God, it’s freezing in here.”

 

Josh pulled away for a moment to close the window; Tyler’s arms trailed, unwilling to let go. Josh pulled Tyler to the bed, dragging him under the covers and hugging him tight.   
It must have been below freezing outside; Tyler felt like snow. He shook against Josh, breathing harsh and raspy. Josh massaged his hands against Tyler’s back and shoulders. God, he was so cold. How long had he been outside?  
  
“Since I got back from college,” Tyler explained when Josh asked. “I couldn’t go home. I drove straight here.”  
  
Josh’s eyes went wide. “Actually, what are you doing here?” he asked. “Isn’t it exams next week? And what do you mean you couldn’t go home?”  
  
Tyler curled up, pressing his forehead against Josh’s chest. Josh barely caught his mumblings, but breathed in sharply with surprise when he heard Tyler.

 

“I dropped out,” he said. “I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry.”  
  
“What do you mean? What happened?”  
  
“I don’t know. I couldn’t. I.. I can’t keep wasting time.”

 

“Tyler, you’re not making any sense.”  
  
“I know, I’m sorry. I don’t really get it either, I just.. I knew it wasn’t right. I couldn’t keep going on with the course. It didn’t feel right. It felt like..”  
  
Tyler shifted. “You know when you’re on a plane, and the flight’s delayed, and you’re freaking out because if this plane’s an hour late, you’ll miss your connecting flight home? It felt like that.”  
  
Josh breathed deeply. “Oh.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“So you drove straight here? All your stuff’s in your car?”  
  
“Yeah. And I waited for you to come home, I just.. I had to see you before I saw my family. Mom’s gonna be so disappointed.”  
  
“She won’t be mad, Tyler.”  
  
“But she’ll be disappointed. She’ll think I’m throwing an opportunity away.”  
  
Josh sighed. “So.. what’s your connecting flight, then? Will you catch it in time?”  
  
Tyler shifted again, looking up to face Josh. He had his lip tugged between his teeth. “Well,” he said. “It’s.. not exactly the street bum band thing.”  
  
Josh’s heart began to race. “Oh?”  
  
“I – there was a dude at college, he’s from Columbus and can play bass and sing, and he knows your boss, Chris – apparently he plays drums. We figured something out. I’ve been writing songs all semester, when I get home I might hole up in the basement and try recording some of it.”  
  
“Oh.” Josh’s chest fell flat. “So you don’t need a drummer?”  
  
Tyler glanced up at him, eyebrows furrowing. “But – your own band,” he said. “I wasn’t gonna mess that up for you. I know you’re busy with your own stuff, your job, and the band.”

 

Josh nodded. “No, I know,” he said softly. “But let me know if things fall through with Chris, okay? I know he’s busy a lot.”  
  
Tyler laughed. “Are you seriously saying you’d drop out of your current band to drum for me? You don’t even know the songs. You might hate them.”  
  
Josh shook his head. “I won’t,” he said confidently. “Because you wrote them. And I told you before you left, of course I would. I haven’t changed my mind. If you ever need a drummer, hit me up.”

 

Tyler smiled. “Well, if things fall through, I’ll call you first,” he said. “And... thank you.”  
  
Josh blinked. “For what?”  
  
“For being here. For being you. Constant. This is so cheesy, but like.. you’re my rock. It doesn’t matter if everything’s falling apart, I know you’ll be there. Or like, eventually, when you get back from tour.”  
  
Josh’s chest fluttered. “Of course,” he said. “And thank you for trusting me, coming to me first. And being honest, I guess.”

 

“Hm. I can’t lie to you.”  
  
“I bet you could. You don’t, though. And I appreciate that.”  
  
Tyler hummed and shuffled closer to Josh, snuggling into his chest. He’d stopped shivering.

 

“You need to sleep,” Tyler mumbled. “Go to sleep, okay? I’ll head home in the morning.”  
  
“What, will you sneak back out the window? Mom probably won’t mind if you stick around for breakfast.”

 

“Okay, I’ll stay for breakfast,” Tyler relented. “But go to sleep, okay? Tell me about tour tomorrow. Your eyes look like they’re gonna fall out of your head.”  
  
Josh laughed. “Eloquent. I don’t see you for three months, and you greet me with that?”  
  
“Shh, you know I always think you’re beautiful. I like the piercings, by the way.”  
  
Josh flushed, remembering the gauges in his ears. He’d tried out a lip ring too, but that hadn’t lasted long. The hole just below his bottom lip was still obvious, though. Chris had teased him for ages about it. “All you’ll need is a nice sleeve tattoo and dyed hair, and you’ll be a real punk,” he’d said.

 

“Thanks. I like the tattoos.”  
  
Tyler made a funny noise. “How’d you even see those?”  
  
“There are more? I only saw the one around your wrist. The lines.”  
  
“Oh, there’s more.” Tyler pulled away to sit up, pulling his hoodie off. Josh gaped when he saw that matching tattoos – thick, unevenly spaced bands – circled his arm.   
Tyler took his shirt off, and four rectangles arranged to create a negative cross became apparent on his right pectoral.   
Josh blinked.  
“Nice,” he said. “I like the simplicity. When was that?”  
  
“When I decided to drop out,” Tyler said. “I’ll explain the meaning tomorrow. I want another one too, like.. an abstract hourglass. Or something.”  
  
“You’re definitely gonna have to explain that,” Josh yawned. “Come down and cuddle me before you get cold again.”  
  
Tyler laughed, snuggling back down and pulling his arms around Josh. “Alright,” he murmured. “You go to sleep now, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Josh sighed, nestling into Tyler’s chest. “Goodnight, Ty. I hope -” Josh yawned again, “-I hope you don’t miss your connecting flight.”  
  
Tyler smiled softly. “Me too, Josh,” he murmured. “Goodnight.”

 


End file.
